浙江

當(dāng)前，高中生的英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作中存在諸多問(wèn)題，突出表現(xiàn)在以下三個(gè)方面：內(nèi)容上，所言空泛，不著邊際，構(gòu)思和表達(dá)能力不佳；語(yǔ)篇上，層次不清，邏輯混亂，上下文協(xié)同突兀；語(yǔ)言上，要么用詞錯(cuò)誤，要么枯燥乏味，語(yǔ)言表達(dá)“拿來(lái)主義”現(xiàn)象嚴(yán)重，生搬硬套，受母語(yǔ)干擾過(guò)大。然而，長(zhǎng)久以來(lái)，由于種種主觀或者客觀因素的影響，英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作教學(xué)得不到足夠的重視。不少教師要么過(guò)于依賴書(shū)本單元后面的寫(xiě)作練習(xí)，要么癡迷于模擬試卷中的寫(xiě)作測(cè)試題，要么過(guò)度依賴讓學(xué)生背誦范文和套句，而極少?gòu)氖抡嬲饬x上的寫(xiě)作教學(xué)。為了解決上述問(wèn)題，切實(shí)提高高中生的英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作能力，基于語(yǔ)言輸入和語(yǔ)言輸出的理論，筆者在寫(xiě)作教學(xué)中引入了英文原版小說(shuō)作為寫(xiě)作教學(xué)的載體。

因考慮到英文原版文學(xué)作品難度系數(shù)過(guò)大，同時(shí)為了選取具有精彩故事情節(jié)的作品，教師應(yīng)從英文原版短篇和中篇小說(shuō)著手。經(jīng)典英文原版小說(shuō)往往具有引人入勝的情節(jié)，栩栩如生的人物刻畫(huà)，扣人心弦的故事高潮，充滿智慧的情節(jié)，極具感染力的環(huán)境描寫(xiě)以及潛移默化的育人文化。因此，在英文原版短篇小說(shuō)的教學(xué)實(shí)踐中，教師不應(yīng)只關(guān)注原汁原味的語(yǔ)言知識(shí)、跌宕起伏的故事情節(jié)、個(gè)性鮮明的人物、或是各式各樣的場(chǎng)景，而是應(yīng)該在主題意義的引領(lǐng)下，以小說(shuō)三要素為抓手，順應(yīng)小說(shuō)原有的可挖掘的點(diǎn)，精選讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的寫(xiě)作切入口，高效地融合語(yǔ)言輸入與語(yǔ)言輸出過(guò)程，進(jìn)而讓學(xué)生在寫(xiě)作過(guò)程中加深對(duì)主題意義的理解。

下面，筆者以幾部經(jīng)典的英文原版小說(shuō)為例，闡述如何在精選寫(xiě)作切入口的基礎(chǔ)上增效讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)。

一、厘清小說(shuō)情節(jié) 遷移故事續(xù)寫(xiě)

小說(shuō)的情節(jié)通常包括exposition（闡述）、rising action（情節(jié)上升）、climax（高潮）、falling action（情節(jié)下降）和resolution（結(jié)局）五部分。經(jīng)典短篇或者微型英文原版小說(shuō)以其篇幅短小、構(gòu)思巧妙、情節(jié)引人入勝、人物個(gè)性鮮明而受到人們的青睞。美國(guó)作家Eric Acland 筆下的《美爾根，我的兄弟》（Maheegun,My Brother）就是這樣的一篇英文短篇小說(shuō)，該小說(shuō)語(yǔ)言生動(dòng)形象，對(duì)動(dòng)物的刻畫(huà)細(xì)致入微，從側(cè)面反映了社會(huì)生活。小說(shuō)講述的是小作者“我”隨爺爺去叉魚(yú)時(shí)邂逅了又冷又餓的小狼崽Maheegun，于是“我”果斷收養(yǎng)了Maheegun，并開(kāi)始了與小狼崽美妙的跨物種友誼。由于“我”的得意忘形，忘記了拴住小狼崽，它咬死了鄰居家的公雞，于是“我”被迫將小狼崽送去山中的小屋，可是小狼崽卻隨一只母狼而去。本以為永遠(yuǎn)失去了小狼崽的“我”卻在雪后的樹(shù)林里被狼群圍攻之際再次邂逅了Maheegun，正是Maheegun 的及時(shí)出現(xiàn)，“我”才免于落入狼口。當(dāng)“我”在臥室的床上醒來(lái)時(shí)，Maheegun 再次回到了屬于它的山林。小說(shuō)以一匹狼與小男孩之間的故事為主線，贊揚(yáng)了人與動(dòng)物和諧共生的美好關(guān)系。

圖一：Maheegun,My Brother 的情節(jié)圖

在賞讀該短篇小說(shuō)之后，筆者向?qū)W生呈現(xiàn)了一篇故事續(xù)寫(xiě)的原文（該讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)摘自《浙江省新高考研究卷（英語(yǔ)五）》2020 年4 月版）。

In 2000,when I was around seven years old,all my family were coming back from a T-ball game,which was our usual weekend adventure,but unlike every other weekend,a surprise was waiting for us in our driveway — two adult geese and a small goose.Obviously startled by our return,the adults flew away in panic,with their baby,too young to fly,left in place,tiny and delicate.

Hours passed one after another,and night eventually fell.However,with it also came a deep chill and a fear of watchful animals.It was apparent that the gosling needed protection,warmth,and food to make it to the morning,so we had to help it,and we brought him onto our back yard.

We all pretty much slept with one eye open till morning came.And then another morning.And still another.Each morning,we would try to drive the goose away to his parents,who kept coming back to our yard.He wouldn’t go to them,though,and neither would they come close enough to claim him.We kept this up for five days,but no luck.Realizing the young goose had clearly decided we were his family by then,we had to give him a name,calling the little guy Peeper,because he would often follow us around the yard making a peeping（唧唧叫）noise,nonstop.Besides,we decided that Peeper was a boy.I don’t know why;it just felt right.

A year passed and we settled into a routine.Peeper slept on our back yard each night and,in typical goose fashion,used it as a latrine（公共廁所）.My dad would spray off all the goose droppings daily.Part of this ceremony included Dad throwing Peeper up into the air so he could flap its wings and flew a loop（圈）around the house,and then came back again once the porch was clean.

Days turned into weeks,and weeks turned into months.

原文大意如下：20 年前，“我”家來(lái)了三只大雁——大雁父母和大雁寶寶。大雁父母飛走之后，“我們”家收養(yǎng)了大雁寶寶并待他如同家人，給他取名、洗澡，每天給他清洗宿舍，將其拋向空中讓他自由飛翔。命題人所給的續(xù)寫(xiě)兩段的首句分別是：

Paragraph 1:Before we knew it,the little thing had grown into a big bird with two powerful wings.

Paragraph 2:It came as a total surprise to me when,in 2019,an adult goose made his way back to my family home.

經(jīng)過(guò)梳理所給讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)原文情節(jié)和分析續(xù)寫(xiě)兩段的首句之后，多數(shù)學(xué)生很快建立了本文與短篇小說(shuō)《美爾根，我的兄弟》（Maheegun,My Brother）的情節(jié)關(guān)聯(lián)，并繪制了續(xù)寫(xiě)文章的情節(jié)示意圖，具體如下：with two powerful wings.Not only could he fly a loop around

the house,but also he could explore a larger expanse of his territory.Undoubtedly,the yard was so small in comparison to the vast sky with blameless blue.Subconsciously,an air of gloom hung over the family.Feeling an urge to know why,I tugged at my dad’s sleeves as if Dad had been an encyclopedia.“Peeper is bound to leave us one day,”Dad sighed.Having digested his answer,I rejected the information just as blood rejected the wrong organ.However,the day when Peeper flew away finally came,plunging us into a dark world without Peeper.

It came as a surprise to me when,in 2019,an adult goose made his way back to my family home.He lingered around my yard with his long neck crooked like a hook.I didn’t recognize him until he uttered that familiar peeping noise.Within a few seconds,it dawned on me that it was our long-lost Peeper.All those sweet memories came back,crowding in,making my eyes misty with tears.On seeing me,Peeper dashed to me and Dad with his wings pattering.I cried out my excitement! Never had I thought that I would be blessed with another chance to catch another glimpse of him.Then in front of me stood a fullyfledged goose,with two strong wings,sparkling eyes as well as grateful heart.Unconsciously,I knew he would leave me again and fly into the arms of nature.However,the bond between us will be indelibly engraved in our hearts.

本文作者用飽含深情的筆觸還原了人鳥(niǎo)互動(dòng)和和諧共生的畫(huà)面。這個(gè)畫(huà)面溫馨、自然，帶著理性和情感。更重要的是，本文完美地遷移了原版小說(shuō)《美爾根，我的兄弟》（Maheegun,My Brother）的情節(jié)，模仿了該小說(shuō)的生動(dòng)語(yǔ)言，使之具有較強(qiáng)的可讀性和考場(chǎng)競(jìng)爭(zhēng)性。

二、分析寫(xiě)作特點(diǎn) 突出人物情感

基于上述情節(jié)示意圖，某學(xué)生的續(xù)寫(xiě)故事如下：

Before we knew it,the little thing had grown into a big bird

在賞讀文學(xué)作品時(shí)，分析寫(xiě)作特點(diǎn)有助于理解作者的寫(xiě)作思路，理解作品的謀篇布局、遣詞造句、表達(dá)方式和表達(dá)手法等，從而更好地與作者和文本進(jìn)行對(duì)話，實(shí)現(xiàn)對(duì)文本的深度理解。下面，筆者以海明威的短篇小說(shuō)《橋邊的老人》（The Old Man at the Bridge）為例，進(jìn)行具體闡述。該小說(shuō)講述了戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)來(lái)臨前一位哨兵在一座橋邊幫助護(hù)送當(dāng)?shù)厝顺吠艘远惚軕?zhàn)亂的故事。在此過(guò)程中，哨兵發(fā)現(xiàn)一位老人不愿意撤退，于是催促他早點(diǎn)撤退，但老人因?yàn)樘矍曳判牟幌录依锏男?dòng)物而不愿意離開(kāi)。

在分析完小說(shuō)的人物、情節(jié)和環(huán)境背景之后，筆者呈現(xiàn)了如下問(wèn)題鏈：

1.Why didn’t the author use more vivid and specific words like stare,gaze,glance,glare...?

2.Did the old man convey how he felt about the anything,including the war,the sentry or his animals back at home?

3.What can you conclude about Hemingway’s writing style?

以上三個(gè)問(wèn)題旨在引導(dǎo)學(xué)生分析海明威的小說(shuō)作品的特點(diǎn)，從而引出他的“冰山理論”(Iceberg Theory)，即作者用簡(jiǎn)練的文字塑造出鮮明的人物形象，把自身的思想和情感最大限度地融入到人物形象中，使之感情充沛卻不直白、思想深沉而不外露，從而將文學(xué)的可感性與可思性巧妙地結(jié)合起來(lái)，引發(fā)讀者去發(fā)掘作品隱含的思想意義。

基于本小說(shuō)的上述特點(diǎn)，筆者給學(xué)生布置了如下讀后寫(xiě)作任務(wù)：

Suppose the old man were to write his last words in a letter before death,who would he write to? How would he write it?

從信件的對(duì)象來(lái)看，老人的遺書(shū)有寫(xiě)給戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)的，有寫(xiě)給自己的小動(dòng)物的，還有寫(xiě)給哨兵的；從信件的內(nèi)容來(lái)看，老人的遺書(shū)有控訴戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)殘酷性的，有表達(dá)對(duì)動(dòng)物的無(wú)比憐惜的，還有表達(dá)對(duì)哨兵的感激的；從信件的情感表達(dá)來(lái)看，學(xué)生在創(chuàng)作中揮毫潑墨般地宣泄了老人的情感，將海明威“冰山理論”下的隱晦情感顯性化。由于篇幅所限，本文只呈現(xiàn)其中一篇學(xué)生習(xí)作，具體如下：

Hateful war,

Lying on the deathbed in the dust at the bridge at the mercy of death,I just suddenly feel an urge to write to tell how I think about you.

Subconsciously,I feel my hands clenched and teeth gritted.Gathering all my strength,I want to wrestle with you,strangle you and fling you to the ground.You are a cold-blooded monster,claiming a lot of innocent lives like me. Without you,I would still be able to enjoy the happy moments with my family,who were murdered by you in broad daylight just last year.And now,one more time,you,still wearing a monstrous mask,are going to batter us.I swear,even with the last gasp,I will give you a snap.

You deserve all vicious words.I will avenge.And we will avenge.

Yours indignantly,

a victim of yours

從上述的學(xué)生習(xí)作可以看出，學(xué)生能夠在教師的引導(dǎo)下領(lǐng)會(huì)海明威的小說(shuō)作品的寫(xiě)作風(fēng)格，抓住小說(shuō)的主題——通過(guò)讓老人宣泄情感來(lái)控訴戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)的殘酷與無(wú)情。教師通過(guò)設(shè)置類似的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)作任務(wù)，促進(jìn)了學(xué)生對(duì)文本主題的理解，學(xué)生在與作品以及作品中人物對(duì)話的過(guò)程中鍛煉了思維，提高了其對(duì)作品的認(rèn)知。

三、把握小說(shuō)主題 自創(chuàng)挖空片段

每一部經(jīng)典原版小說(shuō)都是人物、背景、情節(jié)、沖突和主題的完美結(jié)合，它以塑造人物形象為中心，依托人物關(guān)系創(chuàng)設(shè)情節(jié)，在沖突中推動(dòng)故事發(fā)展，并在渲染背景環(huán)境中升華小說(shuō)的主題意義。主題是小說(shuō)的靈魂，情節(jié)鋪設(shè)為主題服務(wù)。

歐·亨利的小說(shuō)多采用出人意料的結(jié)尾方式，使平淡的故事在結(jié)尾處頓生波瀾，并產(chǎn)生震撼心靈的力量。歐·亨利的《紅毛酋長(zhǎng)的贖金》（The Ransom of Red Chief）就是這樣一篇擁有出人意料又合乎情理的結(jié)局的經(jīng)典短篇小說(shuō)。該小說(shuō)講述了“我”與比爾在一個(gè)名叫Summit 的地方綁架了一個(gè)名門(mén)望族的獨(dú)生兒子?！拔覀儭痹鞠肜媒壖軄?lái)敲詐他的父親，從而獲得“我們”所缺的非法購(gòu)買(mǎi)地皮的資金。然而，這個(gè)孩子非常野蠻，而且還會(huì)捉弄人。隨著時(shí)間的推移，這個(gè)孩子越來(lái)越囂張，還把比爾當(dāng)馬騎，比爾幾乎要精神崩潰了。無(wú)奈之下，“我們”急速寫(xiě)好“敲詐信”給孩子的父親，可萬(wàn)萬(wàn)沒(méi)有想到的是“我們”反而被孩子的父母索要了250 美元。因?yàn)椤拔覀儭睂?shí)在無(wú)法忍受這個(gè)孩子，只能祈求這個(gè)孩子的父親把孩子接回去，故事無(wú)情地嘲諷了兩個(gè)笨手笨腳的綁匪的悲慘下場(chǎng)。

原文中，兩個(gè)綁匪寫(xiě)給孩子父親的“敲詐信”是這樣的：To:Mr.Ebenezer Dorset,

Sir,we have your boy concealed in a place far from Summit.We demand fifteen hundred dollars in small bills for his return.

The money is to be brought by a lone messenger at midnight.After crossing the Rock Creek bridge,he will see three poplar trees.Opposite the third tree is a fence post.At the base of the post will be a cardboard box.He must leave the money in the box.

If you pay the money as demanded,the boy will be released safely within three hours.

Two Desperate Men

為了更好地引導(dǎo)學(xué)生理解歐·亨利作品結(jié)尾的特色，鼓勵(lì)學(xué)生理解作品中的人物心理和故事走向，讓學(xué)生嘗試與作品中的人物進(jìn)行對(duì)話，筆者嘗試挖去原著中名門(mén)望族Mr.Ebenezer Dorset 的回信，并嘗試讓學(xué)生在揣摩人物心理和梳理故事主線的基礎(chǔ)上，以Mr.Ebenezer Dorset 的身份給兩位綁架犯寫(xiě)一封回信。其中有學(xué)生是這樣寫(xiě)的：

Two Desperate Men,

For those painful and unforgettable seconds you’ve experienced,I will express my amiable sympathy.Being adapted to numerous pranks,he can make your life miserable but extremely colorful.If you want to wind up these fantastic moments,you could send the boy,who gives me chills,back to the street.Meanwhile,two hundred and fifty dollars should be paid for the coming darkness or you can relish your gleaming lifetime with your friend permanently.Besides,thanks for taking care of that frippery these days.

Very respectfully,

Ebenezer Dorset

從學(xué)生的作品來(lái)看，劇情已經(jīng)發(fā)生了反轉(zhuǎn)，說(shuō)明學(xué)生已經(jīng)領(lǐng)會(huì)了歐·亨利式結(jié)局的精彩之處，并且學(xué)會(huì)了利用已知的情節(jié)、人物、背景、沖突和主題信息來(lái)推斷所缺的故事片段。本故事詼諧幽默，這也使得學(xué)生在相對(duì)愉悅的氛圍中提高了語(yǔ)言輸入與語(yǔ)言輸出的效率。

四、依托故事明線 拓展暗線片段

一般來(lái)說(shuō)，小說(shuō)作品都有情節(jié)發(fā)展的兩條線索，即明線和暗線。明線貫穿全文，使得作品的結(jié)構(gòu)完整，脈絡(luò)清晰。暗線則輔助明線貫穿全文，是情感抒發(fā)的切點(diǎn)。歐·亨利的短篇小說(shuō)《麥琪的禮物》（The Gift of the Magi）講述了一對(duì)來(lái)自社會(huì)底層的貧苦小夫妻互贈(zèng)圣誕禮物表達(dá)對(duì)彼此的愛(ài)意的故事。為了贈(zèng)送對(duì)方圣誕禮物，吉姆賣(mài)掉了他祖?zhèn)鞯慕鸨頌榈吕I(mǎi)了一套精美的梳子；德拉則賣(mài)掉了一頭美麗的瀑布般的秀發(fā)為吉姆買(mǎi)了一條白金表鏈。陰差陽(yáng)錯(cuò)中他們都舍棄了自己最寶貴的“財(cái)產(chǎn)”，卻為對(duì)方換來(lái)了毫無(wú)用處的圣誕禮物。女主人公德拉賣(mài)頭發(fā)買(mǎi)表鏈?zhǔn)敲骶€，而男主人公吉姆賣(mài)手表買(mǎi)發(fā)梳則是暗線。

基于上述對(duì)該作品的解讀，筆者選取了明線中“德拉賣(mài)頭發(fā)買(mǎi)表鏈”的片段，讓學(xué)生從語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用、修辭手法、情節(jié)推進(jìn)、環(huán)境背景和人物心理等方面進(jìn)行深入品讀，然后讓學(xué)生仿照該片段來(lái)寫(xiě)暗線中“吉姆賣(mài)手表買(mǎi)發(fā)梳”的片段。某學(xué)生的作品如下：

Jim reached into his pocket and fumbled for his watch,a family treasure passed down from his ancestors.The watch,without a fob chain,was frayed on all edges,just like a honed stone,which gave him a mixture of pride and inferiority.Naturally,he longed for a fob chain so that he could also elegantly raised his hand to look at his watch in the presence of his friends and strangers alike.With Christmas approaching,the thought of not being able to buy a gift for Della tortured him day and night.The moment when he would be rich enough to buy a gift for Della was coming! Now he was grabbing the watch in his right hand,his palm sweating and heart thudding.With his head held high,he strode into a second-hand watch shop,his heart in his mouth.

“Do you buy a second-hand watch? It is a family treasure,”Jim inquired.

“Yes,we do.Let me check it out,”the shop assistant urged.

Having given it a thorough check,the shop assistant raised his head and ran his eyes over Jim and said,“I can give you 20 dollars at most.”

“That is a deal,”Jim replied.

Gripping the twenty-dollar bill in his right hand,he flew to an accessory shop with rosy spots flashing across his cheeks.

“I want this comb,labeled 20 dollars!”he told the shop assistant,love pit-a-patting in his heart.Now he became penniless again,but love was invaluable.

從本學(xué)生習(xí)作來(lái)看，學(xué)生能夠做到語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用、修辭手法、情節(jié)推進(jìn)、環(huán)境背景和人物心理的基本協(xié)同，這說(shuō)明基于故事明線的拓展性暗線片段的寫(xiě)作能夠提高語(yǔ)言輸入與語(yǔ)言輸出的效率，因而具有較強(qiáng)的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)實(shí)踐價(jià)值。

當(dāng)然，基于英文原版小說(shuō)的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)還有很多實(shí)踐策略，如在教授Langston Hughes 的Thank You,Ma’am 時(shí)，筆者布置了如下任務(wù)：“Suppose you were the frail boy,please write a letter to the large woman 10 years later.”。再如，在教授Death on the Moor（The Hound of the Baskervilles 中的第十二章）時(shí)，筆者摘取其中一個(gè)小片段（內(nèi)容是黑夜中福爾摩斯和他的助手華生聽(tīng)見(jiàn)恐怖的聲音，他們推定Henry Baskervilles 被害），讓學(xué)生續(xù)寫(xiě)聽(tīng)見(jiàn)恐怖聲音之后，福爾摩斯和華生展開(kāi)實(shí)勘行動(dòng)的片段。本讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)旨在讓學(xué)生學(xué)會(huì)使用聽(tīng)覺(jué)和視覺(jué)來(lái)進(jìn)行推理，從而推動(dòng)故事情節(jié)的發(fā)展。這樣的例子不勝枚舉，這里不再一一列舉。

寫(xiě)作的“根”是閱讀。葉圣陶先生曾說(shuō)過(guò)：“閱讀是吸收，寫(xiě)作是傾吐，傾吐能否合于法度，顯然與吸收有密切的關(guān)系?！睂?shí)踐證明，基于英文原版小說(shuō)賞讀的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)策略有助于學(xué)生寫(xiě)出內(nèi)容更加充實(shí)，語(yǔ)篇更加連貫流暢，語(yǔ)言更加地道自然的習(xí)作。此外，該視角下的寫(xiě)作教學(xué)會(huì)使得寫(xiě)作更輕松有趣，使教學(xué)更富有成效，師生都會(huì)樂(lè)在其中。