夢(mèng)　溪／編譯

A New Baby

Little Johns new baby brother was crying loudly. John asked his mom，“Where did we get him?”

His mother answered，“He came from heaven，John.”

John says，“Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”

新生兒

小約翰剛出生不久的弟弟哭得非常響亮。約翰問他的媽媽:“他是從哪兒來的?”

媽媽回答道:“他是從天堂來的，約翰?！?/p>

約翰說道:“哇!我知道他們?yōu)槭裁匆阉映鰜砹?”

Drunk

One day，a father and his little son were going home. At his age，the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.

Now，he asked，“Whats the meaning of the word ‘drunk，dad?”

“Well，my son，” his father replied，“l(fā)ook，there are two policemen standing there. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.”

“But，dad，” the boy said，“theres only ONE policeman!”

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有問不完的問題。

他向父親發(fā)問道:“爸爸，‘醉字是什么意思?”

“唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧，那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了。”

“可是，爸爸，”孩子說，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀!”

Haircut

Two barbershops(理發(fā)店) were in hot competition(競(jìng)爭(zhēng)). One put up a sign that read:Haircuts for seven dollars.

The other put up one that read:We repair seven dollars haircuts.

剪發(fā)

兩家理發(fā)店競(jìng)爭(zhēng)非常激烈。其中一家掛出一個(gè)牌子，上面寫著:剪發(fā)七美元。

另一家也掛了一個(gè)牌子出來，上面寫著:我們修補(bǔ)七美元的剪發(fā)。

Frog and Doctor

A frog called a doctor. The doctor told him，“You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who wants to know everything about you.”

“Thats great! Will I meet her at a party?” asked the frog.

“No，” said the doctor. “In her biology class.”

青蛙與醫(yī)生

一只青蛙給一位醫(yī)生打電話。醫(yī)生告訴它:“你會(huì)遇到一個(gè)漂亮的女孩子，她想要知道你的一切?！?/p>

“那可太棒了!我會(huì)在聚會(huì)上遇到她嗎?”青蛙問道。

“不，”醫(yī)生說，“是在她的生物課上?！?/p>

Play the Violin

“Doctor，doctor，will I be able to play the violin after the operation(手術(shù))?”

“Yes，of course ...”

“Great! I never could before!”

拉小提琴

“醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生，手術(shù)后我能不能拉小提琴啊?”

“能，當(dāng)然能……”

“太好了!我以前從來不會(huì)拉的!”

A Choice of Weapons

Peter came home from the playground. His nose was bloody(流血的). His eyes were black and his clothes were torn. It was obvious he had been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked him what happened.

“Well，Dad，” said Peter，“I challenged(挑戰(zhàn)) Jack to a duel(決斗). You know，I gave him his choice of weapons.”

“Uh-huh，” said his father. “That seems fair.”

“I know，but I never thought hed choose his sister!”

武器的選擇

彼得從運(yùn)動(dòng)場(chǎng)回到家里。他的鼻子流著血，眼睛青紫，衣服也被撕破了。很顯然他剛和別人打了一架而且打輸了。他爸爸便問他是怎么回事。

彼得回答道:“爸爸，我向杰克挑戰(zhàn)，和他決斗。你知道，我讓他選擇武器?！?/p>

“唔，”爸爸說道，“看起來很公平啊!”

“是的。但是，我怎么也想不到他選擇了他的妹妹做武器!”

A Dog Not Bite

One day，John was walking down the street when he saw an old man with a nice-looking dog.

He went over to the man and asked，“Does your dog bite?” The old man replied，“No，never.”

When John tried to pat(撫摸) the dog，it immediately bit his hand. John said to the old man，“You said your dog didnt bite!” “I did，” replied the old man，“but this isnt my dog!”

狗不咬人

一天，約翰走在街上，看到一位老人帶著一條非常漂亮的狗。

他就過去問這位老人:“您的狗咬人嗎?”老人說:“不，從來不咬。”

當(dāng)約翰試圖去摸這條狗的時(shí)候，狗立刻咬了他的手。約翰便對(duì)老人說:“你剛才說你的狗不咬人的!”老人回答道:“我是這么說的啊，但這條狗不是我的!”

A Birthday Present

“Ma，what present will you want for your birthday?” Three children asked their mother.

“I only wish to have three obedient(順從的) boys，my sons，” answered the mother.

“Oh!” cried the eldest child. “Then we will have six brothers，wont we?”

生日禮物

“媽，您過生日時(shí)想要什么禮物呀?”三個(gè)孩子問他們的母親。

“我只想要三個(gè)聽話的孩子?！蹦赣H回答道。

“啊，”老大叫了起來，“那我們不是要有六個(gè)兄弟了嗎?”

A Teacher and a Student

Teacher:Jack，why arent you listening?

Jack:But，teacher，Im listening.

Teacher:If you were listening，tell me what I said just now.

Jack:You said，“Jack，why arent you listening?”

老師和學(xué)生

老師:杰克，你為什么不聽講呢?

杰克:老師，我在聽呀!

老師:如果你剛才在聽課，那你告訴我我剛才說了什么。

杰克:您說的是:“杰克，你為什么不聽講呢?”

When Do We Start?

An angry drunken man was shouting at the police station，“What I want to know is:what was I brought in for?”

“You were brought in for drinking，” replied the police officer.

“Oh，thats good，” said the drunken man. “When do we start?”

我們什么時(shí)候開始?

一個(gè)醉漢在警察局憤怒地大叫:“我想知道的是:為什么把我?guī)У竭@兒來?”

“你被帶到這兒來是因?yàn)楹染?，”警察回答說。

“噢，那很好，”醉漢說，“我們什么時(shí)候開始喝?”