By+Sarah+Howe
Over the years they had had many similar meals. The starter1 was a chilled pea soup, its oddity just enough to hold the attention; that unexpected cold, spreading in waves over teeth and tongue. At that moment, the blunt2 end of his spoon connected softly with the table. The evening light skewed down from the high-up windows and glittered off a hundred knives poised to cut.3 Maybe she was thinking how quickly the summer would go from now on. He feared that she would leave him and said so too often when they were alone. She looked down at her napkin, then up; in that second, when no eyes met, it seemed perfectly right that words should be things you have to digest. Why had she had to say it? He imagined all the conversations in the room pouring from their unknown protagonists as though from the excised stomach of a hulking and battlescarred crocodile, an eighteen-footer dragged straight from the Cretaceous.4 When the triumphant fisherman tipped up that membranous sac, out would gush an uncontrollable bilge of fluorescent green goo:5 he watched it swilling across the restaurants parquet, chuckled as the tray-poised waiters skidded on their windmilling hams, so many Michael Flatleys.6 As the reeking ooze receded, the diners became aware of diverse objects beached between their corroded chair legs:7 asymmetrically polished stones, the barbstripped calami of ibis or other broad-quilled waders, one rifled muskets intact silver flintlock, a small girls hand, an acid-dinted comb.8
多年來(lái)他們吃過(guò)不少頓類(lèi)似的飯。開(kāi)胃菜是一碗冷豌豆湯,奇怪得足以引人注意;那突如其來(lái)的寒意,一陣一陣地襲過(guò)唇齒。那一刻,他手中勺子把手的鈍端輕輕地搭在桌上。透過(guò)高高的窗戶,傍晚的霞光歪斜著灑落下來(lái),一百來(lái)把作勢(shì)待切的刀具閃爍發(fā)亮。也許她正在想,從現(xiàn)在起,夏天很快就要結(jié)束了。他擔(dān)心她會(huì)離開(kāi)自己,在倆人獨(dú)處時(shí),也常這么說(shuō)過(guò)。她低頭看著餐巾,然后又抬起頭來(lái);在雙方尚未對(duì)視的那一秒,你就必須把所有話都咽下去,似乎這才是最正確的做法。為什么她非得說(shuō)出來(lái)呢?他想象著房間里陌生男女在激烈爭(zhēng)執(zhí),像一條帶著惡戰(zhàn)傷痕的大鱷魚(yú)——從白堊紀(jì)穿越來(lái)的巨型怪獸——被剖開(kāi)肚子,涌出了種種對(duì)白。得勝的漁人把胃囊翻了個(gè)面,從膜里迸射出一股不可遏制的綠色黏液,如艙底積水般泛著熒光,沖刷著飯店的拼花地板,他看著端盤(pán)子的服務(wù)生們腳底打滑,踏著蹩腳的舞步打著旋兒,活像一群翻版的邁克爾·弗萊利,不禁暗自發(fā)笑。腐臭的爛泥逐漸退去,留下一地雜物,用餐的二人方才注意到,在滿是污垢的椅腿間,有打磨得不均勻的寶石,或其他涉禽的大禿羽桿子,來(lái)復(fù)槍上完好無(wú)損的銀色燧發(fā)機(jī),小女孩的一只手,還有一把被酸液腐蝕得坑坑洼洼的梳子。
1. starter: (一餐的)第一道菜,(主菜之前的)開(kāi)胃小吃。
2. blunt: 鈍的,鈍圓末端。
3. evening light: 即evening twilight,日落、黃昏時(shí)分的霞光;skew: 使偏斜,使歪斜;high-up: 在高處(的),離地面高(的);glitter: 使……閃光;poised:做好準(zhǔn)備的,準(zhǔn)備就緒的。
4. protagonist: 主角;excised:(尤指體內(nèi)長(zhǎng)出的有害部分)被切除的;hulking:龐大笨重的,笨拙的;eig hte e n -footer: 指有18英尺(約5.4米)高的人或物;the Cretaceous: 白堊紀(jì)。
5. tip up: 將(容器)顛倒過(guò)來(lái),使(容器)底朝天;membranous: 膜狀的;sac:(動(dòng)物或植物的)囊(狀似小袋,通常充滿液體或氣體);gush:(液體)涌,噴;bilge:船只艙底的污水;fluorescent: 熒光的;goo: 黏性物質(zhì)。
6. swill: 沖洗,灌洗;parquet: 鑲木地板,拼花地板;chuckle: 輕聲笑,暗笑;skid: 打滑,滑行;windmilling:(似風(fēng)車(chē)般)轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)的,旋轉(zhuǎn)的;ham: 蹩腳演員,表演過(guò)火的演員;Michael Flatley: 邁克爾·弗萊利(1958— ),美國(guó)著名踢踏舞者及編舞家,代表作有《大河之舞》、《王者之舞》和《火焰之舞》等。
7. reeking: 發(fā)出臭味的;ooze: 泥漿,軟泥;beach: [通常用被動(dòng)態(tài)]使(鯨)擱淺; corroded: 被腐蝕的,被侵蝕的。
8. asymmetrically: 不對(duì)稱地;barb: 又稱ramus,羽軸兩側(cè)的羽枝,可形成羽片;strip: 剝?nèi)ィ瑒兊簦澄锏母采w物);calami: 羽根(calamus的復(fù)數(shù)形式),又稱quill,羽軸末端無(wú)羽枝覆蓋的中空部分,此處被誤用,指代羽軸(shaft);ibis:鹮;quill: 翎(鳥(niǎo)的翅膀或尾部的大羽毛);wader: 即wading bird,(長(zhǎng)腿的)涉水鳥(niǎo),涉禽;rifle: 在槍膛內(nèi)制造螺旋形膛線。用做名詞時(shí)指膛線,以及帶膛線的火槍(即線膛槍,又譯來(lái)復(fù)槍);musket:火槍,滑膛槍;flintlock:(舊時(shí)的)燧發(fā)機(jī);dint: 使形成凹痕。
1983年出生于香港的薩拉·豪(Sarah Howe)是近年來(lái)聲名鵲起的英國(guó)詩(shī)壇新秀,繼出道的小冊(cè)子《某本中國(guó)百科全書(shū)》(A Certain Chinese Encyclopedia, 2007)榮獲埃里克·格雷戈里獎(jiǎng)(Eric Gregory Award)后,又憑處女詩(shī)集《玉環(huán)》(Loop of Jade)奪得2015年度的艾略特詩(shī)歌獎(jiǎng)(T.S. Eliot Prize for Poetry),并被該獎(jiǎng)評(píng)委會(huì)主席帕斯卡爾·帕蒂(Pascale Petit)稱贊“為英國(guó)詩(shī)歌帶來(lái)了新的可能”。豪現(xiàn)就職于哈佛大學(xué)拉德克里夫高等研究院(Radcliffe Institute for Advanced Study, Harvard University),主要研究 16—17世紀(jì)英國(guó)文學(xué)。此外,豪還是網(wǎng)絡(luò)詩(shī)歌批評(píng)雜志《實(shí)·評(píng)》(Prac Crit)的發(fā)起者及編輯之一,并擔(dān)任 2015 年全英詩(shī)歌大賽(National Poetry Competition)的評(píng)委。
《鱷魚(yú)》這首散文詩(shī)描述了一對(duì)感情不和的夫婦在外用餐時(shí),丈夫就二人婚姻狀況展開(kāi)的想象。餐廳里晃眼的刀具襯托出緊張的對(duì)峙氣氛,夏末時(shí)節(jié)則暗示妻子提議終結(jié)關(guān)系。沉湎于幻想、回避現(xiàn)實(shí)的丈夫,顯然無(wú)意訴諸言語(yǔ)反擊,記憶中“激烈爭(zhēng)執(zhí)”的“男女”已然“陌生”,充斥著這般“對(duì)白”的婚姻生活被比作一條傷痕累累的鱷魚(yú),腹中滿是令人作嘔的“綠色黏液”。或許正是因?yàn)橛薪?jīng)驗(yàn)可循,他甚至可以預(yù)見(jiàn),餐廳侍者面對(duì)如此“對(duì)白”/“黏液”的侵襲,會(huì)有著怎樣滑稽可笑的表現(xiàn)。試圖置身事外的丈夫,縱然能借這出幻想喜劇短暫地自?shī)首詷?lè),卻依舊無(wú)法回避滿目瘡痍的婚姻慘狀:不論是象征財(cái)富的寶石和珍禽的羽翼,還是寓意幸福生活的孩童和梳子,都已被口角糾紛侵蝕殆盡,唯有槍支部件在這頭“巨型怪獸”的胃中 “完好無(wú)損”,印證著夫妻間已了無(wú)溫情,只余敵意。
在堅(jiān)持維系婚姻關(guān)系的丈夫看來(lái),試圖“離開(kāi)自己”的妻子,是造成這一狼狽局面的罪魁禍?zhǔn)?。他的?dān)心由來(lái)已久,“也?!彼较峦炝魧?duì)方,但篇首有關(guān)“類(lèi)似的飯”的描述,說(shuō)明妻子心意已決,多次提議離婚,繼而引發(fā)口角糾紛。更令他不滿的是,她居然在公開(kāi)場(chǎng)合提及本該被“咽下去”的家丑,逼得自己只能充耳不聞、遁入空想。即便如此,端坐于“一百來(lái)把作勢(shì)待切的刀具”中的丈夫,仍躲不過(guò)直面“一地雜物”、“污垢”殘跡的窘境。
但丈夫這番“她為刀俎、我為魚(yú)肉”的控訴,當(dāng)真就是事實(shí)嗎?已經(jīng)能夠視爭(zhēng)執(zhí)為鬧劇、作壁上觀的丈夫,對(duì)于以“冷豌豆湯”開(kāi)場(chǎng)的“類(lèi)似的飯”和“對(duì)白”,或許并沒(méi)有他自己所敘述的那般“毫無(wú)防備”?!霸陔p方尚未對(duì)視的那一秒,你就必須把所有話都咽下去”的強(qiáng)勢(shì)要求,妻子“低頭看著餐巾”、而后才敢抬頭出聲的行為舉止,以及丈夫駕輕就熟的回避策略,都說(shuō)明她才是被壓抑甚至被忽略的一方。在公開(kāi)場(chǎng)合提議離婚,固然不合時(shí)宜,但為了引起對(duì)方注意,她不得不放手一搏,可惜這番努力,終究不過(guò)是為已死的婚姻巨鱷再添一道傷痕罷了。
鱷魚(yú)的眼淚常被視作偽善的象征,以受害者自居、博取讀者同情的丈夫,恰恰與他腦海中幻化的鱷魚(yú)一樣冷漠虛偽。全詩(shī)以第三人稱展開(kāi)敘述,看似客觀,但基本受限于丈夫的視角,在這“歪斜”“霞光”中生成的妻子形象,自然也變得扭曲失真,而他本人的冷暴力行為,反倒被遮掩。若說(shuō)二人的婚姻已是一條死鱷,那造成這“惡戰(zhàn)傷痕”的,恐怕不止胃囊內(nèi)的“對(duì)白”,還有以逃避姿態(tài)做無(wú)辜狀的丈夫——而這條巨鱷企圖吞噬的下一個(gè)獵物,就是我們作為讀者的判斷力。