李奕群

【問題導(dǎo)讀】

讀后續(xù)寫中的故事續(xù)寫除了要求學(xué)生掌握豐富的詞匯和句式外，還要求學(xué)生具備內(nèi)容構(gòu)思和情節(jié)銜接的能力。在寫作中，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)很多同學(xué)續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容平淡，缺乏吸引力，不能抓住讀者的眼球。這是因?yàn)樗麄冊(cè)趦?nèi)容構(gòu)思上出了問題，整個(gè)故事的情節(jié)構(gòu)思沒有沖突和高潮，即沒有遵守曲折性原則。

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

凡是故事都應(yīng)有起伏或矛盾沖突，其中的人物會(huì)遇到不同類型的困難，這些困難往往最終能得到解決。但情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)不能過于復(fù)雜或離奇，否則讀者（閱卷老師）不能快速讀懂你想表達(dá)的內(nèi)容。而且往往文章中出現(xiàn)的矛盾是負(fù)面的，如何在接下來的續(xù)寫中將“負(fù)”轉(zhuǎn)為“正”就非常重要，有時(shí)候轉(zhuǎn)“正”之后，同學(xué)們需要自己再次挖掘隱含內(nèi)容，再轉(zhuǎn)“負(fù)”，最后再轉(zhuǎn)“正”。這就是同學(xué)們?cè)谶M(jìn)行讀后續(xù)寫寫作時(shí)應(yīng)該遵守的曲折性原則。高考中的讀后續(xù)寫多傾向于弘揚(yáng)真善美，宣揚(yáng)正能量，因此這種“負(fù)”轉(zhuǎn)“正”的構(gòu)思可以廣泛運(yùn)用于個(gè)人成長類的讀后續(xù)寫中。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

I could feel the excitement rising in me as I held the beautifully wrapped present inmy hands. I felt the string of the package soft and then， unable to contain my curiosity anylonger， I tore it open. It was a bright， brand new laptop. I had scored straight A's as for myO level examination and this was my reward. I had always envied my friends who wereexchanging news about“ chat rooms”，“ instant messaging” and“ e?mailing”， all of which I?knew nothing about. Now I was going to find out.

It started out simply enough. I was searching for some information online when I cameacross a social networking site. Soon I became addicted to my new?found electronic friend.I began to spend more and more time on the Internet. I had never imagined that the daywould come when I would be controlled entirely by the glowing screen before me. WheneverI was not glued to these social networking sites， I would be going through gossip orfashion websites.

As time passed， I realized that I was addicted to the Internet. During weekends， whenI had more time on my hands， I could easily spend a few hours on my laptop. It came to apoint where I chose to lock myself in my room， refusing to come out and take part in familydiscussions. I preferred to stay connected to the friends on the Internet， although I hadnever met them. Soon I was spending the whole hours of the morning surfing the Internet.Sleep was reduced to small naps and my grades at school also began getting from bad toworse.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1：

It was about this time that my parents noticed my change.______________

Paragraph 2：

Then one day， my father took away my laptop.____________________

一、故事梳理

這篇文章以第一人稱視角講述了作者因沉迷于網(wǎng)絡(luò)而荒廢學(xué)業(yè)的故事。作者考試成績獲得全優(yōu)，父母給他買了一臺(tái)全新的筆記本電腦作為獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)。漸漸地，作者開始沉迷于網(wǎng)絡(luò)，不再與父母交流，學(xué)習(xí)成績也一落千丈。我們可以用“5W原則”來分析文章結(jié)構(gòu)和內(nèi)容：

二、語言分析

通過觀察，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)原文對(duì)成長前的苦惱進(jìn)行了大篇幅的描寫，即對(duì)負(fù)面情緒有很多描寫。比如：

1. I began to spend more and more time on the Internet.（ Para. 2）

我開始花越來越多的時(shí)間在網(wǎng)絡(luò)上。

2. I had never imagined that the day would come when I would be controlled entirely by the glowing screen before me.（ Para. 2）

我從來沒有想過，有一天我會(huì)完全被我面前發(fā)光的屏幕所控制。

3. As time passed， I realized that I was addicted to the Internet.（ Para. 3）

隨著時(shí)間的推移，我意識(shí)到我迷上了互聯(lián)網(wǎng)。

4. It came to a point where I chose to lock myself in my room， refusing to come out and take part in family discussions.（ Para. 3）

后來，我選擇把自己鎖在房間里，拒絕出來參加家庭討論。

三、常用招式

成長類故事構(gòu)造“三步曲”：

第一步——成長前（負(fù)面情緒）

●孤獨(dú)

I never made friends easily， and for a time I did little more than get on speaking termswith some boys. 我從來不輕易交朋友，有一段時(shí)間，我除了和一些男孩談笑風(fēng)生之外，幾乎沒有做什么。

●傷心

1. I found nothing in my pocket， a fact that seemed like a spear piercing into my heartwhich started to bleed immediately. 我在口袋里什么也沒發(fā)現(xiàn)，這個(gè)事實(shí)就像一把長矛刺進(jìn)我的心臟，我的心臟立刻開始流血。

2. Looking around anxiously， I almost burst into crying. 看了看周圍，我焦急地幾乎哭了起來。

●慚愧

1. She was overwhelmed/overcome/consumed with guilt and shame. 她充滿了內(nèi)疚和羞愧。

2. A wave of guilt swept over me and I had to admit the fact that I had gone to themovies and that was the real reason why I was late. 一股罪惡感席卷了我，我不得不承認(rèn)我去看電影了，這就是我遲到的真正原因。

●嘲笑

They laughed loudly with screaming words like“ What a finest broken watch！”. 他們大聲地笑著，尖叫著說類似“多漂亮的破表??！”的話語。

●絕望

“My mother wouldn't let me bring it，” I lied， desperation boiling inside me.“ 我媽媽不讓我?guī)?。”我撒謊道，絕望在我心中沸騰。

●緊張

1. Meanwhile， Karie sat restlessly in her seat with her fingers crossed. 與此同時(shí)，卡里不安地坐在座位上，手指交叉著。

2. She told the teacher the truth， with her heart thumping/pounding/pumping like a drum. 她把真相告訴了老師，心怦怦直跳。

3. Having paced up and down restlessly in front of the teacher's office， she finally gathered courage and plodded in. 她在老師辦公室前不安地踱來踱去，終于鼓起勇氣，邁著沉重的步伐地走了進(jìn)去。

●害怕

I unknowingly avoided interacting with anyone because I was afraid they'd laugh atme in my face. 我不自覺地避免與任何人交流，因?yàn)槲遗滤麄儺?dāng)面嘲笑我。

第二步——成長中（蛻變與塑造）

●驚訝

Raising her eyebrows in surprise， Mrs Rossi froze， as if rooted on the ground. 羅西夫人驚訝地?fù)P起眉毛，愣住了，仿佛在地上扎了根。

●希望

Jayce looked up to him， his eyes sparkling with hope and determination. 杰斯抬起頭看著他，眼睛里閃爍著希望和決心。

●教育與成長

1.“ That's not the right way. Patience， Will. Patience，” a voice echoed in my ears afterthe boys left.“ 那不是正確的方式。耐心點(diǎn)，威爾，耐心點(diǎn)。”男孩們離開后，一個(gè)聲音在我耳邊回響。

2.“ What was done was done，” I thought to myself.“ What is important now is to docorrect things next.”“ 過去的事過去了?！蔽倚睦锵耄艾F(xiàn)在重要的是下一步做正確的事情?！?/p>

3. Though anger， embarrassment and sadness hung heavily in the air， the voice drewme to the awareness of the mistakes I had made when I attempted to impress the boys. 雖然憤怒、尷尬和悲傷沉重地彌漫在空氣中，但這個(gè)聲音讓我意識(shí)到我在試圖讓那些男孩留下深刻印象時(shí)犯下的錯(cuò)誤。

第三步——成長后（正面情緒+升華）

●喜悅

1. Karie grinned as she read the label on the box. 卡里一邊看盒子上的標(biāo)簽，一邊咧嘴一笑。

2. Hearing that， Karie grinned from ear to ear， a wave of happiness flooding over her.聽到這話，卡里笑得合不攏嘴，一股幸福的浪潮涌上她的心頭。

●感激

I looked at her， tears of love and gratitude welling up in my eyes. 我看著她，愛與感激的淚水奪眶而出。

●升華

1. I knew for sure that every time I lost patience in the future I would remember mygrandfather's words. 我確信，將來每當(dāng)我失去耐心時(shí)，我都會(huì)想起祖父的話。

2. It was the first time that I had truly realized the meaning of the gift—patience. 這是我第一次真正體會(huì)到這份禮物的意義——耐心。

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1：

It was about this time that my parents noticed my change. They voiced their disap?proval. It became obvious to them that I was spending too much time on the Internet. I wasasked to slow down my usage of the Internet. Yet， however hard I tried， I was unable topull myself away， unable to end my chat sessions， and unable to concentrate on mylessons. I was desperate for just another click， just another look at my e?mail or mes?sage board.（ 成長前：負(fù)面情緒）

Paragraph 2：

Then one day， my father took away my laptop. I cried and objected but in vain. Dadhad made up his mind. But over time， I realized that Dad and Mum had alwayswanted the best for me.（ 成長中：蛻變與塑造） That was when I decided to take the bigstep—to conquer my Internet addiction. Quitting was harder than I had expected. But withdogged determination， I knew that I would be able to do it. It was never too late tochange. （成長后：正面情緒+升華）

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

Ring a bell

Ms Tracy looked up from her yellow notebook and cleared her throat. The noise in theclass died down as we turned towards her.“ We're going to help a charity to collect moneyby ringing a bell. Each of you will ring it for four hours，” she announced. As the words lefther lips， complaints could be heard around the room. Unwillingly， I dug for my planner andlooked for notes. I could use the four hours of ringing a stupid bell to study for the SAT.Was this supposed to be a joke？ I joined the students around the table and signed up forthe first day of break—to get it over with.

A few weeks later， I was standing next to the big blue?and?white Walmart. There wasanother guy holding a jar across from me. Great， I was going to be stuck here ringing a bellwith a guy who was trying to get donations for another charity. To top it off， it was onlyabout 4.4 ℃.

Slowly， I put on the red dress bearing the symbol of charity. I hoped that I had alreadyspent two minutes doing that. Ring！ Ring！ A group of older women came up with theirwalking sticks to drop in some change. А man came by and put some coins in. I checkedmy phone. Just 10 minutes had passed.

A strong bitterly?cold wind blew against my freezing face. I was starting to regretignoring my moms advice to wear a scarf. I looked up， wishing that time would pass morequickly. A few birds swept around the poles. The sky was gently blue. Palm trees waved inthe cold wind. How comfortable it might be to curl （蜷縮） up with a hot cup of tea and abook on the cozy sofa！ Then another ring brought me back to reality.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1：

From the parking lot stepped out a poorly?dressed man， walking with difficulty towards me.

Paragraph 2：

Inspired by his generosity， I continued to ring my bell happily.

【評(píng)價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1. 這篇文章是否屬于個(gè)人成長類讀后續(xù)寫？

2. 文章中設(shè)置了哪些沖突？有哪些成長前的負(fù)面情緒的描寫？

3. 我可以怎樣運(yùn)用曲折性原則和成長類故事“三步曲”進(jìn)行續(xù)寫？