朱敏

2019年高考評卷工作已落下帷幕。今年的全國I卷英語作文依然是一篇書信體作文，并且沿用了2017年以來的命題思路，即以某個中華優(yōu)秀傳統(tǒng)文化元素為切入點，要求考生以李華的身份寫一封書信或者電子郵件。

2019年高考全國Ⅰ卷書面表達題有三個特點：

1. 融入中華優(yōu)秀傳統(tǒng)文化元素，即中國畫;

2. 彰顯文化自信，中國畫展開到倫敦去了;

3. 開放性，第二、三個要點提示語言有限，留給考生的發(fā)揮空間很大。

這是一篇要求考生發(fā)揮自己的想象力和創(chuàng)造力，用100個詞左右展示自己思維和英語寫作功底的書信體作文?？此坪唵危谠u卷過程中，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)考生們在審題、用詞、處理要點信息等方面暴露出了較嚴重的問題。在本文中，筆者將結(jié)合在評卷過程中發(fā)現(xiàn)的典型問題，有針對性地提出一些有效的對策，并且呈現(xiàn)兩篇高考評卷現(xiàn)場滿分作文，以此幫助大家更好地備考和復習。

問題一：對重點詞匯的使用不熟練。

以下是從考生作文中摘抄下來的幾個原句，代表了評卷中發(fā)現(xiàn)的三類典型錯誤：

1. 單詞拼寫錯誤。如：

錯句：I have heard that you are in need of some vilanteers.

更正：I have heard that you are in need of some volunteers.

2. 詞語搭配錯誤。如：

錯句：I am writing to apply it.

更正：I am writing to apply for it.

錯句：I can do many useful things such as introduce the history and development of Chinese paintings.

更正：I can do many useful things such as introducing the history and development of Chinese paintings.

3. 詞性錯誤。如：

錯句：I would appreciate it a lot if you could take my applicant into consideration.

更正：I would appreciate it a lot if you could take my application into consideration.

4. 用詞表述不準確。如：

錯句：The local art club will hold a show of Chinese paintings.

更正：The local gallery/art museum will hold a show of Chinese paintings.

錯句：You are looking for some volunteers for the display of Chinese pictures.

更正：You are looking for some volunteers for the exhibition/show of Chinese paintings.

應考對策

1. 關(guān)注高頻、重點詞匯的詞性轉(zhuǎn)換，做到會拼、會寫。尤其重視用于交代寫作目的詞語的變形和用法，如：apply， applicant， application（申請）;invite， invitation（邀請）;apologize， apology（道歉）;recommend， recommendation（推薦）;advise， advice（建議）;suggest， suggestion（建議）;complain， complaint（投訴）;congratulate， congratulation（祝賀）;appreciate， appreciation;gratitude， grateful（感謝）。

2. 按照話題與功能意念學習和歸納寫作詞塊。例如，在文學藝術(shù)這個話題下的寫作詞匯就包括了：poetry，poem（2016年I卷），drama， fiction， novel，literature， novelist， architecture， exhibition， gallery， master， sculpture， museum of art等。如果按照話題記憶了這些單詞，在寫2016年和今年的作文時，考生們很快就能準確地用英語表達“詩歌”“美術(shù)館”和“展覽會”。

3. 總結(jié)和歸納與中華優(yōu)秀傳統(tǒng)文化各種元素相關(guān)的表達方式，將它們背熟記牢。例如：中國畫-Chinese paintings;唐詩-the Tang poems; 中國書法-Chinese calligraphy; 茶文化-tea culture; 京劇藝術(shù)-Beijing Opera art; 建筑藝術(shù)- architectural art;端午節(jié)-the Dragon Boat Festival;吃粽子-eat rice dumplings; 中秋節(jié)-the Mid-autumn Festival; 吃月餅-eat mooncakes;夜間賞月-admire the moon at night;春節(jié)-the Spring Festival; 在除夕之夜-on New Years Eve; 拜年- pay a new years visit to our relatives or friends; 家人團聚吃大餐-family members get together and have a big meal; 放鞭炮-set off firecrackers。

問題二：顧此失彼，漏掉了信息要點。

部分考生在審題時，不夠細致，以致于漏掉了首段的“自我介紹”這一信息要點。很多考生在描述第二和第三個信息要點時，思維不夠細致、清晰，將兩個信息要點交織在一起寫，在兩者之間糾纏不清、顧此失彼，令評卷老師很難認為其完整地完成了寫作任務。以下就是一個典型的例子：

I am more than happy that a traditional exhibition of Chinese paintings will be held in the local art museum this summer. Knowing that you are in need of some volunteers for it， Im writing to apply for the job.

My personal advantages are as follows. First and foremost， so kind and warm-hearted am I that I do think that I can do this job well. Secondly， having a great knowledge of Chinese paintings is my individual advantage. As a Chinese student， Im keen on Chinese traditional things especially paintings. Moreover， I have adequate time since I will be free this summer vocation. Last but not least， if I got the job， I would serve visitors heart and soul. Not only will I guide them but also I explain the paintings for them.

I will be very grateful if you can give me the chance. Surely you wont regret it.

這是一篇由考生臨場寫出的作文，初看上去結(jié)構(gòu)分明、層次清晰，沒有語法錯誤，當時呈現(xiàn)出的手寫卷面也相當不錯，儼然是一篇高分作文。然而，在對照題目仔細閱讀該文之后，我們很快發(fā)現(xiàn)該考生漏掉了“自我介紹”這一要點。很明顯，這封申請信的寫信人和收信人并不認識，根據(jù)交際原則，寫信人李華需要亮明自己的身份。除此之外，在進行中間主體段寫作時，單從內(nèi)容上講，該考生的確既寫了自己的優(yōu)勢，也說明了自己能做的事。但是，其用了總分結(jié)構(gòu)，總括性的詞語為advantages， 接下來分四個層次展開，分別使用了銜接過渡詞first and foremost， secondly， moreover 和last but not least。由于后面四個層次都是在“優(yōu)勢”下展開的，因此只能認定其寫了“優(yōu)勢”，而漏掉了“自己能做的事”這一信息要點。

應考對策：

1. 在審題時，根據(jù)交際原則，將需要告知對方的信息劃下劃線，并逐一標記①②③…順序號。在行文時，務必將所有需要交代的信息要點，描述清楚、寫到位。

2. 首段的內(nèi)容一般有兩個，即自我介紹和寫作目的。如果雙方是朋友關(guān)系等，不需要做自我介紹;如果雙方不是熟人，則需要自我介紹，給出自己的身份及想要做的事。具體句型可以使用：I am Li Hua， a Chinese student who ...

3. 在寫某一要點時，亮出證明你提及該要點的關(guān)鍵詞或者詞組。例如：優(yōu)勢-advantage/merit/edge;好處-benefit;能做的事-what I can do/things that I can do are as follows;原因-reason;建議-advice/suggestion;細節(jié)-detail;詳細信息-detailed/specific information;品質(zhì)-quality;介紹-introduction。

問題三：要點內(nèi)容交代不具體、沒有說服力，未達成交際目的。

一些考生在進行第二和第三個要點時，僅僅寫了自己有很有多優(yōu)勢或者自己能做很多有益于畫展的事，而沒有就“優(yōu)勢”和“能做的事”具體展開寫，這樣的寫法沒有達成交際目的，得分很低。還有的考生在描述“優(yōu)勢”和“能做的事”時，寫到自己熱愛學習、成績很突出和尊老愛幼等等，這些內(nèi)容都是沒有說服力的。作為一封申請信，考生應該闡述最有信服力的優(yōu)勢和條件，讓對方給自己做志愿者的機會。

應考對策：

1. 審題時，站在收信人的角度看是否達成了交際目的，所寫內(nèi)容是否有效;

2. 要使內(nèi)容具體化，可以多練習一些特定的寫作句式和結(jié)構(gòu)。例如：

Below are the ... that I ... For one thing， ... For another， ...

Not only ... but also ...

如要點“優(yōu)勢”可以這樣寫：

Below are my advantages which/that I think will help you （to）make up your mind to give me a chance. For one thing， I havea good command of English， which makes it easy for me to communicate with British friends. For another， as an outgoing and easy-going girl， I once worked as a volunteer in many international activities.

要點“能做的事”可以這樣寫：

When it comes to what I can do for the show， not only am I able to introduce the works as a guide since I am a big lover of Chinese paintings， but also I can help keep order if there are too many visitors.

滿分作文展示：

滿分1：

Dear Sir/Madam，

I am Li Hua， a Chinese student studying in London this summer vacation. Learning that an exhibition regarding Chinese paintings is going to be held in your gallery， Im writing in the hope that I could be a part of it as a volunteer.

Below are the advantages that I have over others. For one thing， not only can I speak both Chinese and English fluently but also I can express myself accurately. For another， I have a good knowledge of Chinese traditional art. Considering my advantages， there is no doubt that I am able to act as a qualified volunteer to guide the visitors and interpret the exhibits clearly. I promise that you will be satisfied if you give me the chance.

I would appreciate it a lot if you could take my application into account. Looking forward to your early response.

Best regards，

Li Hua

滿分2：

Dear Sir or madam：

I am Li Hua， a Chinese student furthering my study in London this summer. Hearing that your gallery is recruiting some volunteers for the exhibition of Chinese paintings， I am writing to apply for the job vacancy.

Not only am I familiar with Chinese culture， but also I show great interest in art like Chinese paintings. Besides， I own the ability to learn quickly. Apart from my main personal edges I mentioned above， below are the things that I can handle. For one thing， I am able to make clear to visitors what the art work has revealed. For another， keeping the public order under control is the task that I can fulfill. By the way， visitors will be reminded that they should avoid using flashlights if I am one of the volunteers.

I am convinced that I am qualified to become an outstanding volunteer. I would appreciate it a lot if you take my application into consideration.

Best regards，

Li Hua

責任編輯 蔣小青