■王 后/黃岡師范學院外國語學院
英語書面表達能力反映了學生的語言基本功及寫作技能。提高寫作水平需要腳踏實地的知識積累,也需要老師的引導和啟發(fā)。本文作者就寫后評價反饋這一環(huán)節(jié),結(jié)合某市的一所省級重點高中學生的英語習作原稿及高考書面表達能力的要求,探討有效的做法。
該校的一個傳統(tǒng)是:標測、期中/末考試后,都會選取2-4篇23分左右的學生作文,加上一篇老師自己創(chuàng)作的同題作文,一起印刷給全年級的學生學習模仿。這種反饋方法有一定的效果。但筆者通讀這些高分作文以及訪談學生后,認識到它存在三個問題:①學生們不一定能全面鑒賞到這些作文的亮點;②考場高分作文不是反復(fù)推敲、審核后的范文,示范性受影響。③作文推敲、修改、完善的過程需要展示。學生們的疑問是:為什么扣分?我該怎么努力?即:如何正確歸因并明確修改的思路和過程,才能給困惑中的學生更多啟發(fā)。
形成性評價指的是,在學生學習過程中,老師給予各種形式的反饋。引導學生及時調(diào)整策略、糾正錯誤,最后完成原本較難的任務(wù)。教師針對學生寫作過程、包括寫后修改環(huán)節(jié)中出現(xiàn)的問題或困難,給予啟發(fā)、鼓勵、協(xié)助,學生感受到老師的支持,看到正確(得體)的和錯誤(語用失誤)的表達之間的對比,明顯感受到這種差別的時候,真正的學習就容易發(fā)生(鄒為誠,25)。
一堂深入、細致的寫作講評課,一定要讓學生看到這種前后的對比,用心思考,積極參與。講評的組織形式可以靈活,同桌或小組互評,全班討論都可以。筆者建議老師們從三個方面去引導:
教師備課時瀏覽全班同學的習作,從宏觀到微觀,全方位進行分析。宏觀上從切題、完整、準確、連貫四個維度去找典型失誤,微觀上,尤其是“準確”,可以根據(jù)每次作文的具體情況,歸納出多種錯誤類型,如:單詞拼寫、詞語用法、句子結(jié)構(gòu)、中式思維等,結(jié)合學生習作中的原始表達,現(xiàn)場點評,討論、修改。這個過程真正的意義不僅在于改對幾個句子,更多的是促成學生的頓悟,如:不能望文生義,要勤查字典,要注意搭配關(guān)系,要慎用繁復(fù)形式等。
如某同學的原文中寫著:“Besides,when you come out, avoid approaching to the illed people. The cold is easy to spread.”此處詞性混淆,詞語用法錯誤,句子結(jié)構(gòu)不對,句間缺少銜接。建議可改 為 ①“Finally, when you come out,you’d better not meet the infected people since the cold is easy to spread.” 或②“Most importantly, you are expected to wear a mask when you go out or to avoid being exposed to the sick people in public places since the virus spreads rapidly.”
有面有點。上面的評講覆蓋面廣,絕大部分同學的習作問題都可以被提及。接下來是重點突破,建議選取某一篇有代表性的作文,全班同學一起深入、逐詞逐句推敲,找出所有的問題一一擊破,集思廣益,改出二稿,三稿,甚至更多。
以某一次的標測考場作文為例:
題目:源自2018高考天津卷真題的61題。把原題中的天津換成了武漢。
一篇21分的學生作文(主干部分):
There is about to hold the World Adolescent Robotic Competition at the end of July. I have heard that you has a talent for designing the robot and won the rewards in the previous competitions. As a leader of our school’s group, I’d like to invite you to join us.
Our group has already have some“experts” who are good at making and controlling the robot. So It will be perfect if you come to help us. We’ll have a wonderful grade through our cooperations.
The competition will be held in Wuhan and we still have two months for training. The training plan I’ve sent to your email. And I surpose it will be very helpful if you can provide us with some good advices.
全班同學一起去發(fā)現(xiàn),①如上圖,用下劃線標出所有表達有誤的地方,②第一段開頭先說邀請,再說原因才是西方人的思維方式。③So 連接的二個句子不合邏輯。由此就完成了這篇文章的初步修改指導。學生可據(jù)此改出二稿。
二稿:
I am the leader of our school’s Robotic Interest Group, I’d like to invite you to join us for The World Adolescent Robotic Competition, which will be held in Wuhan at the end of July. It is known that you have a talent for designing robots and have obtained several awards in previous competitions. It is our great honor to become partners with you.
Even though some experts have joined us, we might still be confronted with some challenges. If you can join us,we are firmly convinced that our team will be more competitive through our cooperation.
If you make up your mind, please let us know as soon as possible. As for further details, please contact through e-mail.
在此基礎(chǔ)上,改出崇尚簡潔文風的第三稿:
I’m Li Hua, leader of our school’s Student Club of Robotic (SCR). I’m writing to invite you to join us for the World Adolescent Robotic Competition(WARC), which is to be held in Wuhan late this July.
We believe that your great talent for robot design and rich award-winning experience in robot-related competitions will enable us to stand much better chance to win out in the fiercely competitive WARC for which we have only two months to prepare.
SCR are looking forward to your presence as either a team member or an advisor.
讀者會發(fā)現(xiàn):二、三稿都漏掉了題目中的“要點3:訓練計劃將發(fā)送其郵箱,請他提出建議。”因為有學生提出:在別人沒做肯定答復(fù)前, 就發(fā)更多細節(jié)不合常理,在西方人看來不禮貌……,有道理,但題干中的要點應(yīng)該完整表達出來。所以,可以加上“If you accept my invitation, the training plan will be sent to you at your earliest convenience, and I hope that you could offer some precious suggestions.”既合乎邏輯又達到目的。
像這樣深入評析、修改一篇學生習作,能激發(fā)思考、引起討論、有效提高學生的書面表達意識。
有了上二步的點、面結(jié)合,我們還需引導學生定期歸納總結(jié)。
一學期下來,學生手頭上有相當數(shù)量的高分作文。我們建議進行系統(tǒng)整理。除了書寫質(zhì)量和準確表達之外,老師列出其它關(guān)注點讓學生去梳理,如:高級詞匯;句式變化(長短句交錯、復(fù)合句、分詞結(jié)構(gòu)、倒裝、強調(diào)…);修辭手法(排比、雙重否定、反問…); 引用;銜接等,學生們對好作文的特點印象更深刻。
經(jīng)過上面三個方面的深入、細致指導,學生們對如何提高高考英語作文寫作技巧有了清晰的認識。有了扎實的語言功底,加上對寫作技巧的實踐練習,知行合一,一定能寫出高水平的高中英語作文。