廣東 張灣灣

【問題導讀】

讀后續(xù)寫作為高考英語中的一種新題型，將語言的輸入和輸出緊密結合在一起。它要求續(xù)寫內容與原文保持邏輯銜接上的合理性和語言風格上的一致性。因此，續(xù)寫時除了要考慮故事的主題思想和邏輯關系之外，還需要高度關注續(xù)寫內容和原文的語言風格，確保續(xù)寫內容在語言風格上與原文保持一致?？忌睦m(xù)寫有時會存在與原文割裂的情況，這是因為考生不注意原文用詞和句子的風格，隨心所欲，從而導致續(xù)寫內容和原文語言風格偏離，不能很好地與原文保持語言風格的協同。為避免這種情況，考生需要在續(xù)寫前充分地解讀原文，從敘事風格、詞匯、句式、表現手法、修辭手法等著眼，對原文的語言特點進行分析。續(xù)寫的段落只有盡可能多維度地模仿、體現這些語言特點，才能輸出與原文高度協同、渾然一體的佳作。

【名師導學】

讀后續(xù)寫任務中存在協同效應，該效應主要來自理解和產出的緊密結合。讀后續(xù)寫中的語言協同是指在續(xù)寫中運用原文中的詞表達自己思想的語言現象。因此我們在續(xù)寫過程中，應當通過不斷參照和回顧原文，自覺或不自覺地模仿和運用其中的一些表達，掃清表達障礙，強化續(xù)寫語言與原文語言的協同。

在續(xù)寫過程中，應當立足文本解讀，在理解文章主旨和思想的基礎上，注重對原文語言風格的分析與模仿，高度關注續(xù)寫內容和原文的語言風格。這樣，續(xù)寫內容與原文的融合度才會更高，協同作用也才會更大。

【案例導引】

閱讀下面短文，準確地把握住原文的基本情節(jié)走向和語言風格，在保持整體一致的前提下續(xù)寫原文，使之構成一個完整的故事。

It took place in a teacher's family.One day,Ben was playing basketball in the living room after school,when he accidentally threw the ball at a vase sitting on the shelf.The vase dropped to the floor and a large piece broke off.What made Ben more upset was that the vase was not a common decoration but an antique,which was handed down through generations from the 18th century.It was also his mother's favourite possession.To cover his terrible action,the terrified boy glued the pieces together hastily and put the vase back to its place.

As the mother herself dusted the vase every day,she naturally noticed the cracks (裂紋) that evening.To her surprise,the repair work was actually very good.At dinner time,she asked her boy if he broke the vase.Fearing punishment,the suddenly inspired boy said that a neighbour's cat jumped in from the window and he couldn't drive it away no matter how hard he tried.It raced around the living room and finally knocked the vase off its shelf.His mother was quite clear that her son was lying,for all the windows were closed before she left for work each morning and opened after she returned.However,in the face of her son's nervous eyes and the suspicious looks of the other family members,Ben's mother remained calm.She realized she shouldn't just simply blame and punish her son for lying.She came up with another idea.

Before going to bed,the boy found a note from his mother in his room,asking him to go to the study at once.The boy thought he would be punished but,as he had already lied,he was determined to deny everything to the end,no matter how angry his mum became.

In the study,calmly bathed in the light,his mother's face showed no sign of anger.On seeing her son push open the door and cautiously enter,she took a chocolate box out of a drawer and gave him one.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

The mother said,“This chocolate is a reward for your imagination: a window-opening cat!”_____________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Now with some chocolates in hand,the boy's bad attitude disappeared.___________________________________________________________________________________

文本解讀

一、原文分析

（續(xù)表）

二、原文主題

本文的主題語境為人與自我。本不小心打碎了媽媽心愛的花瓶，他害怕受到懲罰，便跟媽媽撒謊說是一只貓打碎的。媽媽雖然看穿了他的謊言，但為了保護孩子的自尊心，決定把他叫到書房用巧妙的方式進行教育。故事的主題是“誠實不說謊，敢于直面自己的錯誤”。

三、原文脈絡

四、細品原文，找出語言協同點

1.原文中關于本和他媽媽的描寫

（續(xù)表）

2.原文中的重點詞匯和句法結構

（續(xù)表）

五、基于語言協同，研讀首句構思情節(jié)發(fā)展

根據該故事的情節(jié)發(fā)展脈絡，我們可以分析一下故事的情節(jié)走向。

故事的開端：本不小心打碎了媽媽心愛的祖?zhèn)骰ㄆ浚瑸榱搜谏w自己犯的錯，他急忙把花瓶的碎片粘回去并把花瓶放回了原處。

故事的發(fā)展：本的媽媽發(fā)現了花瓶上的裂紋，便問本是不是他打碎的。

問題的出現：由于擔心受到懲罰，本便撒謊，說是一只貓打碎了花瓶。

問題的解決：本的媽媽在他的房間留下了紙條，讓他立馬去書房一趟。

結合續(xù)寫段落所給出的首句可以推測出故事的結局：通過和媽媽談心，本逐漸認識到了自己的錯誤并勇敢地向媽媽承認是自己打碎了花瓶。

續(xù)寫第一段展開語言和動作描寫細節(jié)時，可以結合原文語言協同點嘗試回答以下問題：

（1）How did Ben feel upon hearing his mother's words? Nervous? Surprised? Embarrassed?

（2）What should we write in paragraph 1 to show Ben's“bad attitude”mentioned in paragraph 2?

（3）Why did Ben have some chocolates in his hand in paragraph 2? What other rewards might be mentioned in paragraph 1?

根據以上問題和給出的段首句內容——“這塊巧克力糖是對你想象力的獎勵：一只會開窗的貓！”，續(xù)寫第一段的具體情節(jié)可以這樣安排：本一開始仍然試圖撒謊，到后來一點點卸下防備。媽媽找了幾個理由來獎勵本巧克力糖，一步步戳穿他的謊言但又巧妙地維護了孩子的自尊，讓他放下恐懼。具體情節(jié)的設計應該以媽媽的獎勵理由和孩子的內心活動變化為主。

續(xù)寫第二段展開語言和動作描寫細節(jié)時，可以結合原文語言協同點嘗試回答以下問題：

（1）How did Ben feel now?Ashamed?Regretful?

（2）How would Ben tell his mother the truth?

（3）What was the mother's reaction to the truth?

（4）How can we design the ending to teach the readers a lesson?

根據以上問題和給出的段首句內容——“手里拿著一些巧克力糖，男孩的糟糕態(tài)度消失了?！保m(xù)寫第二段的具體情節(jié)可以這樣安排：本逐漸認識到了自己的錯誤并勇敢地向媽媽承認是自己打碎了花瓶。然后在續(xù)寫內容的最后升華文章的主題。

參考范文

Paragraph 1:

The mother said,“This chocolate is a reward for your imagination: a window-opening cat!”What made Ben quite surprised was the humorous but intelligent remarks,which destroyed his lies so easily.A mixed feeling of embarrassment,shame and fear crowded in on him,but he still muttered,“But you forget to close the window!”Instead of arguing with him,the mother took out another chocolate and said calmly,“The second chocolate is given for your effort to repair the vase! The cracks and the glue will always remind me of your care for me!”Hearing this,the boy's face flushed,too awkward to utter a word,which was interrupted by his mother's remarks,“And the third one is for your courage to face the problem,though it's a little delayed!”She then handed the chocolate gently to him.Paragraph 2:

Now with some chocolates in hand,the boy's bad attitude disappeared.He thought of all these days when his mother was trying to teach him to be honest and to be responsible.He thought of all the troublesome problems caused by his lies and fear of punishment.All of a sudden,he realized that it is honesty and courage rather than lies and cowardliness that can fix the problem.With this thought,he gathered his courage and apologized,“Sorry,Mum,it was me who broke the vase.The cat was wronged and I lied...”“Well,my son,these are for your final admission of your mistake,”said his mother,gathering him to her chest affectionately.“Honesty far outweighs anything else—whether an antique or someone's favourite.”

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面材料，根據其內容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。

Laurie sat quietly in the empty dressing room at the ice-skating rink（溜冰場）.She had not been skating in any competition since her left knee was badly injured in an accident six months ago.As she waited for her turn to skate,Laurie was very nervous,with her legs trembling.She knew that today was a very important day,in her comeback.

“If I can win today,”she thought,“I can skate in the World Cup next year and then maybe I can make it to the Olympics.”

Laurie was just told that she had a tough competition this year,a girl from Connecticut named Jinny Jordan who was really strong in everything.“She is the one you have to beat this year,”the coach said.

Minutes later,the door opened and Laurie saw a young woman who was about her own age.The young woman put some of her belongings onto a chair.However,the bag fell to the floor.

Laurie glared at Jinny.“So this is my competition,”thought Laurie.“Because of her,I may lose tonight.”

“This costume was my mom's idea,”Jinny started the conversation,looking down at her red,white,and blue skating dress.“I look like a flag.”

Laurie couldn't keep from smiling.She pointed to Jinny's skating bag.“Some stuff fell out of your bag,”Laurie said.

Jinny looked at the clothing and equipment that lay scattered on the floor.As she began to gather her belongings,the door opened.

“Jinny,”called someone,“you'd better give the tape of your music to the sound engineer right away.”

“I thought I gave him my music tape half an hour ago,”said Jinny.“Tell him it's the green box with my initials written in white in the right-hand corner.”

“He claims you never gave it to him,and he is getting angry.”

“Then I don't know what I did with it,”said Jinny,hurrying out.

Laurie knew that music was nearly as important to the program as skating itself.If she lost her music tape,she might as well forget about skating.Laurie stood up and walked to the chair to do a few more knee bends.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Suddenly she saw something small and dark green behind the leg of the dressing table.

Paragraph 2:

Feeling relieved,Laurie skated quickly to the center of the rink after the announcer finally called her name.______________________________________________________

【評價導思】

1.續(xù)寫時我除了考慮故事的主題思想和邏輯關系外，有沒有關注原文的語言風格？

2.續(xù)寫這篇文章的時候，我是否在原文中找到了語言協同點？

3.在續(xù)寫時我是否關注了原文的語言特征，使用了原文中的詞匯和句法結構，以保持與原文語言風格的協同？