By+Anonymous

M y brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sisters bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package.“This，”he said，“isnotaslip.Thisislingerie.”Hediscarded thetissueand handed metheslip.

It was exquisite， silk， handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.

“Jan bought this the first time we went to New York， at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion.”

Well，Iguessthisistheoccasion.

He took the slip from me and put it on the bed， with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment， and then he slammed the drawer shut andturnedtome，“Dontever saveanythingfor aspecialoccasion. Everydayyourealiveisaspecialoccasion.”

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sisters family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadnt seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she haddonewithoutrealizingthattheywerespecial.

Im still thinking about his words， and theyve changed the weeds in the garden. Im spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible， life should be a pattern of experience to savour， not endure. Im tryingtorecognizethesemomentsnowandcherishthem.

Im not“saving”anything； we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound， getting the sink unstopped， the first camellia blossom... I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous， I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. Im not saving my good perfume for special parties； clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as wellasmypartygoingfriends.

“Someday”and“one of these days”are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If its worth seeing or hearing or doing， I want to see and hear and do it now. Im not sure what my sister wouldve donehad sheknown thatshewouldntbehere for the tomorrow we alltakeforgranted.

Ithinkshewould havecalled familymembersand afew close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize， and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner， her favorite food. Im guessing. Ill neverknow.endprint

Its those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeinggood friendswhomI wasgoingtogetin touch with someday. Angry because I hadnt written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didnt tell my husbandanddaughteroftenenoughhowmuchItrulylovethem.

Imtryingveryhardnottoputoff，holdback，or saveanything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes， I tell myself that every day， every minute， everybreathtruly，isagiftfromGod.

妹夫打開妹妹衣柜最底層的抽屜，拿出一個(gè)用薄紙包著的包裹。他說：“這可不是一件普通內(nèi)衣，而是一件豪華內(nèi)衣。”他把薄紙撕開扔到一邊，把那件內(nèi)衣遞到我手里。

它的確精致無比，絲質(zhì)、全手工縫制，周圍還有一圈網(wǎng)狀蕾絲花邊。價(jià)簽尚未被撕去，上面的數(shù)字大得驚人。

“這是我們第一次去紐約時(shí)簡(jiǎn)買的，至少已是八九年前的事了。她從沒有穿過它。她一直珍藏著，想等一個(gè)特殊的日子再穿上它?！?/p>

唉，我想現(xiàn)在便是那特殊的日子了。

妹夫從我手中拿過那件豪華內(nèi)衣放在床上，和其他我們要帶給殯儀服務(wù)人員的衣服放在一起。他的手在那柔軟織物上徘徊了一會(huì)兒，隨即他砰地關(guān)上抽屜，轉(zhuǎn)身對(duì)我說：“永遠(yuǎn)不要把任何東西留給什么特殊的日子。你活著的每一天都是一個(gè)特殊的日子?！?/p>

這兩句話在我耳邊久久回響，伴我度過了葬禮和幫妹夫、外甥女處理妹妹意外死亡后的傷心后事的那幾天。我從位于中西部的妹妹家返回加州時(shí)，在飛機(jī)上還在想這兩句話。我想到妹妹未曾有機(jī)會(huì)看到、聽到或去做的事。我想到她做過，卻沒有意識(shí)到其特殊性的事。

我至今還在想著妹夫說的話，正是它們改變了我的心境。我現(xiàn)在花更多的時(shí)間與家人、朋友在一起，而少花些時(shí)間在那些工作會(huì)議上。無論何時(shí)，生活應(yīng)當(dāng)是一種“品味”，而非一種“忍受”。我在學(xué)習(xí)欣賞每一刻，珍惜每一刻。

我不再“珍藏”任何東西。只要有一點(diǎn)好事發(fā)生，我們就不吝嗇使用精美的瓷器和水晶制品，比如說當(dāng)體重減了一磅的時(shí)候，當(dāng)被堵塞的廚房水槽疏通了的時(shí)候，當(dāng)?shù)谝欢渖讲杌ň`放的時(shí)候……如果我想穿，我就穿上我的漂亮衣服去市場(chǎng)購物。我的理論是：如果我看上去還富足的話，我可以毫不心疼地為一小袋雜貨付出28.49美元。我不再為特殊的派對(duì)珍藏我上好的香水，五金店售貨員和銀行出納員們的嗅覺，不會(huì)比派對(duì)上朋友們的來得差。

“有朝一日”和“終有一天”這樣的詞正從我的常用詞匯中淡出。如果值得去看、去聽或者去做，我當(dāng)即就要去看、去聽或者去做。人們總是理所當(dāng)然地以為自己必然有明天，不知假如妹妹知道她將沒有明天，她會(huì)做些什么。

我想她會(huì)給家人和幾位密友打電話。她可能還會(huì)給幾位昔日的朋友打電話主動(dòng)道歉，摒棄前嫌。我想她可能會(huì)外出吃頓她最喜歡的中餐。我只是猜想而已。我永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)知道。

假如我知道我的時(shí)間不多了，那些沒來得及做的小事會(huì)讓我惱火。惱火，是因?yàn)槲乙煌显偻蠜]能去看看“有朝一日”會(huì)去看的好友們；惱火，是因?yàn)槲疫€沒有寫出我“終有一天”要寫的信；惱火與內(nèi)疚，是因?yàn)槲覜]能更經(jīng)常地告訴我的丈夫和女兒，我是多么真切地愛他們。

我正努力不再拖延、保留或珍藏那些能給我們的生活帶來歡笑和光彩的東西。每天清晨當(dāng)我睜開雙眼，我便告訴自己每一天、每一分鐘、每一次呼吸都真正是上帝賜予的禮物。endprint