馬皓

一、高考新題型對(duì)英語(yǔ)寫作能力提出新的要求

先讀后寫，在閱讀一段文字后再根據(jù)寫作要求開展寫作練習(xí)，這是自2016年浙江省高考英語(yǔ)采用新題型后寫作第二節(jié)的題型。在這一節(jié)中，要求考生在閱讀一篇短文后，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)續(xù)寫，使之與短文合成一個(gè)完整的故事；或是基于短文寫出一篇60詞左右的內(nèi)容概要。這種基于閱讀的寫作測(cè)試技能考查考生“全方位”的閱讀能力，考生不僅需要讀懂文本的“信息鏈”、文體與語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格、文本邏輯等，還要有寫作能力?？忌殗?yán)格根據(jù)所讀文本的語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格與文體特征，用不同的方式表達(dá)相似的含義，同時(shí)須考慮語(yǔ)言應(yīng)用的準(zhǔn)確性和得體性、銜接自然以及連續(xù)地表達(dá)內(nèi)容等。

在這種高考要求的反撥作用下，以前英語(yǔ)書面表達(dá)只要背好相關(guān)應(yīng)用文格式，會(huì)寫長(zhǎng)難句、復(fù)雜詞就可以拿高分的局面不復(fù)存在。學(xué)生需要新的技能點(diǎn)，才能應(yīng)對(duì)這類寫作。

二、在常態(tài)課的教學(xué)中滲透讀后續(xù)寫能力的培養(yǎng)

鑒于語(yǔ)言能力的培養(yǎng)是與教材內(nèi)容及其他日常接觸的語(yǔ)料密不可分的漸進(jìn)式養(yǎng)成過(guò)程，在平時(shí)的常態(tài)課學(xué)習(xí)中，學(xué)生們可以積累更多的寫作詞匯和語(yǔ)法知識(shí)，為提高表達(dá)質(zhì)量提供物質(zhì)保障。因此，結(jié)合課文的學(xué)習(xí)經(jīng)常性有規(guī)律地滲透寫作活動(dòng)，不失為提高讀后寫作能力的一種可行辦法。

在英語(yǔ)常態(tài)課中，原本需要完成的教學(xué)任務(wù)有：

1.閱讀（Reading），以精讀一篇300—400詞（到模塊五逐漸增至500—600詞）的課文，熟悉它的組織結(jié)構(gòu)、寫作意圖和詞匯運(yùn)用為目的。

2.語(yǔ)言知識(shí)（Learning about language），以進(jìn)一步熟悉運(yùn)用本單元中的詞匯知識(shí)和學(xué)習(xí)一項(xiàng)語(yǔ)法知識(shí)為目的。

3.語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用（Using language），以本單元中所學(xué)語(yǔ)言知識(shí)在聽、說(shuō)、寫中的運(yùn)用為目的，有時(shí)還會(huì)在這一部分介紹一些說(shuō)或?qū)懙墓δ苄哉Z(yǔ)句和應(yīng)用文體。

4.與本單元語(yǔ)言知識(shí)相關(guān)的練習(xí)冊(cè)練習(xí)，進(jìn)一步鞏固本單元所學(xué)各個(gè)語(yǔ)言知識(shí)以及提供一些拓展閱讀和應(yīng)試題型練習(xí)。

在這樣的教學(xué)流程中，結(jié)合教學(xué)內(nèi)容開展的讀后續(xù)寫活動(dòng)，特別適合以周末作業(yè)的形式開展。具體操作如下：

1.結(jié)合閱讀，開展概括或續(xù)寫或改寫練習(xí)。

2.結(jié)合語(yǔ)言知識(shí)，開展仿寫、造句練習(xí)。

3.結(jié)合教科書的語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用所學(xué)習(xí)的文體，在練習(xí)冊(cè)中選取適當(dāng)?shù)钠?，并在閱讀之后進(jìn)行相應(yīng)文體的寫作。

三、基于課文內(nèi)容的讀后續(xù)寫案例

人教版普通高中課程標(biāo)準(zhǔn)實(shí)驗(yàn)教科書《英語(yǔ)（必修二）》第四單元的主題是關(guān)于野生動(dòng)植物保護(hù)，其中reading部分為短文“How Daisy Learned to Help Wildlife”。這篇課文的主題是野生動(dòng)植物保護(hù)，共有四段分三個(gè)部分，分別為：

Part 1（para 1）：the story of Tibetan antelopes in Tibet： Why we need wildlife protection

Part 2（para 2）：the story of African elephants in Zimbabwe： A good example of wildlife protection

Part 3（para 3-4）：the story of a monkey rubbing a millipede insect over itself in a rainforest： What we can get from wildlife protection

文章以Daisy乘坐魔毯來(lái)到這三個(gè)地方的故事講述了她對(duì)于“為什么要進(jìn)行野生動(dòng)植物保護(hù)”“野生動(dòng)植物保護(hù)的成功案例”以及“人類從野生動(dòng)植物保護(hù)中可以得到什么好處”這三個(gè)層層遞進(jìn)的主題的體驗(yàn)和感想。因此，進(jìn)一步拓展這些主題，讀后續(xù)寫可設(shè)置這樣的寫作任務(wù)：

如果Daisy去到第四個(gè)地方，會(huì)是哪里？她在那里遇到什么動(dòng)物，那個(gè)動(dòng)物的故事是什么？給Daisy什么啟發(fā)了嗎？

詞數(shù)100左右，越多越好。

這一任務(wù)寫作的重點(diǎn)是：

1.前三個(gè)故事都分別從Daisy的視角，以第三人稱描述了所見(jiàn)所聞。

2.每個(gè)故事都包括如下要素：

3.有對(duì)話描寫。

4.場(chǎng)景轉(zhuǎn)換處可有魔毯出現(xiàn)。

5.注意時(shí)態(tài)的選擇和動(dòng)詞的運(yùn)用。

【學(xué)生習(xí)作及點(diǎn)評(píng)】

[習(xí)作1]

Daisy was on her way to WWF when she met the cute panda. This black-and-white species was once in danger because of the lack of bamboo and habitat. “Why are you looking so excited？” asked Daisy. “I am going to the WWF in order to express my sincere thanks.” responded the panda， “I am being helped by it so that I can live in such a secure environment.” then Daisy smiled and offered， “ Lets go there together. Id like to introduce a new and effective drug to WWF.”

Eventually they headed for WWF together. （CJY， 95 words）

點(diǎn)評(píng)

與上文銜接自然，除了最后部分唐突出現(xiàn)的eventually，對(duì)話的比例也和課文非常接近，并且較好地應(yīng)用了剛剛學(xué)過(guò)的一些語(yǔ)匯，比如“was once in danger because of the lack of bamboo and habitat”一句中的“in danger”和“habitat”，以及下文中的“respond”“secure”“am being helped （be being done）”都是本單元?jiǎng)倓倢W(xué)的詞匯或語(yǔ)法項(xiàng)目，這個(gè)學(xué)生嘗試在自己的續(xù)寫中將這些語(yǔ)匯知識(shí)轉(zhuǎn)換成自己的寫作詞匯，雖然不是最恰當(dāng)，但也值得鼓勵(lì)。另外，以前背過(guò)的感謝信相關(guān)表達(dá)方式“in order to express my sincere thanks”也被他借用到這篇習(xí)作中。美中不足的是，第二段看起來(lái)比較草率?？傊?，這個(gè)學(xué)生的語(yǔ)感相當(dāng)不錯(cuò)，也有一定的詞匯句法積累，如果能注意結(jié)構(gòu)的平衡就更好了。

[習(xí)作2]

Daisy decided to do something to protect the animals. She made up her mind and went downstairs. She opened the door and saw a dirty little dog shaking and lying on the ground. “Jesus， what happened to you？ Why are you lying on ground instead of in your home with your master？”“I dont have master and my parents are missing. I beg for food but I only get a little.” The little dog answered. “I want to be your master until you find your parents. Ill take care of you.” Daisy said without a second thought. The little dog agreed thankfully.

Daisy took the dog to her home and took care of it as she can. She treated it so well that it felt only happiness and of course， no more sadness and pain. Daisy never forgot the promise she made to help the animals in need and protect them well as she can. She realized that not only the animals in danger need help but also the pets， such as cats， dogs and rabbits. Sometimes people cant give help to the animal which is in the worst situation immediately， but everyone can help the animals in need nearby. Daisy understood that what she had done is just a small thing， but if everyone can do their best to protect the animals and show their respect to the environment. The relationship between humans and the environment will be better. （SJH， 239 words）

點(diǎn)評(píng)

詞匯是否地道，所描述內(nèi)容是否有價(jià)值，都能影響表達(dá)質(zhì)量。這個(gè)學(xué)生的語(yǔ)言駕馭能力應(yīng)該沒(méi)有上一個(gè)強(qiáng)，但勝在態(tài)度認(rèn)真并且愿意去進(jìn)行細(xì)節(jié)描寫。比如“She made up her mind and went downstairs. She opened the door and saw a dirty little dog shaking and lying on the ground.”這兩句話中出現(xiàn)了6個(gè)動(dòng)詞，雖然只是以簡(jiǎn)單句或并列句的形式出現(xiàn)，但是由于對(duì)細(xì)節(jié)的把控和良好的思維習(xí)慣，上下文層層遞進(jìn)，一幅動(dòng)態(tài)的畫卷就在讀者面前徐徐打開。在以后學(xué)了非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞的使用之后，對(duì)這個(gè)場(chǎng)景稍加修飾，比如，把這兩個(gè)句子合并成“Having made up her mind， she went downstairs and opened the door. There on the ground lied a dirty little dog， shaking but wagging its tail to her...”那么其習(xí)作就不但有內(nèi)容，也有了更好的語(yǔ)言包裝。目前這篇習(xí)作的不足之處在于句式單調(diào)，類似“she... she... I... I”這樣開頭的句子不斷出現(xiàn)，有一點(diǎn)單調(diào)重復(fù)，這也是在接下來(lái)的兩年高中英語(yǔ)學(xué)習(xí)中應(yīng)予以注意改善的地方。

[習(xí)作3]

Daisy looked at the clock and found it was only five oclock in the morning so she made a decision to have some more sleep without interruption. She fell asleep soon. She was still thinking about wildlife protection. Whats more， she was wondering whether there were other examples of animals living in harmony. The flying carpet suddenly appeared by her bed. “I know what you want to see. Come with me.” All of a sudden， they got to a wet land. Daisy saw a rhino bathing itself in a pool with a special bird on it. What a harmonious sight！ Daisys curiosity was inspired. She asked， “what does this mean？” the rhino replied， “oh， my bird catch the bugs on my body to protect me from skin diseases. In return， my duty is to provide shelter for it. We are really good friends.” Daisy smiled， “I see. Please enjoy your time.” The flying carpet said， “as you see， in reality there are many examples which prove that animals have a bond with each other. They help each other. While some species are dying， others will surely be affected.” “You are so clever. I learned a lot. Please take me home so I can write it down.” The flying carpet rose again. In a blink of the eyes， they returned to her home. Upon their arrival， everything began to get vague， Daisy tried to open her eyes. She woke up. It was seven oclock. （CYX， 243 words ）

點(diǎn)評(píng)

這個(gè)學(xué)生對(duì)原文讀得很仔細(xì)，并且體現(xiàn)在了自己的習(xí)作中。比如“The flying carpet suddenly appeared by her bed.”“All of a sudden， they got to a wet land. ”這兩種場(chǎng)景切換在原文中都有出現(xiàn)并用不同的表達(dá)方式講述，原文第一個(gè)故事是“One day when she woke up and found a flying carpet by her bed.”；第二個(gè)故事是 “The flying carpet travelled so fast that next minute they were in ...”；第三個(gè)故事是“The carpet rose again and almost at once they were in ...”，這個(gè)學(xué)生在閱讀的過(guò)程中把握了文章的這個(gè)特征。另外，他也能夠自覺(jué)使用高級(jí)詞匯。比如“provide shelter for”，“in a blink of the eyes”等。但是他在寫作中確實(shí)還有很多需要改進(jìn)的地方，比如，與上一個(gè)學(xué)生一樣，句式單調(diào)重復(fù)，多樣性不夠，總是用 she開頭；又比如，在閱讀和寫作中，有“見(jiàn)木不見(jiàn)林”的傾向，以為堆砌幾個(gè)高級(jí)詞匯就能寫好文章了。寫作不僅需要養(yǎng)成良好的習(xí)慣，更要關(guān)注篇章的整體性，使整篇習(xí)作的整體語(yǔ)言面貌及內(nèi)容設(shè)計(jì)與所讀短文更契合。

以上習(xí)作是在兩個(gè)班級(jí)78篇上交習(xí)作中整體寫得比較好，老師略加修改后在課堂上與學(xué)生分享的3篇。除此之外，在整個(gè)寫作過(guò)程中，特別是切入到“第四個(gè)地方”的過(guò)渡段中，其他學(xué)生也體現(xiàn)出很多閃光點(diǎn)。在課堂分享中，給大家?guī)?lái)不少啟迪和樂(lè)趣：

XYY： Daisy was amazed， “Flying carpet， please take me to the places where I can see some wildlife protection with the help of WWF”，“The carpet landed...”等表述中，“flying carpet”和“wildlife protection”這兩個(gè)關(guān)鍵元素直接、自然地出現(xiàn)在過(guò)渡句中。

NY：So Daisy made up her mind to work with the WWF to help wildlife at once... “WWF”和“at once”都是上文第三個(gè)故事中過(guò)渡時(shí)曾出現(xiàn)的，在這里又有復(fù)現(xiàn)，很好地起到了銜接作用。

ZYC： Without the help of the flying carpet， Daisy had to...尚記得第四段中說(shuō)過(guò)flying carpet消失了。

ZH： So Daisy was more determined to work in WWF when she grew up. She achieved her dream after graduation. “WWF”的復(fù)現(xiàn)是對(duì)上文的小結(jié)，然后以“achieved her dream”引起下文。

GYY： So here Daisy was， right in WWF...“so”“right”這些詞的使用比較恰當(dāng)。

SJ： “Hello， this is WWF.” a voice came into her ears， “Hello， this is Daisy .” Daisy began to tell WWF here experience with the animals she met...因?yàn)椤癴lying carpet”消失了，所以打電話……

TSJ： Years later， Daisy woke up as usual in the morning. Surprisingly， she found the flying carpet by the bed again. “as usual”“Surprisingly”表達(dá)了情節(jié)變化；“Years later”“again”體現(xiàn)對(duì)上文的延續(xù)；然后還有“the flying carpet by the bed”雖然照抄了第一段的語(yǔ)句，但是卻體現(xiàn)出不一樣的意味。

ZYX： That night Daisys mother cooked... for dinner. Daisy was walking in the garden when she thought that this plant was an endangered species. All of a sudden， the flying carpet came down from the sky. Seeing this... 不但語(yǔ)言高級(jí)，而且注意到前三段是有關(guān)動(dòng)物的故事，而主題是保護(hù)“野生動(dòng)植物”，因此補(bǔ)充了一個(gè)關(guān)于植物的故事。

這其中所表現(xiàn)出來(lái)的各種設(shè)計(jì)不但體現(xiàn)著學(xué)生們思維的活力，也讓人贊嘆他們對(duì)語(yǔ)言現(xiàn)象的敏感程度。當(dāng)然在應(yīng)用語(yǔ)言知識(shí)時(shí)也并非都是成功案例，也有一些學(xué)生在使用較高級(jí)表達(dá)方式時(shí)出現(xiàn)了種種狀況。比如：

（1）As a matter of fact， she had live in the rainforest since 5 years ago， alone， for saving these endangered species from extinction.

“，alone，”作為若干個(gè)狀語(yǔ)之一出現(xiàn)在這里顯得突兀，同時(shí)這個(gè)句子的時(shí)態(tài)也和時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)不搭，如果是“she has lived in the rainforest alone since...”就會(huì)順暢很多。另外“for”在這里所表示的邏輯關(guān)系也有問(wèn)題，如果改成“in order to save...”更加符合上下文的語(yǔ)境預(yù)設(shè)。

（2）Daisy had seen the pandas leave in peace together and gave a smile of relief.

這句話之前就出現(xiàn)過(guò)很多次“the pandas”，因此這里如果改成“... seen all this and...”就可以了。

（3）They arrived at the Yangze River， which is the biggest river in China.

可以改成 “River， the biggest river in China”這樣的同位語(yǔ)就可以了，用從句并不一定是最簡(jiǎn)潔的表述方式。

（4）But now I am grateful of you. WWF gave us a home and protected us from hunting so we can be left in peace.

這句雖然有用更高級(jí)詞匯、語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)的意愿，但是因?yàn)閷?duì)它們的了解不夠，類似的錯(cuò)誤或誤用并不僅出現(xiàn)在這一個(gè)學(xué)生的習(xí)作中。可以改成“But now I am grateful to you. WWF gave us a home and protected us from being hunting so we can lead a peaceful life here now. ”

（5）I think the future of wildlife will be better and better. She smiled happily.

這句話本身可以接受，但是太“低幼”了些，完全可以用更高級(jí)凝練的語(yǔ)匯。改成“Hopefully， the future of wildlife would be bright， so she thought to herself.”是否能給讀者帶來(lái)更好的閱讀體驗(yàn)？