代建穎

Abstract： It has been not rare to see over-parenting at school especially with the implementation of the one-child policy in China in the past years. Tons of reasons are obviously found on the “helicopter parents”for spoiling their children.The paper comes to the conclusion that it should be the time for parents to land their “helicopters” for the growth of younger generation.

Keywords： helicopter； over-parenting； advoates；opponents；children

An eighteen-year-old in my class is spoiled， and she often makes my head ache. She is always talking on her phone during any possible break. I know she is speaking to her parents. If her parents cannot contact her， they will rush to our boarding school or will call me to make sure that she is safe. She is an only child in her family and her parents arrange everything： if she is cold， they will bring her more clothes； if she is out of money， they will send cash； if she has an argument with her roommates， they will take her side no matter whether or wrong. Her parents are a typical example of “helicopter parent”， a parent paying much more attention to children and always caring about them like a helicopter overhead. In recent years， the topic has raised more and more people from all walks of life to think about it. Also， debating between advocates and opponents is becoming fiercer. Although some people feel that being a so-called “helicopter parent” or over-parent is beneficial， the results it leads to are negative.

The advocates for over-parenting think that parents always know what is going on in their childrens life. They believe they are responsible for their childs safety in a society where drugs， violence and crimes are prevalent and they have to do it to make sure their children are fine. This is not good for childs growth if the parenting goes out of hand. Michael Beenstock says “spoiling by parents may foster dependence and retard development” （721）. In other words， children who have helicopter parents are likely to be dependent on others and to have the characteristics of immaturity. When kids grow up into adults physically， they may have the belief that they are still children who need parents protection. As a result， they are unwilling to face the fact that they are already in their adulthood. They may take longer to find jobs， or the job is arranged by their parents. Otherwise， they may easily join “Boomerang Generation，” who go back home in fear of the fierce competition in job hunting， high cost of living， difficulty in getting along with others. According to Wister and Mitchell， “Adult children returning home appear to perceive that they are maximizing their current living situation more than they view coresidence as breaking social timetabling expectations”（138）. It has become a serious burden for our society now. A typical example of boomerang phenomenon caused by being over parented is China. It becomes a serious problem now. Many of these children can find a job but they give up the opportunity to occupation. Doing nothing at home， living with parents， they are supported to live by their parents. And the most surprising thing is that the parents just let it happen and some of them say that they have no choice to deal with children though they have to work hard after retirement. Whats more， the families with boys have a heavier life burden than those with girls. Besides paying for the kids living and educational fee， parents having a boy have to prepare money for his marriage， especially buying a house and decorating it for the son， and in some areas， they have to pay “bride price” too. That is so high that some families cannot afford it. Therefore， some boy men do not get married at the right time as expected.

The people who are in favor of over-parenting also believe that parents should stand by and encourage children all the time no matter what performance they have at school. However， this results in childrens overwhelming academic stress. It is sometimes referred as “achievement pressure” （Acocella 2008）. Possibly， it will be one of parents expectations because good performance in schooling is always their top one desire. They prepare books， pens in childrens schoolbag， carry the bags for them and do any other things in order that children can pay all their attention to schoolwork. If kids get a good score in a test， helicopter parents will usually praise them as the best student in the class. This same encouraging behavior also happens when kids do not do well in schoolwork or fail a test. They will say words like “Its ok. You are doing well. You are a very smart kid and you are always the best student. This is just an accident. I bet you will do great next time”. Kids get compliments no matter what performance they have， which leaves children the impression that they are the best students and have to do the best to get a good score. Therefore， the burden on the kid becomes heavier and heavier especially when “an accident” happens. A boy in my class is a typical example. He tries his best to keep his position in front， so he is always stressed out before an examination. Once he falls behind from the top three， he will be disappointed， absent-minded in class.

The final argument maintained by advocates of over-parenting is that parents can pin their hopes on their children. In other words， if they have something they have not realized in their life， it is right for them to let their children fulfill them. In order to see their dreams accomplished by next generation， they count on their children and arrange everything for them. However， the parents do not take into account the fact that their children are living in their dreams which may be not their own interests. It can result in the consequence that these children with such a burden on shoulders may be not happy， or rebel and regret when they grow up. A story of this consequence goes like this： Mr. Qin wanted to become a pianist， but he failed. Therefore， he began to arrange his sons career for being a pianist since he went to kindergarten. When the son was in high school， Qin and his wife quit their jobs and moved to a city where the best music university located. However，his son failed every time when tried three times. He became frustrated and felt sick seeing any piano. Then he left home and got a job which he did not like- selling pianos in a piano business. Whats worse， Qin was addicted to drinking due to this and died from stroke （Hai 2013）. Therefore， parents should not force their children to do what they are not interested in.

It should be obvious that the arguments the advocates hold for “helicopter parenting” do not work. Although they believe that it is good for the parents to know what it is going on in their childrens life， they neglect the influence to childrens independence which may lead to immaturity. Furthermore， to encourage or praise children no matter how they perform at school is also a dangerous thing to children. As a result， the kids have more stress on them because they always remind themselves of being the best student. Finally， “helicopter parents” ask their children to fulfill the dreams they have not achieved， and however， the parents dreams may be the least favorable thing children like to do. Gradually， it is possible that children are not happy and want to rebel against their parents. Therefore， the reasons that people with over-parenting have are not valid. It should be the time for parents to land their “helicopters” for the growth of children.

Works Cited

[1]Acocella， Joan. “The Child Trap： the Rise of Over-parenting.” The New Yorker.com. 17 Nov. 2008. Web. 4 Jan. 2013.

[2]Beenstock， Michael. “Crying Games in the Theory of Child Development.” European Journal of Developmental Psychology. 2010， 7（6） 741-745. Print.

[3]Hai， Kuo. “Do Not Pin Your Hopes on Your Children.” Data.Book. Hexun.com. Beijing： Machinery Industry Press. Web. 9 Apr. 2013. Print.

[4]Wister， Andrew V. and Mitchell， Barbara A. “Does Money Matter？ Parental Income and Living Satisfaction Among ‘Boomerang Children During Coresidence.” Canadian Studies in Population. 24. 2 （1997）：125-145. Print.