A New Mother

Like a good father， I took my 4-year old daughter to a so-called “rug concert”[地毯音樂會] at her music school one Saturday morning. The concert had such a name because you sit on the rug in a group and sing songs. We sat beside a young attractive[迷人的] mother and her son， and I talked with her in a friendly way. I thought I was in trouble. As soon as we got home， my daughter ran through the front door and announced to my wife： “Daddy met a new Mommy.”

新媽媽

作為一個(gè)好父親，我在星期六的早晨帶四歲的女兒到她的音樂學(xué)校參加一個(gè)所謂的“地毯音樂會”。音樂會叫這么個(gè)名字是因?yàn)槲覀兎殖尚〗M坐在地毯上唱歌。我坐在一個(gè)年輕漂亮的母親和她兒子身邊。在音樂會中我和這個(gè)母親開始了友好的談話。當(dāng)我們回家后，我認(rèn)為我有麻煩了。女兒跑著穿過前門，對我妻子宣布：“爸爸遇到了一個(gè)新媽媽?！?/p>

St Peter’s question

Three men， a doctor， an accountant and a lawyer， are dead and they appear in front of St Peter. St Peter tells them that they have to answer one question in order to get to Heaven. He looks at the doctor and asks， “There was a movie that was made about a ship that sank after hitting an iceberg， what was its name？” The doctor answers， “The Titanic” and he is sent through. He then looks at the accountant and says， “How many people died in that ship？” Fortunately the accountant has just watched the movie and he answers， “1’500！”. St Peter sends him through and then finally turns to the lawyer and commands， in a very heavy voice， “Name them！”.

圣彼德的問題

有三個(gè)人死了，分別是一名醫(yī)生、一名會計(jì)和一名律師。他們來到了圣·彼德面前。圣·彼德對他們說，如果他們想進(jìn)入天堂，每人就得回答一個(gè)問題。圣·彼德看著醫(yī)生開始發(fā)問，“以前電影院放過一部電影，說的是一艘船撞擊冰山后沉沒，電影的名字是什么？”醫(yī)生回答，“《泰坦尼克號》”，醫(yī)生隨即被允許進(jìn)入天堂。然后圣彼德看著會計(jì)說，“船上有多少人遇難？”。會計(jì)很走運(yùn)，因?yàn)樗麆偪催^這部電影，回答道，“1，500人遇難?！笔ケ说掳褧?jì)也放進(jìn)天堂了。最后，圣彼德轉(zhuǎn)過身，看著律師，非常嚴(yán)肅地用命令的口吻問道，“把1，500人的名字都說出來！”

The Mean Man’s Party

The notorious cheap skater finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment， he said， “Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens， push with your foot.”

“Why use my elbow and foot？”

“Well， gosh，” was the reply， “You’re not coming empty-handed， are you？”

吝嗇鬼的聚會

一個(gè)聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開。”

“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢？”

“天哪！” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧？”

Talking clock

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends， a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for？” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock，” the man replied. “How does it work？”

“Watch，” the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly， someone screamed from the other side of the wall， “Knock it off， you idiot！ It’s two o’clock in the morning！”

會說話的鐘

一個(gè)學(xué)生帶他的朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那個(gè)大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個(gè)朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個(gè)會說話的鐘”，學(xué)生回答?！斑@鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問。

“看著，別眨眼了”，那學(xué)生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現(xiàn)在是凌晨兩點(diǎn)鐘了！”