Jessica ZHAO Wenbing

Introduction

Interpersonal communication is defined as a process of exchanging message,feelings and viewpoints between two or more people through both verbal and non-verbal behaviors including words,tones of voice,facial expressions and various body language(Berger&Charles,2008).The level of ones interpersonal communication skills has direct and profound impacts on the effectiveness of transferring meaning,thus acting as an essential role in building up relationship in daily life.This essay discusses a romantic relationship of an interviewee,Kira Xi,using two interpersonal communication theories to help analyse her commu-nication patterns,which are social penetration theory and expectancy violation theory.It is composed of four parts,including a description of this relationship,a brief introduction of the two theories,using two communication theories to analyse the three positive and two negative sides in the relationship,and how her com-munication habits have improved after learning communication theories.

Body

A.??? Relationship description

Kira Xi and Stefan Gu were deskmates during secondary school in mainland China.In the eyes of others,they were such different people since Kira tended to be an outgoing girl while Stefan was a typical introversive science student.How-ever,Kira was such a conversation-maker in terms of casual talk and sharing ex-perience.Having increasing conversations with Kira,Stefan eventually opened his heart and became close friends with her.Meanwhile,Kira gradually fell in love with Stefan.In the other day when they were having a picnic in the park,Ki-ra expressed her love by giving him an album containing their photos and love letters.Pleasantly surprised,Stefan kissed her forehead as a positive response.

This seemingly perfect relationship ended up due to being separated by long distances after graduation.Time differences resulted in a dramatic decline in the time for the young couple to start thoughtful conversation.Kira was so exhausted about schoolwork that she mostly ignored or missed Stefans phone calls.Finally,they were completely in the dark of each others life and Stefan asked for break up.

B.??? Two Applied Communication Theories

To analyse this romantic relationship,this essay will use two communication theories,and the first one is the social penetration theory.Founded by Irwin Alt-man and Dalmas Taylor in1973,the social penetration theory states that the inti-mate level of interpersonal communication can be changed from relatively low to high through sharing personal information such as opinions,feelings and experi-ences(Altman and Taylor,1973).This theory can in some extent,help system-atize and predict the development of the relationship(Ayres,2009).As for ex-pectancy violation theory,it is a communication theory that study peoples reac-tion to unforeseen violations of social expectations and rules(Burgoon and Hale,1988).Regarding communication process as an exchange of behaviors,it indi-cates that ones behavior can violate the expectations of another.Thus,partici-pants will evaluate the violation as positive or negative,and decide the attraction level of the violator(Burgoon,1978).

C.??? Strength Analysis

Since Kira has the communication habit to know others by starting conver-sations,in the first stage of this romantic relationship,she chose to reveal herself to Stefan by sharing her past experience,opinions as well as secrets.According to

the social penetration theory,interpersonal communication can be developed from shallow to deep through self-disclosure process(Altman and Taylor,1973).And in this case,Kiras action of information sharing can be seen as self-disclosure,by which develops her relationship with Stefan to a higher intimate level.Thus,based on social penetration theory,it is easy to predict that they will become closer in the future.

Besides that,Kira also knew to take that chance and violated Stefans ex-pectations.According to expectancy violation theory,as Stefan has already had good feelings for Kira,Kiras surprising action of expressing her love can be de-fined as positive.It is significant to the development of their relationship that they became boyfriend and girlfriend.

D.??? Weakness Analysis&Improvement

However,the weakness in the communication pattern of Kira is the lack of awareness in outcome balance and depenetration effect suggested in social pene-tration theory.In this case,similar difficulties existed in both of their lives,but the difference was that Stefan took effort to keep the deep connection while Kira did not.Therefore,she could not maintain the equilibrium between rewards and costs in this communication in a long term.Apart from this,the phone calls Kira failed to answer represented the gradual process of layer-to-layer withdrawal.Accordingly,the cooling off of care and enjoyment caused by the the depenetra-tion terminated this romantic relationship.

Conclusion

To conclude,the applications of social penetration theory and expectancy violation theory can be seen in every stage in this romantic relationship between Kira Xi and Stefan Gu,from the pleasant beginning to the unsuccessful ending.Actually,there are a considerable amount of cases in daily life that can apply to various interpersonal communication theories apart from the aforementioned ones in the case of Kira and Stefan.Providing an insight into relationship,these con-cise,systemic and practical theories can efficiently help people to reflect and then analyze the strengths and weaknesses in their relationship.And by understanding the meaning of them and improving original communication patterns,people can have more stable relationships with friends,families and even strangers,thus,de-veloping social well-being and leading to a higher quality of life.

Reference

[1]?? Altman,I.&Taylor,D.(1973).Social penetration:The development of interpersonal relationships.New York:Holt.

[2]?? Ayres,Joe.(2009).Uncertainty and social penetration theory expectations about relationship communication:A comparative test.Western Journal of Speech Communication.43.. 10.1080/10570317909373968.

[3]?? Berger,Charles R.(2008)."Interpersonal communication".In Wolfgang Donsbach.The International Encyclopedia of Communication.New York,New York:Wiley-Blackwell.pp.3671-3682.ISBN978-1-4051-3199-5.

[4]?? Burgoon,J.K.;Hale,J.L.(1988)."Nonverbal Expectancy Violations:Model Elaboration and Application to Immediacy Behaviors".Communication Monographs.55:58-79.doi:10.1080/03637758809376158.

[5]?? Burgoon,J.K.(1978)."A Communication Model of Personal Space Vio-lations:Explication and an Initial Test".Human Communication Research.4 (2):130-131.doi:10.1111/j.1468-2958.1978.tb00603.x.Retrieved14March2014.