It was Sunday today. We decided to have a picnic on the top of the mountainnear our school. How exciting we were！ We set out early in the morning. After wegot to the top， we were fascinated by the beautiful scenery. After we had a goodtime on the top of the mountain， we began to collect some dry branches to make afire and got ready to do some cooking. Suddenly a shout came out， “Fire， fire，the mountain is in fire！ ”We were very frightened. It was such a sunny dayand it hadnt rained for several months， so the fire spread quickly. We tried ourbest to put the fire out， but we couldnt. Just then， a group of farmers were workingin the fields at the foot of the mountain. They came up to help us as quickly as theycould. Under their help， the fire was finally put out. We felt very sorry. Wedecided to remember the lesson forever.

安徽省濉溪縣百善中心學(xué)校 謝新煜

本期點(diǎn)評(píng)名師

姜經(jīng)志 男，中學(xué)英語(yǔ)高級(jí)教師、淮北市優(yōu)秀教師、中國(guó)外語(yǔ)學(xué)習(xí)研究會(huì)會(huì)員、《學(xué)英語(yǔ)》《英語(yǔ)周報(bào)》《中學(xué)生英語(yǔ)》特約編輯；曾主編《初中生英語(yǔ)滿(mǎn)分作文大全》《英語(yǔ)奧林匹克》《新目標(biāo)英語(yǔ)八年級(jí)暑假作業(yè)》，參編《初中英語(yǔ)題典大全》《21 世紀(jì)英語(yǔ)學(xué)習(xí)指南》《初中英語(yǔ)新作文》《中學(xué)生英語(yǔ)水平測(cè)試》等10 余冊(cè)圖書(shū)；輔導(dǎo)的學(xué)生有30 余人次在國(guó)家和省級(jí)英語(yǔ)競(jìng)賽中獲獎(jiǎng)。

點(diǎn)評(píng)

優(yōu)點(diǎn)：這篇文章按時(shí)間順序記敘了作者在山上進(jìn)行野炊，不小心引起山火的經(jīng)歷，情節(jié)跌宕，語(yǔ)言流暢，條理清晰。

需要修改的地方：

①exciting 應(yīng)改為excited。exciting 通常以事物作主語(yǔ)，而excited 通常以人作主語(yǔ)。

②in fire 應(yīng)改為on fire。on fire 意為“著火”。

③Under their help 應(yīng)改為With their help。英語(yǔ)中，with ones help 為固定用法，意為“在某人的幫助下”。

評(píng)分：

按中考英語(yǔ)作文滿(mǎn)分25 分的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得22 分。