張 建 崔保林

（山東省棗莊市第二中學(xué)）

閱讀下面材料,根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段,使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。續(xù)寫的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150 左右。

Once，when I was a teenager my father and I were standing in line to buy tickets for the circus.Finally there was only one family between the ticket counter and us.

This family made a big impression on me.There were eight children，all probably under the age of twelve.You could tell they didn’t have a lot of money.Their clothes were not expensive，but they were clean.The children were well-behaved，all of them standing in line，two-by-two behind their parents，holding hands.They were excitedly talking about the clowns，elephants and other acts they would see that night with their brothers or sisters in a low voice.One could sense they had never been to the circus before.It promised to be a highlight of their young lives.

The father and mother were at the head of the line，standing proud as they could be.The mother was holding her husband’s hand，looking up at him as if to say“You are my knight in shining armor.”He was smiling and responding in pride，looking back at her as if to say“You got that right.”

The ticket lady asked the father how many tickets he wanted.He proudly responded，“Please let me buy eight children’s tickets and two adults’ so I can take my family to the circus.”

The ticket lady gave the price.The man’s wife let go of his hand，lowered her head and her lips began to shake.The father leaned a little closer and asked,“How much did you say ?”The ticket lady told him the price again.The man obviously didn’t have enough money.

How was he supposed to turn and tell his eight children that he didn’t have enough money to take them to the circus? Actually we were not wealthy in one sense，so I understood how the kids would feel.I felt sorry for them.

Paragraph 1:

Seeing what was going on，my father seemed to have an idea._____________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Then my father and I went back home.________________________________________________________

寫作過程

1.故事梗概

根據(jù)四要素（when，where，who，what)提取相關(guān)信息

2.情節(jié)構(gòu)思（plot line）,基于下列提示問題給出可能用到的關(guān)鍵表達(dá)

（1）構(gòu)思第一段情節(jié)

? What was my father’s idea?

? How did my father carry out his idea?

? What was the man’s reaction to my father’s help?

（2）構(gòu)思第二段情節(jié)

? What did I say to my father?

? What did my father say to me?

3.主題升華（theme line）,基于下列提示問題給出可能用到的關(guān)鍵表達(dá)

? What did my father think of helping others?

? How did I feel about my father’s kind act?

4.開始寫作

? Seeing what was going on，my dad seemed to have an idea.

_________________________________________________________________________

? Then my father and I went back home.

_________________________________________________________________________

Suggested answers

1.故事梗概

when: once

where: at the ticket counter

who: a family with eight children,my father,I,the ticket lady

what: When my father and I were standing in line to buy tickets for the circus,another family couldn’t afford to buy enough tickets,which made us sorry for them.

2.情節(jié)構(gòu)思(plot line)

(1) 構(gòu)思第一段情節(jié)

? lend them a hand in a proper way

? pull out a $ 50 bill and drop it on the ground,ask the man to pick up the money

? the man,with grateful tears sparkling in his eyes,shake hands with my father

(2)構(gòu)思第二段情節(jié)

? I asked,“ Dad,we are not rich,but why did you do this?”

? He replied,“We should be grateful for what we have and seize the opportunity to help those who need help.”

(3)主題升華(theme line)

? responsible,meaningful,should be willing to help others

? set a good example to me and make a big difference to my future

解析：

根據(jù)“三點(diǎn)兩線一整體”模式來構(gòu)思續(xù)寫思路。

1.立足“三點(diǎn)”，確定情節(jié)線（plot line）

（1）第一點(diǎn)：故事梗概，即提煉所給閱讀文本的主要內(nèi)容，根據(jù)記敘文的四大要素（when，where，who，what）來提取主要內(nèi)容情節(jié)并分析相關(guān)人物的心理活動(dòng)。

通過閱讀給出的語段和信息提取，得出故事梗概：“我”和爸爸在排隊(duì)買馬戲團(tuán)的票，看到一個(gè)帶著8 個(gè)孩子的父親，他在買票時(shí)錢不夠，爸爸決定幫助他買票，讓他的孩子們實(shí)現(xiàn)愿望。本文主題語境屬于“人與社會(huì)”。很多情況下，所給閱讀文本的最后一段往往蘊(yùn)含大量的有效信息，對(duì)后面兩段的續(xù)寫有很強(qiáng)的導(dǎo)向作用。

（2）第二點(diǎn)和第三點(diǎn)分別是所給續(xù)寫兩段的段首句，在寫作時(shí)需要將這兩點(diǎn)結(jié)合在一起來思考。第一段首句Seeing what was going on，my dad seemed to have an idea.說明爸爸已經(jīng)有想法來幫助這家人。再通過第二段首句Then my father and I went back home.說明上一段爸爸已經(jīng)成功實(shí)施了幫助這一家人買票的想法。又通過第二段的提示可以看出，本段的情節(jié)內(nèi)容應(yīng)該為：在回家路上，“我”與爸爸的言語交流及主題升華。每一段的情節(jié)可以根據(jù)故事發(fā)展的方向進(jìn)行詳細(xì)敘述，具體的故事細(xì)節(jié)也不必一致，只要能自圓其說即可。

在這里需要注意的是，續(xù)寫部分不能是前文的簡單重復(fù)，而是要充分利用之前的信息來創(chuàng)造續(xù)寫內(nèi)容，續(xù)寫部分在內(nèi)容上與前文要自然銜接，不能顯得突兀和生硬或出現(xiàn)情節(jié)斷層。

通過以上“三點(diǎn)”的信息提取與加工，文章的情節(jié)線（plot line）就確定了。情節(jié)線（plot line）示意如下：

Paragraph 1 ：

2.確定主旨線（theme line）

在設(shè)定好續(xù)寫文章的情節(jié)線（plot line）之后，接下來要設(shè)定文章的主旨線（theme line）。通過對(duì)語篇的整體理解可以看出，本文是“人與社會(huì)”主題下的“助人”話題。從給出文章的最后一段可以看出，“我”對(duì)這一家人的情況表示理解和同情，接下來爸爸對(duì)他們的幫助也符合“我”的心理預(yù)期，“我”也非常支持爸爸的善行。續(xù)寫第二段著重寫“我”與爸爸的言語和情感交流，一步步引出本文的主旨線——Father’s helping others made a big difference to me.主旨線（theme line)示意如下：

3.利用“兩線”合成完整語篇（一整體）

將以上所講的“三點(diǎn)兩線”綜合起來可以確定文章的寫作思路。然后，在續(xù)寫的兩段中加入適當(dāng)?shù)募?xì)節(jié)描寫，如“我”的心理活動(dòng)、爸爸等人的動(dòng)作與語言描寫等，豐富故事情節(jié)，增強(qiáng)故事張力。參考范文如下：

Seeing what was going on，my father seemed to have an idea.“Let’s lend them a hand,”My father said to me.He pulled out a $ 50 bill from his pocket and dropped it on the ground.Then my father deliberately reached down，picked up the bill and tapped the man on the shoulder and said,“Sir，you have lost your money.”The man turned around at the$ 50 bill and looked up at my father with grateful tears sparkling in his eyes.He shook hands with my father tightly，and said,“Thank you，sir! I really know what this means for my whole family.”

Then my father and I went back home.Although we failed to see the circus，we were very peaceful and proud.A shining smile spread across my father’s face and I was overwhelmed with happiness.I asked my father,“ Dad,we are not rich,but why did you do this?”He replied,“We should be grateful for what we have and seize the opportunity to help those who need help.”What he said and what he did set a good example for me and made a big difference to my future.

小結(jié)：按照“三點(diǎn)兩線一整體”的模式來設(shè)計(jì)續(xù)寫內(nèi)容的行文思路。第一段重點(diǎn)寫爸爸如何實(shí)現(xiàn)幫助他人的想法以及男人在被幫助后的反應(yīng)；給出語段和續(xù)寫第一段銜接自然，情節(jié)合理。第二段重點(diǎn)寫“我”和爸爸在回家路上的交流和此事對(duì)“我”的積極影響，升華主題；最后一句的點(diǎn)睛之筆充分體現(xiàn)了文章的主旨線——Father’s helping others made a big difference to me.