By Yujing Wang

W ith numerous anti-bullying campaigns， social movements and media productions across the world， the title “bully” has become something most teenagers try to avoid as much as possible.2 None of us like to be compared to Regina George or Blair Waldorf， even if they do want to be on the top of the social hierarchy.3

Just a few days ago， in a philosophy class， we were asked to separate ourselves into different groups of two or three. There is this one girl who is always left out in everything， so its not surprising that she still did not get into any group this time. Without acknowledging this situation， the teacher told us to go to our instructed areas and start working. As people began to pick up their bags and leave， carefree laughter continued to drift past her， and I caught her looking scared and sad from the side of my eye. Multiple times she tried to raise her hand and smile， but our classmates were too engaged in their own conversations to even pretend to care. Her hand went down in slow motion， and as it moves， a déjà vu moment clicked in my brain.4

In my class back in middle school， there was another girl who had the same situation—someone who was considered the outcast5 of our class. No one actually knows how this exclusion originated， but we all followed it for no reason at all anyways. One day after lunch， some friends and I sat in a circle on the track field， talking about random little things that happen in our random little lives. Someone brought her up， and soon the topic transformed to mocking the funny texture of her hair， the awkward way she walked， and even how her mouth moved when she talked. I felt extremely uncomfortable and kept silent， because I didnt want to be the one “supporting” the common enemy. After all， its just a mild ranting session among a trusted group of friends， why should I bring unnecessary tension？6 Dont we all need to gossip sometimes to give our lives some sort of useless fun？

Suddenly， one of my friends gasped7 and pointed her finger towards somewhere behind me. All of us turned around and saw that exact girl everyone was talking about， hand still in the air， in the middle of a wave， with a twisted look on her face. She lowered her hand in slow motion， blinked really hard for a few seconds， then turned around and ran off into the distance. For a second I wanted to stand up and chase her down， tell her that no one meant what they said， and that she is an amazing person being who she is. But my legs felt so heavy： I didnt want to make a fool out of myself—why bother taking care of the class clown？ People will think that Im crazy as well！ Plus， what can I possibly say to her？ That I didnt mean what I said and that she is an amazing person？ It wouldnt sound very heartfelt at all.

Instead， no one spoke a word for a long time； we were all so caught up in our thoughts. I tried opening my mouth but couldnt—no words were coming out. Then one person started talking about the weather， and all of us were more than glad to follow this flow.

A few weeks later， the teacher told us that a classmate dropped out of school very abruptly8—it was that girl. Her parents told the school that she was crying after coming home every night， and apparently it was the peer pressure that made her want to leave. The teacher wanted to know who the bully was.

Again， no one spoke a word. Perhaps it is exactly this cold， hard silence that drove her away.9 I certainly did not raise my hand—I had never even said anything bad about her； it was my friends who loved to make fun of her awkwardness every day. I felt bad that she had to go， but as things always go， this incident died down as life became a routine10 again.

But as I watch the girls hand go down in philosophy class， I realize that maybe I was wrong about myself all along. Surely， I didnt bully her physically or with my language， but I kept silent when others did. By failing to stand up for her and offering her support， I was giving tacit consent11. This consent made others think that it is okay to mistreat her， because “no one cares anyways”. Perhaps I did realize I was bullying her—but by convincing myself that I had nothing to do with her leaving， I wouldnt have to bear the burden of heavy shame on my shoulders.

Real life is not like a Hollywood Movie， and the protagonists dont always have the courage to compensate for our mistakes.12 In that classroom， my feet were glued to the ground once again， thinking of all the possibilities that can humiliate me in front of the whole class. What if she doesnt appreciate my effort and just walk off？ What if she misunderstands my actions as sympathy and gets upset？ What if she will secretly mock me for going over the boundaries and caring too much about other peoples business？ Worst of all， what if my own group mate disapproves of my decision which affects everyones work？ Am I really willing to risk my friendship and school grades just to help out one girl that Ive barely spoken to， who might not even appreciate this effort？ Time doesnt wait， and while I was weighing the options， she already silently went up to the teacher and asked to be assigned to a group.

The line of bullying is ambiguous13： I dont know if I was to be responsible for the girl who left my old school—in fact， it may not even be due to what happened between us on that particular day. What I do know is that even if I wasnt to take the responsibility， there still was a chance for me to do something in attempt to make the whole situation better.

But then again， how much importance of a role does apology really play in the problem of bullying？ What will happen after the apology？ Can I always be there to help her out of situations like this when I also have my own group of friends and things to worry about？ And if tacit bullying is such a problem， how many peoples pain do I have to take responsibility for？

To be honest， I still dont have answers to these questions. I dont know if the answers to those questions even exist. However， what I do know is that nothing will change if I keep thinking and never take actions. Talking to someone in need of support and companion would mean the world to them， whereas it takes little to none effort for me.14 So what if those actions are under appreciated？ At least I will be satisfied knowing that I did the right thing.

I will not tolerate bullying again.

1. bully： 欺侮，欺凌。

2. 隨著全球許多反欺凌活動(dòng)、社會(huì)運(yùn)動(dòng)和媒體宣傳的涌現(xiàn)，“欺凌”這個(gè)稱(chēng)號(hào)已經(jīng)成為了大多數(shù)青少年盡可能避開(kāi)的東西。

3. Regina George： 美劇《賤女孩》中的女主角；Blair Waldorf： 美劇《緋聞女孩》中的女主角；hierarchy： 層級(jí)，等級(jí)制度。

4. 她的手慢慢放了下來(lái)，隨著它的移動(dòng)，一種似曾相識(shí)的感覺(jué)在我腦海中閃現(xiàn)。

5. outcast： 被拋棄者，被排斥者。

6. 畢竟，這只是一群互相信賴(lài)的朋友之間的一場(chǎng)隨意吐槽，我為什么要給大家?guī)?lái)不必要的緊張氣氛呢？ rant： 怒吼，大聲抱怨。

7. gasp： 大口喘氣。

8. abruptly： 突然地，唐突地。

9. 也許正是這種冰冷、無(wú)情的沉默致使她離開(kāi)了。

10. routine： 例行公事。

11. tacit consent： 默許。

12. 現(xiàn)實(shí)生活并不是一部好萊塢電影，作為主角的我們并不總有勇氣去彌補(bǔ)我們的錯(cuò)誤。

13. ambiguous： 模糊不清的，模棱兩可的。

14. 一次交談可能對(duì)于需要支持和陪伴的人來(lái)說(shuō)就意味著整個(gè)世界，而對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，這卻不用花什么精力。