by Sion Dayson

Mid-afternoon， mid-week. Dark and wet like many a December day in the 1）City of Light. I descend into metro Colonel Fabien and try to shake off the cold.

When the train arrives， I spy through the window the one free seat. It will be mine. The man behind me has the same idea. He rushes past me as soon as the doors open， nearly 2）sprinting to get to the seat. He 3）plops down and puts on that blank city face： I dont see you even though youre right in front of me.

No matter. I gave up expecting 4）chivalry a long time ago. Plus， you never really know whats going on for people. Maybe he really did need that seat more. It may just be a trick to tell myself that， but it makes me feel better anyway.

I stand and think about whatever I think about on the train.

周三，三點(diǎn)。天氣又陰暗又潮濕，正如“光之城”十二月的許多日子一樣。我走進(jìn)了地鐵“法比安上校站”，試圖甩掉戶外的寒氣。

當(dāng)列車到站時(shí)，我透過(guò)車窗瞥見(jiàn)了那一個(gè)空座。那將是我的。但我后面的那個(gè)男人也有著同樣的想法。車門剛打開(kāi)，他就迅速?gòu)奈疑磉厸_了進(jìn)去，幾乎是以沖刺的速度到達(dá)了那個(gè)座位。他“撲通”一聲坐下，然后板起了僵硬的城市人面孔：即便你就站在我面前，我也對(duì)你視而不見(jiàn)。

沒(méi)關(guān)系。我在很早以前就已經(jīng)對(duì)騎士風(fēng)度不抱希望了。而且，你永遠(yuǎn)也不可能真正了解別人當(dāng)時(shí)的狀況。也許他真的更需要那個(gè)座位呢。這或許只是自我安慰罷了，不過(guò)至少讓我感覺(jué)好多了。

我站在車?yán)铮衿饺兆嚂r(shí)那樣想著自己的心事。

Then another seat becomes available， but its facing the back. I cant sit backwards. （Well， I can， but I feel 5）nauseous.）

I sit sideways on the seat so Im not opposite the trains movement.

We pull up to the next stop and a group of young elementary school children are lined up. Whole groups of kids pouring into the metro sometimes make me nervous， but as soon as this group enters， the other possibility presents itself： delight.

One advantage of miserable weather is the 6）plethora of tiny 7）tots in puffy coats， adorable 8）mittens and cute little hats. The kids are bubbly and happy， but well-behaved. The girls right next to me （were at eye level， me sitting， them standing） are caught up in playing a little girl game， but they give me a smile when they glance my way and I smile back. I want to take a picture of the whole lot of them. This is grand！ Another one of those small moments for which Im grateful.

Then one of their guardians—Alexandre， I overhear—pulls the girls nearest me away.

“Dont you see youre crushing the dame！”

The three are lined up now， a beautiful whiteblack-Asian rainbow， looking as if theyre in front of a 9）firing squad. 10）Reprimands in French sound at a frequency that send shivers down the spine.

接著，另一個(gè)座位也空出來(lái)了，但那是逆向的。我不能坐逆向的座位。（嗯，其實(shí)我可以，但會(huì)覺(jué)得惡心反胃。）

于是我側(cè)坐在椅子上，這樣就不會(huì)背向著列車前進(jìn)的方向。

列車在下一站停了下來(lái)，一群小學(xué)生正在排隊(duì)等候。有時(shí)候成群的孩子涌入車廂會(huì)讓我緊張，但當(dāng)這一群孩子走進(jìn)來(lái)時(shí)，另一種可能卻涌上了心頭：高興。

糟糕天氣的好處之一便是能見(jiàn)到這許許多多穿著胖嘟嘟的冬衣，戴著漂亮的連指手套，還有可愛(ài)的小帽子的孩子們。這些孩子都活潑快樂(lè)，但舉止有禮。我身旁的女孩子們（我們的視線剛好齊平，我坐著，她們站著）正沉迷于某個(gè)女生間的小游戲，但當(dāng)她們向我這邊一瞥，我回以微笑時(shí)，她們也對(duì)我報(bào)以微笑。我想要給他們所有人拍張照。這真是太棒了！這正是我心懷感激的那些微小時(shí)刻之一。

接著，他們的看護(hù)人之一——亞歷山大，我無(wú)意中聽(tīng)到他的名字——將離我最近的女孩子們拉開(kāi)了。

“你們沒(méi)看到自己擠到這位女士了嗎！”

現(xiàn)在這三個(gè)孩子站成了一排，如同一道美麗的黑白黃色彩虹，看起來(lái)她們就像正站在行刑隊(duì)的面前。用法語(yǔ)說(shuō)出的訓(xùn)斥以一個(gè)令人脊梁骨發(fā)涼的頻率在空中回響。

“Je ne suis pas content！” Alexandre says. “This calls for punishment. As soon as I see your mothers， Im telling them what you did！”

I see in their little faces they have no idea what theyve done. I dont either！

Wait， Monsieur！ Im the dame？！

Alexandre is going on about how hes told them to pay attention. “Apologize to the lady，” he says motioning at me. He thinks I was being prevented from sitting in the seat properly because they were there！

The other guardian， a woman， echoes something Alexandre says but then softens. “Cest pas grave，” she whispers at them.

I catch her eye and enthusiastically confirm. Yes， yes， its not serious！ She smiles wanly at me.

We all get off at the next stop—the entire episode took place between only one metro stop to the next.

“I was already in that position. They didnt do anything wrong，” I tell Alexandre as we pile out of the car.

At least thats what I think I say. My French often fails me under pressure.

“我很不高興！”亞歷山大說(shuō)?！斑@種行為要受到懲罰。等我一見(jiàn)到你們的母親，我就會(huì)把你們的所作所為告訴她們！”

我從她們的小臉上看得出，她們完全不知道自己做錯(cuò)了什么。我也不知道！

等等，先生！我就是那個(gè)女士？！

亞歷山大繼續(xù)說(shuō)著，說(shuō)他之前怎樣告誡過(guò)她們要小心注意的?！跋蜻@位女士道歉，”他邊說(shuō)邊向我示意。他認(rèn)為是因?yàn)樗齻冋驹谀抢?，所以我才沒(méi)法好好地坐在座位上。

另一位看護(hù)人，是一位女士，重復(fù)著亞歷山大的話，但聲線柔和?！皼](méi)關(guān)系的，”她低聲對(duì)她們說(shuō)。

我迎上她的目光，起勁地證實(shí)她的話。是的，是的，沒(méi)關(guān)系的！她疲憊地對(duì)著我笑了笑。

到了下一站，我們?nèi)枷萝嚵恕麄€(gè)小插曲僅僅發(fā)生在地鐵的兩站之間。

“我早就是那么坐著的。她們沒(méi)做錯(cuò)什么，”當(dāng)我們涌出車廂時(shí)我對(duì)亞歷山大說(shuō)。

至少我認(rèn)為自己是那么說(shuō)的。只要一有壓力，我的法語(yǔ)水平就會(huì)讓我失望。

“They have to learn to pay attention and be polite，” he tells me in that same stern teacher tone.

I 11）feebly try again. “But they werent crushing me.”They are polite！ They are amazing！

Its awkward. Hes trying to get a group of little kids safely off the train， but this is also the only moment to tell him he misread the situation. Save the children！

As the whole bustling group reassembles on the platform， Im left not knowing if I made my point. Do I insist？ Does it matter？

I climb the stairs back out into the cold， Paris rain， 12）deriding myself. Down. Why couldnt I say anything better？ Why can I still not speak French well？ Is it okay to contradict what a childs caretaker is saying？ How could I not？

I open my umbrella and wrap my coat tighter around me， trying to stay warm. I offer a silent wish that the incident will quickly be forgotten， that no mamans of those sweet kids will be told. And I also wish to be what I know Im capable of， but only sometimes am： bold.

“她們必須學(xué)會(huì)小心注意和講禮貌，”他依然用著同樣堅(jiān)定的教師口吻對(duì)我說(shuō)道。

我無(wú)力地又嘗試了一遍?！暗齻儧](méi)有擠到我?！彼齻兒苡卸Y貌！她們太棒了！

場(chǎng)面很棘手。他正努力將一群小孩子安全地帶出列車，但這也是唯一能夠告訴他，他誤解了情況的時(shí)刻。救救這些孩子吧！

當(dāng)整個(gè)鬧哄哄的隊(duì)伍在站臺(tái)上重新集合時(shí)，我離開(kāi)了，不知道是否說(shuō)清了自己的想法。我強(qiáng)調(diào)觀點(diǎn)了嗎？起作用了嗎？

我登上樓梯，回到戶外寒冷的巴黎細(xì)雨中，嘲諷著自己。心情沮喪。為什么我不能講得好些呢？為什么我還是說(shuō)不好法語(yǔ)呢？應(yīng)不應(yīng)該反駁一位幼師的話呢？我又怎么能不去反駁呢？

我撐開(kāi)了雨傘，用大衣把自己裹得更緊了，試圖保暖。我靜靜地許了個(gè)愿，希望這個(gè)小插曲能夠很快被忘記，不會(huì)有人向這些可愛(ài)的孩子們的母親告狀。另外，我也希望能夠做到——我明知自己有能力做到的，但卻只是在某些時(shí)候能做到：勇敢些。