朱建良

“與所給短文融洽度高，與所提供各段落開頭語銜接合理”是讀后續(xù)寫的評分標準之一。要做到與所給短文融洽度高，其中之一就是要做到行文風(fēng)格與原文一致。

故事通常有情節(jié)線和情感線，有的文章的情感線是用表示情感的動詞、形容詞或副詞來體現(xiàn)的，有的文章則不用情感類詞語來表達，只是通過人物的語言和行為來體現(xiàn)。如果作者在前文中是通過情感類詞語來表達的，我們在續(xù)寫時也用情感類詞語來表達;如果作者在前文中不用情感類詞語，而只是通過語言和行為來體現(xiàn)，那么，我們在續(xù)寫時也應(yīng)只通過人物語言和行為來體現(xiàn)，這樣才前后行文風(fēng)格一致。請看下面一篇續(xù)寫：

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。續(xù)寫的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

When I bought my silver labrador（拉布拉多犬）in the spring， I loved her so much that I named her Lucy. At first， she was still fairly new to my 80-acre family farm. Days later， Lucy was playing with my sisters dog， Plank， while I repaired a tractor on my farm.

The dogs eventually wandered down to a neighbors yard. Suddenly， I heard a couple of gunshots. My sisters dog came back， and he was terrified. At that point， I tried to look for Lucy and she never came back. I spent days searching for my dog in fields and forests for miles with no luck.

Talking with the neighbors， I found Lucy was last seen playing with my neighbors young daughter. But the family didnt know who Lucy belonged to， and they assumed since she was wearing a collar（項圈）， shed find her way back home. At that point， I knew Lucy wasnt shot and she was still alive.

As days turned into weeks， I made posters with photos of Lucy， putting up the posters for miles and distributing them to my areas animal shelters and vets. I also posted photo after photo of Lucy on Facebook， hoping someone might recognize her. Many reached back and shared my posters， but no one had seen Lucy. My biggest fear was that she was stuck in the rocks or something like that. Not knowing was just the hardest thing--not knowing her condition or where she was.

Summer turned into fall and winter， and the possibility of finding my dog was really small. My friends were trying to comfort me and said，“Well， you know， shes probably not going to come back and you may have to get a different dog.”But I refused and wanted to find Lucy.

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One day， I got a message from Prater， a vet， saying she got the dog.

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Prater had come to my area in July to camp when she found Lucy.

[寫作指導(dǎo)]

首先，我們對文章進行一下梳理。下圖向右箭頭表示故事發(fā)展方向，豎向的兩端箭頭，上面實線框內(nèi)是體現(xiàn)故事中角色行為的詞，也是表明故事情節(jié)發(fā)展的詞，是情節(jié)線，是明線;下面虛線框是根據(jù)角色行為推斷出來的人物的情緒或情感表現(xiàn)，即情感線，是暗線。

值得注意的是，情感線中的這些詞在文中并未出現(xiàn)，是根據(jù)角色的行為推斷出來的，這是本文的語言特征或行文特點。我們在續(xù)寫中也應(yīng)遵循這一行文特點。

在弄清情節(jié)線、情感線、角色的性格和作者的行文特點后，就要結(jié)合已提供的段落首句進行續(xù)寫了。

第一段的第一句One day， I got a message from Prater， a vet， saying she got the dog. 明確告訴角色久尋無果后得到了信息，那么此刻角色應(yīng)該是非常高興，驚喜，甚至不敢相信，這就是我們根據(jù)提供的首句合理銜接出來的文章的情感線，即暗線，我們心中有了這條情感的暗線，就可以根據(jù)邏輯合理地推斷出作者的行為。然后就要根據(jù)上文的行文特點，應(yīng)該盡量避免用surprised， excited 等詞直接寫，而要通過角色的行為或語言來體現(xiàn)，比如驚訝的“trembling voice”不敢相信的“ask again and again to make sure”等。為此，我們此段的行文可以如此進行，先寫第一反應(yīng)，驚喜：

Hearing the news， I tried my best to hold back my tears after waiting and expecting for so many days， weeks and seasons.

然后再來一個合理的轉(zhuǎn)折，不敢相信。注意，這里要通過語言和行為多層次地豐富地體現(xiàn)人物情感：

“Is it true？ Are you kidding？ Are you sure it is Lucy？”After calming down， I asked questions one after another. Then， I begged for the photos of Lucy. The moment I saw the photo， I stared at the photo for a while before Prater reminded me to check it.

這樣就能保證與所給文的融洽度高，與段落開頭語銜接合理。

第二段的第一句Prater had come to my area in July to camp when she found Lucy決定了第一段的寫作內(nèi)容限定在作者確認，不會涉及到Prater 如何找到Lucy。而Prater 與Lucy的相遇過程及如何尋找Lucy的主人的，正是第二段要寫的內(nèi)容。

再結(jié)合所給文章的行文特點，依然要注意從暗線到明線的轉(zhuǎn)換。這個階段作者應(yīng)該是耐心細致地了解Lucy的經(jīng)歷，以體現(xiàn)出對Lucy的愛，所以行文這樣，“我”的言語行為少，安靜地聽。Prater 的描述要多，更多的明線上要與上文的我久尋但無果要匹配，并與我發(fā)布的信息要匹配，這樣就能做到與所給文章，段落開頭銜接合理。

[參考范文]

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One day， I got a message from Prater， a vet， saying she got the dog. My response was，“I hope youre serious---Ill come and get her right now.”I spoke with Prater on the phone， and I asked if the dog responded to name Lucy. Prater said，“Yes！” Prater sent me photos of the silver Labrador. I could tell quickly it was my Lucy.

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Prater had come to my area in July to camp when she found Lucy. As a vet， Prater knew this dog was just terrified and got lost. She opened up her car door， and Lucy jumped right in. Prater spent hours trying to find the lost dogs owner， going from house to house. She contacted local animal rescue groups， but no one had reported a missing dog. But on Dec. 21， it occurered to her that she could search Facebook again. This time， she got my poster. She got in touch with me and finally returned Lucy.

[范文評析]

這篇參考范，第一段在情節(jié)的安排上，緊扣首句，但是因為太久，所以角色確實是不相信，但沒有直接說，而是用I hope you are serious體現(xiàn)出來，又比照名字，比照照片等，非常符合前文行文特點。然而雖然角色不太相信，但是馬上說他會馬上去帶狗狗回來，和前文非常愛狗是一致的。

第二段續(xù)寫的情節(jié)安排合理，緊扣首句prater 是vet，如何和狗狗相遇，接下來幾句也寫了prater各種找尋無果最終通過facebook和前文很好的照應(yīng)。

續(xù)寫部分從行文風(fēng)格上來說和原文也非常的匹配，沒有用過多的形容詞去特意表現(xiàn)角色情感，只是通過行為語言的描述去表現(xiàn)角色。

總而言之，我們要通過閱讀文章，推斷角色的性格特點，行文風(fēng)格等，然后結(jié)合提供的段首句，進行續(xù)寫。

責(zé)任編輯 蔣小青