崔丞

“每一次失敗，無論大小，也不管影響范圍如何，都為重整旗鼓再次出發(fā)敞開了機遇之門。”從失敗中重生、開啟全新生活，讓失敗磨練我們的智慧和美德，我們終究會離成功更近，也會變得更加完善。

Nobody likes to lose. Whether its a game of poker， the affections of another or an election， a loss can feel like an embarrassing stain that wont come out. Or like a medical condition we need to quickly treat with a rematch， with a pint of ice cream or by declaring the whole thing rigged1）.

But there are many silver linings in the dark clouds of loss2）， and when you total them up， losing can start to look a lot more like winning.

In 1960， Richard Nixon lost a very close and bitter presidential election amid accusations （by others， not himself） of voter fraud in some states. But Nixon took the high road3）： “I want Senator Kennedy to know， and I want all of you to know， that ... （if） he does become our next president， that he will have my wholehearted support and yours， too.” It was a calculated move that paved the way to his election in 1968. He could have made a stink4）， but instead he took a longer view and saw the seeds of a comeback planted in the soil of that defeat.

Every loss， no matter the size and scope， opens opportunities to still come out ahead. Thats not just good for your ego； its just plain good for you.

The Act of Concession5）

Common courtesy calls for a handshake between winner and loser after a contest. Its a simple gesture that holds a lot of meaning. It is an exercise in defusing any lingering animosity6）. It makes it possible for both parties to move on with dignity.

To refuse to acknowledge the accomplishment of the winner is to give birth to a grudge7）. And nothing good， for either side， ever comes out of a lingering grudge.

But the moment of concession is also a chance at redemption for the loser. It allows them to be a role model of humility and grace. It proves them nobler than their loss might suggest. Conceding is actually a power move demonstrating that you are not defined by losing. You are bigger than that.

“A tree is best measured when it is down， and so it is with people，” wrote the poet and author Carl Sandburg8）， who won a Pulitzer Prize for a biography of Abraham Lincoln， a man who had his share of wins born out of deep losses.

To lose an election—a very public defeat that can be personally devastating—raises the stakes enormously. The act of concession there is both necessary for a peaceful transition of power and an opportunity for the loser to show everyone that he or she is sagacious9） enough to put the greater good above all else.

One of the best concession speeches ever given， presidential or otherwise， was delivered in 1952 by Adlai Stevenson10）. “That which unites us as American citizens is far greater than that which divides us as political parties， ” he said. “I urge you all to give to General Eisenhower the support he will need to carry out the great tasks that lie before him. I pledge him mine.” The New Yorkers political commentator Hendrik Hertzberg called Stevenson “the most beautiful loser.”

By contrast， Hope Solo， the goalkeeper for the US womens national soccer team， called her triumphant opponents “cowards” after her team lost to Sweden at the Olympic quarterfinal game in Rio in 2016. The rebuke11） to her unsportsmanlike behavior went beyond the ire12） of fans； the US Soccer Federation suspended her for six months and terminated her contract with the team. For failing to transcend her loss， she doubled it.

Losing Is Learning

Anyone who plays chess， or nearly any game of strategy， knows that the more you play， the more you learn how to win. And if you play someone who is better than you （and therefore find yourself mostly losing）， you will learn a lot more about winning. Every defeat brings you one step closer to success.

Thinking about loss that way as chess pieces on the board is a helpful metaphor for making losing less personal， too. Losing some contest doesnt make you a loser. You are still you， not whatever challenge was lost.

The sooner you can dust yourself off and figure out why you lost， the sooner youll be able to refocus on what matters and—now more experienced—win. In a Buddhist context， we will continue to be reincarnated13） until we can break the cycle of unknowing； each of our lives holding the keys to one door closer to enlightenment or another farther away.

Winning and Losing Are False Distinctions

The idea that losing is a necessary part of winning begins to blur the lines of what is a loss and what is a win. A victory can have unforeseen consequences that feel more like a loss over time （which is why people say “be careful what you wish for”）. And， conversely， the loser now will be later to win， as Bob Dylan put it.

There are countless examples of this phenomenon. Many lottery winners face personal difficulties they attribute to their windfall14）. Individuals with devastating mental and physical challenges often describe how overcoming them made them stronger for it. And maybe that awful breakup made it possible to find true love.

This yin-and-yang way of seeing the world， in which good and bad are so entwined15） that they are contained in one another， is beautifully illustrated in an ancient Taoist story about a farmer whose horse runs away. The lost horse， which seems like a setback， causes something that seems like an advantage， which then causes something that seems bad and so on.

The point is that we should really question the reality of a win or loss， knowing that time and circumstance have a way of making them become the opposite.

Rise from the Ashes

Losing can also be the catalyst of a new beginning. The higher the stakes of the loss， the greater opening it creates for a restart， a reinvention， a fresh beginning in another direction.

The phoenix is the mascot16） of winning losers everywhere. Take a moment to pause in the ashes of a loss to contemplate what new， amazing life can grow out of it. Thats a powerful consolation17） prize.

Jimmy Carter is beloved the world over despite a presidency that experts and conventional wisdom deemed a failure. His legacy is solidified by a post-presidential life of great deeds including international diplomacy， building homes for the homeless and nearly eradicating deadly diseases. Losing re-election in 1980 brought about a 36-year winning streak18）.

True Grit

Finally， there are some virtues that grow more easily out of the compost of losing. Humility is an obvious one. Empathy is another， as loss creates bonds with others facing a similar loss. And when you expand your perspective and understanding around loss， you become wiser， another virtue to have in your resiliency tool kit.

Then there is grit. For even if there are no clear lessons learned from a loss or no upsides that later emerge， at the very least， you can learn how to deal with it more effectively. Because eventually， another loss will come， and you want to be ready.

The development of such fortitude19） is encapsulated by my favorite line in one of my favorite novels， John Steinbecks The Grapes of Wrath20）. The story chronicles the western migration of many farmers during the Great Depression21）， a period of profound losing for many Americans.

One of the setbacks for the main characters， the Joad family， is when their car breaks down， again. They dont have the means to fix it， and a pall is cast over22） the group until the grandmother snaps them out of it23）. “This here bearing went out. We didn know it was go in， so we didn worry none. Now shes out an well fix her. An by Christ that goes for the rest of it. ”

The thicker your skin24）， the more perspective you have， the more you improve yourself—and the more youll be winning as you wrestle with losing.

沒人喜歡失敗。不論是打撲克牌，爭取他人芳心還是參加選舉，失敗似乎是人們無法抹掉的尷尬污跡，又像是我們想快速療愈的病情，方法可以是重賽、來一小杯冰淇淋或是宣稱全程遭到操控。

可是失敗的陰云背后也不乏美好的光亮，如果總結(jié)所有的失敗，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)失敗看起來更像是成功。

1960年，理查德·尼克松功敗垂成，因某些州的選民舞弊而備受指責(zé)（不是他自責(zé)，是別人指責(zé)他），最終失掉了一場艱苦卓絕的總統(tǒng)競選。然而尼克松卻表現(xiàn)出高姿態(tài)：“我不僅希望肯尼迪參議員明白，也希望你們所有人都明白，如果他真的成了我們下一任總統(tǒng)，我定會全心全意支持他，你們也一定會支持他的。”精心策劃的這一步為尼克松1968年的選舉鋪平了道路。他本可以因此發(fā)泄不滿，可他卻目光長遠，在失敗的土壤里播種下東山再起的希望。

每一次失敗，無論大小，也不管影響范圍如何，都為重整旗鼓再次出發(fā)敞開了機遇之門。這不僅有益于你的自尊，對你整個人都是極好的。

退讓之舉

一場比賽結(jié)束時，最常見的禮貌之舉就是要輸贏雙方互相握手。這個動作簡單卻意味深長。那是化解哪怕一點點殘留敵意的做法，使輸贏雙方都有可能體面地離開。

拒絕承認勝利者的成就便等于讓積怨滋生。而徘徊不去的積怨對于輸贏雙方都是無益的。

但退讓的瞬間對失敗者來說也是補救的機會。讓步使失敗者化身為謙遜與優(yōu)雅的典范，證明失敗者或許比他們的失敗所表明的自己更為崇高。這有力的一步雖退實進，說明失敗證明不了你什么，你的格局要大得多。

“樹只有在倒下時才最好測量，人亦如此?！弊骷壹嬖娙丝枴ど５虏└駥懴铝诉@句話。他曾因撰寫亞伯拉罕·林肯的傳記贏得普利策獎。林肯屢敗屢戰(zhàn)，從慘敗中獲取了多次勝利。

輸?shù)粢粓鲞x舉，在大庭廣眾之下被人擊敗，對個人來說是個重創(chuàng)，會極大地增加風(fēng)險。這時的退讓之舉不僅對于和平的權(quán)力更迭是必要的，同時對于失敗者來說也是個向眾人展示的機會，證明了自己顧全大局的遠見卓識。

1952年阿德萊·史蒂文森做的一次敗選演說，在總統(tǒng)選舉敗選演說或是別的任何敗選演說中堪稱最佳?！白屛覀兠绹嗣窬o密地團結(jié)在一起的那種力量，比因為政黨不同把我們分離的力量要大得多，”他說，“我呼吁大家全力支持艾森豪威爾將軍，他需要大家的支持來承擔(dān)起擺在眼前的偉大使命。我發(fā)誓會全力支持他?！薄都~約客》的政治評論員亨德里克·赫茨伯格稱史蒂文森為“最優(yōu)雅的失敗者”。

與之相反，在2016年里約奧運會女足四分之一決賽中，美國女足輸給瑞典隊后，守門員霍普·索羅稱獲勝方為“懦夫”。她這種毫無運動精神的行為招致了強烈的批評，批評的聲音比球迷們的憤怒更激烈。美國足協(xié)宣布對她禁賽六個月并終止了她與球隊的合同。霍普不僅沒有超越失敗，反而讓失敗加倍了。

失敗是一種學(xué)習(xí)

下棋的人或是玩任何策略類游戲的人都知道，玩得越多，越知道如何獲勝。而且如果與比你厲害的人玩（因此會發(fā)現(xiàn)自己多數(shù)時候都會輸），你就更能學(xué)會如何獲勝。每一次失敗都讓你距離成功更近一步。

像上面那樣把失敗視同在棋盤上布子兒，這個比喻有助于你在失掉比賽后不再自怨自艾。失掉某場比賽不會讓你成為失敗者。你還是那個你，任何挑戰(zhàn)失利都無法定義你。

你越快重新振作起來并找出失敗的原因，就越能再次快速聚焦重點（這時你的經(jīng)驗更豐富了），也會更快贏。佛學(xué)中講，我們只有打破未知的循環(huán)，才能繼續(xù)投胎轉(zhuǎn)世；我們每一個生靈都拿著開啟法門的鑰匙，只是有的門距離智慧更近，有的距離更遠。

勝敗之分皆虛假

認為失敗是通往成功的必經(jīng)之路的這種看法模糊了失敗與成功的界限。 勝利可能會有無法預(yù)知的后果，隨著時間的推移這結(jié)果越發(fā)像失?。ㄟ@也就是為什么人們說“小心你所期盼的東西”）。同時，反之亦然，此刻的失敗者也許終將獲勝，就像鮑勃·迪倫歌里唱的那樣。

這種現(xiàn)象數(shù)不勝數(shù)。比如許多樂透贏家會面對個人困境，又把困境歸咎于意外之財。有重大身心殘疾的人常常會描述戰(zhàn)勝這些殘疾如何使他們更強大。還有，也許經(jīng)歷一場虐心的分手橋段才有可能找到真愛。

這種用陰陽辯證的眼光看待世界的方法——即好與壞就是這么彼此交織，你中有我，我中有你——在古代道家塞翁失馬的故事中得到了完美的闡釋。那匹丟失的馬像是挫折，卻引發(fā)了看似優(yōu)勢的東西，可接下來又會引發(fā)不好的東西，以此循環(huán)往復(fù)。

重點在于我們真正該探究輸贏得失的真實情形，要明白時間和境遇會使得輸贏得失異位。

浴火重生

失敗也能引發(fā)新開端。失敗的風(fēng)險越大，越有可能另辟蹊徑重新來過、再次創(chuàng)新、全新開始。

各地都把鳳凰作為反敗為勝者的象征。在落敗的灰燼中花些工夫去思量，在這堆灰燼中能開出多么令人驚異而全新的生活之花啊。這才是慰藉心靈最有效的方法。

吉米·卡特深受世人愛戴，雖然專家們和常規(guī)思維認為他身為總統(tǒng)很失敗。他不當(dāng)總統(tǒng)后立下了豐功偉績，他留下的遺產(chǎn)也因此得到了強化。他的功績包括國際外交、幫無家可歸者安家以及基本根除了致命性疾病。雖然他在1980年爭取連任失敗，但這次失敗卻帶來了36年的連勝。

真實的勇氣

最后，有一些美德之花更容易在失敗這一肥料的滋養(yǎng)中生長出來。謙遜顯然是其中之一。同理心也是，因為當(dāng)其他人面對相似的失敗時，你會與之惺惺相惜。同時，當(dāng)你拓寬視野并全面理解失敗時，你會變得更有智慧，你的韌勁工具箱里又收入另外一種美德。

接下來就是勇氣。因為即使你無法從失敗中明顯地吸取教訓(xùn)，此后也沒有什么優(yōu)勢凸顯出來，但起碼你能學(xué)到怎么更有效地處理這個問題。因為最終其他失敗會接踵而至，而你也想做好準(zhǔn)備迎接挑戰(zhàn)。

在我最愛的一本小說——約翰·斯坦貝克的《憤怒的葡萄》中，我最喜歡的一句話對打造這種勇氣進行了概括。小說按時間順序描述了美國大蕭條時期一些農(nóng)工遷徙到西部謀生的故事。大蕭條這段歷史對于許多美國人來說都是一次徹底的失敗。

主人公喬德一家經(jīng)歷了無數(shù)挫折，有一次他們的車又拋錨了，他們不知道用什么方法能修好，所有人都一籌莫展，直到祖母的一番話幫他們擺脫了郁悶情緒：“這里的軸承掉了，我們不知道，所以我們沒什么可擔(dān)心的。但現(xiàn)在這個問題出現(xiàn)了，我們要把它修好。老天，其他事情都這么辦吧。”

你的臉皮越厚，你看問題的視角就越多樣，你就越能自我完善，在與失敗抗?fàn)帟r就越有可能取勝。

1. rigged [r?ɡd] adj. （用舞弊手段）操縱的；被壟斷的

2. silver linings in the dark clouds of loss：源自諺語“Every cloud has a silver lining”，意為“困境背后存在的希望”。

3. take the high road：采取最好（或最有把握）的途徑

4. make a stink：強烈抱怨，大吵大鬧

5. concession [k?n?se?（?）n] n. 讓步

6. animosity [??n??m?s?ti] n. 仇恨，敵意；憎惡

7. grudge [ɡr?d?] n. 怨恨，嫌惡；妒忌

8. Carl Sandburg：卡爾·桑德博格（1878～1967），詩人，傳記作家，代表作品為《芝加哥詩集》和《林肯傳》。

9. sagacious [s??ɡe???s] adj. 有遠見的，精明的

10. Adlai Stevenson：阿德萊·史蒂文森（1900～1965），美國政治家，以其辯論技巧聞名，曾于1952年和1956年兩次代表美國民主黨參選美國總統(tǒng)，但皆敗給艾森豪威爾，后被任命為美國駐聯(lián)合國大使，在古巴導(dǎo)彈危機中發(fā)揮了重要作用。

11. rebuke [r??bju?k] n. 指責(zé)；訓(xùn)斥

12. ire [?a??（r] n. 憤怒，怒火，盛怒

13. reincarnate [?ri??nkɑ?（r）?ne?t] vt. 使轉(zhuǎn)世化身

14. windfall [?w?n（d）?f??l] n. 意外之財，意外獲得的東西

15. entwine [?n?twa?n] vt. 使交錯，使糾纏，使緊密結(jié)合

16. mascot [?m?sk?t] n. 吉祥物

17. consolation [?k?ns??le??（?）n] n. 安慰，慰藉；慰問

18. streak [stri?k] n. 一連串，一系列

19. fortitude [?f??（r）t?tju?d] n. 堅韌，剛毅

20. The Grapes of Wrath：《憤怒的葡萄》，美國現(xiàn)代小說家約翰·斯坦貝克創(chuàng)作的長篇小說，發(fā)表于1939年，該作品獲得1940年美國普利策文學(xué)獎。

21. the Great Depression：大蕭條時期，指1929年至1933年之間發(fā)源于美國并波及許多資本主義國家的經(jīng)濟危機。

22. cast a pall over：給……蒙上陰影

23. snap sb. out of it/sth.：（使）拋掉不愉快情緒，（使）擺脫郁悶心境

24. a thick skin：厚臉皮，不計較面子