By Duncan Tam

什么？！媽媽又給報了個不知所以然的暑期夏令營？一想到蚊蟲肆虐的露營點、天天面對著一群愚蠢的同伴、做著小兒科的游戲就欲哭無淚。能做的都做了：撒嬌裝可憐、每天虔誠地祈禱、出門時故意丟三落四……可是到底能不能改變媽媽這一“宏大”計劃呢？

“Please don’t leave. I really don’t want to be here.” I said to my mother as she helped me unpack my clothes in the boys’cabin.1. unpack: 打開包裹；cabin: 小木屋。

“This place is such a waste of my time. I need to make the most of2. make the most of: 充分利用。my summer,” I said as she walked to the car to drive away.

This waste of time was Greenwood Music Camp: a two-week long summer camp in the middle of the mosquito-infested,unheated, internet-less woods of Western Massachusetts.3. mosquito-infested: 蚊蟲滋生的；Massachusetts: 馬薩諸塞州，位于美國東北部。At this two-week hell-session, I would have to sleep on rockmattresses in a dusty wooden cabin.4. session: 一段時間； mattress: 床墊。At this stupid camp, I would suffer through a fortnight of rubbing elbows with stupid campers and stupid counsellors, eating stupid food, playing stupid games during stupid nights, playing stupid music.5. 在這次愚蠢的夏令營期間，我將忍受兩周這樣的日子：天天跟愚蠢的露營伙伴和輔導員們在一起，吃著愚蠢的食物，在愚蠢的夜晚玩著愚蠢的游戲，彈奏愚蠢的音樂。fortnight: 兩星期；rub elbows with: 與……交往；counsellor: 輔導員。

I didn’t even like playing stupid music. It had been my mom’s idea to make me start playing the stupid viola6. viola: 中提琴。and her idea to send me to this stupid camp. My mom had always been rather delusional7. delusional: 妄想的。about my viola career. Though, like any mother, she loved to believe that I was special and unique, my outlook on8. outlook on: 對……的看法。viola was neither special nor unique. Like most children instrumentalists9. instrumentalist: 樂器演奏者。,I did not like practicing, I did not like lessons, and I did not like performing. I may have been marginally better than the average unwilling player, but that was only due to my mom’s unprecedented vigour to make me practice.10. 也許我比一般不愿意學習樂器的孩子要好一點，但這只因為我媽媽熱情高漲，我非練不可。marginally:略微地；unprecedented: 史無前例的；vigour: 活力。She insisted that I “actually do enjoy playing,” and that I “just don’t know it yet”. I assume she must have been inspired by some TED11. TED: technology，entertainment，design的首字母縮寫，即技術、娛樂、設計，美國的一家私有非營利機構，以它組織的TED大會著稱，并能免費與世界分享這些演講。talk on “The Power of Suggestion” and hoped that if she told me enough times how much I enjoyed viola, I would enjoy viola.

“I’ll stay, but I won’t have fun!” were my last words to her before she left.

I had not, by any means, only started complaining that day. A series of fits and tantrums had all led to this moment.12. fit:（強烈感情）發(fā)作，沖動； tantrum:發(fā)脾氣。My resignation and approach to the impending threat of Greenwood had come in three stages.13. resignation: 順從，聽任；impending:即將發(fā)生的。

My mother had at first mentioned the Stupid Idea of sending me to Greenwood in November of the previous year. At first, I ignored the idea of “this camp in Massachusetts” as it was a whole summer away.Even though the camp sounded terrible, it was months away at the time, so I pushed it to the back of my mind. My mother always had ambitious plans that never ended up happening. I therefore thought that “this camp in The Middle of Nowhere, Massachusetts” would eventually fizzle out, much like her plans to visit the Coliseum, repaint our fence, and start taking yoga.14. 因此我以為媽媽這個“不知在馬薩諸塞州何方的夏令營”的想法也會不了了之，如同她之前要去羅馬斗獸場旅游、給籬笆重新刷漆，以及練瑜伽之類的計劃一樣。fizzle out:終成泡影，毫無結果；Coliseum:羅馬斗獸場；repaint: 重新刷漆；yoga: 瑜伽。

A week before the dreaded day, after months of pushing Greenwood to the back of my mind, it dawned upon me that I was really going to go to this camp in the forest.15. dreaded: 可怕的；dawn upon: 使開始明白。It was then that I entered my second phase of resistance16. resistance: 反抗。. I began searching for an alternative17. alternative: 替換物，替代品。to Greenwood. I wracked my brain18. wrack one’s brain: 絞盡腦汁。to try to remember anything she had ever said she wanted me to do. I offered to repaint our fence, to read all the books on the “Suggested Books for Summer Reading” list my school had sent us, or to mow all of our neighbours’ lawns for free (that would reflect well on her as a parent).19. mow: 割草；lawn: 草坪。These plans were all farfetched20. farfetched: 牽強的。.

“Mom, I could… I could… just stay at home and go to that drawing camp you wanted me to go to.” I suggested, grasping at straws21. grasp at straws: 抓住救命稻草，（為求脫離困境等）做最后的絕望掙扎。.

“But someone would have to drive you to the drawing camp! I’d be at work,” she responded, humoring22. humour: 迎合，遷就。me.

“I could walk every day—it’s only an hour walk each day. I could handle that.”

When I woke up the morning of my departure, I became desperate.23. departure: 出發(fā)；desperate: 令人絕望的。During this phase, I became more religious24. religious: 虔誠的。than I had ever been. If there was truly a God, he surely would not allow me to suffer at this Tarzan25. Tarzan: 泰山，美國電影《人猿泰山》中的主人公名。camp. On the car ride to the camp,I prayed for something—anything to help me escape my certain doom26. doom: 厄運。. I wished for a closed-road sign to impede our path, an earthquake, and a freak blizzard.27. impede: 阻礙；freak: 不尋常的；blizzard: 暴風雪。

I did anything to slow our trip. I “l(fā)eft” a bag at home that I only “remembered” 30 minutes into our journey, I read the directions incorrectly to my driving mother, and spilled28. spill: 使溢出。soda on myself when we stopped for lunch.

As I watched my mother, driving our car, bump away,shaky on the gravel,29. bump: 顛簸行進；gravel: 砂礫。I realized she had won. By being silent and imperturbable30. imperturbable: 冷靜的。, she had survived all of my attacks. I had finally surrendered31. surrender: 屈服。when I had allowed her to shut the car door with me not inside.

I turned around, crying, ready to sulk my way through what would be—though I through my hysterical sobbing did not know it at the time—the best two weeks of my life.32. 我轉過身，開始大哭，做好了整個營期都要郁悶的準備，但我不知道的是，在我歇斯底里的哭泣之后，我將迎來一生中最美好的兩周。sulk:生悶氣；hysterical: 歇斯底里的。