One of the trickiest things about being a westerner in China is negotiating the potholed track of Chinese etiquette. When this is combined with the language barrier， the path becomes even more treacherous. At times it could be likened to a steep mountain pass with a sheer cliff face on one side， off which the unwary westerner is doomed to blindly stumble， and scream all the way into oblivion.

對于一個在中國的外國人來說，最棘手的事情莫過于和“險境叢生”的中國禮節(jié)“討價還價”。尤其再加上語言障礙，那這條路就變得更加崎嶇、變幻莫測。有時它就像依附在峭壁上的險徑，警惕心不高的外國人就注定在摸索中誤入歧途，然后尖叫到消失不見。

Nowhere was this more apparent to me than one evening in 2006 when a long-lost language partner gave me an unexpected call. It was great to talk to her again， even if the speed at which she was speaking Chinese was a little disconcerting.

沒什么比2006年那天晚上發(fā)生的事更讓我刻骨銘心的了。那晚一個很久沒聯(lián)系的語伴給我打電話。很高興能夠再次聯(lián)系到她，盡管她說中文的速度讓人聽著有點忐忑不安。

\"It's been a long time，\" she said. \"Tonight we have a concert on. Would you like to come and join us?\"

“好久不見了。今晚我們有個音樂會，你要不要來參加？”她很熱情地邀請我。

\"Yeah sure，\" I replied. \"Is it ok to bring my girlfriend?\"

“好??！我可以帶上我的女朋友嗎？”我很爽快地答應(yīng)了。

\"Of course.\"

“當(dāng)然可以?！?/p>

Twenty minutes later， we arrived at the meeting point. There was my friend， and a suited， bespectacled man standing anxiously by her side， hands clasped and sporting a nervous tick.

20分鐘后我們到達了集合地。我的朋友正在那里等我，一個西裝革履、戴眼鏡的男人雙手緊握，焦急不安地站在她身邊。

\"But where is your guitar?\" she asked after the initial introductions had been made.

“你的吉他呢？”在做了最初的簡單介紹后她問我。

\"My guitar? What for?\" I asked， a slight feeling of foreboding in the pit of my stomach.

“我的吉他？干什么？”我奇怪地問道，一絲不安在心里隱約浮現(xiàn)。

\"Oh， we want you to perform in the concert，\" she said， with all the offhandedness of someone asking the time. \"Didn't you understand me on the phone?\"

“我們希望你能夠在音樂會上表演?！彼趧e人問時間的時候立即問我，“在電話里你沒有明白我的意思嗎？”

Of course， this is an entirely casual request to make of a Chinese person. My own Chinese teacher was not averse to asking her adult students to get up in class and sing a song for the benefit of their classmates if they failed to complete their homework. In Sichuan once I had also been put in the position of singing to a tour bus half full of Chinese tourists and half full of my friends. That， however， was in the spur of the drunken moment. This was different. Really， really different. Westerners， especially Australians， are not in the habit of casting aside their insecurities and hang-ups for a sing-a-long on stage in front of a group of strangers.

當(dāng)然，這完全是一個中國朋友的一場臨時邀請。我的中文老師不反對她的成年學(xué)生因為沒有完成作業(yè)而被懲罰在課堂上給他的同學(xué)們唱歌。在四川我曾經(jīng)被迫在一輛旅游大巴上當(dāng)眾唱歌，那車上一半是中國旅客一半是我的朋友。當(dāng)然那次是因為喝高了，由于酒精的刺激，沒什么大感覺。但這次不一樣。完全、絕對不一樣。西方人，尤其是澳大利亞人，不習(xí)慣在臺上面對一群陌生人唱歌，他們無法擯棄巨大的不安和心理障礙。

\"Ahh， but I haven't played for a long time，\" I lied. \"And I can't sing at all.\"

“呃，我很久沒彈了，而且我根本不會唱歌。”我沒辦法只好撒謊。

Incidentally， the second part of this statement is agonizingly true.

順便說一下，后面一句（我根本不會唱歌）絕對是真的。

\"Oh， but we really need someone. And I told my friend you would be able to perform，\" she said， indicating the man in the suit. \"We have many Chinese students performing and everyone is having a lot of fun. But we told everybody we would get a foreigner to perform.\" They both looked at me with big， beseeching eyes.

“但是我們真的缺人，而且我跟我的朋友說你會表演節(jié)目?！彼抵干磉叺哪莻€西裝革履的男人。“我們有很多中國學(xué)生都會表演，每個人都會很開心。我已經(jīng)告訴大家會有一個外國人為我們表演?！闭f到這，兩人都用懇切的目光看著我。

Out of the corner of my eye， I could see my girlfriend doubled up with silent laughter at my situation.

我眼角的余光瞟到我的女朋友在一旁已經(jīng)笑彎了腰——嘲笑我現(xiàn)在的尷尬境地，還努力強忍住不發(fā)出笑聲。

\"Umm，\" I stammered trying desperately to think of a way out， \"I am really out of practice. I'm not sure if I can do it.\"

“呃，那個……我疏于練習(xí)很久了。實在不確定是否能夠勝任?！蔽医Y(jié)結(jié)巴巴地做垂死掙扎，希望能夠想出一個脫身之法。

\"Oh， it's very relaxed，\" she assured me. \"How about you came and take a look?\"

“很簡單隨意的?！彼蛭冶ＷC?！澳闳タ匆谎郯?？”

\"Please come，\" added the suited man， who turned out to be one of the concert organizers. \"We really need a Waiguoren to perform.\"

“拜托你了。”旁邊那個男人也來請求我，后來才知道原來他是音樂會的組織者之一?！拔覀冋娴暮苄枰粋€外國人來表演?！?/p>

Against my better judgment I allowed my girlfriend and I to be escorted to the concert hall. My condition was that I would need to assess the situation before I would perform， but I knew then it was already almost impossible to avoid my dark fate.

我違背了自己的意志，在他們的陪同下和女朋友一起走向了音樂會大廳。我的要求是在表演前得先估摸下情況，但是我心里很清楚今天是不可能擺脫厄運了。

Walking behind my language partner and the suited man， we discussed possible escape routes very quickly in English so they would not understand. My girlfriend happily came to the conclusion very early that I was doomed to severely embarrass myself. It didn't help that I knew neither my language partner nor her suited friend understood my situation. At that moment， I was the poor dumb foreigner perched on the cliff face of the cultural and linguistic divide， like a lamb to the slaughter.

跟在我的語伴還有那個男人的后面，我和女朋友在快速地用英語討論著（這樣他們就不知道我們在說什么）可能的逃跑路線。我的女朋友開心地立即斷定我是注定逃脫不了這個尷尬的境地。雖然我知道無論是我的語伴還是那個西裝革履的男人都無法理解我的處境，但這毫無幫助。此時，我只是個可憐沉默的外國人，無聲地蜷縮在文化和語言的懸崖邊緣，懦弱柔順地獨自等待被屠宰那一刻的到來。

Arriving at the concert hall only increased the sick sense of foreboding deep in my gut. Word had got out that my friends were coming with the singing， guitar-playing foreigner… who， for some reason， had arrived without a guitar. A group of men in identical suits gratefully and earnestly shook my hand outside the entrance. \"Thank you so much，\" they said， oblivious to the churning mess in my stomach. \"We really need a Waiguoren to perform.\" They ushered me into the hall… and there it was; four hundred-odd people sitting in darkness with their eyes glued to the bright lights of the stage. Nobody was even talking. To say I felt faint was an understatement. At that point I seriously considered abandoning my girlfriend to run screaming out the door. It would serve her right for her lack of sympathy.

到達音樂會大廳讓我心里更加不安。話已經(jīng)放出來了，我的朋友們會帶一個彈吉他唱歌的外國人……而這個外國人因為某些原因，沒有帶吉他。一群穿著相同的男人在入口處熱情地和我握手表示歡迎?！胺浅８兄x?！边@話更是在我心里激起千層浪，亂成一團。“我們真的需要一個外國人來表演?！彼麄円龑?dǎo)我進入了大廳，就是這里了。四百多人黑壓壓地坐在下面看著燈光絢麗的舞臺。沒有人說話。毫不夸張地說我簡直要昏過去了。這個時候我真想扔下女朋友尖叫著奪門而出。這是她缺乏同情心應(yīng)得的報應(yīng)。

\"It's ok， right?\" smiled my language partner. I wanted to punch her.

“沒問題吧？”我的語伴微笑著問我。說實話，我真想揍她。

The next few minutes were a blur of miserable anxiety and frenzied， whispered instructions. There were guitars on hand but none suited to my style of playing. Worse， was only one song I could think of singing off the top of my head - Old Man by Neil Young. I know， I know， it's a ridiculous choice. Preposterous， even. But it was all my befuddled brain and loose bowels could come up with.

接下來的幾分鐘就是焦急和煩躁糾結(jié)在一起，外加我的語伴低聲地指導(dǎo)，我應(yīng)該怎樣怎樣。手邊有很多吉他但沒有一把適合我。更糟糕的是，我已經(jīng)無法正常思考的腦袋只能想出一首歌——尼爾#8226;楊的《老男人》。我知道，我真的知道這是個很糟糕的選擇?？梢哉f是荒謬。但這是我渾渾噩噩的大腦以及瀕臨崩潰的內(nèi)心唯一能想出來的。

By this time， the MC was already introducing me. Despite the short circuit occurring in my cerebral cortex， I could grasp the phrase \"Waiguoren\" and felt the weight of several hundred pairs of eyes， along with several hundred people's expectations， lift me to my feet and drag me screaming into the void. The stairs up to the stage were a rocky mountain path. There was a cliff face at the edge of the stage. The stage lights in my eyes blinded me to the safest path forward. Hands shaking， I accepted the microphone from the MC.

這時，主持人已經(jīng)在介紹我了。盡管大腦處于短路狀態(tài)但我還是聽見了“外國人”三個字，感到有無數(shù)雙飽含希望的殷切眼神直刷刷地朝我看過來，逼迫我抬起腳步，拖著我尖叫到虛無。通向舞臺的樓梯就像一條崎嶇的山路。舞臺的邊緣就是懸崖。而舞臺耀眼的燈光已經(jīng)讓我看不清前方安全的道路了。我顫抖著雙手從主持人手里接過麥克風(fēng)。

It's an odd experience， being put in a position such as this. Nobody in the crowd really gives a damn too much about the quality of the performance. It's not like you are experiencing something truly dreadful like a car accident or being fired from you job. And yet you feel as if the eyes of the world are on you. They are waiting for you to make a complete and utter jackass out of yourself， so they can laugh in unholy glee and dance on the rotting corpse of your self-respect.

處于這種狀況真是可怕。沒有觀眾會過于苛責(zé)演出的質(zhì)量。這不同于車禍或者解雇之類這種恐怖的事。你會感覺全世界的目光都在注視著你。他們正在等待著你完全表現(xiàn)出自己最愚蠢的一面，然后就可以在你被踐踏得體無完膚的自尊上“輕歌曼舞”。

\"Old man， take a look at my life.\" I croaked into the microphone… and the next few minutes dragged by in excruciatingly slow motion.

“老男人，看看我的人生。”我沖著麥克風(fēng)發(fā)出嘶啞的聲音……接下來就是一系列極其痛苦的“慢動作”。

When the dismemberment was finally over， the crowd was polite enough to clap. My language partner was supportive， if somewhat \"surprised\" by my singing skills. My girlfriend thought it was the funniest thing ever， and couldn't wait to tell everybody， yeah! The suited man invited me to stay and watch the rest of the performances.

當(dāng)這種被割裂的痛苦快要結(jié)束的時候，臺下的觀眾很禮貌地鼓掌。我的語伴更是不遺余力，可能被我的歌技 “驚”到了。我的女朋友認為這是最搞笑的事情，并且迫不及待地要告訴每一個認識的人。而那個西裝革履的男人邀請我留下來觀看余下的節(jié)目。

I declined. My heart was still thumping， and my hands were still shaking. Guitarless， talentless， and now also self-respect-less， I left the hall and the cliff face behind me. With my oh-so amused girlfriend in tow， I walked away from that graveyard of music and vowed never to get caught on that rocky path of cultural misunderstanding ever again.

我拒絕了他的邀請。我的心一直在劇烈地跳動，我的手還在發(fā)抖。什么吉他、什么天才，現(xiàn)在我連自尊都所剩無幾了，我快速地離開了大廳，將懸崖峭壁拋在腦后。拖著我那樂個不停的女朋友，繞開那座音樂墳?zāi)?，我發(fā)誓再也不會接近那條崎嶇的文化誤解之路了。

Notes

1. be doomed to

意為“注定、命定”，文中作者多次使用這個短語，表達了他對現(xiàn)實的無可奈何，想要改變卻無能為力。

2. pit of my stomach

意為“胸口、心窩”。

3. for the benefit of

意為“為了某人的利益，為了某人好”。

4. cast aside

意為“消除、廢除、拋棄”。文中指的是很多西方人，尤其是澳大利亞人，在面對觀眾的時候會感到無法抑制和消除的不安以及緊張。

5. double up

意為“對折、彎曲”，以及“因為疼痛或者大笑而彎下身子”。文中指的是作者的女朋友覺得作者尷尬的處境非常有趣，忍不住笑彎了腰，當(dāng)然還是無聲地、默默地獨自笑彎了腰。

6. like a lamb

意為“懦弱的、天真的、柔順的”，文中作者用來形容自己的無力反抗，只能靜靜等待著即將到來的命運——在眾人面前表演。

7. off the top of one's head

“off the top of one's head”是個固定搭配，意為“不經(jīng)大腦就去……，不過多思考”。文中作者用來形容自己腦中一片混亂。

Links

1. Neil Young尼爾#8226;楊

Neil Young出生于1945年11月12日的加拿大多倫多，他是唯一可以和Bob Dylan相提并論的民謠藝人，他將搖滾和民謠相結(jié)合，創(chuàng)造出具有鮮明個人特色的音樂。從六十年代末一直到今天，Neil Young從未停止過對搖滾樂的探索，從早期的Rockabilly、Bruce一直到硬搖滾。在根源與激進、民謠和朋克之間自如來去。但是他最喜愛的還是民謠、鄉(xiāng)謠。Neil Young的作品影響了幾代人，卻始終保持著旺盛的創(chuàng)作能力。四十年來，Neil Young一直埋頭創(chuàng)作表演，但直到Alternative受到萬眾矚目的時候他才被人們抬上了臺面，冠之以各種美譽，而這對Neil Young只是無足輕重的安慰罷了，因為他根本就是個搖滾變色龍，怎么可能被這種陳詞濫調(diào)定位呢？

Neil Young的音樂觀念核心始終是強烈的獨立意識。他近乎心甘情愿地否認期望、潮流以及所謂的趣味。他所崇敬的搖滾絕不會向名譽和地位低頭。雖然他的歌曲個性鮮明或帶有濃烈的政治氣息。但他一邊為自己的民謠搖滾和歌手兼詞曲作者的身份感到自豪，一邊又摒棄他們，不斷超越著自己。正如很多樂評人所說的那樣，他絕不是傳統(tǒng)意義上的折衷主義者。他盡可能地以音樂形式的發(fā)展作為自己創(chuàng)作的唯一目的，而不是簡單的嘗試，這個過程至今仍在持續(xù)中。Neil Young什么時候追求什么樣的音樂風(fēng)格從來都是無關(guān)緊要的。任何音樂都會因為他獨特氣質(zhì)的介入而立刻身價倍增，事實說明一切，任何一個有他參與的樂隊都會成名——Buffalo Springfield、Crazy Horse、Crosby，Stills，NashYoung。

網(wǎng)站：http://www.neil-young.com/