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        越挫越勇

        2016-01-07 22:40:23Fromteenink.com
        新東方英語(yǔ)·中學(xué)版 2016年1期
        關(guān)鍵詞:筆帽馬克筆金發(fā)

        From+teenink.com

        As the teacher's lips opened to pronounce my name, I knew what lay ahead. She called me to the whiteboard. My eyes quickly looked around the brightly colored room; my mind tried to strategically1) plan. I melted into my seat right then and there.

        Sitting in that classroom was the absolute last place I wanted to be at that moment. My heart pounded, my stomach churned2) and my entire body quivered with fear.

        I was being called to the board to perform a long division3) problem. Long division was my most dreaded subject. I repeatedly put the numbers in the incorrect places, or forgot to add in the zeros.

        I tensely lifted myself out of my seat. With every slow, shuffled4) step I took, I grew more and more nervous. My palms started to sweat. I could feel everyone's eyes glued to me, judging me silently.

        As I approached the whiteboard, its massiveness intimidated me. It was challenging me sarcastically, for we both knew it would declare victory in the end. I heard the blonde-haired girl next to me uncap5) her marker6). I copied it and twisted the cap off my marker. The teacher announced the equation aloud. I tried desperately to scavenge7) my brain and translate the gibberish8) she was saying. I looked at the girl to my right, and tried to copy what she was writing, unsure of myself. Despite my efforts, she went faster than I could understand, writing down what seemed to be foreign hieroglyphics9).

        My gaze again focused on the chicken scratch10) I had attempted. My work looked like how a baby sounds when it's just learning to talk. Impossible to understand. Why me? Why couldn't I wrap my mind around this strange concept that all the other kids—understood? Why, even when I tried my hardest to process these equations, did they come out looking like a few awkward lines? These questions swirled in my head like whispered questions in the dark. The word why echoed in my mind, tearing at my heart with wickedness.

        Why? Why?

        I held back salty tears. My thoughts came back into focus as the other girl closed her marker and pranced11) back to her seat. Hysterical12) with fear, I wrote some arbitrary numbers on the board, and rushed back to mine. The teacher read over our work silently. A hint of frustration came over her face as she read mine.

        "Now, class, Susie did this problem absolutely correctly."

        I glanced at the little blonde-haired girl, and she was beaming with perfection.

        "As for Tara," the teacher proclaimed, rolling her eyes, "Gosh, I don't even know what she did."

        The class burst into snickers13), and I felt my face turned red as I tried to sink as low as possible into my seat, in hopes of preventing them from seeing me at all. I wanted to cry. I was engulfed14) in humiliation.

        But this memory from middle school is one I remember, surprisingly, in a positive way. This experience made me feel unimportant and very dumb. Yet it made me stronger, and gave me persistence. When I get a horrific grade in school, or am put down by somebody, I think of that moment and every single one of those whys that I asked myself. The twisting sickness in my stomach comes back—and gives me the motivation to answer all of those whys and persist until perfection, or as close as I can get.

        當(dāng)老師張嘴叫我名字的時(shí)候,我就知道接下來(lái)要發(fā)生什么了。她叫我去白板那兒。我的眼睛飛快地掃視了一下色彩亮麗的教室,大腦努力計(jì)劃著如何應(yīng)對(duì)。就在那一刻,我一下癱坐在我的座位上。

        那間教室絕對(duì)是我在那個(gè)時(shí)候最不愿意待的地方。我的心怦怦跳著,我的胃里翻江倒海,整個(gè)身體害怕地發(fā)抖。

        我當(dāng)時(shí)正被叫到白板前解答一道長(zhǎng)除法題。長(zhǎng)除法可是我最害怕的題目。我老是把數(shù)字放在錯(cuò)誤的位置上,不然就是忘記加零。

        我緊張地從座位上站起來(lái),拖著緩慢的腳步,每走一步,就變得越發(fā)不安,手掌都開(kāi)始出汗了。我能感覺(jué)到每個(gè)人的目光都膠著在我身上,無(wú)聲地評(píng)判著我。

        我來(lái)到白板前,它的龐大令我感到害怕。它在嘲諷地向我發(fā)出挑釁,因?yàn)槲液退贾浪罱K會(huì)宣告勝利。我聽(tīng)到旁邊那個(gè)金發(fā)女孩摘掉了馬克筆的筆帽。我模仿著這個(gè)動(dòng)作,把筆帽從我的馬克筆上擰了下來(lái)。老師大聲地念出了方程式。我拼命在我的大腦中搜尋,努力去理解她快速說(shuō)出的那些令人費(fèi)解的話。我看著我右邊的那個(gè)女孩,試圖照著她寫(xiě)的東西抄下來(lái),因?yàn)槲覍?duì)自己沒(méi)有半點(diǎn)信心。盡管我努力地抄寫(xiě),但她寫(xiě)的速度比我理解的還快,而且她寫(xiě)出來(lái)的東西看起來(lái)好像是“天外飛書(shū)”。

        我的視線再一次回到我努力寫(xiě)出來(lái)的“鬼畫(huà)符”上。我的作品看起來(lái)就像是一個(gè)剛開(kāi)始學(xué)說(shuō)話的嬰兒發(fā)出的聲音一樣,無(wú)法理解。為什么是我?為什么我就是理解不了這個(gè)其他孩子都能理解的奇怪概念?為什么即便我盡最大努力來(lái)解答這些方程式,它們看起來(lái)卻像是幾行笨拙的字呢?這些問(wèn)題如同黑暗中耳邊響起的低聲疑問(wèn)在我的腦海里盤(pán)旋。“為什么”這個(gè)詞回蕩在我的腦海中,惡狠狠地撕扯我的心。

        為什么?為什么?

        我忍住苦澀的淚水。旁邊那個(gè)女孩蓋上馬克筆帽,昂首闊步地回到座位上,我這才從自己的思緒中回過(guò)神來(lái)。我害怕到情緒極度不安,在白板上胡亂地寫(xiě)了一些數(shù)字,就快步回到了座位上。老師一言不發(fā)地檢查著我們的解題步驟,在看到我的時(shí)候,她的臉上浮現(xiàn)出一絲失望的表情。

        “好,同學(xué)們,蘇茜的解答完全正確?!?/p>

        我瞥了一眼那個(gè)金發(fā)小女孩,她的臉上洋溢著完美的笑容。

        “至于塔拉,”老師翻了一下白眼,宣布說(shuō),“天哪,我甚至不知道她寫(xiě)的是什么?!?/p>

        全班同學(xué)都迸發(fā)出咯咯的竊笑聲。我一個(gè)勁兒地往座位里縮,希望同學(xué)們完全看不到我,在那一刻,我感覺(jué)我的臉都紅了。我想哭,我倍感屈辱。

        但這件中學(xué)往事卻奇怪地以一種積極的方式留在了我的記憶中。這次經(jīng)歷讓我覺(jué)得自己微不足道、愚笨至極,卻也讓我變得更強(qiáng)大,讓我有了鍥而不舍的毅力。當(dāng)我在學(xué)??荚伊嘶蚴潜粍e人奚落時(shí),我就會(huì)想到那一刻,想到我問(wèn)自己的那一個(gè)個(gè)為什么。那種胃里翻江倒海的感覺(jué)再次襲來(lái),給予我回答所有那些為什么的動(dòng)力,讓我堅(jiān)持不懈,直至完美,或盡可能接近完美。

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