約翰·諾爾斯（John Knowles， 1926～2001），美國小說家，出生于美國西弗吉尼亞州費爾蒙特，15歲進入菲利普斯·?？巳貙W校學習，畢業(yè)后參軍，加入飛行培訓班，但未及上戰(zhàn)場，戰(zhàn)爭便告結束。之后，諾爾斯考入耶魯大學，并于1949年畢業(yè)，后遠赴歐洲從事記者工作，直到1957年才回國。《一個人的和平》（A Separate Peace）是諾爾斯最著名的代表作，被稱為美國20世紀最經(jīng)典的校園小說，堪與塞林格的《麥田里的守望者》（The Catcher in the Rye）相媲美，他也因此被稱為“塞林格第二”。

《一個人的和平》講述了第二次世界大戰(zhàn)前夕發(fā)生在一所學校的故事。主人公吉恩（Gene）和菲尼亞斯（Phineas）本是一對同窗好友，然而猜疑和嫉妒侵蝕了他們的友誼，也讓菲尼亞斯終身殘疾并最終死在手術臺上，更讓滿懷懊悔的吉恩最后走上了戰(zhàn)場。那一年，他們面對了各自成長的挑戰(zhàn)，也承受了來自戰(zhàn)爭的恐慌。

下文選自小說第四章和第五章，講述了吉恩致使菲尼亞斯“落水”摔傷的故事。

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A French examination was announced for one Friday late in August. Finny and I studied for it in the library Thursday afternoon； I went over vocabulary lists， and he wrote messages—je ne give a damn pas about le francais， les filles en France ne wear pas les pantelons—and passed them with great seriousness to me， as aide-mémoire1）. Of course I didn't get any work done. After supper I went to our room to try again. Phineas came in a couple of minutes later.

\"Arise，\" he began airily， \"Senior Overseer2） Charter Member3）！ Elwin 'Leper' Lepellier has announced his intention to make the leap this very night， to qualify， to save his face at last.\"

I didn't believe it for a second. Leper Lepellier would go down paralyzed with panic on any sinking troopship4） before making such a jump. Finny had put him up to5） it， to finish me for good on the exam. I turned around with elaborate resignation. \"If he jumps out of that tree I'm Mahatma Gandhi.\"

\"All right，\" agreed Finny absently. He had a way of turning cliches inside out6） like that. \"Come on， let's go. We've got to be there. You never know， maybe he will do it this time.\"

\"Oh， for God sake.\" I slammed closed the French book.

\"What's the matter？\"

What a performance！ His face was completely questioning and candid7）.

\"Studying！\" I snarled8）. \"Studying！ You know， books. Work. Examinations.\"

\"Yeah ...\" He waited for me to go on， as though he didn't see what I was getting at.

\"Oh for God sake！ You don't know what I'm talking about. No， of course not. Not you.\" I stood up and slammed the chair against the desk. \"Okay， we go. We watch little lily-liver9） Lepellier not jump from the tree， and I ruin my grade.\"

He looked at me with an interested， surprised expression. \"You want to study？\"

I began to feel a little uneasy at this mildness of his， so I sighed heavily. \"Never mind， forget it. I know， I joined the club， I'm going. What else can I do？\"

\"Don't go.\" He said it very simply and casually， as though he were saying， \"Nice day.\" He shrugged， \"Don't go. What the hell， it's only a game.\"

I had stopped halfway across the room， and now I just looked at him. \"What d'you mean？\" I muttered. What he meant was clear enough， but I was groping for what lay behind his words， for what his thoughts could possibly be. I might have asked， \"Who are you， then？\" instead. I was facing a total stranger.

\"I didn't know you needed to study，\" he said simply， \"I didn't think you ever did. I thought it just came to you.\"

It seemed that he had made some kind of parallel10） between my studies and his sports. He probably thought anything you were good at came without effort. He didn't know yet that he was unique.

I couldn't quite achieve a normal speaking voice. \"If I need to study， then so do you.\"

\"Me？\" He smiled faintly. \"Listen， I could study forever and I'd never break C. But it's different for you， you're good. You really are. If I had a brain like that， I'd—I'd have my head cut open so people could look at it.\"

\"Now wait a second ...\"

He put his hands on the back of a chair and leaned toward me. \"I know. We kid around a lot and everything， but you have to be serious sometimes， about something. If you're really good at something， I mean if there's nobody， or hardly anybody， who's as good as you are， then you've got to be serious about that. Don't mess around11）， for God's sake.\" He frowned disapprovingly at me. \"Why didn't you say you had to study before？ Don't move from that desk. It's going to be all A's for you.\"

\"Wait a minute，\" I said， without any reason.

\"It's okay. I'll oversee old Leper. I know he's not going to do it.\" He was at the door.

\"Wait a minute，\" I said more sharply. \"Wait just a minute. I'm coming.\"

\"No you aren't， pal， you're going to study.\"

\"Never mind my studying.\"

\"You think you've done enough already？\"

\"Yes.\" I let this drop curtly12） to bar him from telling me what to do about my work. He let it go at that， and went out the door ahead of me.

We followed our gigantic shadows across the campus， and Phineas began talking in wild French， to give me a little extra practice. I said nothing. Any fear I had ever had of the tree was nothing beside this. It wasn't my neck， but my understanding which was menaced13）. He had never been jealous of me for a second. Now I knew that there never was and never could have been any rivalry14） between us. I was not of the same quality as he.

I couldn't stand this. We reached the others loitering15） around the base of the tree， and Phineas began exuberantly16） to throw off his clothes， delighted by the fading glow of the day， the challenge of the tree， the competitive tension of all of us. He lived and flourished in such moments. \"Let's go， you and me，\" he called. A new idea struck him. \"We'll go together， a double jump！ Neat， eh？\"

None of this mattered now； I would have listlessly17） agreed to anything. He started up the wooden rungs18） and I began climbing behind， up to the limb high over the bank. Phineas ventured a little way along it， holding a thin nearby branch for support. \"Come out a little way，\" he said， \"and then we'll jump side by side.\"

Holding firmly to the trunk， I took a step toward him， and then my knees bent and I jounced19） the limb. Finny， his balance gone， swung his head around to look at me for an instant with extreme interest， and then he tumbled sideways， broke through the little branches below and hit the bank with a sickening， unnatural thud20）. It was the first clumsy physical action I had ever seen him make. With unthinking sureness I moved out on the limb and jumped into the river， every trace of my fear of this forgotten.

None of us was allowed near the infirmary21） during the next days， but I heard all the rumors that came out of it. Eventually a fact emerged； it was one of his legs， which had been \"shattered\". I couldn't figure out exactly what this word meant， whether it meant broken in one or several places， cleanly or badly， and I didn't ask. I learned no more， although the subject was discussed endlessly. Out of my hearing people must have talked of other things， but everyone talked about Phineas to me. I suppose this was only natural. I had been right beside him when it happened， I was his roommate.

老師宣布法語考試將于8月底的一個星期五進行。星期四下午，我和菲尼（編注：菲尼亞斯的昵稱）在圖書館學習備考；我復習單詞表，他寫小條——我才不在乎法文呢，法國的女孩不穿長褲——并非常認真地把這些小條遞給我，來幫助我記憶。結果我當然是什么也沒學成。晚飯后我回到我們的宿舍又試著背單詞。幾分鐘后菲尼亞斯走了進來。

“起立，”他裝模作樣地開口說，“自殺社創(chuàng)始人兼高級監(jiān)督人（譯注：自殺社是吉恩和菲尼亞斯共同創(chuàng)立的）！埃爾溫.‘萊珀’.萊佩利爾（譯注：Leper一詞一語雙關，既是萊佩利爾的外號，又暗指其不受歡迎）已經(jīng)宣布了，他打算就在今晚從那棵樹上跳下來，以取得入社資格（編注：自殺社的入社條件就是從學校河邊的那棵樹上跳進河里，吉恩和菲尼亞斯都曾跳過），最終挽回他的面子?！?/p>

有那么一兩秒鐘我不相信這事兒。萊珀.萊佩利爾在任何一艘正在下沉的運兵船上還不等像這樣跳下去就會嚇得癱在地上。一定是菲尼攛掇他的，好讓我這次考砸。我故作無奈地轉過身說：“他要是從那棵樹上跳下來，我就是圣雄甘地（編注：印度民族主義運動和國大黨領袖）。”

“好吧。”菲尼心不在焉地附和道。他總是有辦法像這樣把老話說出新意來?！翱禳c，咱們走吧。我們得到場。世事難料，也許他這次真的會跳?！?/p>

“哦，天哪！”我啪地合上了法語書。

“怎么了？”

演得可真好??！他的臉上寫滿了疑問和坦誠。

“學習！”我怒氣沖沖地說，“學習！你知道的，課本。復習。考試?！?/p>

“是的……”他等著我繼續(xù)說下去，就好像他不明白我在說些什么。

“哦，看在老天爺?shù)姆萆?！你竟然不知道我在說什么。是，當然不知道。這不是你能明白的?！蔽艺酒鹕恚偷匕岩巫油雷忧耙煌??！昂冒桑覀冏?。我們?nèi)タ茨懶」砣R佩利爾不敢從樹上跳下來，然后我考得一塌糊涂?！?/p>

他用一種饒有興趣又有點意外的表情看著我。“你想學習？”

他這種溫和的口吻讓我開始覺得有一點兒不自在，于是我重重地嘆了一口氣說：“沒關系，別在意了。我知道，我入社了，我得去。我還能怎么辦？”

“別去了。”他非常干脆又隨意地說，就好像他在說“天氣不錯”。他聳了聳肩說：“別去了。管它呢，這不過是個游戲。”

我已經(jīng)走到屋中間停了下來，此刻我就那么看著他?！澳闶裁匆馑?？”我小聲嘀咕說。他的意思已經(jīng)很明白了，但我卻在探尋他的言外之意，探尋他腦子里可能有的想法。我差點兒都想這么問：“那你是誰??？”我面前的完全是一個陌生人。

“我之前并不知道你需要學習，”他索性說，“我還以為你永遠都不需要學習。我以為你就是會那些東西?！?/p>

看上去他原本以為我的學習和他的運動之間有某種相似之處。他可能認為人所擅長的任何東西都是不費吹灰之力就能得來的。他還不知道他是獨一無二的。

我無法完全恢復正常的說話聲音?！叭绻倚枰獙W習，那么你也需要?！?/p>

“我？”他淡淡一笑?！奥犞?，我可以永不休止地學，但我的成績永遠不會超過C。但對你來說就不一樣了，你很棒。你真的很棒。如果我有像你那樣的腦瓜，我就——我就讓人把我的腦袋切開，讓大家都可以看看?！?/p>

“等等……”

他雙手放在一把椅子的椅背上，身體傾向我這邊?！拔抑?。我們經(jīng)常鬧著玩，啥事兒都拿來開玩笑，但有的時候，對有些事兒，你必須得認真。如果你真擅長什么，我的意思是如果沒有人或幾乎沒幾個人能像你一樣擅長某件事，那么你就得認真對待它。不要浪費時間，求你了！”他很不贊同地朝我皺起了眉頭?！澳阋郧霸趺床徽f你必須要學習？別離開這張桌子。你肯定能全得A?！?/p>

“等等?！蔽蚁乱庾R地說。

“沒事的。我會監(jiān)督老萊珀跳。我知道他跳不了?！彼呀?jīng)走到了門口。

“等等，”我更急切地說，“就等一分鐘。我就來?！?/p>

“不，你別來了，哥們兒，你學習吧。”

“你就別管我的學習了?！?/p>

“你覺得你已經(jīng)復習好了？”

“是的?！蔽液唵蔚卣f出這個詞，以防他又告訴我該怎么學習。他沒再說什么，率先走出了房門。

我們跟著自己巨大的影子穿過校園，菲尼亞斯開始用他蹩腳的法語說話，好給我一點兒額外的練習。我什么也沒說。我以前曾經(jīng)對那棵樹心懷恐懼，可和眼前這件事相比，那根本不算什么?，F(xiàn)在危險的不是我的脖子，而是我的恍然大悟。他從未有一秒鐘嫉妒過我。現(xiàn)在我懂了，在我們之間從未有過、也不可能會有任何競爭。我根本沒有他那樣的品質。

我無法忍受這一點。我們到達時其他人正圍著那棵樹的下面轉悠，菲尼亞斯開始興奮地脫掉他的衣服。落日的余暉、大樹的挑戰(zhàn)、我們所有人相互較量的緊張氛圍，這一切讓他很開心。在這樣的時刻，他活力四射，如魚得水?！白撸蹅z一起?！彼暗?。他腦子里閃出一個新的主意?！拔覀円黄穑瑏韨€雙人跳！這主意不錯，是吧？”

現(xiàn)在這些對我都不重要了。隨便他說什么我都會無精打采地表示同意。他開始沿著木梯級往上爬，我也開始跟著往上爬，一直爬到河岸上方的那根樹枝上。菲尼亞斯冒險沿著樹枝向前挪了一小段，用手抓住旁邊一根細樹枝來支撐他。“再過來一點兒，”他說，“然后我們并排跳?！?/p>

我緊緊抓住樹干，往他那邊邁了一步，然后我彎下膝蓋晃了一下那根樹枝。菲尼失去了平衡，他猛地回過頭來，用極其好奇的目光看了我一眼，接著側身摔了下去，一路壓斷了很多細小的樹杈，然后砸在河岸上，發(fā)出一聲令人心驚肉跳、不自然的悶響。這是我見他做過的第一個笨拙的身體動作。我想都不想是否有把握，就沿那根樹枝往外一挪，縱身跳進了河里，心里對此的恐懼早被我忘得一干二凈。

接下來的幾天里，我們?nèi)疾辉S靠近校醫(yī)務室，但我聽到了醫(yī)務室里傳出來的各種謠言。最終，事實浮出水面：他的一條腿受了傷，已經(jīng)“粉碎性骨折”了。我不能準確地琢磨出這個詞到底什么意思，是一處骨折還是多處骨折？是齊刷刷斷了還是斷成了好多塊？但我沒有問。因此我也沒有了解到更多的消息，雖然這個話題一直沒完沒了地被大家談起。我聽不到的時候，人們肯定也聊別的，但每個人和我聊的都是菲尼亞斯。我認為這再自然不過。事情發(fā)生時我就在他旁邊，而且我還是他的室友。