許書(shū)明

My mom only had one eye. I hated her. She was such an embarrassment1.

She ran a small shop at a flea market2 and collected old clothes and some other things to sell for the money we needed. Once during elementary school， it was field day， and my mom came. I was so embarrassed and wondered how could she do this to me？ I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school， my schoolmates asked me， “Your mom only has one eye？！” and taunted3 me.

I was so angry with my mom and wished that she would just disappear from this world. So I said to my mom， “Why don’t you have the other eye？！ If you’re only gonna make me a laughingstock4！” My mom did not respond， I guess I felt a little bad， but at the same time， I felt so good to have had said what I wanted to say. Maybe it was because my mom hadn’t punished me， I didn’t think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

For the words I had said to her earlier， there was something pinching5 at me in the corner of my heart. Even so， I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty. I told myself that I would become successful in the near future， so I studied very hard. Later I got accepted by the Seoul University， I left my mother and came to Seoul to study. Then I got married there.

I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids， too. Now I am living happily as a successful man. I enjoy the life in Seoul because it’s a place that doesn’t remind me of my mom and my past. This kind of happiness was getting bigger and bigger， until one day someone knocked at my door. It was my mom！ And still with her one eye！ It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away， scared of my mom’s eye.

I screamed at her， “Who are you？ I don’t know you！ How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter！” To this， my mom quietly answered， “Oh， I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address，” and she disappeared out of sight.

One day， a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. Lying to my wife that I was going on a business trip， I went back to participate in the reunion. After the reunion， I went down to the old shack6， which I used to call a house， just out of curiosity7. There I found my mom fallen on the cold ground. I did not shed a single tear.

Then a piece of paper in her hand came into my eyes. It was a letter to me.

My son，

I think my life has been long enough now， and I won’t visit Seoul anymore. But would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come to visit me once in a while？ I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school… for you. I’m so sorry that I only have one eye， and I was an embarrassment for you.

You see， when you were very little， you got into an accident and lost your eye. As a mom， I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son to see a whole new world for me with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. During the couple of times that you were angry with me， I thought to myself， it’s because he loves me.

My son… oh， my son…

Don’t cry for me because of my death. I love you so much.

我的媽媽只有一只眼，我討厭她，她是那樣地令我難堪。

她在一個(gè)跳蚤市場(chǎng)經(jīng)營(yíng)一家小店，回收舊衣服和其他物品出售以補(bǔ)貼家用。在我上小學(xué)期間，有一個(gè)戶外活動(dòng)日，我媽媽突然來(lái)了。當(dāng)時(shí)羞得我無(wú)地自容，沒(méi)想到她居然這樣對(duì)我！我向她投去厭惡的目光，然后跑開(kāi)了。第二天在學(xué)校，同學(xué)們問(wèn)我：“你媽媽只有一只眼睛?。?！”語(yǔ)氣中帶著嘲諷。

我對(duì)媽媽非常生氣，真想她從我的眼前消失。我對(duì)媽媽說(shuō)：“你為什么只有一只眼？！你是不是就想讓我成為笑柄！”媽媽沒(méi)有理我。我覺(jué)得有點(diǎn)兒自責(zé)，但同時(shí)又為自己能把心里話說(shuō)出來(lái)而自得。也許是因?yàn)閶寢寷](méi)有因此懲罰我，我認(rèn)為自己并沒(méi)有真正傷她的心。

對(duì)于早些時(shí)候?qū)λf(shuō)的話，我的心靈深處還是隱隱作痛。即便如此，我還是痛恨只有一只眼睛的媽媽，以及我們那一貧如洗的家庭。我暗下決心，不久的將來(lái)一定要成功，因此，我拼命學(xué)習(xí)后來(lái)考上了首爾大學(xué)，離開(kāi)媽媽，來(lái)到首爾讀書(shū)，之后還在首爾成了家。

我買(mǎi)了一套自己的房子，還有了孩子，現(xiàn)在我作為一個(gè)成功的男人正過(guò)著幸福的生活。我喜歡在首爾的生活，因?yàn)樵谶@里，我不會(huì)想起媽媽和以前的日子。這種幸福感正變得越來(lái)越強(qiáng)，直到有一天，有人敲響我家的門(mén)。我打開(kāi)門(mén)，是媽媽！還是只有一只眼！我當(dāng)時(shí)就覺(jué)得這天要塌下來(lái)似的。我的小女兒立即跑開(kāi)了，她怕我媽媽的一只眼。

我朝她吼道：“你是誰(shuí)？我不認(rèn)識(shí)你！你怎么敢來(lái)我家嚇唬我女兒！”聽(tīng)到這些，媽媽平靜地回答道：“哦，對(duì)不起。我也許記錯(cuò)了地址?！闭f(shuō)完，她就走了。

一天，家里收到一封關(guān)于學(xué)校聚會(huì)的信。我向妻子謊稱去出差，返回學(xué)校參加了聚會(huì)。聚會(huì)結(jié)束，出于好奇，我來(lái)到了那間老棚屋，我過(guò)去的家。在那里，我發(fā)現(xiàn)媽媽倒在冰冷的地上。我沒(méi)有流一滴眼淚。

這時(shí)，媽媽手上的一張紙映入我的眼簾。那是一封寫(xiě)給我的信。

孩子，

我想我活得夠久了，我再也不會(huì)去首爾了，我想要你抽空來(lái)看望我一下，也不太過(guò)分吧？我太想你了，當(dāng)我聽(tīng)說(shuō)你來(lái)參加聚會(huì)，我真是太高興了……不過(guò)為了你，我不打算去學(xué)校了。我只有一只眼睛，真是太抱歉了，我讓你難堪了。

你很小的時(shí)候，一次事故使你失去了一只眼睛。作為母親，我不忍心你長(zhǎng)大了只有一只眼睛。因此我把我的一只眼睛給了你。兒子能夠用那只眼睛替我看到全新的世界，我真是由衷地自豪。對(duì)于你做過(guò)的那些事情，我從不怪你。好幾次你生我的氣，我都對(duì)自己說(shuō)，那是因?yàn)槟銗?ài)我。

兒子……哦，我的兒子……

不要為我的死而哭啼。我太愛(ài)你了。