呂吉爾

英語書面表達一般要求寫作一篇120詞左右的短文，文章詞數(shù)不夠或篇幅過長，在閱卷時都會被扣分。

刪繁就簡 壓縮篇幅

無論是在平時的寫作訓練還是在考試中，不少同學都表現(xiàn)出積極的寫作態(tài)度，洋洋灑灑，“一寫不可收”。從練筆的角度來說，這是個好現(xiàn)象，寫得多無疑對提高寫作能力有好處。但簡練是寫作的一個重要原則，把一個很小的話題寫得很長，就可能“水分”過多，沖淡主題。

好在精簡比增補方便。

首先，可以從文章內容著手。每個題目都會給出寫作提示，有時候是詳細的內容提示，有時候只有簡單的寫作要點。書面表達不是翻譯，遇到詳細的內容提示，我們要認真思考，根據主題進行篩選，有些內容應完整表述，有些內容可以簡要帶過，有些內容甚至不用涉及。

除了內容上要有所取舍，遣詞造句也要精練。在篇幅過長的情況下，可以將一些冗長的句子、復雜的短語用表意相近但更簡潔的句式、詞匯來替代。

比如下面這個作文題：

隨著我國經濟的發(fā)展與對外開放程度的提高，越來越多的學子走出國門留學深造。請根據下面的提示，以“Studying Abroad”為題，寫一篇100～120詞的短文。

（1） 出國留學的優(yōu)點：開闊視野；體驗當?shù)仫L情；交更多的朋友；更快更好地掌握一門外語。

（2） 出國留學的缺點：語言障礙不利于學習；費用高昂，而花大量時間打工又會影響學習。

以下是一位同學的習作：

With the rapid development of economy， China contacts more with foreign countries， contributing to more and more students studying abroad.

Frankly speaking， studying abroad definitely has some unique advantages that domestic schools cannot compare with. First of all， students can have a broad view. Many of them appreciate this most because it cant be acquired from textbooks or tests. Secondly， they can experience diverse local cultures and make more friends. Whats more， students can master a foreign language better in less time.

However， there are still some disadvantages. Most importantly， it can make a lot of trouble due to language barrier. Thus your study may be badly affected. Besides， some families dont have adequate money to cover the high tuition fees so that students may have to spend a large amount of time doing part-time jobs， which in turn will do harm to study as well.

Considering the advantages and disadvantages， if condition permits， it will be a good choice to study abroad.

應該說，這篇短文寫得相當不錯，美中不足的是篇幅過長，全文共163詞，遠遠超出了要求的詞數(shù)范圍。

要將其合理刪減，首先從內容著手。題目要求我們根據提示，以“Studying Abroad”為題寫一篇短文，提示內容只涉及出國留學的優(yōu)缺點兩方面，所以，文章應該重在介紹出國留學的優(yōu)缺點，然后以自己對出國留學的看法來結尾即可。

作者在內容提示的基礎上，適當發(fā)揮，把出國留學的優(yōu)缺點和自己的看法表述得十分清楚，可刪減的內容主要在第1段。題目中“隨著我國經濟的發(fā)展與對外開放程度的提高，越來越多的學子走出國門留學深造”一句，只是引子，提供背景，可以一筆帶過甚至不寫。

再來看遣詞造句。要精簡詞數(shù)，可以將文中一些過渡語簡化或將可有可無的詞句省去，比如第2段開頭的Frankly speaking可以刪去；把First of all改為Firstly，既縮減了詞數(shù)，又能與后面的Secondly相呼應。

還可以轉化句式，比如，Most importantly， it can make a lot of trouble due to language barrier一句，可以改為Trouble will arise due to the language barrier； 而which in turn will do harm to study as well一句，可以改為which will in turn harm their studies，等等。

如此一來，文章內容沒有太大變化，但詞數(shù)卻大大減少了（如下，125詞）。

Studying abroad definitely has some unique advantages that domestic schools cannot compare with. Firstly， students can have a broader view. Many of them appreciate this most because it cant be acquired from textbooks or tests. Secondly， they can experience a different culture and make more friends. Whats more， they can master a foreign language better in less time.

However， there are still disadvantages. Trouble will arise due to the language barrier. Thus their study may be negatively affected. Besides， some families dont have adequate money to cover the high tuition so that students have to spend much time doing part-time jobs， which will in turn harm their studies.

Considered as a whole， studying abroad is a good choice for those whose conditions are good enough.

充實內容 擴展篇幅

與洋洋灑灑寫一大篇的同學相反，還有不少同學的文章只有“骨架”，沒有“血肉”，十分干癟。篇幅不夠要比篇幅過長難對付，除了平時多閱讀、多練筆、加強詞匯記憶來提高寫作能力之外，短時間內，只能通過一些簡單的擴寫方法來改善。

擴寫時可以關注：（1）題目給出的要點是否都寫了，若有遺漏，及時補充；（2）從遣詞造句看，可以通過轉換句式、替換詞匯、增加恰當?shù)倪^渡和修飾語句來擴充篇幅。

我們來看下面這個作文題。

請根據右圖寫一篇100～120 詞的英文短文。短文須包括以下要點：

（1） 簡要描寫圖畫內容；

（2） 說明圖畫含義；

（3） 表達你的觀點。

注意： （1） 短文的標題和開頭已給出（不計詞數(shù)）；

（2） 請用第三人稱表達。

Balance Creates Happiness

As is shown in the picture above， the student is struggling hard to balance his studies and hobbies.

下面是一篇同學習作：

The left are books meanwhile entertainments are on the right.

I think students should work hard and learn well in school because of their students work. But on the other hand， if students just only studying without doing anything for improving their skills， they will be a learning machine. It was very terrible. So we should share our time in doing things what we like instead learning all day.

文章先描寫了圖畫的內容，然后表達了作者的觀點：學習很重要，但也不能忽略興趣愛好。這篇文章只有69詞，篇幅遠未達到要求。

看內容，作者只用了一句話描寫圖畫內容：The left are books meanwhile entertainments are on the right，這樣的表述顯然還停留在看圖說話的初級階段。描寫完圖畫內容后沒有說明圖畫的含義，遺漏了第二個寫作要點。要擴充文章，可以針對這兩點，先把圖畫內容描述得更豐滿，再補充對圖畫含義的說明。

接著看文字，文中有很多表述混亂、存在語病的地方，主要在第2段表達個人觀點的部分。比如，用because of their students work表達“好好學習是學生的職責所在”的意思，明顯是生造的、混亂的；students just only studying without doing anything for improving their skills一句中，study不用加ing，用improving their skills來表述“拓展技能”也不恰當……這樣的問題還有很多。

修改完這些問題后，可以看看文章有沒有恰當?shù)倪^渡和必要的修飾，沒有的話可以添加。比如，“我認為學習很重要”和“不能忽略興趣愛好”這兩層意思之間可以用on the one hand和on the other hand來連接。

下面這篇修改、擴充后的文章是不是好多了呢？

On the one hand， he wants to learn all the subjects well. On the other hand， he wants to keep his hobbies as well. But it is difficult for him to bear all of them. The picture shows a common phenomenon that students are over burdened.

In my opinion， we students should work hard and learn well in school because it is our duty. But if we only study without doing anything else to enrich our life， we will become learning machines. As an English proverb goes， “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”， we should develop ourselves in an all-round way. So we should spare some of our time to do things we like instead of working all day.

從上面可以看出，刪減、增補文章無外乎從文章內容和詞句運用上著手。建議同學們在平時加強詞匯記憶和句式運用的訓練，掌握的詞匯、句式越多，修改文章會更得心應手。

怎么有效記憶詞匯以及靈活運用句式？再復習一下《走出詞窮困境》（2013年10月號）和《進擊的句型》（2013年11月號）這兩篇文章吧！