幾乎每一個(gè)老師都強(qiáng)調(diào)學(xué)生應(yīng)當(dāng)記筆記, 然而學(xué)生對(duì)此看法不一, 請(qǐng)閱讀下表內(nèi)容, 寫(xiě)一篇短文。
詞數(shù):120左右。
學(xué)生習(xí)作:
As we all know, almost every teacher asks their students to take notes in the① class. However, different students have different opinions.
Some students think taking notes itself is a means of strength② knowledge. Besides, taking notes makes it is③ possible for students to go over their past knowledge. Whats more, taking notes helps students to know the system of knowledge.
On the other hand, some students think taking notes makes students unable to concentrate on listening to the teacher, which have④ a bad effect on their study. Whats worse, it spends⑤ a lot of time to take notes.
In my opinion, taking notes is useful for our study, but we must pay more attention to listening to the teacher. If necessary, we can learn to take notes brief⑥.
修改說(shuō)明:①此處不表示“在教室里”而表示“在課堂上”, 因此應(yīng)去掉the。②of為介詞,后面應(yīng)接動(dòng)名詞作賓語(yǔ), 因此strength應(yīng)改為strengthening。③此處it為形式賓語(yǔ), 因此is為多余詞, 應(yīng)刪去。④此處which代表整個(gè)主句內(nèi)容, 因此謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞應(yīng)用單數(shù), have應(yīng)改為has。⑤此處表示“花費(fèi)時(shí)間”且用it作形式主語(yǔ), 因此spends應(yīng)改為takes。⑥take notes為行為動(dòng)詞, 應(yīng)用副詞修飾, brief應(yīng)改為briefly。
點(diǎn)評(píng):本篇書(shū)面表達(dá)習(xí)作為觀點(diǎn)介紹文,小作者根據(jù)寫(xiě)作要求從支持記筆記者觀點(diǎn)、反對(duì)記筆記者觀點(diǎn)和自己觀點(diǎn)等角度介紹文意, 文章條理清晰, 思路明確, 有較強(qiáng)的整體美感。As we all know, However, Besides, Whats more, On the other hand, Whats worse, In my opinion of me, but等過(guò)渡性詞匯的準(zhǔn)確貼切使用使文章敘述更清楚, 思路更連貫, 邏輯更嚴(yán)密。定語(yǔ)從句、賓語(yǔ)從句、非限制性定語(yǔ)從句、并列句、條件狀語(yǔ)從句等高級(jí)表達(dá)方式的運(yùn)用使文章表達(dá)方式更多, 表達(dá)效果更好, 表達(dá)檔次更高。所有這些成為本文不可缺的亮點(diǎn)。然而美中不足的是, 本文也存在一些語(yǔ)言語(yǔ)法方面的錯(cuò)誤, 如冠詞錯(cuò)誤、非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞錯(cuò)誤、多余動(dòng)詞錯(cuò)誤、主謂語(yǔ)一致錯(cuò)誤、易混動(dòng)詞誤用錯(cuò)誤、形容詞副詞混用錯(cuò)誤, 表明小作者語(yǔ)言表達(dá)能力有待于進(jìn)一步提高。然而從總體上講本文仍屬一篇成功之作, 值得廣大讀者借鑒。
參考答案:
As we all know, almost every teacher asks their students to take notes in class. However, different students have different opinions.
Some students think taking notes itself is a means of strengthening knowledge. Besides, taking notes makes it possible for students to go over their past knowledge. Whats more, taking notes helps students to know the system of knowledge.
On the other hand, some students think taking notes makes students unable to concentrate on listening to the teacher, which has a bad effect on their study. Whats worse, it takes a lot of time to take notes.
In my opinion, taking notes is useful for our study, but we must pay more attention to listening to the teacher. If necessary, we can learn to take notes briefly.