by Julie Brown

Growing up， I felt like I knew the path to happiness. The story went something like this： if I worked hard in middle school and even harder in high school， I would get into a “good” college. Then， if I worked really-reallyreally hard in college and pulled one or two or 20 all-nighters[開夜車] studying for tests and writing essays， I would get a “good” job. Then， after working a few years for 60 or more hours a week， I would be promoted to a better job with longer hours but less grunt work[枯燥乏味的工作]. Then， after a decade or two more of working for 80 or more hours a week， I would finally arrive there， to “the successful， happy place.” But， lately， I have been spending a lot of time questioning the path to happiness.

I started questioning this path to happiness when I took a joke philosophy[哲學(xué)] class last year. Admittedly， a lot of the class was mumbo-jumbo[胡言亂語]； we spent most of the class analyzing[分析] our personalities and the elements of our personal spiritual chakras[脈輪]. But， after one of our weekly meditation[冥想] sessions， my professor played the video “Life Is a Dance” by Alan Watts注1. In three minutes， Watts convinced me that “the successful， happy place” I have been working toward does not exist. Watts video made me really question my path. I started thinking about my dreams and my bucket list注2. This led me to realize how much I want to travel and motivated[刺激] me to start planning my trip around the world （flying from Spain to South Korea next week?。? Then， somehow， all of this has led me back to the beginning， questioning the American path to happiness.

I realize， especially in the States， I am surrounded by a culture of people putting up with[忍受] crap[（俚）糞便] to get to the imaginary “successful， happy place.” For example， just this morning， browsing[瀏覽] through my Facebook News Feed注3 （a really nasty habit that I should stop but thats a whole other story）， I saw my friend had posted on her Facebook “All I do is sleep”and her friend posted in response “Lucky you！ All I WANT to do is sleep.” A few months ago I would not have given this a second thought. I would have seen this and thought “of course people are pulling all-nighters， they want to do well on their assignments[作業(yè)] to get good grades to get good jobs （which， of course，will ultimately get them to ‘the successful， happy place）.” Now I realize that this is crazy talk. If all you WANT to do is sleep…sleep. If all you WANT to do is eat…eat. Its really that easy.

But， after removing myself from this crazy path to the “successful happy place，” I am more in my mid-mid life crisis注4 than ever before. After starting classes at Berkeley注5， I thought I wanted to get a job in business consulting. To get there， I knew I would have to work reallyreally-really hard to get into the Haas School of Business and then I would work really-reallyreally hard to network[建立關(guān)系網(wǎng)] and interview with consulting firms. Then， after hopefully receiving an offer to work at a consulting firm， I would spend the next two or three years working 60 or more hours every week. I thought burying myself in work and killing my social life would make me happy. Now I realize that this path will not lead me to happiness.

I am realizing that life has no path to the“successful， happy place.” As Alan Watts says at the end of his video， life is “a musical thing and you were supposed to sing and dance while it was being played.” Life is about long hikes and hot cups of coffee with friends whom you love and admire. Its about climbing mountains and kayaking[劃獨(dú)木舟] in the ocean and exploring gypsy[吉普賽的] caves and running on wet foggy beaches. Its about sleeping when you need to sleep. Its about bonfires[篝火]. Its about growth. Its about sharing all of the love that you can possibly squeeze out of your heart. Happiness is enjoying the dance of life， not reaching “the successful， happy place.”

從小到大，我總覺得自己很清楚何謂幸福之道。這個(gè)過程大概是這樣的：如果我在初中乃至高中努力學(xué)習(xí)，我就能考進(jìn)一所“好”大學(xué)。接著，如果我在大學(xué)期間非常非常努力，用那么一兩個(gè)晚上或者二十來個(gè)晚上為了考試和寫論文開開夜車，我就能找到一份“好”工作。然后，一周工作60個(gè)小時(shí)（或者更多）地過了若干年，我就會(huì)升職，在一個(gè)工作時(shí)間更長，但沒有那么多苦差事的崗位上干活。隨后，一周工作80個(gè)小時(shí)（或者更多）地過了十幾二十年，我總算熬到頭了，到達(dá)“成功與幸福之地”。不過在最近，我經(jīng)常會(huì)質(zhì)疑這條幸福之道（的意義）。

我在去年半開玩笑地報(bào)了門哲學(xué)課，隨后便對(duì)這條幸福之道產(chǎn)生了疑問。無可否認(rèn)，這門課的很大一部分都是鬼話連篇——我們?cè)谡n堂上花大量的時(shí)間分析自己的性格，尋覓個(gè)人靈性脈輪的元素。不過，在一次每周例行冥想結(jié)束后，我的教授播放了一段視頻——艾倫·瓦茨的《人生如舞》。在短短的三分鐘內(nèi)，瓦茨讓我明白到自己一直為之努力的“成功與幸福之地”其實(shí)并不存在。瓦茨的這段視頻讓我認(rèn)真反思自己的人生道路。我開始考量自己的各種夢想以及遺愿清單。這讓我意識(shí)到自己多么渴望旅行，并促使我開始籌備自己的環(huán)游世界計(jì)劃（下周就從西班牙一路飛到韓國?。╇S后，不知怎的，所有這些都讓我回歸本初，對(duì)美國式的幸福之道產(chǎn)生了疑問。

我意識(shí)到——尤其在美國，我生活在這樣一種文化當(dāng)中：人們?nèi)淌苤鞣N各樣的屁事，不過是為了想象中的“成功與幸福之地”。打個(gè)比方，就在今天早上，我在瀏覽“臉譜”信息流（這是一個(gè)很不好的習(xí)慣，我應(yīng)該戒掉的，但那又是另外一個(gè)故事了）時(shí)看到一個(gè)朋友在她的“臉譜”上說“我一直在睡覺”，而她的朋友回復(fù)道“真幸福！我一直想睡覺呢”。幾個(gè)月前，這事情不會(huì)讓我多想一下。我看見這話只會(huì)想：“大伙兒當(dāng)然要熬夜，因?yàn)樗麄兌枷氚压φn做好，這樣才能拿到好成績，以后才能找到好工作（而好工作當(dāng)然會(huì)讓他們最終實(shí)現(xiàn)‘成功與幸福之地）?！爆F(xiàn)在我才發(fā)現(xiàn)這些都是傻話。如果你想睡覺……那就睡吧。如果你想吃東西……那就吃吧。其實(shí)就那么簡單。

但是，當(dāng)我從這條通往“成功與幸福之地”的瘋狂道路上抽身出來之后，我的青年危機(jī)感比過去任何時(shí)候都要嚴(yán)重。在伯克利分校上課以后，我原本打算將來從事商務(wù)咨詢工作。要實(shí)現(xiàn)這個(gè)目標(biāo)，我知道我得非常用功才能入讀哈斯商學(xué)院，然后我要非常努力才能與各家顧問公司建立關(guān)系網(wǎng)，參加面試。接著，我希望收到一家顧問公司的錄用通知，然后在接下來的兩三年里每周工作60個(gè)小時(shí)（或者更多）。我原本以為放棄社交生活、專心埋頭工作會(huì)讓我快樂?，F(xiàn)在我才知道這并不是一條帶我走向幸福的道路。

我漸漸意識(shí)到人生并沒有通往“成功與幸福之地”的道路。正如艾倫·瓦茨在他那段視頻的最后所說的那樣，人生是“一段充滿音樂感的旅程，你應(yīng)該隨著生命的韻律放聲高歌，盡情起舞”。生活是長途的遠(yuǎn)足，是與你所敬愛的朋友一同享受的熱咖啡；生活是攀爬高山，是劃船出海，是在吉普賽山洞里探險(xiǎn)，是在霧氣濕潤的沙灘上跑步；生活是當(dāng)你需要睡覺時(shí)便睡覺，是篝火，是成長，是與他人分享你心中能擠出的全部愛意。幸福正是享受這段生命之舞，而不是到達(dá)那個(gè)“成功與幸福之地”。

注1：艾倫·瓦茨（1915—1973），英國哲學(xué)家、作家及演說家，以向西方人傳播及推廣東方哲學(xué)而著稱。

注2：出自電影《遺愿清單》（The Bucket List，2007年）。影片講述了兩個(gè)末期癌癥患者直面病痛，結(jié)伴同游，歡樂而充實(shí)地度過余下的日子的故事。電影公映之后反響極大，“bucket list”一詞便成了人們?cè)谏钪械某Ｓ迷~組。

注3：“臉譜”網(wǎng)站上的一個(gè)功能，是用戶登錄后首先看到的內(nèi)容，包含各種圖片信息、狀態(tài)更新等等，是該品牌旗下最重要的產(chǎn)品。

注4：青年危機(jī)，指發(fā)生在25至30歲、足以改變?nèi)松囊幌盗惺虑?，這個(gè)詞衍生于“mid life crisis”（中年危機(jī)），這個(gè)年齡正好是中年的一半。

注5：指的是加州大學(xué)伯克利分校（University of California，Berkeley）。該校在多個(gè)學(xué)術(shù)領(lǐng)域中位居全美前列，下文提到的哈斯商學(xué)院正位于此，是美國頂尖商學(xué)院之一。