《少有人走的路》最早出版于1978年，堪稱“奇書”。作為一本心理學著作，它出版后并未做任何宣傳，卻經(jīng)口口相傳，成為出版史上的一大奇跡。它在美國《紐約時報》暢銷書榜上熱賣近二十年，被譯為二十多種語言銷往全世界。

本書作者M·斯科特·派克（1936—2005），是一位杰出的心理醫(yī)生。兒時，他就以“童言無忌”遠近聞名；少時，他又勇敢地放棄了父母為他安排的輝煌前程，毅然選擇了自己的人生道路，最終當上了一名心理醫(yī)生。他曾在美軍日本沖繩基地擔任心理醫(yī)生，在近二十年的職業(yè)生涯中，他治愈了成千上萬個病人，《少有人走的路》就是以其從業(yè)經(jīng)驗為基礎而寫成的。

本書以溝通與理解為基調(diào)，跨越時代，幫助我們探索愛的本質(zhì)，幫助我們學習愛，也學習獨立，指導我們找到真正的自我，引導我們過上嶄新、寧靜而豐富的生活。

幾年前，當小編看到這本書時，很有一種相見恨晚的感覺。因為書中所述的許多問題，恰恰正是我們普羅大眾在成長過程中會遇到或者正要經(jīng)歷的種種，如果有幸早早遇見這么一本書，那么曾經(jīng)的那些“天大的問題”或許早早就能迎刃而解了。

書中主旨：人生苦難重重，人生是一場艱辛之旅，心智成熟的旅程注定漫長而曲折。對于絕大多數(shù)人來說，心智不成熟正是諸多心理問題的癥結(jié)所在。厭學、早戀、憂郁、厭世、啃老、不婚……越來越多年輕人顯得無法適應社會，卻又找不到鉆出“牛角尖”的方法。如果不想成為下一個“問題青年”，或許這本書能帶給你一些有益的建議。

The Risk of Independence

All life itself represents a risk， and the more lovingly we live our lives the more risks we take. Of the thousands， maybe even millions， of risks we can take in a lifetime the greatest is the risk of growing up. Growing up is the act of stepping from childhood into adulthood. Actually， it is more of a fearful leap than a step， a leap that many people never really take in their lifetimes. Though they may outwardly appear to be adults， even successful adults， perhaps the majority of “grown-ups” remain， until their death， psychological children， who have never truly separated themselves from their parents and the power that their parents have over them.

Perhaps because it was so 1）poignantly personal to me， I feel I can best illustrate the essence of growing up and the enormity of the risk involved， by describing the giant step I myself took into adulthood at the end of my fifteenth year—fortunately very early in life.

At the age of thirteen I was sent away to Phillips Exeter Academy， a boy’s preparatory school of the very highest reputation. I knew that I was fortunate to be going there， because attendance at Exeter was part of a well-defined pattern that would lead me to one of the best Ivy League colleges， and from there into the highest 2）echelons of the 3）Establishment， whose doors would be wide open to me on account of my educational background. The only problem was that almost immediately after starting Exeter I became miserably unhappy. I just did not seem to fit in. I didn’t seem to fit with the faculty， the students， the courses， the architecture， the social life， the total environment. Yet there seemed nothing to do other than to try to make the best of it， and try to mold my imperfections. And try I did， for two and a half years. Yet my daily life appeared more meaningless and I felt more wretched than ever. The last year I did little but sleep， for only in sleep could I find any comfort. In retrospect， I think perhaps， in my sleep， I was resting and unconsciously preparing myself for the leap I was about to take.

I took it when I returned home for spring vacation of my third year， and announced that I was not going to return to school. My father said， “But you can’t quit！ It’s the best education money can buy. Don’t you realize what you’d be throwing away？” “I don’t know，” I answered， feeling totally 4）inadequate. “I don’t even know why I hate it so. But I hate it and I’m not going back. ” “Well， what are you going to do， then？ Since you seem to want to play so loose with your future， just what is it you plan to do？ ”Again， I miserably replied， “I don’t know. All I know is I’m not going back there. ”

My parents were understandably alarmed and took me forthwith to a 5）psychiatrist， who stated that I was depressed and recommended a month’s 6）hospitalization， giving me a day to decide whether or not this was what I wanted. That night was the only time I ever considered suicide. I knew that my difficulty in adjusting was entirely my fault， and I felt totally inadequate， 7）incompetent and worthless.Worse， I believed that I was probably insane. My father said， “You must be crazy to throw away such a good education”？ And if I returned to Exeter I would be returning to all that was safe， secure， right， proper， constructive， proven and known. Yet it was not me. In the depths of my being I knew it was not my path.

But what was my path？ I was terrified. And just then， at the moment of my greatest despair， from my unconscious， there came a sequence of words， like a strange 8）disembodied oracle， a voice that was not mine： “The only real security in life lies in relishing life’s insecurity.” Even if it meant being crazy and out of step with all that seemed holy， I had decided to be me. I rested. In the morning， I went to see the psychiatrist again. I told him that I would never return to Exeter， but that I was ready to enter his hospital. I had taken the leap into the unknown. I had taken my destiny into my own hands.

The process of growing up usually occurs very gradually， with many little leaps into the unknown， like when an eight-year-old boy first takes the risk of riding his bike down to the country store all by himself， or when a fifteenyear-old goes out on his or her first date. If you doubt that these represent real risks， then you simply can’t remember the anxiety involved. If you observe even the healthiest of children you will see not only an eagerness to risk new and adult activities but also， side by side，a 9）reluctance， a shrinking back， clinging to the safe and familiar， while holding onto dependency and childhood. Moreover， on more or less subtle levels， you can find this same 10）ambivalence in an adult， including yourself， with the elderly， in particular， tending to cling to the old， known and familiar.

While such great leaps are most commonly made during 11）adolescence， they can be made at any age. A thirty-five-year old mother of three， married to a controlling， 12）stultifying， inflexible， 13）chauvinistic husband， gradually and painfully comes to realize that her dependency on him， and their entire marriage， is a living death. He blocks all her attempts to change the nature of their relationship. With incredible bravery she divorces him， sustaining the burden of his 14）recriminations and the criticism of neighbors， and risks an unknown future alone with her children， but free for the first time in her life to be her own person.

Depressed， following a heart attack， a fifty-two year-old businessman looks back on his life， on his frantic ambition to constantly make more money and rise ever higher in the corporate 15）hierarchy， and finds it meaningless. After much reflection， he realizes that he has been driven by a need for approval， from a 16）domineering， constantly critical mother； he has almost worked himself to death to be finally seen as successful in her eyes. Risking and transcending her disapproval for the first time in his life， as well as braving the ire of his highliving wife and children， who are reluctant to give up their expensive lifestyle， he moves to the country and opens up a little shop， where he happily restores 17）antique furniture.

Such major changes， such leaps into independence and self-determination， are enormously painful at any age and require supreme courage， yet they are not infrequent results of 18）psychotherapy.

But what has this business of growing up to do with love？ First of all， the examples of the changes described， and other such changes， are all acts of self-love. It is precisely because I valued myself that I was unwilling to remain miserable in a school， and whole social environment， that never fit my needs. It is because the housewife had regard for herself that she refused to tolerate a marriage that limited her freedom and repressed her personality. It is because the businessman cared for himself that he was no longer willing to nearly kill himself， in an effort to meet the expectations of his mother.

獨立的風險

人生本身就是一種冒險。人生路上，你投入的愛越多，經(jīng)受的風險也就越多。我們一生要經(jīng)歷數(shù)以千計乃至百萬計的風險，而最大的風險就是成長，也就是走出童年，邁入成年的那一步。事實上，這更應該說是一次驚人的跨越，而不是隨意邁出的一小步。這種人生跨越很多人一生都未能真正實現(xiàn)。盡管他們貌似成人，甚至小有成就，但直到壽終正寢，大部分“成年人”依然心智尚未成熟，他們其實從未真正擺脫父母的影響，從未擺脫父母的陰影，獲得真正的獨立。

可能因為這種體驗對我而言有著切膚之痛，我覺得我能最好地闡明成長的本質(zhì)，以及其中蘊含的極大風險。我要描述的是在我將滿十六歲時，我向成年邁出的一大步——很幸運的是，一切發(fā)生得很早。

十三歲時，我被送往菲利普斯·埃克塞特中學讀書，這是一所聲望極高的男子預科中學。我知道自己能上這所學校很幸運，因為入讀埃克塞特可謂是我人生的“康莊大道”的一部分，這條路會引領我走進其中一所常春藤名校，而后步入社會精英階層。擁有這所明星中學的教育背景，上流之門就會為我大開。但唯一的問題是，我一進入?？巳?，就立刻變得郁郁寡歡。我就是覺得與那里格格不入。那里的老師、同學、課程、建筑、社交乃至整個環(huán)境，都讓我難以適應。而似乎除了努力學習，改善自身的不足，我沒有任何選擇。我努力過，用了兩年半的時間，但我的日常生活似乎顯得更加毫無意義，而我的情緒也更是前所未有地消沉。最后一年，除了睡覺，我?guī)缀跏裁匆矝]做，因為只有睡覺，我才會感受到一絲舒適感。現(xiàn)在回想起來，我覺得可能在沉睡時，我在歇息，在潛意識中為即將邁出的跨越做著準備。

在三年級的春假，我邁出了這一跨越。我一回到家，就向父母宣布我不打算再回那所學校了。父親說：“但你不能半途而廢??！這是花錢能換來的最好的教育了。你不明白自己放棄的是什么嗎？”“我不知道，”我回答說，覺得自己毫無底氣?！拔乙膊恢罏槭裁茨敲从憛捤?。但我就是討厭它，而且再也不想回去了?！薄凹热贿@樣，那你到底想干什么？你好像沒怎么把自己的將來當回事，那你的計劃到底是什么？”再一次，我沮喪地說：“我不知道。反正我再也不回去上學了?！?/p>

我的父母慌了起來——這并不難理解，他們立刻帶我去看心理醫(yī)生。醫(yī)生說我患了憂郁癥，并且建議我住院治療一個月。他們給了我一天時間，讓我自行作出決定。那天晚上，我生平第一次有了輕生的念頭。我清楚自己無法適應學校，這完全是我自己的責任，我頓時覺得自己無用、無能、一無是處。更糟糕的是，我覺得自己與瘋子無異。父親不是說過：“你一定是瘋了才會放棄這么好的教育機會”么？要是我回到?？巳?，就會回到安全、可靠、正常、恰當、有建設性、被社會認可和已知的世界。可是，那不是我。在我的內(nèi)心，我知道那不是適合我的道路。

但我的路是什么呢？我感到害怕。這時候，就在我最沮喪的時刻，仿佛神諭一般，我聽到一種聲音，一種來自潛意識深處并不屬于我的聲音：“人生惟一的安全感，來自于充分體驗人生的不安全感?！北M管這一做法似乎離經(jīng)叛道，如同瘋子一般，但我選擇做回我自己。我安然睡去了。第二天一早，我就去見心理醫(yī)生，告訴他我再也不要回埃克塞特了，我愿意住進精神病院。就這樣，我縱身一躍，進入了未知的天地，將自己的命運掌握在自己手中。

成長的過程通常極為緩慢，常常伴隨著進入未知天地的無數(shù)次小跨越，例如八歲的孩子第一次獨自騎車到鄉(xiāng)間小店買東西，又或是十五歲的孩子第一次與異性約會。如果認為這些經(jīng)歷算不上真正的冒險，那你顯然是忘記了當初的焦慮感。要是你細心觀察，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)即使是心理最健康的孩子，他們初次步入成人世界，除了興奮和激動，伴隨而來的還有遲疑、膽怯，他們不時想回到熟悉、安全的環(huán)境中，想做回當初那個凡事依賴別人的幼兒。此外，或多或少在某些細微的層面上，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)成年人——包括你自己，也會經(jīng)歷類似的矛盾心理，特別是年邁的人，傾向依附老舊、已知、熟悉的事物。

盡管人生最大幅度的跳躍，大都出現(xiàn)在青春期，但實際上，這種跳躍可以在任何年齡進行。有一位35歲的女士，是三個孩子的母親。她的丈夫獨斷專橫、無趣，以自我為中心，經(jīng)歷過長時期的痛苦，她終于意識到對丈夫和婚姻過于依賴，使她過得如陷地獄。她曾想嘗試改變婚姻狀況，但其丈夫扼殺了她所有的努力。她鼓起極大的勇氣，和丈夫離婚，忍受著丈夫的指責、鄰居的批評，獨自帶著孩子，冒著風險，走向不可預知的未來，人生中第一次不受束縛地成為她自己。

還有一位52歲的企業(yè)家，經(jīng)歷過心臟病發(fā)后，情緒消沉，他回顧自己追名逐利的一生，覺得那一切毫無意義。經(jīng)過多番思索，他意識到長期以來，他所做的一切，無不是為了取悅他那專制又挑剔的母親。他一生拼命苦干，只為最終達成母親眼中成功的標準。他生平第一次冒險抗拒母親的心意，也不顧不愿放棄優(yōu)越生活的妻兒的反對，歡歡喜喜地搬到鄉(xiāng)下，開了家修復古董家具的小店。

這樣重大的改變，這種步入獨立自主的跨越，無論對于哪個年紀來說都是極為痛苦的，而且需要極大的勇氣，然而這些例子在接受心理治療后的案例里并不少見。

然而這些成長的問題與愛又有何關(guān)系呢？首先，上面談到的所有關(guān)于改變的事例，以及其他類似的改變，都是自愛的表現(xiàn)。正是因為我珍重自己，才不愿得過且過，可憐巴巴地留在學校，留在整個永遠不適合我的社會環(huán)境中。正因為家庭主婦珍愛自己，才拒絕忍受限制自由、壓抑人性的婚姻。正因為企業(yè)家懂得珍視自己，才不愿如過去那樣，盡力滿足母親的期望，幾近自殺。

Second， not only does love for oneself provide the motive for such major changes； it also gives us the courage to take the risk. Because my parents clearly loved and valued me as a young child， I felt sufficiently secure in myself to defy their expectations and radically depart from the pattern they had laid out for me. In daring to be different， even if it meant being crazy， I was responding to earlier loving messages from my parents， hundreds of them， which said， “You are a beautiful and beloved individual. It is good to be you. We will love you no matter what you do， as long as you are you.” Finally， it is only when one has taken the leap into the unknown of total self-hood， psychological independence and unique individuality， that one is free to proceed along still higher paths of spiritual growth， and to manifest love in its greatest 19）dimensions. As long as one marries， enters a career or has children， only to satisfy one’s parents or the expectations of anyone else， including society as a whole， the commitment by its very nature will be a shallow one. The highest forms of love are inevitably totally free choices， rather than acts of responsibility or 20）conformity.

其次，愛不光為這種重大的改變提供動力，同時也給予我們冒險的勇氣。因為父母自小就鮮明地表現(xiàn)出愛我、珍視我，給了我足夠的安全感，我才能反抗他們的期望，以激進的方式脫離他們?yōu)槲忆伜玫娜松缆?。我敢于走不同的路，即使做法如同瘋子一般，但我所做的正是回應他們以前向我傳遞的無數(shù)愛的信息，這些信息說的是：“你是個漂亮、可愛的人。做自己很好。無論你做什么，只要你保持自我，我們始終都會愛你。”

最后，只有當一個人邁出這一大步，走進完全自我、心智獨立、個性獨特的未知領域，才能夠活得自由自在，追求心智的不斷成熟，體驗到愛的至高境界。一個人成家立業(yè)、生兒育女，如果只為滿足父母或他人的愿望，包括社會整體，那么這種人生承諾本質(zhì)上就會是很膚淺的。至高境界的愛，必然是自由狀態(tài)下的自主選擇，而不是出于責任和順從的行為表現(xiàn)。