by Randy Widrick

My whole career exists outside my comfort zone. I realize that most teens are self conscious[自我意識(shí)] to a point that they generally dont want to attract attention to themselves. I was painfully self conscious and unconfident， to the point where I refused to complete any assignment in which I was required to stand in front of the class and speak. For these assignments， I simply took a zero. I was a GOOD student， graduating 11th in my class， so its not as though a zero grade was an easy choice， but it was far less painful than the alternative[可選擇的].

Like many students， during my first few years of college I jumped around from one science major to another， not ever feeling like my choice was THE RIGHT ONE. I actually became so LOST that I left college all together until I could find some direction. In that time， I met and married my wife. While she already had a bachelors degree[學(xué)士學(xué)位]， she decided to go back to get her masters and become a teacher. At night， as she would work on her mock[模擬的] lessons， I would sometimes help her out. I found the process of finding novel[新穎的] ways to present lessons fairly easy and very appealing[誘人的]. It dawned[逐漸明白] on me that my calling was to be a teacher. Oh， wait. Do you think I would need to stand in front of a group of people and speak in that career？

The intense irony[諷刺] did not escape me. Now that I had a direction， it was time to restart my college education. One of my first classes had to be Public Speaking. I knew that if I couldnt get through that， there was no way I could be a teacher. Yes， I was older， but the idea of speaking still filled me with as much dread[恐懼] as ever. For each of my assignments， I would practice the speech over and over. I would record it and listen to it in my car as I drove around. I would give the speech in front of a mirror. In retrospect[回顧過往]， I now believe that my greatest fear was that my audience would perceive[認(rèn)為] me as not knowing what I was talking about. My nerves would cause my head to swirl[打旋]， making it difficult to hold my train of thought. I would surely soon get lost， and then stumble[（說話）出錯(cuò)] and bumble[語無倫次] along desperately trying to recover the remainder of the time. I think it all stems from a traumatic[有創(chuàng)傷的] experience I had in second grade where I was thrust[擠] upon the school stage as a class project without actually knowing my lines. Painful is an understatement[輕描淡寫的陳述]. Absolute nightmare， from which I cant seem to wake up is more apt[恰當(dāng)].

To this day， before every single class I teach， I need to prepare myself. I need to feel I know the material solidly[穩(wěn)穩(wěn)地] because much of my effort will be used controlling my nerves and maintaining focus and clarity[清晰] in every word choice. You would think that after well more than 10，000 public speaking engagements， I would not even notice that what I was doing was public speaking. I do notice—every time. I operate outside my comfort zone nearly every day. Having made it through the least comfortable of all of my uncomfortables， I find it much easier to stretch[盡力使用] myself for an hour， a day， or a week. And my life is richer because of it.

我的職業(yè)完全不在自己的舒適區(qū)內(nèi)。我發(fā)現(xiàn)很多年輕人容易自我意識(shí)過剩，以致于他們常常不愿意引人注目。我過去也飽受自我意識(shí)的困擾，非常不自信，任何要求我站在全班同學(xué)面前講話的作業(yè)都無法完成。我在這類作業(yè)上只能拿零分。我當(dāng)年可是個(gè)好學(xué)生，以全班第11名的成績畢業(yè)，所以拿零分（對我來說）并不是什么好受的事情——但零分遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)比當(dāng)眾發(fā)言要好受多了。

和許多學(xué)生一樣，我在大學(xué)的前幾年在理科專業(yè)之間跳來跳去，一直覺得自己的選擇并不是理想方向。事實(shí)上，我實(shí)在太迷茫了，后來干脆休學(xué)，（打算）找到目標(biāo)再回去念書。就在那個(gè)時(shí)候，我邂逅了我的妻子，我們結(jié)婚了。盡管我的妻子已經(jīng)取得學(xué)士學(xué)位，她還是決定返校進(jìn)修，拿到碩士學(xué)位，將來當(dāng)名老師。她在夜里為模擬教學(xué)備課時(shí)，我有時(shí)也會(huì)幫幫忙。我發(fā)現(xiàn)用新穎方式講課這個(gè)過程并不困難，而且非常引人入勝。我漸漸意識(shí)到教學(xué)就是我的天職。喔，等等，你覺得我干這行需要站在一群人面前講話吧？

我也注意到這種強(qiáng)烈的諷刺。既然我已經(jīng)有了一個(gè)方向，是時(shí)候重新回到大學(xué)念書了。在最初的課程當(dāng)中就有一門公共演講。我知道，如果我不能通過這門課，我就甭想當(dāng)上老師。沒錯(cuò)，我已經(jīng)是個(gè)大人了，但我依然和小時(shí)候一樣對發(fā)言充滿恐懼。為完成每一份作業(yè)，我總要對講話內(nèi)容不斷進(jìn)行練習(xí)。我會(huì)把它錄下來，在開車的時(shí)候聽聽自己是怎么講的。我會(huì)在鏡子前面模擬演講?，F(xiàn)在回想起來，我當(dāng)年最害怕聽眾會(huì)認(rèn)為我并不知道自己在說什么。神經(jīng)緊張會(huì)讓我覺得頭暈眼花，難以保持思路清晰。我很快就會(huì)不知所云，然后結(jié)結(jié)巴巴，語無倫次，拼命地想在剩下的時(shí)間里恢復(fù)過來。我想，所有這一切都源自我在二年級(jí)的一次痛苦經(jīng)歷：我被迫走上學(xué)校講臺(tái)發(fā)布一個(gè)班級(jí)項(xiàng)目，事實(shí)上，我當(dāng)時(shí)并不知道自己該講些什么?！巴纯唷睂?shí)在是太輕描淡寫了——更確切的說法是，那完全是一場噩夢，而我一直無法從夢中醒來。

時(shí)至今日，在上每一堂課之前，我依然要備課。我需要這種對教學(xué)材料牢牢掌握的感覺，因?yàn)槲視?huì)將主要精力用于控制緊張情緒，保持注意力，以及保證自己說的每一個(gè)字都清晰可聞。你大概會(huì)認(rèn)為，我在經(jīng)歷了超過一萬場公開演講之后就不會(huì)在意自己正在當(dāng)眾講話這件事——其實(shí)我很在意，每一場都是。每一天，我?guī)缀醵荚谑孢m區(qū)以外工作。在讓我不舒服的事情當(dāng)中，我成功熬過了最難受的一關(guān)，而且發(fā)現(xiàn)自己要堅(jiān)持下來也容易多了，從忍耐一小時(shí)到堅(jiān)持一天，乃至一星期。也正因如此，我的人生變得更加充實(shí)豐富了。