浙江 彭文國

【問題導(dǎo)讀】

讀后續(xù)寫的實(shí)質(zhì)是根據(jù)原文所提供的情節(jié)寫出合適的結(jié)尾。正如往期文章所談到的，要想寫出符合原文主旨，語言風(fēng)格一致并能啟迪、激發(fā)讀者思考的結(jié)尾，我們就要考慮文章的結(jié)構(gòu)、語言的使用、情節(jié)的設(shè)計(jì)，而這一切最終要落在對人物的塑造上，因?yàn)槿宋锸枪适碌暮诵模彩求w現(xiàn)文章主旨、表達(dá)作者思想的關(guān)鍵。那么，我們該如何在續(xù)寫中塑造人物呢？

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

要有效塑造核心人物，讓重點(diǎn)人物特點(diǎn)突出，活躍起來，讓人物為主題服務(wù)，使我們的續(xù)寫能吸引讀者，引起情感共鳴，發(fā)人深省，我們要注意以下幾點(diǎn)：

1.準(zhǔn)確理解原文的主旨，尤其是對原文中刻畫重點(diǎn)人物的關(guān)鍵細(xì)節(jié)描述要有準(zhǔn)確的把握

在本刊往期的文章中，凱文的爸爸帶凱文去濕地打鴨子，但是凱文并不喜歡打獵，他所喜歡的是拍照：拍美麗的景色，拍活潑的動(dòng)物。因此，在描述拍照的時(shí)候，文章用到了he enjoyed very much。然而，當(dāng)他爸爸要他開槍射擊的時(shí)候，他極不情愿。但是，他又不想讓他爸爸不高興，所以他很糾結(jié)，很矛盾。此時(shí)，文章用到了“He prayed in his deep heart,‘Don't let the ducks come,please.’”。

從這些文字中，我們可以看出凱文的喜好和性格特點(diǎn)。那么在續(xù)寫的時(shí)候，我們就能很好地把握故事情節(jié)的設(shè)計(jì)以及人物動(dòng)作、心態(tài)和語言的描述。因此在續(xù)寫中，我們就恰當(dāng)?shù)厥褂昧恕癒evin said in a low voice,with his lips shaking.He sat on the grass,his face bur?ied in his arms and burst into tears.”等表達(dá)來描述他矛盾的心情。

在本文的案例導(dǎo)引中，原文中作者是一個(gè)自傲并且有點(diǎn)自私的人：他不愿他的勞動(dòng)所得讓整個(gè)家庭使用。但是，這不是文章的主旨。本文的主旨是要描述一個(gè)心地善良、理解父母、懂事乖巧的孩子。因此，在續(xù)寫中，我們要以此為主旨來描述和塑造人物。

所以，要想在續(xù)寫中準(zhǔn)確、合理、精彩地塑造人物，我們首先要讀懂原文的人物人設(shè)。

2.通過對人物的語言、動(dòng)作、心理描寫來塑造人物

人物的形象展示不是單一的、片面的，而是立體的、多維的。要想塑造完整、鮮活、立體的人物形象，我們就要通過引用人物的語言、描述人物的特定動(dòng)作、描述人物的心理活動(dòng)來全方位進(jìn)行塑造。因此，我們在續(xù)寫中塑造重點(diǎn)人物時(shí)，要注意盡量符合重點(diǎn)人物的性格特點(diǎn)和生活背景。

由于篇幅所限，人物語言的直接引用不宜過多。但是，在合適的語境下，要盡可能設(shè)計(jì)一些特別能反映重點(diǎn)人物特征的對話。如在本刊往期文章的續(xù)寫中，使用They were so cute and lovely來展示凱文對動(dòng)物的憐愛之心。在本文的案例導(dǎo)引文章中，為了表達(dá)作者的善良懂事、理解父母，可以用“Dad,here is what I got for my work.I hope it will help.”這樣的直接引語。

動(dòng)作可以間接地反映人物的思想。如果在文章中能設(shè)計(jì)恰當(dāng)?shù)膭?dòng)作，就可以很好地幫助塑造人物的形象。如在本刊往期的文章中，在描述凱文的動(dòng)作時(shí)，就用到了 his lips shaking、his face buried in his arms、burst into tears等，這些描述很好地表達(dá)了凱文當(dāng)時(shí)矛盾、痛苦的心情。

為了更好地分析和展示人物的形象，在寫作中，我們也經(jīng)常使用心理描寫。心理描寫可以提供語言和動(dòng)作不能表達(dá)的信息，是塑造人物的重要方法。比如在本文的案例導(dǎo)引中，描述作者想到錢可能要被收走時(shí)，可以用heart sank來描述作者的心情。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

（2021年浙江卷)My dad,George,on?ly had an eighth grade education.A quiet man,he didn't understand my world of school activities.From age 14,he worked.And his dad,Albert,took the money my dad earned and used it to pay family ex?penses.

I didn't really understand his world either:He was a livestock trucker,and I thought that I would surpass(超 過)any?thing he had accomplished by the time I walked across the stage at high school grad?uation.

Summers in the mid?70s were spent at home shooting baskets,hitting a baseball,or throwing a football,preparing for my fu?ture as a quarterback on a football team.In poor weather,I read about sports or prac?ticed my trombone(長號(hào)).

The summer before my eighth grade I was one of a group of boys that a neighbor?ing farmer hired to work in his field.He ex?plained our basic task,the tractor fired up and we were off,riding down the field look?ing for weeds to spray with chemicals.Af?ter a short way,the farmer stopped and pointed at a weed which we missed.Then we began again.This happened over and over,but we soon learned to identify di?fferent grasses like cockleburs,lamb's?quarters,foxtails,and the king of weeds,the pretty purple thistle.It was tiring work,but I looked forward to the pay,even though I wasn't sure how much it would amount to.

At home,my dad said,“A job's a big step to growing up.I'm glad you will be contributing to the household.”My dad's words made me realize that my earnings might not be mine to do with as I wished.

My labors lasted about two weeks,and the farmer said there might be more work,but I wasn't interested.I decided it was not fair that I had to contribute my money.注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

The pay day arrived at last._________

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Paragraph 2:

I understood immediately what my parents were worried about._________

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1.人物分析

從以上分析可以看出，原文中作者是很自傲也很自私的人。那么在續(xù)寫中，就要體現(xiàn)這個(gè)性格特點(diǎn)。

2.續(xù)寫人物塑造

根據(jù)續(xù)寫所給的第一段的段首句“The pay day arrived at last.”可知，作者終于領(lǐng)到了工資，那作者會(huì)怎樣處理這筆錢呢?這里的描述就要體現(xiàn)原文中所反映出的作者自私自傲的性格特點(diǎn)。本段的描述中，首先要描寫作者拿到工資后欣喜的心情，然后描寫原文中所暗示的其比較自私的性格特點(diǎn)。

在描寫作者拿到工資時(shí)的心情時(shí)，可以用delighted、huge sum of money、with great excitement等詞匯。為了描述作者的自傲，可以用For my grand future,I need...等句式。

本段重點(diǎn)要描寫的是作者想起父親可能會(huì)收回他的錢以供家庭使用時(shí)的心情。這里，我們可以使用一系列表示失望的詞匯，如heart sank（描述心情），用這樣的詞匯來塑造作者最初的形象。

當(dāng)然，正如之前所說，我們一定要準(zhǔn)確理解文章的主旨。本文的目的肯定不是描述一個(gè)自傲又自私的孩子，而是通過一系列鋪墊來反映人性之美、親情之濃。因此，在下一段，就一定要用積極的、正面的詞匯來塑造人物。第二段的首句“I understood immediately what my parents were worried about.”奠定了下文的感情基調(diào)。續(xù)寫第二段可以用大量詞匯和句子來描寫作者對父母的理解，這些是作者心理轉(zhuǎn)變的關(guān)鍵，如they had been working hard、hardly made ends meet、they had a big family to feed 等。關(guān)于作者心理的轉(zhuǎn)變，可以用過渡句，如“Suddenly,I understood my parents and re?alized what I should do.”。在這一切鋪墊完成之后，可以設(shè)計(jì)一個(gè)充滿深情的話語表述：“Dad,here is what I got for my work.I hope it will help.”。這樣，文章對重點(diǎn)人物的塑造就比較立體。

在第二段的最后，要寫出父母看到作者懂事之后的積極感受，讓文章得到升華。這樣，文章的人物得到了合適的塑造，而結(jié)尾也提升了文章的品質(zhì)。

3.范文賞析

Paragraph 1:

The pay day arrived at last.I was de?lighted to finally get the payment after I worked hard for two weeks.On the way home,I thought about how to make use of the“huge”sum of money with great excite?ment.But suddenly,I remembered my Dad's words.My heart sank immediately.Ap?proaching my house,I noticed my dad and mom standing beside the old truck,looking sad.“How much do we still need to pay for a new truck?”asked my mother.“Eight hundred dollars,but we had little left.”

Paragraph 2:

I understood immediately what my parents were worried about.I knew that the truck always broke down.My parents had been considering buying a new truck.Al?though they had been working hard,they al?ways hardly made ends meet,mainly be?cause they had a big family to feed.Sud?denly,I understood my parents and real?ized what I should do.I said,“Dad,here is what I got for my work.I hope it will help.”Delighted at what I did,my mom hugged me tightly.That night,I decided to contin?ue my work because I learned the true meaning of growing up.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

On a weekend,a woman won a big bag of coins on a game machine.With great excitement,she suggested going out to have a big dinner with her husband.But first she wanted to put the coins in her room.

“I'll be right back and we'll go to eat,”she told her husband.Then she car?ried the bag to the lift.As she was about to walk into the lift,she noticed two men al?ready aboard.

Both were huge,very huge figures.The woman was scared.Her first thought was:“These two are going to rob me.”Her next thought was:“Don't be afraid.They look like nice gentlemen.”

But fear seized her.She stood and stared at the two men.She felt anxious and ashamed.She hoped they didn't read her mind.Surely,they knew her hesitation about joining them in the lift.It was all too obvious.Her face was red.She couldn't just stand there,so with an effort of will she picked up one foot,stepped forward,followed with the other foot and was in the lift.Avoiding eye contact,she turned around and faced the lift doors as they closed.

A second passed,and then another second,and then another.Her fear in?creased!The lift didn't move.Panic con?sumed her.“ Oh dear,”she thought,“I'm about to be robbed!”

Her heart sank and sweat poured.Then one of the men said,“Hit the floor.”Instinct(本能）told her:Do what they tell you.The bag of coins flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the lift carpet.A shower of coins rained down on her.“Take my money and spare me,”she prayed.

More seconds passed.She heard one of the men say politely,“Madam,if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to,we'll push the button.”The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out.He couldn't help laughing.

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

She lifted her head and looked up at the two men._______________________

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Paragraph 2:

Then,the lift arrived at her floor._____

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【評價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1.文章原文用了哪些詞匯來描述女主人公？

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2.續(xù)寫中使用了哪些詞匯來塑造女主人公的形象？

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3.續(xù)寫用詞風(fēng)格和原文用詞風(fēng)格是否一致？

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