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        雅思寫作中的句子基本功(四):長短句混合使用

        2021-04-01 16:31:47唐老雅
        英語世界 2021年1期
        關(guān)鍵詞:短句雅思長句

        雅思作文一般在250—300單詞之間,句子數(shù)量大約15—20句。那么怎么安排這些句子呢?很多同學(xué)已經(jīng)注意到,一篇作文中若全是短句,自然是不好的,但若都是長句,讀起來的感覺也不會很舒服,因此雅思作文中的句子應(yīng)該是長短句混合使用。但是,問題是:什么時候該用短句,什么時候該用長句?老雅希望通過本文來解決這個問題。

        我們先來看一個段落:

        (1) Earlier scientists thought that during a mans lifetime the power of his brain decreased. (2) But it is now thought that this is not so. (3) As long as the brain is given plenty of exercise it keeps its power. (4) It has been found that an old person who has always been mentally active has a quicker mind than a young person who has done only physical work. (5) It is now thought that the more work we give our brains, the more work they are able to do.

        本段討論的主題是:只要給大腦足夠的鍛煉,它就會保持活力。我們來仔細(xì)看看這段的句子安排情況。句1是短句,提出錯誤的觀念,即以前的科學(xué)家認(rèn)為隨著人的年齡增加,大腦的功能會減退;句2是短句,對錯誤的觀念進(jìn)行否定;句3是短句,提出正確的觀點(diǎn);句4是長句,對正確的觀點(diǎn)進(jìn)行論證;句5是短句,換一種表達(dá)方式重申段落觀點(diǎn)。5個句子錯落有致,讀起來觀點(diǎn)明確,論證有力。

        大家知道,英語中有短句,也有長句。短句結(jié)構(gòu)簡單,意義清楚,易產(chǎn)生生動活潑、干脆利落的表達(dá)效果;長句則用嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)?shù)恼Z法結(jié)構(gòu)來表達(dá)事物間更為復(fù)雜的內(nèi)在聯(lián)系。因此,在表達(dá)段落重要觀點(diǎn)的時候,我們通常用短句,而在對觀點(diǎn)進(jìn)行說理論證或舉例論證的時候,我們通常用長句。用短句表達(dá)重要觀點(diǎn),很容易讓讀者抓住段落的重心所在,而用長句來論證,則使論證顯得內(nèi)容豐富,從而實(shí)現(xiàn)“觀點(diǎn)明確,論證豐富”的表達(dá)效果。在上面引用的段落中,前3句旨在引出正確的觀點(diǎn),都用短句,句4是在論證,使用長句,句5再次表達(dá)觀點(diǎn),因此也用短句。

        下面,我們來看雅思考官給出的高分作文中的一個段落:

        (1) There are, however, some disadvantages. (2) Primary school teachers are generalists, and may not have the necessary language skills themselves. (3) If specialists have to be brought in to deliver these sessions, the flexibility referred to above is diminished. (4) If primary language teaching is not standardised, secondary schools could be faced with a great variety of levels in different languages within their intake, resulting in a classroom experience which undoes the earlier gains. (5) There is no advantage if enthusiastic primary pupils become demotivated as soon as they change schools. (6) However, these issues can be addressed strategically within the policy adopted.

        本段論證的是“從小學(xué)開始學(xué)外語的劣勢”,一共6句,在段落中分別扮演4個功能,其中:句1表達(dá)段落主題;句2指出小學(xué)外語教師的問題,即這些老師自己可能缺乏足夠的語言技能;句3論證這個問題帶來的后果之一,即需要從外面請老師來給小學(xué)生上外語課;句4和句5則論證另外一個后果,即小學(xué)外語教學(xué)若不均衡,中學(xué)生的語言技能就會有不同層次,從而讓那些積極性很高的小學(xué)生進(jìn)入中學(xué)后對語言學(xué)習(xí)不再有動力;句6說明這些問題可以得到解決。

        那么,現(xiàn)在我們來看看這個段落中句子的長短如何對應(yīng)其功能。句1表達(dá)段落主題,明顯用了短句,這是整個段落中最為簡短的句子;句2提出具體問題,其功能是引發(fā)下面的討論,也用了比較短的句子,使其意義非常清楚;句3—5是論證這個問題產(chǎn)生的后果,句子長度明顯變長;句6再次表達(dá)觀點(diǎn),回歸到短句。這樣,整個段落的句子長短安排就呈現(xiàn)如下節(jié)奏:短句—較短句—較長句—長句—較長句—短句。段落以短句開始,用較長句過渡到長句,然后又由較長句回歸到短句。這個結(jié)構(gòu)讓我們想到講故事的結(jié)構(gòu)。會講故事的人也總是從事件的開端講起,然后營造氛圍,最終達(dá)到高潮,之后再慢慢讓故事走向結(jié)尾。本段為什么讀起來讓大家覺得舒服?老雅認(rèn)為,重要原因就是其句子長短安排暗合了我們聽故事的心理節(jié)奏。大家如果再回頭看看本文引用的第一個段落,會發(fā)現(xiàn)其結(jié)構(gòu)與本段也很相似。

        我們現(xiàn)在來總結(jié)一下。雅思作文標(biāo)準(zhǔn)段落一般由5句構(gòu)成,其句子長短的分布如下:短句—較長句—長句—較長句—短句。當(dāng)然,在實(shí)際寫作中,我們應(yīng)該根據(jù)具體情況,大致遵從這個結(jié)構(gòu)就可以了,不必完全拘泥。下面我們先來看一篇學(xué)生習(xí)作的段落:

        (1) The situation would be better if people really tried their best to save the creature. (2) Panda is a good example. (3) Panda is a typical endangered animal which only lives in China. (4) The number of panda used to be less than 200. (5) Nevertheless, the lovely appearance of panda attract the worlds attention. (6) It is favoured by people all over the world. (7) Finally, though it is still endangered, the number of panda grows to 1000. (8) According to these, it is obvious that the situation can be changed.

        這里的論點(diǎn)是:如果我們盡力挽救動物,動物滅絕的情形就會改變。怎么論證?該同學(xué)舉了熊貓的例子。她的思路是這樣的:熊貓是一種瀕危動物,只有中國才有。熊貓以前的數(shù)量不足200。然而,熊貓的可愛模樣吸引了世界的注意力。全世界的人都喜歡熊貓。最后,雖然還是瀕危動物,但其數(shù)量增長到了1000。這就說明,情形顯然是可以改變的。這個舉例內(nèi)容很合適,完全說明了觀點(diǎn),舉例的語言大體也清楚,這樣的作文可得6分,若要更上一層樓,則必須改進(jìn)。該段共包含8個句子,但幾乎所有句子都是短句,沒有營造出合理安排長短句產(chǎn)生的節(jié)奏感。老雅這樣改寫:

        (1) The situation would be better if people really tried their best to save the creature. (2) Panda is a good example. (3) As an endangered species found only in China, pandas have grown in number from 200 a decade ago to 1000 today, thanks to the protection from people all over the world attracted by their lovely appearance. (4) This example shows obviously that the situation can be changed.

        改寫的版本中:句1是短句,表達(dá)段落主題;句2是短句,引出后面的長句;句3是長句,具體舉例論證;句4是短句,重申段落觀點(diǎn)。這樣改寫后,句子長度的安排就基本符合標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的雅思段落了。

        大家可以自己分析以下幾個段落中的句子長度安排,以鞏固本期學(xué)習(xí)的內(nèi)容。所有段落均來自老雅原創(chuàng)的雅思真題高分范文。

        1. (1) However, the increased use of cars has caused serious consequences for our environment. (2) Many experts, for instance, attribute the worsening air quality in big cities to the cars exhaust gas emission and the dust that rises after them. (3) This accusation is perhaps well-grounded if you make a little comparison between the air quality 50 years ago and that now. (4) In addition to the waste gas and dust, cars also make unbearable noises, which are a headache to all city dwellers. (5) Just imagine a time you are shocked awake from your cozy dream by the sharp braking screech of a car passing by your house! (2016/9/15,私家車的好處和壞處)

        提示:本段共5個句子。句1短句,表達(dá)段落主題,即私家車增加對環(huán)境造成嚴(yán)重后果;句2和句3較長句,論證第一個后果,即私家車污染空氣;句4和句5較長句,論證第二個后果,即私家車制造噪音。本段沒有總結(jié)句,因此沒有呼應(yīng)的短句。

        2. (1) Online shopping has many advantages, especially when it is compared with in-store shopping. (2) Sitting comfortably at home, no matter how terrible the weather outside might be, and with a few simple clicks on our computer or smart phone screen, we can order almost everything we need from clothes to books and from electric appliances to air tickets. (3) Then what we have to do is wait one or two days for the delivery of our order. (4) The whole process is really easy and simple and thus can save us a lot of time, not to mention the reduced prices we often enjoy when we shop online. (2018/11/11, 網(wǎng)上購物能否取代商店購物)

        提示:本段共4個句子。句1短句,表達(dá)段落主題,即網(wǎng)上購物有優(yōu)勢;句2長句,具體描寫網(wǎng)絡(luò)購物的優(yōu)勢;句3短句,繼續(xù)描寫網(wǎng)絡(luò)購物的優(yōu)勢;句4較短句,總結(jié)網(wǎng)絡(luò)購物的優(yōu)勢,呼應(yīng)第一句。

        3. (1) Another important factor that affects the students attitude towards learning is that a good education seems not as important as before. (2) For quite a long time, receiving a good education was the only way for young people to get a decent job and earn a high salary. (3) But now, this is apparently not the case anymore. (4) Influenced by business stars like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, many young people now begin to believe that ones success is not in proportion to the education s/he receives. (5) The students, therefore, are not motivated enough to focus on their learning. (2017/3/4, 現(xiàn)在學(xué)生不愛上學(xué)的原因及解決辦法)

        提示:本段共5個句子。句1短句,表達(dá)段落主題,即影響學(xué)生學(xué)習(xí)態(tài)度的是教育似乎不再重要;句2較短句,提出以前的情形;句3短句,否定以前的情形;句4長句,具體論證為什么學(xué)生們認(rèn)為教育與成功不再有聯(lián)系;句5短句,重申段落觀點(diǎn)。這是一個標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的雅思作文段落。

        [與老雅繼續(xù)交流,請加微信公眾號ieltswriting4u(唐老雅英語寫作工作室)]

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