韓四化

讀后續(xù)寫對師生來說，都是一種新題型，也是一種新的挑戰(zhàn)，如何寫好這類作文，筆者認為，對初學者來說，按四個步驟來寫，容易掌握。請看下面的例題：

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。續(xù)寫的詞數(shù)應為150左右。

Jenny was the only child in her home. She had a quarrel with her mother that afternoon and she ran out of the house angrily. She couldnt help weeping when she thought of the scolding from her mother. Having wandered in the street for hours， she felt a little hungry and wished for something to eat. She stood beside a stand for a while， watching the middle-aged seller busy doing his business. However， with no money in hand， she sighed and had to leave.

The seller behind the stand noticed the young girl and asked， “Hey， girl， you want to have the noodles？”

“Oh， yes ... but I dont have money on me，”she replied.

“Thats nothing. Ill treat you today，”said the man.“Come in.”

The seller brought her a bowl of noodles， whose smell was so attractive. As she was eating， Jenny cried silently.

“What is it？”asked the man kindly.

“Nothing， actually I was just touched by your kindness！”said Jenny.“Even a stranger on the street will give me a bowl of noodles， while my mother drove me out of the house. She showed no care for me. She is so merciless compared to a stranger！”

Hearing the words， the seller smiled，“Girl， do you really think so？ I only gave you a bowl of noodles and you thanked me a lot. But it is your mother who has raised you since you were a baby. Can you number the times she cooked for you？ Have you expressed your gratitude to her？”

Jenny sat there， speechless and numb with shock; she remembered Mothers familiar face and weathered hands.“Why did I not think of that？ A bowl of noodles from a stranger made me feel grateful， but I have never thanked my mum for what she has done for me.”

On the way home， Jenny made up her mind to make an apology to her mother for her rudeness as soon as she arrived home.

Paragraph 1：

Nearing the doorway， Jenny took a deep breath.

Paragraph 2：

A gentle touch on her hair called her mind back.

第一步，讀懂大意， 理清脈絡

根據(jù)記敘文的六要素弄清文章大意，特別要弄清故事的人物及人物之間的關系、時態(tài)（通常是一般過去時）、事件（故事的起因和經(jīng)過），以及語言特色（以便在續(xù)寫時語言特色前后一致，保持不變），等等。 本文的人物和事件如下：

據(jù)此可知，所給材料主要情節(jié)或故事發(fā)展的脈絡如下：

●珍妮跟母親吵架，離家出走，街上游蕩幾個鐘后，感覺饑餓。

●好心人給她一碗面吃，她感動流淚。

●這位陌生人告訴她，母親將她養(yǎng)大，給她做了無數(shù)次飯菜，應當感謝她的母親。

●珍妮意識到自己錯了，決定回家向媽媽道歉。

●珍妮跟母親吵架，離家出走，街上游蕩幾個鐘后，感覺饑餓。

●好心人給她一碗面吃，她感動流淚;這位陌生人告訴她，母親將她養(yǎng)大，給她做了無數(shù)次飯菜，應當感謝她的母親。

●珍妮意識到自己錯了，決定回家向媽媽道歉。

另外，本文的語言特色：

（1）有較多的人物對話。

（2）用了較為高級的語法結構。如：

形容詞作補語：

Jenny sat there， speechless and numb with shock.

分詞短語作狀語：

She stood beside a stand for a while， watching ...

Hearing the words， the seller smiled ...

第二步，細讀首句，構思框架

仔細閱讀所給兩段的首句，結合正能量結尾，思考大致框架。本題所給兩段首句為：

Nearing the doorway， Jenny took a deep breath.（走到門口，珍妮深吸了一口氣）

A gentle touch on her hair called her mind back.（輕輕一碰她的頭發(fā)，她的思緒又回來了）

由續(xù)寫的第一段首句與第二段首句確定第一段的框架。

由第一段首句可知，珍妮應是鼓起勇氣敲門回家，但從第二段首句來看，“輕輕碰她的頭發(fā)”的應是母親，因為人物就三個，續(xù)寫中一般不要隨意冒出一個新的人物，除非情節(jié)發(fā)展的需要;“思維回來”說明第一段中，珍妮回家沒見到母親，在回憶跟母親吵架的事，或在回憶母親多年的關愛。第二段才出現(xiàn)母親，第一段應是母親不在家，那么母親去哪里了呢？根據(jù)常識，女兒出走，應是找她女兒去了。

第二段的框架，由第二段首句與正能量結尾來確定。

故事內(nèi)容一定要正能量，弘揚社會主義核心價值觀。如迷路了但最終一定回到了家;失敗了或遇到困難了，但最終一定成功了;吵架了但最后一定是言歸于好，和睦相處;犯錯了，最后一定會改過自新，重新做人;賊逃了，最后一定是繩之以法，等等。

因此，根據(jù)正能量原則，本文的結尾，應是母女和好。

第二段的框架是，母親回來，女兒道歉，母親原諒，母女和好。

第三步，增加細節(jié)，開始寫作

在已定框架范圍內(nèi)，依據(jù)情節(jié)發(fā)展和生活常識，推斷故事中人物所見、所聞、所思、所說、所做等給每段增加5至8個具體細節(jié)。如本題的第一段可以構思以下細節(jié)：

第一段

鼓足勇氣，推門進屋

母親外出，不知何處

累而難過，沙發(fā)上坐

爭吵場面，浮現(xiàn)腦海

自己粗魯，愧對其母

母親責罵，皆因關愛

自感羞愧，淚流臉頰

第二段

抬頭一望，看見母親

到處找你，你在這里

母親雖累，松了口氣

撲入懷里，道歉致謝

母親聽后，喜在心頭

根據(jù)一致性原則，除內(nèi)容上要語義銜接，上下連貫外，語言風格也要一致，應使用分詞語短和形容詞作狀語等。

在確定框架、增加細節(jié)之后，就可以開始寫作了。

第四步，修改潤色，整潔謄寫

初稿完成后要認真檢查，注意語義是否銜接，前后是否連貫，事件是否符合邏輯，語言特色是否與前文一致。在修改潤色之后，整齊工整地謄寫在答卷上。

參考范文

Paragraph 1：

Nearing the doorway， Jenny took a deep breath. When she pushed the door open and entered the house， she found her mother was not in. Tired and sad， she sank down onto the sofa.“Where could my mother be？”she wondered.“Was she still angry with me？”Again， the scene of the quarrel appeared in her mind. She remembered her rudeness to her mother. Realizing that all the scolding from her mother was due to the fact that her mother really cared a lot about her， she felt rather ashamed， and tears began to roll down her cheeks.

Paragraph 2：

A gentle touch on her hair called her mind back. She raised her head and saw the familiar face of her mother.“Here you come！Ive been looking for you，”she said， tired and relieved. Jenny couldnt help throwing herself into her mothers arms. “Mum， Im so sorry and thank you for all you have done for me.”She expressed her sincere apology and great gratitude. Hearing this， her mother smiled， patting her back gently.

責任編輯 蔣小青