Last weekend I went to the river for fishing with my cousin.It was a small river.We sat on the river beach and waited for the fish.Hu Dong is two years older than I and he is my cousin.He had two fish but I had none.

“Why doesn’t fish come to my hook?”I asked Hu Dong.“You’re too anxious to get fish.Take it easy and relax yourself,”he said.

So I took out a story book and read it.After a while,my cousin said to me,“Your hook moves①,and you’ll get it,”he smiled.

I picked up my fishing rod,then I got a fish.It was one and a half kilogram②.

I think my cousin is cleverer than I.He was so patient and clever that he could get more fish.I only got one fish that weekend,but I was very happy.It made me learn that I should be more patient.

湖南省永州市冷水灘區(qū)竹山橋?qū)W校八（59）班 胡賢鵬

【欄目要求】

1.將學(xué)生習(xí)作根據(jù)中考分值給出成績(jī); 2.在應(yīng)該修改的地方劃線并標(biāo)注序號(hào);

3.根據(jù)所標(biāo)序號(hào)進(jìn)行修改并說(shuō)明修改的理由; 4.給學(xué)生習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)<優(yōu)點(diǎn)與不足>;

5.請(qǐng)點(diǎn)評(píng)名師提供簡(jiǎn)歷一份，包括：學(xué)校、職務(wù)、職稱、榮譽(yù)、教研教學(xué)成果、照片一張。

來(lái)稿請(qǐng)寄：430079華中師范大學(xué)外國(guó)語(yǔ)學(xué)院《中學(xué)生英語(yǔ)》雜志社 初中部收

本期點(diǎn)評(píng)名師

張?jiān)煸颇?，任教于湖南省永州市冷水灘區(qū)竹山橋?qū)W校，中學(xué)一級(jí)教師，主導(dǎo)校本英語(yǔ)教材研究，不斷深入英語(yǔ)教研教改，主持校本課改專題《初中生聽(tīng)說(shuō)讀寫(xiě)導(dǎo)學(xué)案教學(xué)》，有多篇論文在國(guó)家級(jí)省級(jí)發(fā)表和獲獎(jiǎng)，輔導(dǎo)學(xué)生雙語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作多次獲一等獎(jiǎng)。教學(xué)論文《中學(xué)生英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作模式初探》2013年9月發(fā)表在《教師》雜志上，引起強(qiáng)烈反響。

1.優(yōu)點(diǎn)：

小作者將周末釣魚(yú)寫(xiě)得生動(dòng)有趣，釣魚(yú)的過(guò)程有詳有略，讓人如臨其境，文章結(jié)尾點(diǎn)出釣魚(yú)需要耐心的道理。全文生動(dòng)流暢，又蘊(yùn)含哲理，是一篇不錯(cuò)的學(xué)生習(xí)作。

2.需要修改的地方：

①moves改為is moving。根據(jù)上下文來(lái)判斷，用現(xiàn)在進(jìn)行時(shí)表示魚(yú)兒正上鉤。

②kilogram改為kilograms。One and a half的意思是1.5，kilogram(公斤)用復(fù)數(shù)形式。

3.評(píng)分：

按湖南省永州市中考英語(yǔ)作文滿分10分的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得9分。

We Had a Happy Weekend