Do you ever talk to yourself？ Be honest.

Researchers say talking to yourself， out loud， is more common than many of us might care to admit. Psychologists call it “self talk” and say how we do it makes a big difference in both our mood and our behavior.

Most people engage in self-talk， experts say， though some do it louder and more often than others. When I asked， I heard from people who talk to themselves in the basement， in their 1）cubicle at work and at the 2）urinal in the men’s room. One woman turns the car radio down so she can hear herself better.

Self-talk is what happens when you make yourself the target of your own comments， advice or reminders. Experts consider it a 3）subset of thinking. You’re essentially having a conversation with yourself. Sometimes self-talk is automatic. Other times we do it deliberately to influence our own behavior. “What happens with self-talk is you stimulate your action， direct your action and evaluate your action，” says Antonis Hatzigeorgiadis， associate professor at the University of Thessaly in Trikala， Greece， who studies self-talk and the psychology of sports performance.

Motivational self-talk includes what we say to 4）psych ourselves up： “Come on！” “Let’s go！”“You can do this！” Instructional self-talk walks us through a specific task. If you are driving， you might tell yourself to turn right at the next light， and then you do it. “It sounds simple， but you get the correct reaction，” says Dr. Hatzigeorgiadis. Instructional self-talk is helpful when learning or practicing a new sport or task， he says. For example， a swimmer can remind himself to keep his elbow high during freestyle. Before giving a speech， the speaker might tell herself， “Speak slower” and “Make eye contact.”

It is important to be short， precise—and consistent. “You have to sustain it，” Dr. Hatzigeorgiadis says. “You instruct yourself until it becomes automatic.” The way you 5）address yourself matters， too. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in February found people who spoke to themselves as another person—using their own name or the pronoun“you”—performed better under stress than people who used the word “I.”

In one study， University of Michigan researchers 6）induced stress in participants by telling them they had to prepare a speech to give to a panel of judges about their qualifications for a dream job. They had just five minutes to prepare and were told they couldn’t use notes.

Half the participants were instructed to 7）work through their anxiety using the first-person pronoun （“Why am I nervous？”）. The other half were told to address themselves by name or the pronoun“you” （“Why are you nervous？”）. Afterward， each participant was asked to estimate how much shame he or she experienced right after the speech， and how much 8）subsequent 9）ruminating they did.

The results were consistent： People whose self-talk used their names or “you” reported less shame and ruminated less than the ones who used“I”. The judges found the performances of those using “you” to be more confident， less nervous and more persuasive.

When people think of themselves as another person， “it allows them to give themselves objective， helpful feedback，” says Ethan Kross， associate professor of psychology and director of the Self-Control and Emotion Laboratory at the University of Michigan.

Don Ingraham， a 77-year-old retired chief executive of a chemical distribution company， has been talking to himself for more than 70 years. He was a lonely child—his brothers were much older—so he invented three imaginary friends， Bobby Palmer， Bobby Engine and Ainsley Oates， with whom he had regular conversations.

Both positive and negative words can influence us in positive and negative ways. Say to yourself，“This job interview is going to be a 10）cakewalk，” and you might not get 11）pumped up enough to 12）ace it. Conversely， tell yourself，“You just lost that match， you need to focus harder，” and it could 13）spur you to do better in the future. With critical self-talk， identify why you are being negative and focus on making it better. Don’t say： “I bombed that presentation.” Say：“That wasn’t your best effort. You need to 14）buckle down now and try harder.”

Kathy Gruver， a 44-year-old 15）alternative-medicine 16）practitioner in Santa Barbara， Calif.， once made herself cry while talking to herself about what to say to her then-boyfriend， who hadn’t called when he said he would. Since then， she has learned to speak to herself positively. She repeats daily 17）affirmations， coaches herself on handling difficult clients and walks through the steps of her 18）flying-trapeze workout. “I think it’s healthy to talk to yourself，” she says. “Throw your Bluetooth in， so people think you’re on the phone， and let it all out.”

你曾經(jīng)試過(guò)自言自語(yǔ)嗎？說(shuō)實(shí)話。

研究人員表明，大聲的自言自語(yǔ)，非常普遍，只是我們中的許多人都不愿意承認(rèn)罷了。心理學(xué)家稱(chēng)之為“自我對(duì)話”，并表示我們自我對(duì)話的方式對(duì)我們的情緒和行為影響重大。

專(zhuān)家指出，大部分人都會(huì)自我對(duì)話，盡管有一些人說(shuō)得更大聲，更頻繁。當(dāng)我問(wèn)及大家會(huì)否如此之后，我收到一些人的來(lái)信，來(lái)信人表示他們會(huì)在地下室、工作間，或男廁所便池進(jìn)行自我對(duì)話。有一位女士把汽車(chē)音響聲音調(diào)低就是為了能夠更清楚地聽(tīng)到自己說(shuō)話。

當(dāng)你把自己作為評(píng)論、建議或者提醒的對(duì)象時(shí)，自我對(duì)話就會(huì)發(fā)生。專(zhuān)家把自我對(duì)話視為思考的一部分。本質(zhì)上來(lái)說(shuō)，你就是在與自己對(duì)話。有時(shí)候，自我對(duì)話是下意識(shí)的。其他時(shí)候我們則有意為之，以此來(lái)影響自己的行為?！白晕覍?duì)話能夠?qū)ψ约旱男袆?dòng)起到激勵(lì)、指引以及評(píng)價(jià)的作用，”安東尼斯·海茲歌迪亞斯說(shuō)道，他是希臘特里卡拉省塞薩利大學(xué)的副教授，研究自我對(duì)話以及運(yùn)動(dòng)心理學(xué)。

激勵(lì)性的自我對(duì)話包括自我鼓勵(lì)所說(shuō)的話：“加油！”“走起！”“你能做到！”指導(dǎo)性的自我對(duì)話能幫助我們完成某件具體的任務(wù)。假如你在開(kāi)車(chē)，你可能告訴自己在下一個(gè)交通信號(hào)燈處向右轉(zhuǎn)，然后你就這樣做了?！斑@聽(tīng)起來(lái)很簡(jiǎn)單，但是你做出了正確的反應(yīng)，”海茲歌迪亞斯博士說(shuō)。他說(shuō)，在學(xué)習(xí)或是練習(xí)一項(xiàng)新的運(yùn)動(dòng)或任務(wù)的時(shí)候，指導(dǎo)性的自我對(duì)話很有幫助。舉例來(lái)說(shuō)，一名游泳運(yùn)動(dòng)員在游自由泳的時(shí)候可以提醒自己保持肘部高度。在演講前，發(fā)言人會(huì)告訴自己，“語(yǔ)速慢一點(diǎn)”以及“要有眼神交流”。

要簡(jiǎn)短，精準(zhǔn)，這很重要——并且要持之以恒?！澳惚仨毜脠?jiān)持，”海茲歌迪亞斯博士說(shuō)，“你對(duì)自己進(jìn)行引導(dǎo)，直到這一切變成下意識(shí)的行為。”你對(duì)自己的稱(chēng)呼也非常重要?！秱€(gè)性與社會(huì)心理學(xué)雜志》二月號(hào)中發(fā)表的研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，人們用另一個(gè)人的身份進(jìn)行自我對(duì)話——直呼自己的名字或是使用代詞“你”——在面對(duì)壓力的時(shí)候，比起使用“我”來(lái)進(jìn)行自我對(duì)話，效果要更好。

在一項(xiàng)研究中，密歇根大學(xué)的研究人員告訴計(jì)劃參與人員，為了夢(mèng)寐以求的工作，他們必須在一眾面試官前準(zhǔn)備一場(chǎng)演講，證明自己的專(zhuān)業(yè)資格，以此來(lái)誘發(fā)壓力。參與人員只有五分鐘的時(shí)間準(zhǔn)備，而且還不允許使用筆記提綱。

一半的參與者被引導(dǎo)著使用第一人稱(chēng)（像“為什么我要緊張？”）來(lái)緩解焦慮。另一半的人則被要求直呼自己的名字或是用代詞“你”（像“為什么你要緊張？”）。然后，每一個(gè)參與人員在演講之后都會(huì)被要求評(píng)估自己的羞怯程度，以及后續(xù)的追悔反思。

結(jié)果是一致的：比起那些用“我”進(jìn)行自我對(duì)話的人，直呼自己名字或是用“你”來(lái)稱(chēng)呼自己的人羞怯感更輕，后續(xù)的追悔反思也更少。面試官發(fā)現(xiàn)那些用“你”的人表現(xiàn)更自信，沒(méi)有那么緊張，也更有說(shuō)服力。

當(dāng)人們把自己看成另外一個(gè)人，“他們能夠給予自己客觀和有益的反饋，”伊恩·克魯斯說(shuō)道，他是密歇根大學(xué)的心理學(xué)副教授及“自控與情緒”實(shí)驗(yàn)室主任。

唐·英格拉姆曾是一家化學(xué)品分銷(xiāo)公司的首席執(zhí)行官，今年77歲，現(xiàn)已退休，他進(jìn)行自我對(duì)話已經(jīng)超過(guò)70年了。他過(guò)去是一個(gè)孤獨(dú)的孩子，他的哥哥們比他年長(zhǎng)很多，所以他創(chuàng)造了三位虛擬的朋友，波比·帕爾馬、波比·安吉，以及安斯利·奧茲，他和“他們”經(jīng)常對(duì)話。

積極和消極的言辭都會(huì)對(duì)我們有正面和反面的作用。對(duì)你自己說(shuō)：“這次面試簡(jiǎn)直易如反掌”，你可能不會(huì)鼓足勁頭來(lái)取得成功。相反地，你告訴自己，“你剛才表現(xiàn)不佳，你需要更加專(zhuān)注，”這就會(huì)激勵(lì)你未來(lái)做得更好。用批判性的自我對(duì)話，搞清楚你表現(xiàn)消極的原因，專(zhuān)注如何能做得更好。不要說(shuō)：“剛才的展示我做得太棒了?！倍钦f(shuō)：“你還不夠努力。你現(xiàn)在需要全力以赴，更加努力。”

凱西·格魯佛，44歲，是一名加利福尼亞州圣巴巴拉市的替代醫(yī)學(xué)從業(yè)者。有一次，她當(dāng)時(shí)的男朋友說(shuō)會(huì)給她電話卻沒(méi)有打，她就進(jìn)行自我對(duì)話，內(nèi)容是她要和男朋友說(shuō)的話，竟把自己說(shuō)哭了。從此以后，她學(xué)會(huì)了跟自己進(jìn)行積極的對(duì)話。她每天都反復(fù)自我肯定，指導(dǎo)自己如何應(yīng)對(duì)挑剔的客人，鼓勵(lì)自己完成空中飛人訓(xùn)練。“我覺(jué)得自我對(duì)話是一種健康的方式，”她說(shuō)，“給自己戴上藍(lán)牙，人們就以為你在打電話，然后大膽地自我對(duì)話。”