廣東 程志麗

【問(wèn)題導(dǎo)讀】

讀后續(xù)寫以讀為輔，以寫為主。讀，要求學(xué)生把握語(yǔ)篇基本要素和主題，獲取原文的情節(jié)發(fā)展，推斷人物性格，挖掘可續(xù)寫點(diǎn)；寫，要求學(xué)生構(gòu)思故事情節(jié)，運(yùn)用準(zhǔn)確且豐富的語(yǔ)言，合理進(jìn)行續(xù)寫。在整個(gè)讀寫過(guò)程中，學(xué)生在構(gòu)思情節(jié)時(shí)或天馬行空，令人不知所云；或集中于某一細(xì)節(jié)，過(guò)多陳述；或無(wú)從下手，所寫寥寥數(shù)詞。那么，如何合理推進(jìn)情節(jié)呢？我們可以借助思維導(dǎo)圖！思維導(dǎo)圖可以用來(lái)構(gòu)建框架，為讀后續(xù)寫助力。

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

思維導(dǎo)圖是一種運(yùn)用圖像式思維的工具，是一種將思維形象化的方法，可以用來(lái)構(gòu)建框架、細(xì)化語(yǔ)言等。學(xué)生在閱讀的同時(shí)可以通過(guò)尋找中心句或關(guān)鍵詞、句的方法來(lái)梳理文章各部分內(nèi)容，這有利于把握文章主旨、梳理文章結(jié)構(gòu)；而進(jìn)一步圍繞主題或某個(gè)關(guān)鍵點(diǎn)梳理各部分的細(xì)節(jié)，有助于把握文章細(xì)節(jié)以及語(yǔ)言。思維導(dǎo)圖的種類很多，有樹(shù)狀圖、氣泡圖、流程圖、括號(hào)圖、故事山、魚骨圖等。在構(gòu)思故事情節(jié)時(shí)將括號(hào)圖（brace map）和流程圖（flow map）結(jié)合起來(lái)使用，可以幫助我們明確整體（段落梗概）和局部（包括段首語(yǔ)在內(nèi)的情節(jié)發(fā)展）的關(guān)系并合理推進(jìn)故事情節(jié)。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

60-year-old Richard Olsen had retired from his work.He was very interested in adventure and hunting.This time he hunted on a land near Watford City,N.D.,in the underpopulated western part of the state. In a cold winter, he tried a new spot and forgot to bring his cell phone.He hiked more than half a mile with two dogs to a harvested wheat field.

Eyes fixed on the horizon in expectation of another pheasant（野雞）taking flight,Richard stepped on a thin crust（硬層）of snow on a canal.It collapsed and he dropped.

Realizing that he was in trouble and was going to hurt himself, Richard was suddenly picking up a lot of speed. His left leg hit first, and he lay on his side to reach for his shotgun,unloaded it and used it as a walking stick.When he was partly up,he slipped and slid back down,because one of his feet got stuck between two rocks.Richard told himself that if he didn't get himself out of the canal,he wasn't going to have a very good night.

Richard got his foot free and climbed more slowly and cautiously out of the canal.Richard immediately realized the difficulty of the task before him.The accident occurred at about 2 pm,and it was nearly 5 pm with the road far away and the sun setting.

Richard focused on crawling to safety. Even with his gun's support, hopping was impractical. Instead, he sat down and pushed himself backward less than 40 inches at a time with his good leg. He was stubborn and sure that he must hold on. He was tired out and had more frequent breaks. Temperatures dropped below zero overnight, and his gloves and boots got wet.His hands and feet soon were completely numb.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Richard's dogs had been playing in the field and eventually came up to him.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

However,gleams of daylight remained—Richard saw the seventh car.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

文本解讀

一、原文的語(yǔ)篇要素

__Wh_____en Where Who What___________Why___________How In a cold winter____________________________________________________________On a land near Watford City,N.D.,in the underpopulated western part of the state 60-year-old Richard Olsen and his two dogs Richard Olsen hunted pheasants, but he was hurt; he had to get himself out of the canal,___________moved to safety and waited to be saved.He was very interested in adventure and hunting._________________________________With the help of the two dogs and the car driver___________________________________

二、原文主題

60歲的退休老人理查德·奧爾森喜歡冒險(xiǎn)和狩獵。在一個(gè)寒冷的冬日，他帶著兩條狗去一個(gè)人煙稀少且陌生的地方獵殺野雞，但不幸傷了腿。天氣寒冷，日光漸逝，他必須想辦法爬到路邊求助過(guò)往的車輛。本文的主題是“冒險(xiǎn)和堅(jiān)毅”。

三、原文的情節(jié)脈絡(luò)發(fā)展

四、主人公理查德的性格特點(diǎn)

________________________________________________________________________________________Events Eyes fixed on the horizon in expectation of another pheasant taking flight,Richard stepped on a thin crust of snow on a canal.__________________________________________Richard told himself that if he didn't get himself out of the canal, he wasn't going to have a very good night.Richard immediately realized the difficulty of the task before him.The accident occurred at about 2 pm, and it was nearly 5 pm with the road far away and the sun setting.___________________________________________________________________Richard focused on crawling to safety. Even with his gun's support, hopping was impractical. Instead, he sat down and pushed himself backward less than 40 inches at a time with his good leg._________________________________________________Characteristics adventurous experienced persistent

五、捕捉續(xù)寫點(diǎn)

續(xù)寫點(diǎn) 伏筆語(yǔ)言 續(xù)寫時(shí)可照應(yīng)的內(nèi)容故事背景In a cold winter, he tried a new spot__________and forgot to bring his c____________ell_phone.故事情節(jié)Richard immediately realized the difficulty of the task before him. The accident occurred at about 2 pm, and it was nearly 5 pm with the road far away and the sun setting.寒冬、陌生之地、忘帶手機(jī)——續(xù)寫時(shí)，要注意這3處，萬(wàn)萬(wàn)不可出現(xiàn)打電話求助的情節(jié)。____理查德想要成功被救，面臨兩大困難：（1）離路邊太遠(yuǎn)。根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段所給的信息，他需要求助路上經(jīng)過(guò)的車輛，此為可照應(yīng)內(nèi)容之一——如何與路上過(guò)往的車輛建立聯(lián)系？理查德成功到了路邊還是兩條狗發(fā)揮了作用？（2）太陽(yáng)落山了，日光漸逝，求救的急迫感愈來(lái)愈強(qiáng)。根據(jù)續(xù)寫的正能量結(jié)尾原則，理查德肯定獲救了，此為可照應(yīng)內(nèi)容之二——理查德在完全天黑前__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________成功攔下了一輛車并得救。

（續(xù)表）

六、構(gòu)思情節(jié)發(fā)展

水行政立法執(zhí)法工作不斷加強(qiáng)。完成了《大連市節(jié)約用水條例（草案）》制訂工作。開(kāi)展了打擊“涉河違法行為”專項(xiàng)執(zhí)法行動(dòng)，共完成河道采砂巡查45次，立案51起，清除行洪障礙25萬(wàn)m3，全市水事秩序進(jìn)一步好轉(zhuǎn)。

根據(jù)故事的主題、情節(jié)、人物性格和伏筆，原文呈現(xiàn)了故事的“起因—經(jīng)過(guò)—高潮”部分：理查德外出狩獵遇險(xiǎn)，想辦法自救但未成功，掙扎許久后變得疲憊不堪、手腳僵硬。續(xù)寫的兩段分別是故事的“后續(xù)”和“結(jié)局”部分：理查德的兩條狗來(lái)到他的身邊幫助他。這兩條狗會(huì)做什么？理查德會(huì)有什么感受？他又會(huì)怎么做呢？第七輛車的車主如何救助理查德？理查德會(huì)有什么樣的結(jié)局？

使用括號(hào)圖和流程圖構(gòu)思情節(jié)：

參考范文

Paragraph 1:

Richard's dogs had been playing in the field and eventually came up to him.Seeing their owner in bad situation, the two dogs surrounded his body to warm him while barking wildly.Moved and motivated,Richard finally struggled to one side of the road with the help of his dogs. Exhausted and painful as he was, he still tried to wave down a driver for fear that he might lose consciousness at any time. He waved and the dogs barked wildly but with no reply from any car.With six cars speeding by and the daylight fading out,a wave of frustration and helplessness gradually swallowed him up.

Paragraph 2:

However, gleams of daylight remained—Richard saw the seventh car.Gathering all his strength, he waved his hands wildly again, hoping for good luck. Fortunately, this time the car stopped. The driver rolled down the window, and when he saw Richard's situation, he got off instantly,rushed to Richard,assisted him in coming into the car and drove to hospital at full speed.In a weak voice,Richard extended his heartfelt gratitude.Finally,Richard got rescued and cured. From then on, whenever he went hunting in new spots, he would take his cell phone and any time he was confronted with a terrible situation, he would encourage himself to stick to the end with this accident.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

One Sunday last year, eight of us hiked for a couple of hours through the desert near San Diego to reach Thunder Canyon Cave. We had to abseil (沿繩滑下) through an icy waterfall to get inside, so we put on our wetsuits and lowered ourselves 30 feet down. By 11：00 am,we were inside.After we climbed further,we reached a nine-inch crack.Having moved for four hours,I was tired and wet.

The group leader,Luca, was guiding three cavers. One of them, Steve got stuck in the crack. There was 10 minutes of pulling and pushing until Steve was free. He was tired and needed to leave. Luca, assuming I'd been through the crack before, guided Steve through the cave for another 15 minutes to an exit.I was the second from last to go through.I didn't realize that Luca wasn't there—if I'd known, I wouldn't have attempted the crack, as I needed an experienced guide.

The challenge is to put your feet first down the length of the crack,and then move your body sideways to swing along,before dropping five feet to the floor of the next space.On my first attempt,I knew I wouldn't make it through,but the group encouraged me to try again.I didn't want to inconvenience anyone by having to make the long trip back through the cave,so I backed out and took off my wetsuit.In just my T-shirt,I tried to slide through again but my hips (臂部) were trapped. My feet were hanging on the other side and my left arm supported my body.My hand rested on a wooden board that had been left covering boulders (巨石) to protect cavers from slipping. Luca returned and the team tried everything to shift me as I mentally focused on escape.

After two hours my arms weakened, so I slid further into the crack, where the gap was only 8.5 inches wide.My body weight was on my left hand,my back and chest touching the cold stone walls.The guy behind me,Jim,tried unsuccessfully to pull me back.Of course,I was blocking his escape,too.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

With the risk of the low body temperature,the group supplied me with their own jackets.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

After eight hours,Luca found the rescue team.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

【評(píng)價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1.續(xù)寫這篇文章的時(shí)候，我是否照應(yīng)了原文的可續(xù)寫點(diǎn)？

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2.構(gòu)思情節(jié)的時(shí)候，我是否能運(yùn)用思維導(dǎo)圖助推情節(jié)發(fā)展？

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3.對(duì)比范文情節(jié)與我的情節(jié)構(gòu)思，它們有哪些異同？不同之處是否合理？

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