文/珍妮·路易·斯麗特 (Jeanne Louise Riether) 譯/張佳藝

我在天津無意間發(fā)現(xiàn)了一片秘密綠洲，它位于天津醫(yī)科大學腫瘤醫(yī)院15樓一個鮮有歡笑的小房間里。那兒的護士每周都會讓出自己的休息室給來自中國、美國、丹麥、瑞典、斯里蘭卡等各國的志愿者。他們?yōu)閮和颊咧v故事，和他們做游戲，開展藝術活動，以此來幫助患有致命疾病的孩子們接受治療。

I've found a secret oasis in Tianjin. It's located in a small room at the 15th floor of the Tianjin Medical University Cancer Institute and Hospital, a place not usually associated with smiles and laughter.Each week the nurses there graciously surrender their staff room and welcome volunteers from around the world - China, America,Denmark, Sweden, Sri Lanka, among other places - who conduct therapeutic play, story and art activities with children receiving treatment for life-threatening diseases.

這所醫(yī)院始建于1861年，是目前中國最大的癌癥預防、研究、培訓與治療基地。作為中國腫瘤學的發(fā)源地，它吸引著中國眾多苦難家庭孤注一擲地寄希望于此。自我所就職的國泰未來文化藝術基金會與天津醫(yī)科大學腫瘤醫(yī)院簽訂合作協(xié)議以來，這些年我經(jīng)常踏足這片綠洲。這里每周都會開展一些活動，以求將積極情緒傳遞給被癌癥折翼的兒童患者們。于我而言，這可謂一次改變生活的經(jīng)歷。

Desperate families from across China are drawn by the hospital's stellar reputation; after all, it was the birthplace of oncology in China,established in 1861. The hospital now offers the largest base for cancer prevention, research, training and treatment in the country. I've been going there for years, ever since the Cathay Future Culture and Art Foundation where I work, just a few blocks away, signed a cooperation agreement with the hospital. Each week we conduct activities to lift the spirits of the children in the pediatric cancer ward, and it has been a life-changing experience for me.

玩耍是孩子們的天性，尤其患兒更為需要。住院對孩子來說是種可怕的折磨，即便是有專業(yè)醫(yī)者提供最佳治療也無濟于事。然而，我在15樓遇到的孩子們多年來反復入院手術、放療與化療，他們想念學校、朋友與家人，卻有著我所見識過的最勇敢的靈魂。治療過程中，游戲有效地幫助這些孩子們在苦難中回歸正常生活，藝術幫助他們緩解生活壓力，故事幫助他們度過難熬的情緒。

Children need to play, especially very sick children. A stay at a hospital,even one with dedicated staff offering the best treatment, can be a terrifying ordeal for any child. But the kids and the families I've met on floor 15 are some of the bravest souls I've ever known. The children's treatment can range from surgery, to radiation and chemotherapy. Some kids keep coming back for years. Their young lives have been disrupted and they miss school, friends and family. Play helps restores a sense of normalcy to their lives; art helps children relieve stress; and stories can help children process the very difficult emotions they're experiencing.

那里難免會有經(jīng)歷不堪回首的孩子們，走進他們的心里要花上些許時間。我曾遇到一個小男孩，他不像其他孩子一樣無憂無慮地玩耍，反而臉上時常帶有慍色，對所有可能激起興致的玩具或游戲都置之不理。他大聲喧鬧，試圖讓周圍人覺得所有治療方法都極為愚蠢。每當?shù)搅酥v故事環(huán)節(jié)，他都會全程怒氣沖沖地翻白眼。

But sometimes, if the kids are having a particularly rough experience,it takes time to reach them. One little boy I met there was very angry.Unlike the other children who were playing happily, he brushed aside all attempts to interest him in toys or games. He loudly let it be known that he felt the whole session was “stupid”. When it came time for a story, he huffed and rolled his eyes throughout the entire telling of it.

我以前見過同樣的狀況。表面上孩子們對所處境遇表示不滿，實則這是個好兆頭。孩子們尚不能將壓抑已久的怒氣集中在對抗疾病上，取而代之只好渾身裹刺，同試圖向他們施以援手的人對立。值得慶幸的是，他們身上至少還閃爍著斗爭意識的光輝。一位中國志愿者替我向他轉(zhuǎn)述：“我能感受到你內(nèi)心充斥著很強烈的情感，但是你并不喜歡這樣?！彼闪宋乙谎?，從游戲桌旁躥起來，踩著“咔嗒”聲重步離開了房間。

I've seen this before, and it can actually be a good sign when kids are angry about their situation. They may not have learned to focus their pent-up rage on fighting their disease yet, choosing instead to do combat with the very people who are trying to help them, but at least they've still got some fight left in them, and that's a good thing. A Chinese volunteer helped me tell him, “I can see you have some pretty strong feelings right now. You don't like this.” He glared at me, got up from the play table and stomped out of the room, his clattering I.V.stand trailing behind him.

到了活動的下一環(huán)節(jié)，我決定同孩子們玩一個游戲，名字叫“你覺得自己像哪種動物？”“有時我們像一只熊，只想獨自蜷在洞穴中睡覺；有時我們像一只貓，想討人喜愛‘咕嚕咕?！亟?；有時我們像一只蝴蝶，想揮舞著翅膀飛離煩擾；有時我們又像一只獅子，想在怒火交加時大聲咆哮并且……”

At our next session I decided to do an activity with the kids called,“What Animal Do You Feel Like?” “Sometimes we feel like a bear, and just want to curl up alone in a cave and sleep. Other times we feel like a cat, and want some affection to make us purr. Some days we feel like a butterfly and want to spread our wings and leave everything that's bothering us behind. Then sometimes, we feel like a lion. When things make us really angry and upset, we want to roar, and…”

“瘋狂咬人！吃掉他們！”他喊道。

“And bite people! Eat them!” he shouted.

“的確，獅子確實會有這種感覺?！蔽疫@樣承認道。接下來，我們設計了動物情感列表并為之著色，孩子們可以借助情感列表而非文字向父母傳達自己每天的感受?；顒优R近尾聲時，我向那個男孩詢問對剛才短暫共處的看法，他喃喃道“很愚蠢”。而后，他又勉強地擠出另一句“但我喜歡獅子”。

“Yes, for sure lions feel just like that sometimes. ” I acknowledged.We then colored an animal emotion worksheet that the kids can use to show their parents how they're feeling each day without using words. At the end of the session I asked him what he thought about our time together. “It was stupid,” he muttered. Then as a grudging afterthought he added, “But I liked the lion.”

在接下來的一周里，我沒有見到這位易怒的朋友，他因治療過于疲憊而沒法露面。但在下個周三，他出現(xiàn)了。更安靜，更低迷，幾乎毫無生氣。這不是個好跡象。他累到無力提筆著色，也幾乎沒意識到我的存在。當我問及今天他像哪種動物時，他哼了一聲，盯著窗外憤憤地說：“我討厭動物?！?/p>

I didn't see my angry friend again the following week for he was too exhausted from his treatment to attend. But the following Wednesday he showed up, quieter and subdued, almost listless. That isn't a good sign. He barely acknowledgment my presence, was too tired to pick up the crayons to color. When I asked him what animal he felt like today,he grunted, stared off into space and said, “I hate animals.”

下一周，我給孩子們講了毛毛蟲的故事。毛毛蟲沉浸在快樂中兀自爬行，進食樹葉，享受生活。有一天，它突然感到被前所未有的疲憊包圍，身不由己地被封入黑暗、緊繃的蛹中。就這樣，它在那個寂寞的地方睡了很久很久。當它終于醒來時，世界有了些不一樣。它透過蛹頂?shù)拈_口看到有光線穿過，但開口很小很窄。出于對能否擠出這般狹小空間的好奇，它竭盡全力嘗試著掙脫出那個開口。

The next week I told the kids a story about a caterpillar happily crawling along minding his own business, enjoying his life eating leaves, when something strange happened. The caterpillar felt overwhelmingly tired and had to sew himself up in a dark, tight chrysalis. He stayed sleeping in that lonely place for a very long time. But when he finally awoke, he felt different somehow, changed. He saw an opening at the top of the chrysalis where light was coming through, but the hole was very tiny and narrow. He wondered how he could possibly make it through such a tight space, but he decided to try. He pushed and struggled with all his might to make it through that small hole.

猝不及防，毛毛蟲長出了翅膀。歷經(jīng)的所有推動與擠壓使得它的薄翼越發(fā)強健與舒張。當爬到陽光下對著光線舒展翅膀時，它驚訝地發(fā)現(xiàn)自己竟蛻化成了一個神奇的生命體。勇往直前，知難而進。世界以痛吻之，它卻報之以歌。

The little caterpillar didn't realize it, but he had grown wings. All the pushing and squeezing caused those wings to get strong, expand and grow. When he finally crawled into the light and spread his wings in the sun, he was surprised to see what an amazing creature he'd become.He was someone who could do hard things, extremely difficult things.

本文作者珍妮·路易·斯麗特

被困在醫(yī)院，抑或吃討厭的藥，又或遠離所愛之人之地，惹人恐懼又沮喪的事經(jīng)常在身邊上演。但正如毛毛蟲蛻變成蝶，正是這些苦痛予人翅膀，教人成長，給人力量。

Those difficult things had given him the power to fly.

I explained that some things make us scared or sad or angry, like being stuck in the hospital or taking medicine that we hate, being away from the people and places we love, but, like the butterfly, those things change us.They help us become strong and find our wings.

當我做出這番言論時，那個男孩一直在認真傾聽。我不敢妄言他當時的想法，但這次他沒有拋來白眼，也沒有輕率作評。在后來制作蝴蝶工藝品時，他突然轉(zhuǎn)過身來羞澀地對我說：“我真的很喜歡那個故事。”而后他又補充道，“不過我也還是很喜歡獅子。”

The boy listened quietly. I couldn't tell exactly what he was thinking, but there was no eye-rolling or flippant comments this time. Afterwards, when we were working on a butterfly craft, I was looking over his shoulder when he turned to me and said shyly, “I really liked that story.” Then, as an afterthought, he added, “But I still really like lions too.”

有時我也覺得自己像頭獅子，想對著世界上的苦痛、折磨、不公與無奈盡情嘶吼。但有時我又覺得自己像條魚，想遠離生命本身，藏進靈魂深處，品讀所有過往。

Sometimes I also feel like a lion; I want to roar at the pain and suffering I see in this world, the unfathomable injustice of it all, and my powerlessness to control any of it. Other days I feel like a fish; I want to hide in the deep places of my soul, away from life itself, and contemplate the events I've been through.

但現(xiàn)在，我覺得我像一只蝴蝶，翱翔于天津上空，我看到敬業(yè)的醫(yī)護人員為拯救病患生命而爭分奪秒，我看到貼心的父母憩在孩子的病床旁寸步不離，我看到天津社區(qū)聚在一起為患兒捐錢捐物支援他們購置背包和玩具?；蛟S我難以理解為什么有人泡在苦水里，有人卻浸在甜水里，但我堅信我在天津經(jīng)歷的一切足以支撐我在今后的生活中益堅益壯。

But today I think I feel like a butterfly. I soar above Tianjin and see dedicated doctors and nurses fighting for the lives of their patients. I see caring Chinese families sleeping at their children's hospital bedsides,never leaving them alone. I see the Tianjin community rallying together to donate time and money so that the children in the hospital can each have an activity backpack and toys to play with during their treatment. I may not understand why some suffer, and others do not, but I do know that the things I've experienced in Tianjin will make me stronger.

我終會覓得我的翅膀，振翅飛翔。

I will find my wings and fly.

患兒們展示自制的藝術作品