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        How to Make an Apology

        2016-06-28 09:37:23
        作文新天地(高中版) 2016年6期
        關(guān)鍵詞:指代點(diǎn)題行文

        When it comes to the question on how to make an apology, different people will offer different ways. Among these ways, saying sorry face to face, making an apology through phones, text messages or emails and making an apology via others are most usually adopted.

        From my point of view, I consider saying sorry face to face as the best way to make an apology. The following reasons may account for my preference. Firstly, saying sorry face to face indicates a more sincere attitude than any other way. In terms of making an apology, people attach more importance to attitudes than words. Secondly, it can be more helpful to settle problems, which offers a good chance for people to talk about the differences in detail. So it is not difficult to understand why I like saying sorry face to face to make an apology.

        I think a small apology can make a big difference.

        生活中總有對(duì)與錯(cuò)、是與非,當(dāng)矛盾、誤會(huì)、分歧產(chǎn)生時(shí),常常需要一個(gè)主動(dòng)的道歉來化解不愉快。學(xué)生可以選擇一個(gè)喜歡的道歉方式來寫,如面對(duì)面、打電話或發(fā)短信等,并陳述理由。

        應(yīng)該說,這是一篇比較好的高中生習(xí)作。點(diǎn)題到位,內(nèi)容充實(shí),結(jié)構(gòu)完整,陳述清晰,收尾有力,總體寫作思路清楚,行文干凈利落。

        首先,點(diǎn)題到位。言以簡潔為貴(Brevity is the soul of wit),在100多字的篇幅中,要把自己的觀點(diǎn)陳述清楚,意味著不能旁扯,不能有廢話,一定要重點(diǎn)突出。該生在這方面做得很有技巧,承接已經(jīng)給出的第一句,列舉了常見的一些致歉方式,然后很快地切入正題——當(dāng)面道歉。

        其次,陳述清楚。在關(guān)于當(dāng)面道歉這個(gè)話題上,該生給出了兩個(gè)理由,分別是態(tài)度誠懇和有助于解決問題,并簡要作了說明。邏輯關(guān)系清楚,語言表達(dá)清晰。

        再次,結(jié)尾有力。雖然只是短短的一句話,但非常有力,也很切題。

        雖然這篇文章寫得不錯(cuò),但也還有些小地方需要改進(jìn):

        (1)Among these ways, saying sorry face to face, making an apology through phones, text messages or emails and making an apology via others are most usually adopted.

        這一句中,并列的三個(gè)成分比較長,建議在最后這個(gè)并列成分的“and”之前,加上逗號(hào),使句子結(jié)構(gòu)更加清晰。一般情況下,學(xué)生會(huì)按照教材寫的或者老師教的“A, B and C”來行文,但語言在實(shí)際的使用中,往往是千變?nèi)f化的,因此需要根據(jù)實(shí)際情況靈活調(diào)整。

        (2)In terms of making an apology, people attach more importance to attitudes than words.

        “In terms of making”使用不當(dāng),其主語不應(yīng)該是“people”,這樣前后兩個(gè)分句之間存在主語不一致的情況。建議改為“While accepting”,這樣上下句的主語就一致了,主語是“people”,語義順暢,邏輯連貫。

        (3)Secondly, it can be more helpful to settle problems.

        “it”的指代不是特別清楚,跟它實(shí)際指代的對(duì)象“saying sorry face-to-face”中間隔了一個(gè)句子“In terms of making an apology, people attach more importance to attitudes than words”,這就導(dǎo)致讀者需要花費(fèi)一定力氣才能弄清句意,甚至?xí)幻魉?。建議改為“making a face-to-face apology”之類的明確表述。

        (4)Secondly, it can be more helpful to settle problems, which offers a good chance for people to talk about the differences in detail.

        雖然這個(gè)句子在語法上是成立的,但還是建議將“which”改成因果關(guān)系的連接詞語,以使邏輯關(guān)系更加明了。

        (5)Which offers a good chance for people to talk about the differences in detail.

        句中的“the differences”可以用“their differences”代替,如此,該語境中的意義就會(huì)更加具體。

        (6)結(jié)尾的句子,如果適當(dāng)進(jìn)行添加,語義就會(huì)更加明確、效果就會(huì)更好,比如添加:“I think a small apology can make a big difference, if you do it right. ”

        How to Make an Apology

        When it comes to the question on how to make an apology, different people have different ways. Among these ways, saying “sorry” face-to-face, making an apology through phones, text messages or emails, and making an apology via others are the most frequently adopted.

        From my point of view, I consider saying “sorry” face-to-face as the best way to make an apology. I prefer this for the following reasons. Firstly, saying “sorry” face-to-face indicates a more sincere attitude than any other way. While accepting an apology, people attach more importance to attitudes than words. Secondly, making a face-to-face apology can be more helpful in settling problems, as it offers a good chance for people to talk about their differences in detail. So it is not difficult to understand why I think saying “sorry” face-to-face is the best option.

        I think a small apology can make a big difference, if you do it right.

        (點(diǎn)評(píng):陳科芳|浙江外國語學(xué)院)

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