易艷華

Today my English teacher， Ms. Yi， asks me to go to her office. I dont know what is happening.

“Your fairy tale is published in Junior School Student，” she says and gives me a colorful magazine. I am very happy.

“When did you start write① fairy tales？” Ms. Yi asks.

“Grade Five，” I say to her， “I like writing fairy tales， and I often write in my diary.”

“I want to read your old diaries. How many diaries do you have now？” she asks me.

“I have three notebooks now. I will give you next Monday，” I say to her proudly.

“Wonderful. I will read your fairy tales one by one carefully. I really like your fairy tales.” Ms. Yi smiles.

“Really？ I will write more. Thanks for your encourage②.”

When I go back to classroom， my classmates are anxious to look through the magazine Junior School Student. How happy I am！

湖南省永州市冷水灘區(qū)竹山橋?qū)W校七（62）班 秦曉蘭

1. 優(yōu)點(diǎn)：

文章采用師生對(duì)話的形式行文。對(duì)話生動(dòng)有趣，記錄生活中的點(diǎn)點(diǎn)滴滴。小作者在與老師的對(duì)話中表達(dá)出對(duì)寫童話故事的喜愛。全文自然流暢，真實(shí)生動(dòng)，是一篇不錯(cuò)的學(xué)生習(xí)作。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① start write為start to write或start writing。start后面接不定式或者動(dòng)詞的-ing形式；

② encourage改為encouragement。encourage 為動(dòng)詞，encouragement為名詞。

3. 評(píng)分：

按湖南省永州市中考英語作文滿分15分的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得13分。