作者簡(jiǎn)介：

丁夢(mèng)瑤，安徽省肥東縣凱悅中學(xué)八（1）班的學(xué)生。他學(xué)習(xí)成績(jī)優(yōu)秀，上課積極回答問(wèn)題，課下不懂就問(wèn)。他熱愛英語(yǔ)，平時(shí)愛讀英文原著，并敢于同外國(guó)人進(jìn)行交流。曾被授予校級(jí)“優(yōu)秀學(xué)生”“三好學(xué)生”“十佳學(xué)生”等稱號(hào)，并榮獲過(guò)獎(jiǎng)學(xué)金。

【習(xí)作內(nèi)容】

Hello， everyone. Lets talk about wild animals today.

As we know， human beings could not live without animals around us. But more and more wild animals are in danger， such as tigers， pandas and elephants.

Why are so many animals in danger？ Because of human！ The villages and fields are growing bigger. But grounds and forests are growing smaller. And there isnt enough ①clear water for wild animals to drink and human also ②filled lots of wild animals. We took away their homes.

What should we do to protect animals？ Its very easy. We can let our families protect wild animals. And the government should set up more nature ③park and warn people to reduce the pollution of rivers.

The wild animals are our friends. I think， protecting animals is protecting ourselves.

【教師點(diǎn)評(píng)】

本文是一篇關(guān)于保護(hù)動(dòng)物題材的習(xí)作文章。小作者從珍稀動(dòng)物的現(xiàn)狀、動(dòng)物瀕危的原因以及保護(hù)動(dòng)物的建議三個(gè)方面進(jìn)行了說(shuō)明。

行文中，小作者能夠靈活運(yùn)用所學(xué)的句型、短語(yǔ)和語(yǔ)法，使文章達(dá)到語(yǔ)言精練的效果。同時(shí)全文主題突出，條理清晰，語(yǔ)言流暢。文章的結(jié)尾升華了主題，以引起讀者的共鳴，具有畫龍點(diǎn)睛的作用！

需完善的內(nèi)容：

①clear 改為 clean。clean作形容詞時(shí)，意為“干凈的”，clear意為“清澈的;透明的”。在這里用clean能更恰當(dāng)?shù)匦稳荨案蓛舻乃础薄?/p>

②filled改為killed。fill意為“裝滿;充滿”，kill意為“殺死”，這里要表達(dá)的是“人們也會(huì)殺害一些野生動(dòng)物”。這兩個(gè)屬于拼寫中易混淆的單詞。

③park 改為 parks。park為可數(shù)名詞，且前面有單詞more（更多的）修飾，因此park應(yīng)用復(fù)數(shù)形式。

（指導(dǎo)教師：孟 ?竹）