鄭云

近日，你班正在評(píng)選體育主播，你打算參評(píng)。請(qǐng)結(jié)合特長(zhǎng)介紹自己，表達(dá)出對(duì)體育的熱愛(ài)。

Hello， everyone！ My name is Tom. I am a student in Class 9， Grade 7.

I am tall and thin. I have black hair and a round face. My eyes are not big. I often have a smile on my face. I am a friendly boy.

I like reading and many kinds of sports. Basketball is my favourite. I began to play it when I was five years old. I usually run on the playground after school. Now， I am a member of the school basketball team. Last month， our team won two matches and I felt happy.

Among all the basketball players， I like Yao Ming best. He is so cool. In the future， I will practise hard and I want to be a basketball player like him！

可適當(dāng)增加連接詞和過(guò)渡句，使文章顯得緊湊、有層次，表達(dá)更加流暢自然。

本段落需要緊扣段落中心，具體描述作者的愛(ài)好和特長(zhǎng)，此處遺漏寫作要點(diǎn)——特長(zhǎng)。

此句與“愛(ài)好和特長(zhǎng)”無(wú)關(guān)。

此處“cool”不能準(zhǔn)確表達(dá)姚明是偶像的原因。

建議用富有情感的語(yǔ)言表達(dá)對(duì)實(shí)現(xiàn)夢(mèng)想的渴望。

Hello， everyone！ My name is Tom. I am a student in Class 9， Grade 7.

I am tall and thin. I have black hair and a round face. My eyes are not big， but they are bright. I often have a smile on my face and everyone thinks I am very friendly.

I love reading because I think it makes me know many things about the world. I also like many kinds of sports like football， badminton and basketball. Basketball is my favourite and I really do well in it. I began to play it when I was five years old. I often run on the playground after school. Now， I am a member of the school basketball team.

Among all the basketball players， I like Yao Ming best. He plays basketball very well and often helps his team come first in the match， so he is my hero. In the future， I will practise harder and I want to be a basketball player like him. I hope my dream will come true someday！

（江蘇省靖江市實(shí)驗(yàn)學(xué)校 陳垚竹）

本篇書面表達(dá)的主題是自我介紹，全文緊扣評(píng)選體育主播這個(gè)話題，結(jié)構(gòu)合理，條理清晰，邏輯性強(qiáng)，體現(xiàn)了小作者積極向上的生活態(tài)度。

文章語(yǔ)言生動(dòng)、流暢、精練，句式富有變化，時(shí)態(tài)把握準(zhǔn)確。小作者能靈活運(yùn)用七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)教材Unit 1和Unit 2所學(xué)的新短語(yǔ)和句式來(lái)表達(dá)外貌、愛(ài)好、特長(zhǎng)、偶像和夢(mèng)想等，也能較好地運(yùn)用but， and， so， because， when等連詞，使文章緊湊，富有層次感。