你是否也曾因無心之說而傷害過他人？是否也曾事后苦于百口莫辯，困于無處訴說？的確，說話本就如覆水，一出永遠(yuǎn)難收回；而惡言更如離弦箭，即便箭傷可治愈，傷者心頭卻永留疤。所以，敏于事而慎于言，說話前請三思再三思。

Just before 8th grade started， my friend Madina's father died in a car crash.

This unexpected news made me feel sad， but also anxious because I didn't know how to act. Should I let her know how sorry I felt， or act as cheerful as always？

Throughout the school year， I often saw Madina crying. My other classmates and I always tried to comfort her and make her think about other things. \"Madina， please stop crying. You still have others who care about you and love you. Your dad wouldn't be happy to see his only girl crying，\" Sarvi would say.

\"C'mon Madina， I want to see your smile. Life hasn't stopped. Sarvi is right，\" I would add. Minutes later， she would stop crying and join us as if nothing had happened.

Terrible Choice of Words

One day I was playing volleyball in gym class. All of the good players were on one team and all the weak players on the other. I was on the strong team and we were winning. But as we kept playing we realized it was boring to keep winning so easily. We decided to switch one of our stronger players for a weaker player from the other team. Then our team lost. After class we all went to the girls' locker room1） to change. My team couldn't accept that we had lost the game， especially me.

\"You bechora （poor， in Uzbek） guys should thank us for switching players or you wouldn't have won，\" I told them sarcastically2）. Madina was on the weak team and she suddenly started shouting at me， \"How could you say that to me？ You are my friend， right？ I can't believe that my true friend could call me such a word！ I can't believe you would insult your friends just because of one stupid game！\" She ran out， crying. I was in shock， confused about what had just happened. Then I remembered that the word bechora had a second meaning； people used to call orphans bechora.

How could I forget that Madina's father had died？ My sensitivity was clouded by my injured pride at losing the game. The other girls were also confused until they realized the other meaning of the word， then most of them ran after Madina. I was the last girl to leave the locker room.

I've always struggled to control my temper， and I tend to speak without thinking. But it wasn't until this day that I realized this tendency of mine could really hurt people.

When I went to my next class almost everyone was looking angrily at me. It made me feel uncomfortable. Madina wasn't there.

\"Why did you say that， huh？\"

\"Are you stupid？\"

\"Do you know how much you hurt her？\"

\"When are you going to start to control your words？\"

Apology Not Accepted

A few days later after the bechora incident， when I told my classmates that I really didn't mean to hurt Madina and had forgotten about her father， they asked me if I had a problem with my memory. I felt horrible， and wasn't able to look my friends in the eye.

Then Madina came in with two other girls from our class. Her eyes were red. I found out she had been crying and didn't want to come to class， but the girls made her come. My classmates told me to talk to Madina， and to apologize.

I wasn't used to asking people for forgiveness. I was proud. But I got up and went straight to where Madina was sitting. Her arms were on the desk， her head on them. Her eyes were shut. My classmates were all around me and I didn't know how to start.

\"Madina， please forgive me，\" I said softly， leaning down to her ear so she could hear me.

She didn't move. \"You know I didn't mean to hurt you， I had forgotten that …\" My voice caught in my throat.

\"What？\" she looked up at me. \"That I was an orphan？\" she said， her voice shaking.

\"No. I didn't say it with this meaning， you got me wrong. Madina， please forgive me. Let's be friends again. I promise I won't say such words anymore，\" I said. \"I don't want to lose my good friend.\"

\"OK，\" she said coldly. \"But now I want to be alone.\" She turned her head away from me.

\"Thank you， Madina. I knew you would understand，\" I said happily and went back to my seat as the teacher came in. I felt so easy and relaxed after that as if a huge mountain had been lifted off my shoulders.

Sensitivity Training

But our friendship wasn't the same. Every time I met her eyes I would feel uneasy. When I told my mom about Madina and how I had disappointed her， she gave me a long speech about how sensitive people's hearts are. Mom told me I had to learn to control my anger， and try not to blurt things out just because my mood changes.

As I'm getting older I'm learning how to better control my words when I'm not in a good mood， but it is not easy. Every time I try to talk to people nicely when I'm angry or sad， I feel tense and uncomfortable inside. Sometimes I still want to say whatever I want and not care whose feelings I hurt. But deep in my heart I know I shouldn't do or say things that I will regret. So I try to be alone away from people when I'm in a bad mood. It's better for me， and for everyone else too.

就在八年級開學(xué)前，我朋友瑪?shù)夏鹊陌职衷谝粓鲕嚨溨腥ナ懒恕?/p>

這個突如其來的消息讓我覺得難過，但我也有點焦慮，因為我不知道自己應(yīng)該怎么做。是應(yīng)該讓她知道我有多難過，還是應(yīng)該表現(xiàn)得像以往一樣歡快呢？

接下來的整個學(xué)年里，我常常看到瑪?shù)夏葌穆錅I。我和其他同學(xué)總會試著安慰她，讓她想開點兒。“瑪?shù)夏?，別哭了。你身邊還有其他關(guān)心你、愛你的人。你爸爸看到自己的獨生女流眼淚會不開心的?！彼_爾維常常會說。

“瑪?shù)夏?，別哭了，我想看到你笑。薩爾維說得對，生活還會繼續(xù)?！蔽铱倳@樣接著說。幾分鐘后，瑪?shù)夏染蜁Ｖ箍奁?，又開始和我們一起玩，就好像什么都沒發(fā)生過。

糟糕的選詞

一天體育課上，我在打排球，打得好的都在一個隊，打得不太好的在另一個隊。我在打得好的那個隊，我們當(dāng)時正領(lǐng)先。但玩著玩著我們就覺得一直贏得這么輕松實在是太沒意思了，所以決定用我們這隊的一名強(qiáng)手換對方的一名較弱的隊員。結(jié)果我們隊輸了。下課后大家都去女更衣室換衣服，我們這隊的隊員都接受不了我們輸了比賽，尤其是我。

“你們這些可憐蟲（bechora，烏茲別克語）應(yīng)該感謝我們跟你們互換隊員，不然你們絕對贏不了。”我嘲諷她們道?，?shù)夏仍诖虻貌畹哪且魂牐@時她突然沖著我大喊起來：“你怎么能對我說這種話？你是我的朋友，對吧？我不敢相信我真正的朋友會用那樣的字眼說我！我不敢相信你竟會因為一場愚蠢的比賽而侮辱你的朋友！”她哭著跑出去了。我嚇呆了，對剛剛發(fā)生的事十分困惑。然后我想起“bechora”這個詞還有第二層意思，人們常常用它來稱呼孤兒。

我怎么能忘了瑪?shù)夏鹊陌职秩ナ懒四?？我的自尊心因為輸了比賽而受傷，這令我喪失了對他人的體恤。其他女孩兒也有些摸不著頭腦，直到大家意識到了那個詞的另一層意思，然后大部分人就跑去追瑪?shù)夏攘?，而我是最后一個離開更衣室的。

我一直都不能很好地控制自己的脾氣，還常常說話不經(jīng)大腦。但直到那天，我才真正意識到我的這種脾性真的會傷人。

等到下節(jié)課我走進(jìn)教室的時候，幾乎所有的同學(xué)都憤怒地看著我，這讓我覺得很別扭。瑪?shù)夏炔⒉辉诮淌依铩?/p>

“你為什么要說那種話??？”

“你是傻子嗎？”

“你知道她有多傷心嗎？”

“你什么時候才能說話注意點兒？”

道歉被拒

“可憐蟲”事件過了幾天后，我告訴同學(xué)們我真的不是有意要傷害瑪?shù)夏龋皇峭浟怂职值氖?，他們就問我的記性是不是有問題。我覺得糟透了，都無法直視朋友們的眼睛。

后來，瑪?shù)夏群桶嗬锏牧硗鈨蓚€女孩一起進(jìn)了教室。她的眼睛紅紅的，我這才知道她一直在哭，而且不想來上課，但是那兩個女孩說服了她。同學(xué)們讓我去跟瑪?shù)夏日f話，去向她道歉。

我并不習(xí)慣請求別人的原諒，我是個驕傲的人。但那天我站起身來，徑直向瑪?shù)夏茸牡胤阶呷?。她頭枕著胳膊趴在課桌上，雙眼緊閉。大家都圍著我，讓我不知道怎么開口。

“瑪?shù)夏?，請你原諒我吧?！蔽腋┥碓谒呡p聲說，以便她能聽到我的話。

她一動不動?！澳阒牢也皇怯幸庖獋δ愕?，我忘了……”我的話卡在了嗓子里。

“忘了什么？”她抬起頭來望著我?！巴宋沂莻€孤兒嗎？”她說，聲音在顫抖。

“不是的，我當(dāng)時用那個詞不是想表達(dá)這個意思，你誤會我了?，?shù)夏?，求你原諒我吧。我們和好吧。我保證再也不會說這樣的話了，”我說，“我不想失去好朋友?！?/p>

“好吧，”她冷冷地說道，“但是現(xiàn)在我想一個人待著?！彼杨^轉(zhuǎn)了過去。

“謝謝你，瑪?shù)夏取Ｎ揖椭滥銜斫馕业??！蔽议_心地說，正好老師進(jìn)來了，我便走回了自己的座位。在那之后，我覺得渾身又輕松自在起來，就好像一座大山從肩上卸了下來一樣。

敏感度訓(xùn)練

但是我們的友情再也回不到從前了。每一次與她對視，我都覺得不大自在。我跟媽媽說了關(guān)于瑪?shù)夏鹊氖虑?，告訴她我讓瑪?shù)夏榷嗝词?，媽媽給我講了很久，告訴我人的內(nèi)心有多么敏感。媽媽告訴我必須學(xué)著控制自己的脾氣，盡量不要因為自己情緒的變化而口無遮攔。

隨著年齡的增長，我一直在學(xué)習(xí)如何在情緒不好的時候更有效地控制自己的言辭，但這并不容易。我每一次在生氣或悲傷時都盡量跟別人友好地交談，可心里都覺得既緊張又別扭。有時我還是希望能想說什么就說什么，不用管是不是傷害了什么人的感情。但是在內(nèi)心深處，我知道不應(yīng)該做或說任何自己會后悔的事，所以我在心情不好的時候盡量離他人遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)的，一個人待著。這樣對人對己都更好些。