by K. Thorp烏蕪 譯

奶奶，依然愛你

Still My Grammy

by K. Thorp烏蕪 譯

看著自己的爸爸媽媽或者爺爺奶奶慢慢地遺忘一切、失去自我，是一件非常讓人痛心的事。但無論他們怎么改變，親情永遠(yuǎn)都不會變。

M y grandmother was diagnosed with the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease when I was in ffth grade. At that point in my life, I was a kid. I was selfsh as all kids are, so I didn’t think twice about it. I had no idea how it would eventually affect my life, as well as my family, in such a large way.

I have a very tight-knit family, and my grammy is the glue that holds us together. I remember going to my grandparents’farmhouse every chance I could when I was a kid. My grammy would always make me chocolate milk and a Fluffer-Nutter sandwich. We would watch Winnie the Pooh movies and color—my grammy and I both love the smell of a new box of crayons. Sometimes, if I were lucky, she would take me to the barn to feed the calves or to see the new kittens. Little did I know, that these would be the childhood memories I would miss most of all.

我上五年級時，奶奶被診斷出患有阿爾茨海默病，病情仍處于早期。那時我還小。我和所有孩子一樣自私，所以我并沒有把這件事放在心上。我也不曾想過這個病會對我的生活、我的家庭產(chǎn)生如此大的影響。

我家人之間的關(guān)系非常緊密，這都是因為我奶奶，她是把我們連接在一起的黏合劑。記得小時候，一有機會我就會去爺爺奶奶的農(nóng)場玩。奶奶總會給我做巧克力牛奶和花生醬三明治。我們會一起看《小熊維尼》電影以及涂色——我和奶奶都喜歡滿盒子新蠟筆的味道。有時候，幸運的話，奶奶會帶我去畜棚喂小?；蛘呖磩偝錾男∝?。我沒有想到，這些事情會成為我最懷念的童年回憶。

As I grew up, I noticed my grammy changing. At frst, it was just little things. She would forget where she set her book, or she couldn’t find her purse. Once again, I didn’t think it was serious. I could never have guessed how it would progress, transforming my grammy into someone I could hardly recognize.

There was one incident in particular that was my wake-up call. I remember thinking, “This isn’t a joke, and my grammy isn’t my grammy anymore. This is a serious disease.”

About three years ago, a tornado went through our town. Although it was heading straight for my grandparents’farmhouse, it died down before destroying my childhood sanctuary. My father and I went to visit my grandparents the day after the storm, just to make sure they were okay. I went inside to fnd grammy. I gave her a hug and took my regular seat on the couch across from her. We passed the time by talking for hours1)on end, about anything and everything that was on our minds. The power was out, and it got dark in what seemed like a matter of minutes.

隨著我漸漸長大，我慢慢注意到了奶奶的變化。剛開始，只是一些小事情。她會忘記把書放在哪里，或者找不到錢包。再一次地，我并不覺得這有什么大不了的。但我怎么也想不到這個病會越來越嚴(yán)重，把奶奶變成一個我?guī)缀醪徽J(rèn)得的人。

一件事尤其給我敲響了警鐘。記得我當(dāng)時是這樣想的：“這不是開玩笑的，奶奶不再是原來的奶奶了。她得了重病。”

大約三年前，一場龍卷風(fēng)侵襲了我們的鎮(zhèn)子。盡管這場龍卷風(fēng)朝著我爺爺奶奶的農(nóng)場進發(fā)，但在到達(dá)前就已消停，我的童年圣地沒有遭到破壞。龍卷風(fēng)過后的第二天，為了確認(rèn)爺爺奶奶都沒事，我和爸爸去看望了他們。我走進屋里找奶奶，給了她一個擁抱，便在她對面的沙發(fā)坐了下來，這是我一貫的位子。我們連續(xù)聊了好幾個小時，想到什么就聊什么。聊著聊著，突然停電了，沒過幾分鐘周圍就暗了下來。

1) on end 連續(xù)地

Then, Grammy turned to me, and with empty eyes that stared right past me, asked, “Now you’re graduating this year, aren’t you?” I was a freshman, so I was confused why she was asking me about graduation. Grammy was the type of person who could tell you the exact date and time when every one of her grandchildren came into this world. Her innocent question caught me2)off guard. I assured her that no, I was not yet a senior; I still had a few years until graduation, and casually moved the conversation along.

Soon, my father asked if I was ready to go home. I silently nodded my head yes, and we headed out. As soon as I got into the car, I started to cry. My father asked me what was wrong, and all I could manage to3)blurt out was, “Is grammy going to be at my graduation?”

It took him a long time to come up with a response, and when he fnally did, I heard the sadness in his voice. “Yes. She may not know where she is, but she will be there, no matter what.” I looked at my father, and I saw a tear running down his cheek. I had never seen him cry. The rest of the car ride home was silent. When we fnally arrived home, I went straight to my room. I locked my door and I cried for hours. That night made me realize that things were going to start changing fast.

然后，奶奶轉(zhuǎn)向我，眼神空洞地盯著我的后方，問道：“你今年就要畢業(yè)了，是嗎？”我才剛讀大一。我很困惑為什么她會問我畢業(yè)的事。奶奶是個能準(zhǔn)確說出她每個孫子孫女的出生日期和時間的人，我被她這個莫名其妙的問題問得措手不及。我告訴她不是的，我還沒讀大四，要過幾年才畢業(yè)，然后便胡亂地轉(zhuǎn)移了話題。

沒過多久，爸爸過來問我準(zhǔn)備要回家了沒。我默默地點點頭，和爸爸走了出去。我一上車就哭了起來。爸爸問我發(fā)生什么事了，我只能竭力說出：“奶奶會參加我的畢業(yè)典禮嗎？”

爸爸久久沒有回答，當(dāng)他終于開口時，我從他的聲音中聽到了悲傷。“會的。她也許不知道自己在哪里，但無論如何，她一定會到場的。”我看著爸爸，淚水劃過他的臉龐。我以前從未見過他落淚。接下來的車程里，我們都沉默不語。到家后，我直奔房間，鎖上門，哭了好幾個小時。那晚發(fā)生的事讓我意識到，很快，一切都將變得不同于往日。

2) off guard 不備，不警惕

3) blurt out 脫口而出

4) deterioration [d?,t??r??'re???n] n. 惡化

Ever since that talk with my grammy, I have matured and stepped up. Her Alzheimer’s has progressed to about stage 3 now. She is at the point that she can’t see what is directly in front of her. When I see her get that look that says, “I don’t know where I am or what I am doing,” it’s my automatic response to help her by getting her a plate of food or easing her into a chair.

At frst, I didn’t notice the strange looks I got from the other members of my family. Then, last summer, when I was cutting grammy’s food at a family picnic, I looked up and saw all my aunts, uncles and cousins looking at me. I just ignored them for the moment and went back to helping grammy. Later on, I asked my mother why they looked at me like that. She explained that they still picture my grandmother as the one who takes care of everyone else. They had not yet realized that the roles had switched; after years of being the sole caregiver of the family, she was the one who needed their help.

Now, I have a better understanding of Alzheimer’s disease. My grammy’s4)deterioration has had a huge impact on my family and has put a lot of stress on us all. It greatly upsets me to know that one day grammy will no longer be able to look at me and say, “That is my granddaughter, Kayla.”

自從那次與奶奶聊天過后，我就變得成熟、上進起來?，F(xiàn)在她的阿爾茨海默病已經(jīng)發(fā)展到了第三個階段。在這個階段，她對眼前的事物置若罔聞。當(dāng)我看到她那種“我不知道我在哪里或者我在做什么”的神情，我就會自覺地幫她裝食物或者扶她坐到椅子上。

剛開始，我沒有注意到其他家庭成員看我的奇怪眼神。然后，去年夏天，在一次家庭野餐上，當(dāng)我?guī)湍棠糖惺澄飼r，我一抬頭就看到所有的叔叔阿姨、兄弟姐妹們都在看著我，我當(dāng)時沒有理會他們，而是繼續(xù)幫助奶奶。過后，我問媽媽為什么他們這樣看著我。她向我解釋，他們只是依然把奶奶當(dāng)成是照顧大家的角色。他們還沒有意識到角色已經(jīng)互換了。奶奶在獨自照顧了這個大家庭這么多年后，現(xiàn)在她需要大家的幫助。

現(xiàn)在，我對阿爾茨海默病有了更深刻的了解。奶奶病情的惡化對我們家產(chǎn)生了巨大的影響，也給我們帶來了很大的壓力。我知道，總有一天，奶奶將再也不能看著我對別人說，“那是我孫女，凱拉?！边@讓我感到很傷心。

5) dwell on 細(xì)想某事

At my graduation, when I am sitting on the stage waiting to receive my diploma, I will look out over the crowded gym and see grammy there, sitting with the rest of my family. She may not understand what is going on, but she will be there. After the ceremony, I will find grammy in the huge swarm of people, and I will hug her. I know she will forget me someday, but I am not5)dwelling on that fact. For now, I try to cherish the good days and to get through the bad days as best I can. She will always be my grammy and I will always be her granddaughter.

在我畢業(yè)那天，當(dāng)我坐在舞臺上，等待領(lǐng)取畢業(yè)證書時，我的視線將會越過體育館里擁擠的人群，看到我和奶奶和其他家庭成員坐在一起。她也許不明白發(fā)生了什么事，但她會到場。畢業(yè)典禮結(jié)束后，我會在蜂擁的人群里找到奶奶，然后給她一個擁抱。我知道有一天她會忘記我，但我不會為此苦惱。現(xiàn)在，我努力珍惜那些美好的日子，盡力度過那些糟糕的日子。她永遠(yuǎn)都是我的奶奶，我也永遠(yuǎn)都是她的孫女。