陳科芳

概要寫作是一種常見的學(xué)術(shù)型寫作任務(wù)。它是一種“閱讀+寫作”的復(fù)合型任務(wù)，因此對(duì)中學(xué)生的閱讀理解能力、概括歸納能力和書面表達(dá)能力等均提出了很高的要求。

概要寫作很重要的一個(gè)技巧是準(zhǔn)確提取信息。信息提取有一定的技巧。首先，要分析閱讀材料的類型。閱讀材料若是一個(gè)故事，可以試著找找When，Who，Why，What，Where 和How。其中，最重要的要點(diǎn)是“某人（Who）做了何事（What）”。若是夾敘夾議的文章，還要加上故事的寓意（即5W1H+moral）。如果閱讀材料是議論文，則要根據(jù)文章的結(jié)構(gòu)找出其論點(diǎn)、論據(jù)和結(jié)論，因?yàn)檫@些是關(guān)鍵信息的主要所在。而對(duì)現(xiàn)象類說(shuō)明文的閱讀材料，則要找出造成這種現(xiàn)象的原因、解決這種現(xiàn)象或問(wèn)題的措施或建議。以上只是泛泛而論，具體要根據(jù)情況，靈活運(yùn)用，千萬(wàn)不可教條化。

本次要介紹的信息提取的一個(gè)重要方法，是找出段落的主題句（Topic Sentence）。英語(yǔ)段落的一個(gè)比較顯著的特點(diǎn)是，一段一個(gè)主題。一般英語(yǔ)的段落不會(huì)太長(zhǎng)，平均長(zhǎng)度在六行左右，一段交代一件事情，段落之間有過(guò)渡和連接。每一段往往有一個(gè)主題句，主題句相對(duì)高頻率出現(xiàn)的位置往往在于段首或者段末，當(dāng)然，也有出現(xiàn)在段中的情況。具體如何確定主題句，則要依據(jù)文章的主旨和段落的發(fā)展情況，來(lái)進(jìn)行分析和判斷。

接下來(lái)我們結(jié)合德清某高中幾篇高三學(xué)生習(xí)作，來(lái)看一下如何根據(jù)段落主題句確定信息主旨，并且結(jié)合信息處理和語(yǔ)言判斷來(lái)分析學(xué)生存在的信息處理問(wèn)題和語(yǔ)言表達(dá)利弊。

[閱讀材料]

概要寫作（滿分25分）：閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容寫一篇60詞左右的內(nèi)容概要。

While many of us go to sleep before midnight， some teenagers choose to stay up much later. They are not driven by the burning desire to write a better essay or achieve a higher grade. Instead， they are busy playing online games. Known as young internet addicts， they have long been a problem in China. A report released in 2010 by the China Youth Association for Network Development showed that there were over 24 million young internet addicts among Chinas young urban internet users. The report also said that over 18 million youth had a tendency to develop internet addiction.

To deal with the problem of internet addiction among teenagers， the Cyberspace Administration of China released draft regulations in January which carried out a ban on online gaming. If the regulations are adopted， under-18s would be banned from playing online games between midnight and 8 am.

As soon as the governments draft law surfaced， it drew great attention from the public. Some applauded the law as a way to better protect minors （未成年人） ， saying that too much overnight gaming is harmful to minors health and believing the period between midnight and 8 am to be vital to human physical functions. However， others wondered whether it would be practicable if it came into effect， as minors could just borrow their parents IDs to register accounts to play online games. The Guangming Daily suggested that parents should help their teenagers find a balance between the cyber world and the real world.

China is by no means the only one trying to fight against teenage gaming addiction. Germany introduced a regulation in 2002 in an attempt to stop minors from playing online games from 10 pm to 6 am. Meanwhile， the UK， the US and Australia have forced a rating system on computer games to make sure that teenagers cannot access “adult” content such as violence， sex or bad language.

[段落主題句分析]

第一段：主題句應(yīng)該為“Known as young internet addicts， they have long been a problem in China.”這一段主要指出青少年沉迷于網(wǎng)絡(luò)不能自拔，以至于熬夜打游戲這樣的事實(shí)。這個(gè)主題句之前的部分，是來(lái)引出問(wèn)題的。而這個(gè)主題句之后的部分，也就是report部分，則是用來(lái)支撐這個(gè)問(wèn)題或者觀點(diǎn)的。

第二段：主題句應(yīng)該為“To deal with the problem of internet addiction among teenagers， the Cyberspace Administration of China released draft regulations in January which carried out a ban on online gaming.”這一段比較短，兩句話的主次關(guān)系很分明。

第三段：主題句應(yīng)該為“As soon as the governments draft law surfaced， it drew great attention from the public.”但這個(gè)“public”的態(tài)度如何，則要分正反兩面來(lái)說(shuō)。段落中的“However”是個(gè)明顯的標(biāo)記詞，說(shuō)明既有贊同的，也有反對(duì)的。這個(gè)信息結(jié)構(gòu)還是一目了然的。

第四段：主題句應(yīng)該為“China is by no means the only one trying to fight against teenage gaming addiction.”說(shuō)明中國(guó)不是唯一一個(gè)反對(duì)青少年游戲上癮的國(guó)家，后面就列舉了一些其他國(guó)家的例子。

所以說(shuō)，根據(jù)大的話題“反對(duì)青少年游戲上癮”，可以基本明了這篇短文想要表達(dá)的中心思想。再根據(jù)每一段的具體情況，尤其是確定主題句落在哪里，就可以比較清晰地分析相應(yīng)信息，并進(jìn)行信息處理。概要寫作，無(wú)非就是把獲取到的信息，用自己的話語(yǔ)比較流暢無(wú)誤地表達(dá)出來(lái)即可。

我們來(lái)看一下示例的范文，是否跟幾個(gè)主題句要表達(dá)的內(nèi)容大同小異呢？答案是顯而易見的。

One possible version：

Many teenagers in China have become addicted to overnight online games. Thus， the government released a draft law to solve the long-lasting issue. Some people welcomed the law because it is beneficial to the teenagers health， while others doubted whether it would be effective. Actually， many other countries have also been making laws against the youth online addiction.

學(xué)生習(xí)作1 （建議：21分）

Internet addiction among teenagers is a long-standing and head-scratching problem in China. Aimed at solving it， a controversal draft of restricting their time spent on online games from midnight to 8 am has been released while some emphasized its benefits in the protection of teenagers， others doubted it for the difficulty to put into practice. Actually， many countries have also waged a war against the addiction by taking similar measures.

點(diǎn)評(píng)1

總的來(lái)說(shuō)，這篇習(xí)作反映出了該學(xué)生具有較高的英語(yǔ)水平。從信息的把握來(lái)看，準(zhǔn)確無(wú)誤，沒(méi)有遺漏。從語(yǔ)言組織來(lái)說(shuō)，總體顯得比較熟練自然，該有的起承轉(zhuǎn)合也都應(yīng)用了。詞匯量也比較豐富，如“a long-standing and head-scratching problem”“taking similar measures”等，雖然“controversal”拼錯(cuò)了，但至少還是了解這個(gè)詞的用法和意義的（應(yīng)該為controversial）。語(yǔ)義之間的關(guān)照也比較得體，如講到“many countries”的時(shí)候，后面用了“similar measure”，就達(dá)到了較好的語(yǔ)義關(guān)聯(lián)和呼應(yīng)。比較明顯的問(wèn)題發(fā)生在：“Aimed at solving it， a controversal draft...”這個(gè)句子感覺比較奇怪、不夠自然，應(yīng)該調(diào)整句式，改為“The government has come up with/released a controversial draft which aims at...”之類的表達(dá)?！皐hile some emphasized its benefits in the protection of teenagers， others doubted it for the difficulty to put into practice”也應(yīng)該單獨(dú)成句，跟前面用句號(hào)隔開。

學(xué)生習(xí)作2 （建議：18分）

In China， many teenagers stay up late because of internet addiction. To solve this problem， some regulations were released to ban online gaming， which attracted the publics attention. Some supported the law while some worried that teenagers would borrow their parents ID.

In fact， not only China is trying to do that， so do the UK and other foreign countries.

點(diǎn)評(píng)2

這篇習(xí)作，雖然語(yǔ)言比較簡(jiǎn)潔平易，但總體信息還是把握得比較準(zhǔn)確和完整的。從信息處理來(lái)說(shuō)，“while some worried that teenagers would borrow their parents ID”這部分不是特別理想，因?yàn)闆](méi)有很好說(shuō)明青少年借用父母的身份證干嗎用，要讀者來(lái)猜想或者補(bǔ)足信息自然是不太可取的做法?？傮w語(yǔ)言平實(shí)流暢，無(wú)太多明顯錯(cuò)誤。其中，最后一句“so do the UK and other foreign countries”中的 “do”應(yīng)該改為“are”，因?yàn)槭浅薪由弦痪洹皀ot only China is trying to do that”來(lái)說(shuō)的。而且，既然使用了“not only”結(jié)構(gòu)，最好使用“but also”來(lái)呼應(yīng)。英語(yǔ)總體而言是比較精致的語(yǔ)言，講究一致，重視配合，所以學(xué)生在寫作的時(shí)候，一定要注意檢查核對(duì)，否則一不小心就會(huì)犯錯(cuò)誤。

學(xué)生習(xí)作3 （建議：13分）

It has long been a problem that some teenagers stay up later to play online games in China. It would ban under-18s playing online games between midnight and 8 am to deal with the problem. Some people thought it was a way to better protect minors. However， other people wondered weather it would be a new problem that the minors borrowed their parents ID to play game. So the parents had to help the kids find the balance between the cyber and real world. Meanwhile， China is not the only one to fight against teenage gaming addiction. So are Germany， the UK and the US.

點(diǎn)評(píng)3

從信息處理角度來(lái)說(shuō)，雖然該學(xué)生比較完整地把握了信息的主要脈絡(luò)，但在組織表達(dá)方面，顯得比較薄弱?；疽蕾囉谠?，甚至悄悄“借用”了個(gè)別句子，如“borrowed their parents ID to play game”“find the balance between the cyber and real world”，反映出其語(yǔ)言的掌控和組織能力還是存在一定欠缺的。比較明顯的問(wèn)題如下：（1）主語(yǔ)和賓語(yǔ)的使用。典型的例子就是“it”的使用。學(xué)生總共四次使用“it”，遺憾的是，除了開頭的形式主語(yǔ)之外，其他每一處“it”的使用都語(yǔ)義比較模糊。“It would ban under-18s playing online games”的主語(yǔ)“It”，因?yàn)槌薪恿松弦痪洹癐t has long been a problem”中的主語(yǔ)，而顯得非常有誤導(dǎo)性?！癝ome people thought it”，“it”具體指代什么，不甚清晰?！皁ther people wondered weather it would be a new problem”中的“it”也存在這個(gè)問(wèn)題。（2）句子之間的承接?！皌o deal with the problem”跟第一句中的“a problem”的聯(lián)系顯得非常松散，建議把這部分移到該句的開頭，這樣前后兩句之間的聯(lián)系會(huì)更緊密?！癈hina is not the only one to fight against teenage gaming addiction. So are Germany， the UK and the US.”兩句之間的承接也存在問(wèn)題，因?yàn)樯弦痪渲谐霈F(xiàn)“not”這一否定詞，下一句中用“so”就顯得格格不入。（3）句子和詞匯的誤用?！皁ther people wondered weather it would be a new problem that the minors borrowed their parents ID to play game”中的“that”應(yīng)該改為“if”，因?yàn)檫@是一種假設(shè)。“weather”這一詞拼寫錯(cuò)誤（正確拼法為whether）。

學(xué)生習(xí)作4（建議：8分）

Today， the problem of teenage gaming addiction is becoming more serious. China Chinese government decided to adopt the regulations to ban minors from playing online games between midnight to 8 am. But， it was not enough， some people thought parents should help minors to control time in playing online games. Not only China， many countries have their own way to protect minors from online games.

點(diǎn)評(píng)4

從信息處理的角度來(lái)看，這篇學(xué)生習(xí)作最大的問(wèn)題出在“But， it was not enough， some people thought parents should help minors to control time in playing online games”一句。原文中，政府準(zhǔn)備出臺(tái)政策，對(duì)政府出臺(tái)政策這事，人們持有不同觀點(diǎn)。但該生改變了信息的原意，說(shuō)成“it was not enough”，意思是政府出臺(tái)政策還不夠。這有違于原本信息，當(dāng)然也有違于概要寫作的基本原則。除了信息的失真，還存在信息的缺失，比如人們對(duì)政府出臺(tái)政策的正反兩方觀點(diǎn)，就沒(méi)有得到體現(xiàn)。從語(yǔ)言角度來(lái)看，也是比較勉強(qiáng)的，如“China Chinese government”（沒(méi)有這個(gè)說(shuō)法）、“But， it was not enough， some people...”（應(yīng)該適當(dāng)斷句）、“Not only China， many countries have their own way...”（缺少語(yǔ)義關(guān)聯(lián)詞）。

學(xué)生習(xí)作5（建議：5分）

Some teenagers didnt achieve a higher grade by stay up much later to play online games. To deal with this problem， the Cyberspace Administration of China did more. But those couldnt change it， many protect minors played online games in register accounts. We should learn from another people to deal with it.

點(diǎn)評(píng)5

從信息處理來(lái)說(shuō)，該學(xué)生明顯抓不住信息的重點(diǎn)所在?！癮chieve a higher grade”在原文中是一個(gè)很次要的信息，而在該學(xué)生的習(xí)作中，卻被煞有其事地提出來(lái)，而且“achieve a higher grade by stay up much later”和“play online games”中間居然用一個(gè)“to”（表示目的）連接起來(lái)，給讀者造成不小的理解困難。“the Cyberspace Administration of China did more”所提供的信息非常模糊（vague）?！癇ut those couldnt change it”這一句問(wèn)題也很大：為何用But？ those指代誰(shuí)？it到底指向什么？跟下半句的關(guān)聯(lián)是什么？“many protect minors played online games in register accounts”這部分存在明顯語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤。最后一句“We should learn from another people to deal with it”除了有語(yǔ)言問(wèn)題，提供的信息更是讓人云里霧里，而其實(shí)原文中最后一段的意思是其他國(guó)家也在采取類似措施?？梢哉f(shuō)，通篇來(lái)看，該考生完全沒(méi)有抓住信息的實(shí)質(zhì)內(nèi)容，語(yǔ)言水準(zhǔn)也比較低下。