江蘇省連云港市羅陽(yáng)中學(xué)九（2）班 周康杰

Many students are short of exercise in their spare time now.On the one hand，they have too much homework to do after school.On the other hand，they①probable have so many after-school classes such as piano classes and drawing classes.So there is no time for them to do exercise.

Less exercise is②harm to students.They are growing quickly，so they need to do more exercise to keep healthy.Even though they are too busy with their schoolwork，they still need to play sports to make their bodies strong.I think they had better③to exercise in their daily life.First，they can take a walk after dinner on weekdays.After all，it's bad for them to do homework at once after dinner.Second，they can go swimming on weekends.Swimming is a very good sport④but it doesn't need a long time.

All in all，students need to do exercise in their spare time.The more exercise they do，the better it is for them.

【教師點(diǎn)評(píng)】

1.文章亮點(diǎn)：

作者從“缺少運(yùn)動(dòng)甚至不運(yùn)動(dòng)的原因”、“缺少運(yùn)動(dòng)甚至不運(yùn)動(dòng)對(duì)學(xué)生產(chǎn)生的影響”和“針對(duì)這種現(xiàn)象提出的改善和建議”三個(gè)方面進(jìn)行布局謀篇，并在文章的結(jié)尾處用兩句話來(lái)總結(jié)全文。整篇文章條理清晰，語(yǔ)言流暢，是值得同學(xué)們借鑒的一篇范文。

2.完善建議：

①將probable改為probably。修飾動(dòng)詞have，要用副詞probably。

②將harm改為harmful。be harmful to相當(dāng)于do harm to，意為“對(duì)……有害”。

③將to exercise改為exercise。had better do sth.意為“最好做某事”。

④將but改為and。此處上下文是并列關(guān)系，不是轉(zhuǎn)折關(guān)系。句意：游泳是一項(xiàng)非常好的運(yùn)動(dòng)，并且不需要花很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間。