Text by Lena Gidwani Photo by CFP Translation by Emma Xu

GAME OF GUANXI

Text by Lena Gidwani Photo by CFP Translation by Emma Xu

For most people around the world, building a relationship seems pretty straightforward. You introduce yourself, exchange niceties and name cards, talk in depth about your experiences and find something to connect about. Right?

Wrong.

In China, it isn't quite so straightforward. To draw an analogy, just think of it like a scene from HBO's Game of Thrones. The alluring characters are all entrenched in strategic alliances and nothing (or no one) can be taken at face value. So maybe this is a tad exaggerated, but much of what goes on the show is akin to what it takes to building personal and business relationships and connections in China, just without the super fluous gore or shock value.

In the Middle Kingdom, once you have established a relationship with somebody else, there is seen - within certain limits - to be a moral and social obligation to maintain it through mutual backscratching. Figuratively speaking, of course. This is called guanxi, a Chinese term that surprisingly appears to defy simple and directtranslation into English. It is born from the union of two Chinese characters: Guan, meaning a gate or hurdle, and Xi, meaning a relationship or connection. So guanxi, rather lyrically, can be interpreted into English as 'pass the hurdle and get connected'. Interesting, isn't it? It affects all forms and types of relationships, from your family members, business partners and even neighbors and those in and round your neck of the woods. If you have good guanxi, you are more likely to command more respect and make things happen for yourself, as it is the key needed to opening doors that are otherwise closed. Just Imagine this. You've been asked to complete a difficult task and to complete it, you need help from a friend. You ask him and he immediately runs to your rescue. You become a hero at work and soon, you get that much-deserved promotion. A few weeks later, said friend calls you with an emergency; he's in an urgent meeting that he simply cannot get out of. He needs you to take his ailing mother to the clinic for her annual check-up. You can't say no, so you drop everything and do it. After all, he did help you get that promotion…

Guanxi also affects mianzi, or 'face'. From a Western perspective, it is tough to fully understand and appreciate just how sign ificant the role of face is. An Asian scholar named Ting-Toomey best described it as, "a strategy that protect the individual's role in the guanxi network, preserving individual identity, self-respect and social status." Simply put, it's the avoidance of looking bad in public, to save one's reputation and build credibility.

Together, guanxi and mianzi are a marriage that must work; failure to respect and utilize these two important concepts can cause relationships to slowly fall apart. Now if you're thinking about your colleague's ailing mother, don't. She's as fit as a fiddle. And your colleague? Let's just say you saved him from loosing face and being called a 'Mama's boy' during the meeting. And this, my friend, is what we do for each other in China.

COLUMNIST’S PROFILE

Lena Gidwani is a resident of Guangzhou for 13 years, selfconfessed networker, magazine editor and an avid writer. Lena Gidwani，網(wǎng)絡(luò)工作者、雜志編輯、作家，在廣州居住13年。

關(guān)系的游戲

世上大多數(shù)人與他人交往的方式都很直接：先自我介紹，再交換名片，最后深入聊聊個(gè)人經(jīng)歷、找找共同點(diǎn)就行了。此法放之四海皆準(zhǔn)？

錯(cuò)。

在中國(guó)，可不這么直接。打個(gè)比方，就像《權(quán)力的游戲》里演的，只有結(jié)成戰(zhàn)略聯(lián)盟才能收獲友誼；純粹點(diǎn)頭之交，情與利都沒你份。也許有點(diǎn)夸張，但劇中的聯(lián)盟與在中國(guó)建立人際關(guān)系確有異曲同工之處。

一旦你在中國(guó)與他人結(jié)識(shí)后，想維持來(lái)往，就有義務(wù)互利互惠。中國(guó)話里叫“關(guān)系”，“關(guān)”有障礙的含義，“系”指聯(lián)系。這個(gè)詞可以解釋為“跨越障礙、取得聯(lián)系”。關(guān)系所指的范圍很廣，可以包含家人、商業(yè)伙伴甚至鄰居、路人之間的關(guān)聯(lián)。你的關(guān)系越“硬”，獲得的尊敬越多，辦事也更容易。試想，你需要朋友幫忙完成一項(xiàng)很難的任務(wù)，求助后，他二話不說(shuō)幫了你。任務(wù)完成得順風(fēng)順?biāo)?，你也順理成章地升職了。不久，這位朋友有急事來(lái)求你，他因開會(huì)脫不開身，想請(qǐng)你帶他母親去醫(yī)院看病。你可不能拒絕，而是要馬上放下手頭一切事情去幫他。畢竟，他幫你升了職。

關(guān)系會(huì)影響到面子。要從西方視角來(lái)全面理解面子的重要性比較難。簡(jiǎn)單點(diǎn)說(shuō)，保住面子就是避免在公眾場(chǎng)合出糗，保護(hù)好個(gè)人尊嚴(yán)、建立信譽(yù)。

不能好好處理關(guān)系、顧全面子可能會(huì)讓人際關(guān)系土崩瓦解。