Aaron Anthony Vessup

長久以來，雖然各色人種都為美國社會發(fā)展做出了自己的貢獻(xiàn)，但憲法中所宣揚的“人生而平等”卻并未完全實現(xiàn)，種族歧視并未消減。有色人種歧視問題的根源究竟何在？除了社會制度、歷史原因、歧視者的種族主義等外界因素，或許聽聽一個被歧視者的自白，我們會發(fā)現(xiàn)，弱者學(xué)會自救是多么重要。

My awareness occurred on the day of my regular ride to campus with the young Diaz’ couple. Something was unusual in the car.Eventually, when she finally turned her head, I found myself looking into the swollen face, and tearful eyes of sad Yolanda Diaz, the pretty bronzed, caramel colored model who sat in the passengers’ seat as her handsome, dark haired Latino husband drove the small compact Chevrolet Corvair toward the university.1. swollen: 腫脹的；bronzed:（皮膚曬得）古銅色的；caramel: 醬色，焦糖；compact: 小型汽車；Chevrolet Corvair: 雪佛蘭科威爾汽車，通用汽車公司在20世紀(jì)60年代生產(chǎn)的一款小型汽車。

“King is dead! They killed him.”

“What do you mean? Why are you crying? Who…what are you talking about?”

For a moment there was absolute stillness in the close quarters of the moving vehicle. Her husband looked back at me in utter2. utter: 完全的，徹底的。disbelief. Yolanda,for a moment checked to see if I was trying to make a joke, but seeing that I was serious let out a moan3. moan: 呻吟，嗚咽。of more grief. I had no idea who Martin Luther King was. Her husband, Ricardo, then explained to me the leadership role of Martin Luther King and the tragedy that had occurred. I felt utterly ashamed for being ignorant and so blind to what would soon be seen as a world shaking event.

馬丁·路德·金

At this moment I became angry because it hit me that my life had been like living in an isolated bubble,“Encapsulated4. encapsulated: 密封的。” as my first wife would later describe. I was utterly,and profoundly embarrassed. But at the time of hearing this news I was a graduate from High School and Junior College, attending a state university,but I was completely blind to the knowledge of what had been going on in the south, a part of the “real” world.According to God’s word a world that we were strictly forbidden to enter. We had no television in our home, this was de finitely the “devil’s toolbox.”

Talk about student marches and demonstrations to me were just meaningless phrases, words I heard thirdand fourth-handed, never directly from a magazine or newspaper. Then, I did not know the meaning of “Black Power” beyond seeing black American men and women wearing a large, bush shaped hairstyle, and refusing to embrace the identify of “Negro” or “Colored” any longer.5. bush: 灌木叢，矮樹叢；embrace: 欣然接受；Negro: 黑鬼（對黑人的蔑稱）。I felt so ashamed for my social ignorance, my complete sense of detachment6. detachment: 脫離，分開。and non-involvement. I wanted to blame my church, my father’s control, but in the end I would have to blame myself. No doubt there were many black Americans like me, I wondered just how many? Clearly I knew the reasons for my anesthetized7. anesthetized: 麻痹的。blindness. I was plagued with misgivings and bridled anger.8. be plagued with: 被……煩惱；misgiving: 疑慮；bridled: 被約束的。

His name was never mentioned in our church during those days surrounding the public outcry, nor even afterward when rioting in the streets and looting came to a halt.9. 他的名字在我們的教堂里從未被提起過，無論是那些輿論嘩然、公憤四起的日子里，還是后來這些街頭騷亂結(jié)束之后。outcry:強烈抗議；rioting: 暴亂；looting: 搶劫；halt: 停止，終止。It would have been viewed an act of heresy and discord to voice even the slightest interest in such matters as non-violent protests.10. heresy: 異教；discord: 不和；protest: 抗議。We were taught to “see” all of this as the devil’s business; it was just a sign of the coming Judgment Day11. Judgment Day: 審判日，在基督教神學(xué)中，指世界將要結(jié)束，決定人類命運的一天。. The lord12. lord: 上帝。was returning. The disobedient were running amuck.13. disobedient: 不服從的；run amuck: 橫行，胡作非為。

That Baptist preacher was a “trouble-maker” who went against God words by challenging the seats of power.14. Baptist: 浸禮會教派的，浸禮教為基督教新教主要宗派之一，主張受洗者必須全身浸入水中；preacher: 牧師，下文中出現(xiàn)的preach為其動詞，指講道，布道。We all believed that Baptist Christians were not “true believers” like we Pentecostal15. Pentecostal: 五旬節(jié)教派的。五旬節(jié)，也稱圣靈降臨節(jié)（Pentecost），基督教節(jié)日，是為紀(jì)念耶穌復(fù)活后差遣圣靈降臨而舉行的慶祝節(jié)日。Christians.Anyone following groups that were not Pentecostal af filiate or Full-Gospel, were following “false prophets”.16. af filiate: 成員組織；Full-Gospel: 五旬節(jié)教派早期運動，此處指五旬節(jié)教派，其成員大多信仰《馬太福音》、《馬可福音》、《路加福音》和《約翰福音》四卷福音書（Gospel）；prophet: 先知。The Holy Bible said there would be such voices focused on worldly17. worldly: 世俗的。things. What could they expect but doom. Clearly King’s political actions were proof enough that he had not been a true “believer”, and thus he had received God’s punishment. King had been cut-down for going against God’s words.There was not a person among the fundamentalist18. fundamentalist: 信奉正統(tǒng)派基督教的人。Christians who for a second, in those days, thought otherwise. Of course as social policies and laws that King and other organizers pushed for brought positive changes, the fundamentalist Christians then fell back on the refrain that God worked in mysterious ways, and King had been his living instrument, but these views came long after the fact, when the dust of social chaos had settled.19. 當(dāng)然，在馬丁·路德·金和其他領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者推行的社會政策和法律帶來了積極改變時，那些信奉正統(tǒng)派基督教的教徒們都相信這是上帝拯救人類的神秘力量，馬丁是他在人間的工具。不過這些觀點是很久以后才有的，在所有混亂塵埃落定以后。fall back on: 求助于，轉(zhuǎn)而依靠；refrain: 一再重復(fù)的話；instrument: 工具。

But who were we to talk about “false prophets”, since our own church Pastor had just been sent to prison for molesting and impregnating a young, teenage church girl?20. pastor: 牧師；molest: 騷擾；impregnate: 使懷孕。He had preached every Sunday until being sentenced and jailed. His wife had long ago stopped attending the worship services. And there were some signs of creeping social awareness: a few of our church members began to wear “Afro-styled” puffy hair styles, and colorful African dashikis.21. creeping: 遲緩的，悄悄發(fā)生的；puffy:蓬松的；dashiki:（黑人穿的）顏色花哨的短袖套衫。But I went farther letting my facial hairs become longer, trying to grow a beard. This attempt did look a bit ragged22. ragged: 亂蓬蓬的。, but I was happy having a more early American, ancient prophet look. My father became silent,he never made a comment. I waited. I was waiting for him to show me where in the Bible a rule that forbid beards and mandated23. mandate: 命令，指示。all to shave.

I was relieved that at the supermarket where I worked as a full union member,24. relieved: 感到安心的；union: 公會。there was no ban on wearing beards or long hair among the men. This store hired all types of whites. I am the only Black worker at this store. There is also a Mexican who works as a Cashier25. cashier: 出納員，收銀員。.

“Are you going to go out and join the demonstrators?”

Joan, the flashy brown haired, middle-aged white cashier, wearing her long dangly, colorful earrings, flashed a wicked grin with red lips parting stif fly, her blue eyes their usual mischievous look as she paused her actions, turned and shot me a glance, before continuing to shove customer grocery purchases down the chute.26. flashy: 閃光的；dangly: 搖晃的；wicked: 頑皮的；grin: 咧著嘴笑；stif fly: 生硬地；mischievous: 淘氣的；shove: 隨意亂放；grocery: 食品雜貨；chute: 斜槽，斜道。I wait impatiently to bag all the items, other clerks are also jamming items down their separate silver metal chutes, they will be irritated if they also are forced to bag customer purchases.27. bag: v. 把……裝入袋中；clerk: 店員；jam: 把……塞進(jìn)；irritate: 激怒。Joan only talks to me when she orders me to run an errand28. run an errand: 跑腿。, or wants to tell a joke about a particular shopper’s appearance. Now she is interested in my take29. sb’s take on sth: n. 某人對某事的觀點。on civil rights.

“What do you mean? Is there a union strike or something?”

“No silly, I mean that stuff that’s happening down in Los Angeles. Are you going to Watts and have some fun? Get your family a free television you can. Yaw’all still don’t have a TV do ya’?”

“Naw… Gotta go to church anyway…plus too much homework.”

She smiles and then resumes punching the cash register keys in her ferocious manner.30. resume:（中斷后）重新開始；punch: 按（鍵）；cash register:收銀機； ferocious: 殘忍的。

“Good boy. That’s a good boy, it’s why we like you around here.It’s a shame Jim hasn’t made you clerk by now. We’re going to have to work on him. You know some people think a black clerk will steal money from the cash register. Not you though. You’re a nice kid. Too bad your mother doesn’t do her shopping here.”

I take this all as empty talk, Joan being Joan. Months earlier I had received my certi fication31. certi fication: 證書，證明。from the Retail Clerks Training school, but other white youths are coming in, getting training and advanced. I have remained stacking, sacking, and bagging groceries approaching the four year mark.32. stack: 堆積；sack: 把……裝袋。I cannot tell my mother where to shop for groceries, especially since I know the prices in the place I work she cannot afford if she is going to feed all us. The issues surrounding food is perhaps another story.