何偉華

首先看一篇作文題目：

假如你是李華，你的加拿大網(wǎng)友Mike圣誕節(jié)期間打算來中國，他對中國景點非常感興趣，希望你能為他推薦一些名勝古跡。請你用英語給他發(fā)一封電子郵件，向他推薦一個或兩個你所喜歡的名勝古跡。要點包括：

1. 簡介你推薦的名勝古跡并敘述你推薦的理由；

2. 表達你的祝愿。

[審題]

作文采用三段式，即第一段引出話題，第二段緊扣要點描述名勝古跡，第三段表達期望和祝愿。

審?fù)觐}后，我們可以先把關(guān)鍵點在草稿紙上列出來。如：

第一段come to China during the Christmas， be interested in places of interest in China；

第二段可以寫最熟悉、最有話可說的景點，一個或兩個都可以，如Great wall， the Forbidden City， royal palace等；

第三段表達祝愿，如wish you a good journey等。

[升級文章]

打好草稿后，再根據(jù)具體情況升級詞匯和句型。那么，怎么樣一步一步地提升自己的文章呢？

1. 羅列詞匯、短語、句型

短語和詞匯：find Wales included，without conflict，break away，to sbs credit，for convenience，be known as，It is a pity that ...， historical architecture，keep ones eyes open，make ones trip to，be worried about，make a list of，remain standing，on special occasions，be displayed in。

句型：It is pity that ...

You must keep your eyes open ...

There followed ...

What interested her most ...

2. 優(yōu)化文章用詞

Im glad to know that ...

→Im delighted to know that ...

Here are some interesting places.

→Here are some splendid places.

The Great Wall is really worth visiting.

→The Great Wall has attracted a lot of tourists all over the world.

Ive heard that you plan to come to China ...

→Ive heard that you arrange to come to China ...

It has many different parts so ...

→It consists of many parts so ...

When people mention China， they will think of Beijing.

→When people refer to China， they ...

3. 優(yōu)化文章短語

Hope you can enjoy yourself.

→Hope you can have an enjoyable trip.

It made a great effort to protect our country.

→It played an important role in protecting ...

Id like to introduce some places of interest that you cant miss.

→Id like to introduce some places of interest tha t you cant leave out.

You will be amazed at how immense it is and how wise the ancient Chinese people were to finish it.

→To their credit， the ancient Chinese accomplished such a splendid building.

4. 優(yōu)化文章句型

In fact， I like Palace Museum best.

→In fact， what thrills me most is Palace Museum.

Id like to recommend some places of interest in China.

→Excited about your coming to China， I have make a list of the sites that may attract you.

Besides， you are supposed to visit the Palace Museum， which used to be the place where ancient rulers lived.endprint

→Besides， there stands a splendid palace called the Palace Museum in the center of Beijing， which is as large as some little cities abroad.

The Great Wall is a wonder all over the world， which is worth a visit.

→Considered as the greatest wall in the world， the Great Wall is such a splendid place that you are strongly recommended to visit.

The Palace Museum owns thousands of precious treasures ...

→The Palace Museum， remaining standing for several hundred years， owns thousands of precious treasures ...

[示例及評析]

請大家比較以下兩篇作文：

Passage 1

Dear Mike，

Hearing that youre going to spend your Christmas in China， Im writing to give you some advice on the places of interest.

As an old and cultural country， China has varieties of landscapes and splendid sceneries to offer. First of all， I recommend that you should pay a visit to the Great Wall. Dating back to about a thousand years ago， the architecture has seen the history of China. Besides， you are not supposed to miss the extraordinary Tiananmen Square which attracts tourists from all over the world. Moreover， I sincerely suggest that you should go sightseeing at the Palace Museum， where you can feast your eyes on various precious collections.

Wish you a pleasant and enjoyable journey！

點評 審題十分到位，涵蓋了所有要點，主體段落分別介紹了長城，天安門廣場和故宮。行文流暢，無大的語法錯誤，長短句結(jié)合，非謂語動詞使用到位，還很貼切地使用了許多高級詞匯、短語，如varieties of， landscapes， recommend， date back to， be supposed to， extraordinary， feast eyes on等。

Passage 2

Dear Mike，

Hearing that youre going to spend your Christmas in China， Im writing to recommend some places of interest. And I advise you to make a list of the sites so that you wont leave anything out.

Firstly， as one of the oldest historical architecture， the Great Wall is a good choice for you. Known for its length and history， it wont make you disappointed. Besides， for convenience， I hope you can pay a visit to the Palace Museum， which is also in Beijing. Not only for its splendid buildings but also for its spirit of culture， youd better keep your eyes open if you want to make your trip there enjoyable and worthwhile. In the museum， there display many precious collections. Im sure youll be delighted to visit there.

Wish you a pleasant trip！

點評 Passage 2在passage 1的基礎(chǔ)上作了一些改寫，涵蓋信息全面，且行文一樣流暢，各種高級表達使用得很恰當。

第二段（主體段）開門見山，景點減少了一個，但介紹得更為翔實，有意識地使用了更多的短語和句式。

比較以上兩篇作文，是不是感覺第二篇更吸睛？endprint