谷約

在寫留學(xué)文書時(shí)，申請(qǐng)者切忌一味突出自己的考試成績(jī)有多好和分?jǐn)?shù)有多高。比如，有的申請(qǐng)者就寫道：“我去年考試得了B，我非常傷心和慚愧，今年我發(fā)奮努力考了A，我的讀書成績(jī)是非常優(yōu)秀的?！边@樣的內(nèi)容在留學(xué)文書中其實(shí)沒有多大價(jià)值，因?yàn)椤俺煽?jī)優(yōu)異”是中國(guó)特色，但是英美大學(xué)的招生官希望看到的不僅僅是申請(qǐng)者的成績(jī)，更希望看到申請(qǐng)者的“個(gè)性”。所謂“個(gè)性”，可以理解為申請(qǐng)者自己獨(dú)特的經(jīng)歷、對(duì)某個(gè)問題的看法、特長(zhǎng)、興趣愛好等。在本欄目的每一期文章里，筆者都介紹了一種寫作角度或手段，來幫助申請(qǐng)者寫出有“個(gè)性”和“與眾不同”的申請(qǐng)文書。

在上一期里，我們討論了如何在留學(xué)申請(qǐng)文書中展現(xiàn)具有“中國(guó)特色”的內(nèi)容，來引起招生官的興趣。本期我們換一個(gè)角度，說一說怎樣在留學(xué)文書中展現(xiàn)申請(qǐng)者對(duì)西方社會(huì)，尤其是英美國(guó)家的了解。這不僅可以幫助招生官更好地了解申請(qǐng)者的想法與留學(xué)動(dòng)機(jī)，還能體現(xiàn)出申請(qǐng)者見多識(shí)廣、思想活躍的一面。英語里有句諺語叫“When in Rome， do as the Romans do”（入鄉(xiāng)隨俗）。在寫申請(qǐng)美國(guó)大學(xué)的留學(xué)文書時(shí)，申請(qǐng)者一樣可以do as the Americans do。具體而言，申請(qǐng)者可以在文書中談?wù)撁绹?guó)的人物、歷史、文化、典故、語言等。但這樣一來，話題就顯得太寬泛，而且如果申請(qǐng)者沒有一定的積累，很可能會(huì)寫得沒有深度，反而弄巧成拙。因此，筆者推薦一個(gè)比較可行的方案：把自己的專業(yè)和最近的國(guó)際新聞巧妙結(jié)合起來。比如學(xué)航空航天專業(yè)的申請(qǐng)者可以結(jié)合最近發(fā)生的馬航客機(jī)失聯(lián)事件，談一談自己希望在專業(yè)上更進(jìn)一步，研發(fā)出更為可靠的實(shí)時(shí)定位技術(shù)或者追蹤手段。這樣就可以打破“兩耳不聞窗外事，一心只讀圣賢書”的書呆子形象，既表達(dá)了申請(qǐng)者的專業(yè)訴求，又突出了對(duì)時(shí)事或者社會(huì)的關(guān)心。

實(shí)例講解

下面筆者就結(jié)合實(shí)際案例具體講解如何在文書中把自己的專業(yè)和時(shí)事結(jié)合起來。

文書案例1

某學(xué)生申請(qǐng)去美國(guó)讀自動(dòng)化和控制系統(tǒng)方向的工程碩士。當(dāng)時(shí)正好發(fā)生了一件事：美國(guó)空軍一架X-51A“乘波者”高超音速無人機(jī)在試飛期間因控制翼發(fā)生故障，在太平洋上空墜毀。這條新聞中美兩國(guó)媒體都報(bào)道過，又和申請(qǐng)者的專業(yè)相關(guān)，于是我們建議其在文書中以這一事件引入，說明自己在實(shí)驗(yàn)、設(shè)計(jì)項(xiàng)目、自動(dòng)化競(jìng)賽中也有失敗的經(jīng)歷，但這些經(jīng)歷讓人成熟，并能讓人學(xué)會(huì)如何從跌倒的地方爬起來。下面我們來看具體例文。

The breaking news I heard today， even as I am writing， is that a hypersonic （高超音速的） aircraft launched by the American Air Force spiraled out of control and was destroyed before it could reach its goal of speeding to 4，600 mph. It was reported that faulty cruiser control fins （翼） were determined to be the cause of the failure. I personally do not see this type of event as failure. On the contrary， I see the pioneering spirit of American scientists and engineers as well as their ingenuity. I realize that scientific experimentation is not always going to be smooth sailing； we make progress by learning from mistakes and by daring to go to where no humans have gone before.

評(píng)析：這一段表達(dá)的是“我”對(duì)美國(guó)科學(xué)家的創(chuàng)新和探索精神的敬佩，從而表現(xiàn)出“我”對(duì)科研精神的理解，是“我”自己的思考和觀點(diǎn)。這比羅列自己的“豐功偉績(jī)”要高明很多，而且顯得有深度。

文書案例2

某學(xué)生想申請(qǐng)去美國(guó)大學(xué)讀食品專業(yè)，他希望在文書中表達(dá)自己對(duì)食物的熱愛，認(rèn)為食品科學(xué)是科學(xué)也是藝術(shù)。于是，我們建議他可以增加一些比較有價(jià)值的細(xì)節(jié)信息，比如他以前經(jīng)常到小販那兒吃烤肉串，但后來不吃了，因?yàn)樗私獾綗镜娜獯杏泻Τ煞帧Ａ硗?，申?qǐng)者從報(bào)紙雜志上看到一個(gè)英國(guó)攝影師發(fā)明的食物風(fēng)景畫（Foodscapes）獨(dú)具匠心，這位攝影師通過自己拍攝的風(fēng)景畫把普通的食物上升到了藝術(shù)的高度。這些小插曲可以用來證明申請(qǐng)者確實(shí)對(duì)中外食物的方方面面了解頗多。請(qǐng)看下面兩段例文。

I am not a picky eater. I love all kinds of food. To me， food is not just a necessity； it is something to be enjoyed. In fact I used to enjoy it so much that I ate rather indiscriminately， including barbecue satay （烤肉串） from street hawkers， something I later learned to avoid because of its carcinogenic （致癌的） substances.

My fascination with food as well as food nutrition is based on my feeling that they are as much a science as they are an art. I am intrigued by the brilliant colors of the various natural ingredients and the varied shapes and flavors presented when they are prepared in different ways. British photographer Carl Warner even created an art form called “Foodscapes，” which employs different kinds of food to compose pictures. It is even more amazing that when different ingredients are mixed together， almost magical effects， like mutual reinforcement and counteractions， create new flavors that are wholly separate from their constituent （構(gòu)成的） parts. Through the application of science， we can now increase the absorption of certain foods into the body and thereby improve its associated health benefits.

評(píng)析：例文中申請(qǐng)者提到了對(duì)烤肉串危害的認(rèn)識(shí)，并增加了對(duì)英國(guó)攝影師Carl Warner的食物風(fēng)景畫的描述，這使得文書的題材新穎有趣。如此一來，不僅豐富了文章內(nèi)容，提高了其可讀性，同時(shí)也展現(xiàn)了申請(qǐng)者對(duì)中外飲食文化的了解，可謂“一舉三得”。

文書案例3

有一位女同學(xué)本科讀的是鋼鐵材料專業(yè)，選擇讀該專業(yè)的女生很少，所以她的同學(xué)絕大多數(shù)是男生。在她準(zhǔn)備申請(qǐng)文書時(shí)，美國(guó)前國(guó)務(wù)卿賴斯破天荒成為美國(guó)南部一個(gè)非常保守的高爾夫俱樂部的女性會(huì)員。于是，我們建議這位女生在文書中加入這段新聞來表達(dá)自己“巾幗不讓須眉”的自信。另外，她在文書中想寫自己在某鋼鐵廠的實(shí)習(xí)經(jīng)歷，但是文章里有許多專業(yè)詞匯和術(shù)語，比如鑄錠（ingot casting）。因此，我們建議她拿煉鋼和烹飪進(jìn)行類比，從而使文章更為形象生動(dòng)。這樣一來，就避免了把個(gè)人陳述（PS）寫成專業(yè)論文。同時(shí)，在描寫烹飪的內(nèi)容時(shí)，申請(qǐng)者提到了一檔世界知名的日本電視烹飪節(jié)目Iron Chef，這樣也能引起招生官的注意。

A recent piece of news coming out of America caught my attention： Condoleezza Rice， the former US Secretary of State， has become one of the first female members to be admitted to the Augusta National Golf Club， the home of the Masters tournament， which had， until about a month ago， excluded women throughout its 80-year history. I have read about Rices background and her rise to fame in so many areas ranging from sports to music to academics， not to mention politics and international affairs. She has proven again and again the Russian proverb “Women can do everything； men can do the rest” and the Chinese saying “Women can hold up half of the sky.”

I cannot picture myself playing golf， nor do I intend to， because， while I like sports in general， I am not athletically inclined. However， like Rice， I am not unfamiliar with what historically has been considered to be mens territory. I am a material-formation and control-engineering student， and my area of interest has been in microcosmic mechanisms of steel and other alloy （合金） materials. Although I am not the only female student in my class， I do get noticed， just as the other girls get noticed too， because we are definitely in the minority. Sometimes people ask me why I am not in one of the liberal arts programs such as literature， or why I dont train myself to become a nurse. On some rare occasions， people even venture to ask， tongue-in-cheek （半開玩笑的） of course， “Why dont you just marry a successful engineer ... Certainly it is easier than becoming one yourself， isnt it？”

評(píng)析：這兩段描寫除了引入了美國(guó)文化元素之外，還加入了俄羅斯和中國(guó)的諺語，并且和自己的個(gè)人情況完美結(jié)合，毫無“違和感”。這不僅展現(xiàn)了申請(qǐng)者的自信和幽默，同時(shí)也反映了她的涉獵廣博、與時(shí)俱進(jìn)。

During my internship in my junior year at XX Iron and Steel Works， I gained practical experience in ingot casting， foundry （鑄造） techniques， blast furnace （高爐） extraction， and electrolytic （電解的） extraction. As I learned the intricacies of removing impurities （雜質(zhì)） such as sulfur （硫黃）， phosphorus （磷） and excess carbon from raw iron and adding alloying elements such as manganese （錳）， nickel （鎳）， chromium （鉻） and vanadium （釩） to create the desired properties， I constantly drew the analogy between cooking and steelmaking： we can make primary and secondary and HIsarna steelmaking processes （一種煉鋼方法） more interesting in very much the same way we try to spice up our cooking recipes with all kinds of ingredients； certainly we can fine-tune （微調(diào)） the heating and cooling processes just as we monitor our cooking temperature for the desired result. I thought steelmaking is eminently suited to women. Which is not to say it is not suited to men. I am not suggesting or trying to stereotype women as fine cooks in the kitchen； in fact， some of the best cooks I have seen on Iron Chef competitions are men. What I am saying is that even steelmaking calls for creativity. And when it comes to creativity， women have much to bring to the table.

評(píng)析：本段申請(qǐng)者在煉鐵和烹飪之間找到共同點(diǎn)，將兩者進(jìn)行形象的類比，可體現(xiàn)出她思維活躍，知識(shí)面廣，不是死讀書的類型。文章提到的Iron Chef節(jié)目在美國(guó)也有眾多粉絲，這再一次在文化上讓招生官產(chǎn)生共鳴。

Let me be clear， I am not a feminist in the sense that I do not believe in picking fights or outsmarting men； I am a feminist only in the sense that I object to the notion that women cannot and should not be in the scientific and engineering fields just as Condoleezza Rice objects to the notion that golf is a mens sport only. Both the United States and China have made significant strides in providing equal opportunity for women. The differences are not very great in this area. For me， as an aspiring material scientist， the differences lie in the American tradition of excellence and level of development in materials science research. There， extensive availability and use of sophisticated， state-of-the-art equipment provide students and researchers the tools necessary for high-resolution examination of compositions， structures and defects of materials. I am naturally drawn to intellectually challenging environments where the worlds best and brightest men and women congregate to compare notes， to explore and drive the creation of new products and even new industries and lead in the advancement of science and technology.

評(píng)析：在前文展現(xiàn)“我”巾幗不讓須眉的風(fēng)采后，結(jié)尾段進(jìn)行了合理的讓步，表明“我”不會(huì)主動(dòng)去和男性較勁或斗狠，而只是認(rèn)為沒有哪個(gè)領(lǐng)域是男性專屬的，反映出了申請(qǐng)者客觀、辯證的思維。之后，文章通過對(duì)中美兩國(guó)在男女平等方面的進(jìn)步進(jìn)行比較，自然地引出自己的留學(xué)動(dòng)機(jī)（和來自世界各地的最優(yōu)秀的人才一起研發(fā)新產(chǎn)品，并引領(lǐng)科技進(jìn)步），進(jìn)一步升華了主題。