余愛香

在讀后續(xù)寫過程中，學(xué)生要揣摩原文語言風(fēng)格，續(xù)寫語言應(yīng)延續(xù)原文的語言風(fēng)格。筆者基于語言協(xié)同的角度，對2023年新高考I卷讀后續(xù)寫進(jìn)行探討。

一、真題再現(xiàn)

When I was in middle school， my social studies teacher asked me to enter a writing contest， I said no without thinking. I did not love writing. My family came from Brazil， so English was only my second language. Writing was so difficult and painful for me that my teacher had allowed me to present my paper on the sinking of the Titanic by acting out a play， where I played all the parts. No one laughed harder than he did．

So， why did he suddenly force me to do something at which I was sure to fail？ His reply： “Because I love your stories. If youre willing to apply yourself， I think you have a good shot at this.” Encouraged by his words， I agreed to give it a try．

I chose Paul Reveres horse as my subject. Paul Revere was a silversmith （銀匠） in Boston who rode a horse at night on April 18， 1775 to Lexington to warn people that British soldiers were coming. My story would come straight from the horses mouth. Not a brilliant idea， but funny， and unlikely to be anyone elses choice．

What did the horse think， as he sped through the night？ Did he get tired？ Have doubts？ Did he want to quit？ I sympathized immediately. I got tired. I had doubts. I wanted to quit. But， like Reveres horse， I kept going. I worked hard. I checked my spelling. I asked my older sister to correct my grammar. I checked out a halfdozen books on Paul Revere from the library. I even read a few of them．

When I handed in the essay to my teacher， he read it， laughed out loud and said， “Great. Now， write it again.” I wrote it again， and again and again. When I finally finished it， the thought of winning had given way to the enjoyment of writing. If I didnt win， I wouldnt care．

注意：1. 續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150個(gè)左右；2. 請按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。

A few weeks later， when I almost forgot the contest， there came the news.

I went to my teachers office after the award presentation．

二、語言特征

1.語言形式

（1）原文語言形式相對較簡單，共5段話，323個(gè)詞，復(fù)合句9句，簡單句17句。其中狀語從句8句，定語從句2句，省略句2句。筆者對原文的語言形式進(jìn)行了分類，如下表所示。

2.語言風(fēng)格

（1）細(xì)節(jié)描寫使用了大量的內(nèi)心獨(dú)白

內(nèi)心獨(dú)白是人物心理的直接而真實(shí)的坦露，能夠有力地表現(xiàn)人物性格。獨(dú)白部分有：第二段“So， why did he suddenly force me to do something at which I was sure to fail？”， 第四段“I sympathized immediately. I got tired. I had doubts. I wanted to quit. ”，最后一段“...the thought of winning had given way to the enjoyment of writing. If I didnt win， I wouldnt care.”。這些內(nèi)心獨(dú)白，反映了作者從“自我懷疑、自我否定”到 “自我成長、自我突破、享受寫作、不在乎結(jié)果”的心理變化過程，有力反映了作者堅(jiān)韌不拔的性格特點(diǎn)。

（2）使用了“排比”修辭手法

排比即一個(gè)句子中把結(jié)構(gòu)相同或相似、意思密切相關(guān)、語氣一致的詞語或句子成串地排列的一種修辭方法，以增強(qiáng)語言的氣勢和表達(dá)效果。例如第四段“Did he get tired？ Have doubts？ Did he want to quit？ ”這三個(gè)短小精悍的排比句把馬同時(shí)也是作者“我”內(nèi)心的惶恐、猶豫、懷疑等體現(xiàn)得惟妙惟肖。

（3）使用了“反復(fù)”修辭手法

反復(fù)是英語中一種重要的修辭方法。它主要指作者或根據(jù)表達(dá)的需要或?yàn)閺?qiáng)調(diào)某個(gè)意思、突出某種感情，有意識地重復(fù)運(yùn)用某些詞語或句子，使之收到修辭上的效果。例如：第四段句子“I kept going. I worked hard. I checked my spelling. I asked my older sister to correct my grammar. I checked out a half-dozen books on Paul Revere from the library. I even read a few of them.”作者采用了“首語反復(fù)”的修辭手法，句首連續(xù)用了六個(gè)I，恰好表現(xiàn)了作者面對困難時(shí)的果斷、堅(jiān)韌與堅(jiān)持的性格特征。句子“I wrote it again， and again and again.”，again進(jìn)行了三次反復(fù)，生動描述了作者為此次比賽所作的努力，展現(xiàn)了他堅(jiān)持不懈的一面。

（4）對馬的描寫使用了“擬人”修辭手法

作者對馬進(jìn)行了心理描寫，進(jìn)行了人格化處理?！癢hat did the horse think， as he sped through the night？ Did he get tired？ Have doubts？ Did he want to quit？ But， like Reveres horse， I kept going.” 這些句子對馬進(jìn)行了人格化描寫，使語言表達(dá)生動、有生命力。

三、續(xù)文賞析

基于以上分析，可知原文使用的語言并不復(fù)雜，長難句較少，理解難度較低。在所使用的句型結(jié)構(gòu)里，簡單句和狀語從句出現(xiàn)較多。另外，描寫心理活動時(shí)，作者著重用簡短、樸實(shí)的內(nèi)心獨(dú)白進(jìn)行描寫，而人物間的對話則著墨較少。

從語言協(xié)同的角度來講，續(xù)文應(yīng)沿用原文簡潔樸實(shí)、生動的語言風(fēng)格，不必過于追求生僻詞和復(fù)雜句式。在續(xù)寫時(shí)，句式方面可簡單句與復(fù)合句并用，交替使用長短句，并適當(dāng)加入非謂語動詞和和其它句式結(jié)構(gòu)；此外，可沿用原文內(nèi)心獨(dú)白方式描寫心理活動；最后，可恰當(dāng)應(yīng)用反復(fù)、排比、擬人等修辭手法進(jìn)行描寫。值得一提的是，原文中多次提及老師的笑laugh，第一次“No one laughed harder than he did.”，第二次“When I handed in the essay to my teacher， he read it， laughed out loud， and said...”，在續(xù)寫的時(shí)候也可以再次沿用“笑”描寫老師，刻畫人物形象。

續(xù)寫下水文如下：

A few weeks later， when I almost forgot the contest， there came the news. ①The news that I won the first prize just felt like a dream. ②I rubbed my eyes again and again.③ My mind raced. ④What if my teacher had not encouraged me？ What if I had quit half way？ What if my sister had not helped correct my writing？ In spite of the pain and doubt on the the road， I eventually made it. ⑤Immersed in excitement and joy， I knew it was my social studies teacher that I should be most grateful to. Holding the golden medal on the stage， I couldnt wait to share the good news with him．

I went to my teachers office after the award presentation. ⑥When I told him the news， he laughed out loud just like before， pride releasing from his eyes.⑦Tears misting my vision， I hugged him tightly， expressing my heart-felt gratitude to him. He patted my back gently and said firmly，⑧“Distance tests a horses strength and time tests a persons perseverance.” From then on， despite the challenges and obstacles that I faced ahead，⑨I never stopped writing， as Reveres horse never stopped speeding that night.

①運(yùn)用了明喻的修辭手法，獲得一等獎的消息就像是一個(gè)夢felt like a dream，描寫出了作者的“難以置信”。②運(yùn)用了反復(fù)修辭手法again and again，同樣刻畫出作者難以置信的心理活動。③my mind raced運(yùn)用了擬人的修辭方式，race形象生動地描寫出了作者此時(shí)往事涌上心頭的復(fù)雜的內(nèi)心活動。④運(yùn)用了排比修辭手法，連續(xù)三個(gè)What if排比設(shè)問，既呼應(yīng)了原文，又表達(dá)了所取得的成績與“老師的鼓勵、自己的堅(jiān)持、姐姐的幫忙糾正”息息相關(guān)。⑤Immersed in excitement and joy， Holding the golden medal 均用分詞短語作狀語。⑥是when引導(dǎo)的時(shí)間狀語從句，laugh呼應(yīng)原文的laugh，生動形象地刻畫出一位陽光開朗、幽默風(fēng)趣、善于激勵學(xué)生、充滿正能量的老師形象。⑦Tears misting my vision，充分發(fā)揮了喻體mist的作用，表達(dá)生動鮮活。⑧反復(fù)運(yùn)用了“test”，同時(shí)運(yùn)用了對偶的修辭手法，凸顯了“路遙知馬力，時(shí)間久了才能檢測一個(gè)人的堅(jiān)韌”，升華了文章主題意義。⑨在續(xù)寫結(jié)尾處呼應(yīng)原文，再次將馬人格化，描寫未來將繼續(xù)像馬一樣不知疲憊地堅(jiān)持寫作之路。

總而言之，讀后續(xù)寫過程中，首先在閱讀環(huán)節(jié)，學(xué)生應(yīng)能夠?qū)υ恼Z言形式和語言風(fēng)格進(jìn)行判斷和分析，尤其是對原文所使用的修辭手法做出判斷，對修辭手法的表達(dá)效果做出分析、理解和賞析；其次在續(xù)寫環(huán)節(jié)，學(xué)生應(yīng)沿用原文語言風(fēng)格，恰當(dāng)?shù)亟柚嘣揶o方法來強(qiáng)化語言效果，增強(qiáng)語言感染力，使得表達(dá)主題更為突出，內(nèi)容更加生動有趣。

責(zé)任編輯 吳昊雷