文/By+Susan+Cifuentes+譯/趙凡

If I said I have never felt jealous of anyone， I would be lying. There have been times when I felt a tiny hint of jealousy toward some girls' luscious1） hair or someone's new computer， but the time I really felt envious was when I was about ten. Ever since I can remember， going to college has been my biggest goal. Going to college was a sure way to secure my future to be a successful person in life. But I knew I had to study hard and get good grades.

I come from a low-income family and every day is another day of hard work. My mom cleans houses for a living and whenever I can， I go help her. She cleans these grand houses， the ones that are on the edge of the beach. The first time I entered， I was blown away by everything. That house screamed money！ From that moment， I vowed I was going to do everything I could to live a comfortable life. And then， I met Olivia.

She is a couple years younger than me but at the start I knew she was a very active person. She was up in her room playing with her American Girl doll. I knocked timidly， telling her that my mom sent me up to tell her we were going to clean her room. She answered with a smile and told me that she would go to the game room to not bother us. When she left， I looked around her room and was astounded2） yet again. I probably looked like a dummy3） with my mouth wide open. The only thing I could see was bright pink and brown walls. There was only one bed with its own canopy4）. There was a huge closet and toys all over the room. It looked nothing like my room， which I had to share with my sister and there was barely any room for anything. When I finished gawking at5） her room， I went to find my mother. The girl popped up6） and asked me if I cared to join her tea party. She actually said those exact words. I stammered7） that I would have to ask my mother. I didn't know why but she made me feel intimidated8）. I ended up playing with her.

I learned a lot about Olivia. I learned that she was in the third grade. She had a lot of toys and really liked dogs. She had a younger brother who was at the park. But the thing that stuck was that she was taking some classes. She took ballet， art， singing， and flute. She had a lot of after-school activities， so she was a very busy girl. Her life was so different than mine. I mean， while I was doing homework and baby-sitting my younger sister， she was learning how to dance. She had so many opportunities.

Right then， I knew I was jealous. Not of her personally， but of what she had. She had everything any person could want and more. But it was deeper than that. For me， trying to get into a four-year university was my goal and a full-time job. Anything lower than that would be a failure so I always have to be focused and determined. For her it seemed more of a requirement and didn't need a lot of effort. While I was struggling to understand math by myself， she could hire a private tutor to help her. Her world contained so many opportunities. What I really was jealous of was that some people have it easy compared to others.endprint

Now， whenever I'm thinking of that house on the shore of Malibu， I remember my goals and try to never stray off the path I'm making. Every grade and every extracurricular activity I do is a step closer to college and hopefully one day I too will have my dream house.

如果我說我從來沒嫉妒過任何人，那我是在撒謊。曾經(jīng)有幾次，我對某些女孩的漂亮頭發(fā)或者某人的新電腦有那么一絲嫉妒，但是我真正感到嫉妒別人是在我大概十歲的時候。從我記事起，上大學便一直是我最大的目標。上大學是確保我在未來人生中獲得成功的一種可靠的辦法。但是當時我知道我必須努力學習、考高分才行。

我來自一個低收入家庭，每一天都意味著又一天的辛苦工作。我媽媽靠給人打掃房子謀生，不管什么時候，只要我能幫忙，我都去幫她。她打掃的都是些豪宅，就是建在海邊的那種。我第一次進去的時候，就被眼前的一切驚呆了。那房子真奢華！從那一刻起，我就發(fā)誓我要竭盡全力過上舒適的生活。之后，我遇見了奧利維婭。

她比我小幾歲，但是一開始我就覺得她是個非?；顫姷呐?。當時她正在樓上的房間里玩她的“美國女孩”玩偶。我小心翼翼地敲開門，告訴她我媽媽讓我來跟她說我們要打掃她的房間了。她沖我微微一笑，告訴我她會去游戲室待會兒，不會打擾我們。她離開后，我環(huán)顧她的房間，再次感到震驚。那時的我嘴張得老大，可能看上去就像個傻瓜一樣。我滿眼都是亮粉色和棕色的墻。房間里只有一張床，還帶著天篷，還有個巨大的衣柜和滿屋子的玩具。這和我的房間一點都不像，我要和妹妹住一個房間，而且房間里幾乎沒有地方放任何東西。我目瞪口呆地看完她的房間，就去找媽媽。奧利維婭突然出現(xiàn)在我面前，問我是否愿意和她一起享用下午茶。她確實就是這么說的。我結結巴巴地說我得問一下我媽媽。不知道為什么，她讓我感覺害怕。不過最終我還是跟她玩了起來。

我了解了很多關于奧利維婭的事。我得知她上三年級。她有很多玩具，而且非常喜歡狗。她有一個弟弟，當時在公園。但是讓我印象深刻的是她在上一些課程。她學芭蕾，學美術，學唱歌，還學長笛。她參加很多課外活動，所以她非常忙碌。她的生活和我的生活是如此不同。我是說，當我在寫作業(yè)、照顧妹妹的時候，她卻在學跳舞。她擁有那么多的機會。

就在那時，我知道我嫉妒了。并不是嫉妒她個人，而是嫉妒她所擁有的。她擁有任何人想要的一切，甚至還要更多。但是，我嫉妒的還不止這些。對我來說，努力考入一所四年制的大學是我的目標，也是我要用全部時間去做的一件事。任何低于這個預期目標的結果都是失敗，所以我必須一直精力集中，意志堅定。而對她來說，上大學更像是一個小小的要求，不需要十分努力。當我在為弄懂數(shù)學題孤軍奮戰(zhàn)的時候，她卻可以雇個家教來輔導她。她的世界里充滿了那么多的機會。我真正嫉妒的是一些人能比別人輕松地得到這樣的機會。

如今無論何時，一想起馬里布海岸的那座房子，我就會記起我的目標，盡力不讓自己偏離這條一直在追尋的道路。我得到的每一個分數(shù)和我參與的每一項課外活動都讓我離大學更近一步。但愿有一天，我也能擁有自己夢想的房子。

luscious [?l???s] adj. 美麗的；非常吸引人的；富有魅力的

astounded [??sta?nd?d] adj. 感到震驚的

dummy [?d?mi] n. [俗]傻瓜；笨蛋

canopy [?k?n?pi] n. 華蓋；天篷

gawk at： <口> （驚奇地張口）發(fā)呆地看著

pop up： 突然出現(xiàn)

stammer [?st?m?（r）] vt. 結結巴巴地說

intimidated [?n?t?m?de?t?d] adj. 感到害怕的；恐懼的endprint