行有行規(guī)，門(mén)有門(mén)道，不同的語(yǔ)言亦有各自獨(dú)特的規(guī)則和風(fēng)貌。正因?yàn)槿绱?，譯者要想在兩種語(yǔ)言之間準(zhǔn)確精到、游刃有余地轉(zhuǎn)換，真是難之又難。這不，本文就列舉了一些翻譯過(guò)程中產(chǎn)生的誤譯，有的令人啼笑皆非，有的讓人匪夷所思，有的叫人心驚肉跳。誤譯看似語(yǔ)言上的小毛病，嚴(yán)重起來(lái)卻足以改變世界。

In a rapidly shrinking world， it’s becoming more and more important to have translations that are both lightning-fast and actually understandable. To underline how hard this is， here’s that sentence translated from English to Thai to Russian to Japanese and back to English， courtesy of1) Google Translate: Become increasingly important in order to convert the world to fall faster， as well as lightning， to understand the actual.

And as much as that sucked， it’s nothing compared to these doozies.

A Missed “I” Gives Us Martians

Back in 1877， Italian astronomer Giovanni Schiaparelli reported a rather shocking discovery: There were “canali，” or canals， on Mars. Since canals are artificial by definition， this caused a shitstorm of speculation about the possibility of a long-vanished race of Martians who must have made the structures to irrigate their crops.

But it wasn’t Schiaparelli who really got Martian fever going. Astronomer Percival Lowell read Schiaparelli’s work and his Mars boner got so hard that he moved to Arizona， constructed his own observatory and spent years publishing papers speculating that A) Mars was once populated by a civilized race of brilliant engineers， and B) those engineers created these canals as a last-ditch2) effort to save a dying planet.

There were only two problems: First off， Lowell was basically just drawing canals at random， apparently， as no one has been able to correlate any of his lines with actual stuff on Mars. Second， and more importantly， “canali” doesn’t mean “canals，” it actually means “channels” or “trenches，” and Schiaparelli was just noting some totally natural terrain differences.

By all accounts， Schiaparelli was understandably pissed3) at the way everyone kept connecting his observations with Lowell’s hogwash4)， but by the time the truth actually got out， it was too late. Lowell’s wild imagination spurred the science fiction fantasies of everyone from H. G. Wells5)， whose The War of the Worlds also featured the last-ditch efforts of a dying Martian race， to Edgar Rice Burroughs6)， whose novel A Princess of Mars is also about—guess what? A dying civilization on the planet Mars.

By the time the 20th century got going， Martians on Mars were a done deal， and it was all because of one itty-bitty7) “i.”

Nikita Khrushchev Wants to Respectfully Mourn You尼基

In 1956， the Cold War was in full swing， which meant that as far as America was concerned， Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev was Enemy Asshole No. 1. And he cemented this reputation when he gave a speech at the Polish Embassy in Moscow. After some opening remarks， Khrushchev went off on how capitalism sucked and communism ruled， capping off8) the speech with the now-legendary phrase， “We will bury you.”

Which， when coupled with the fact that the Soviets had just tested a successful H-bomb， made it sound remarkably like Khrushchev was challenging the American to a game of nuclear chicken9). The American media jumped on10) this story like a fat kid on cake， calling Khrushchev a “red-faced and gesticulating” windbag11)， and millions of Americans shit their pants at the thought of this uber-aggressive Russian who apparently wanted them all dead.

There was only one problem: Nikita Khrushchev didn’t actually say those words.

As it turns out， a better literal translation of his words would have been， “We will be present when you are buried.”

This was actually a pretty common saying in Soviet Russia. What Khrushchev really meant was， “We will outlast you.” It was just the usual “communism is better than capitalism” posturing that went on all the time in the Cold War， but thanks to misinterpretations， Americans thought Khrushchev was threatening to literally bury them in the rubble of a nuclear attack. And he didn’t clarify his statement for three whole years. While the U.S. operated under the assumption that Khrushchev was chomping at the bit12) to kill them， they watched as the U.S.S.R.13) launched both Sputnik and the world’s first intercontinental ballistic missile， and they consequently went space missile crazy themselves. Would the Americans have landed on the moon if it hadn’t been for their misunderstanding of Khrushchev’s bluster? We’ll never know.

President Carter Creeps Out14) a Nation

In 1973， U.S President Jimmy Carter traveled to Poland to hold the United States’ first-ever news conference in the country.

Carter was speaking through a $150-a-day freelance translator who barely spoke Polish. The guy’s mistakes started early on and never let up15): When Carter opened with “I left the United States this morning，” it got translated to， “I left the United States， never to return.” When he said， “I have come to learn your opinions and understand your desires for the future，” it was translated into， “I desire the Poles carnally.” Carter couldn’t catch a break16) with this guy.

So that guy was fired， and a new translator was hired for a state banquet. Carter delivered the first line of his speech， paused for the translator ... and heard nothing. Carter said the next line， paused again， and again there was silence. Apparently Translator No. 2 was having the opposite problem—he couldn’t understand Carter’s English—and so he decided silence was the best option， forcing the Polish leader’s own translator to step in and pick up the slack17). When Carter finally left the country， he was the butt of a thousand Polish jokes.

The Word That Dropped the Atom Bomb

By July 1945， the Allies were ready to put the kibosh on18) the war in Japan. So they issued the Potsdam Declaration， demanding the unconditional surrender of Japan and threatening “utter destruction.” Then the Allies waited like a sixth-grader waiting for his first “Do you like me?” response.

Unsurprisingly， Japanese reporters were pretty eager to find out what the official government response was going to be， and consequently they bugged Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki nonstop for a statement. Eventually， Suzuki caved in19)， called a news conference and said the equivalent of “No comment. We’re still thinking about it.” The reporters had to go back unsatisfied. The Japanese government eventually came to a decision and told the U.S.， and everything worked out fine.

As you may have guessed， that isn’t what happened， and it’s all because Suzuki used the word “mokusatsu” as his “no comment” response. The problem is， “mokusatsu” can also mean “we’re ignoring it in contempt，” and that translation was what was relayed back to the American government. After the steam stopped coming out of Harry Truman’s ears， the U.S. revealed the real reason it issued the Potsdam Declaration by dropping the atom bomb on Hiroshima 10 days after Suzuki’s comment， and then again on Nagasaki three days later.

It’s worth noting that if Suzuki had just fully explained himself and said， “Let me get back with you on that20)，” none of this would have happened. But whether it’s a politician’s poor word choice or a translator’s failure to read down to the alternate definitions of a word， the only translation the Americans got was， “Japan has just issued the most ill-advised ‘Bring it on’ ever made.”

Killer Medical Mistranslations

We now turn our attention to the wacky world of medicine. The deal here is that in places with high ethnic diversity oftentimes the doctors don’t speak the same language as their patients， and consequently they have to employ translators. Unfortunately， these translators are mostly just translators， not medical professionals， and that becomes a problem when they have to make snap judgments. One particularly dramatic example of the problem occurred when a young Hispanic man collapsed after complaining of feeling nauseated21)， or “intoxicado.” The translator took this to mean “intoxicated22)” and assumed the guy was shitfaced23)， and consequently he was treated for an alcohol and drug overdose.

But it turned out that his nausea was actually due to a blood clot in his brain， which resulted in quadriplegia24). If the translator had bothered to clarify that one ambiguous word， the doctors would have had more time to save the guy. But hey， how are American hospitals supposed to know what the word for “stomachache” is in an obscure language like Spanish， which is spoken only by 35 million U.S. residents?

Not all medical mistranslation mishaps happen in the emergency room， though—in fact， the vast majority occur in pharmacies. Back in 2009， a whole bunch of states passed laws requiring pharmacies to provide translations of their prescriptions to people who need them. Since pharmacies， like most other businesses， are apparently run by cheap fellow， a whole lot of them just used computer programs to do the translations—a study in the Bronx found that only three percent of pharmacies use professional translators.

That same study tested the translation programs used by pharmacies and found that over half of the prescriptions produced contained serious errors. And these errors pop up on real prescriptions all the time: “By mouth” is changed to “by little，” “two times” is changed to “two kiss，” and in one spectacularly disquieting case， the instructions for blood pressure medicine caused a man to take it 11 times a day instead of once because “once” in Spanish is “11.”

The lesson here? If you speak only Spanish， for the love of God don’t get sick.

在這個(gè)急劇縮小的世界，迅如閃電、曉暢易懂的翻譯變得越來(lái)越重要。為了強(qiáng)調(diào)這種翻譯的難度，我們不妨用“谷歌翻譯”將上面這句話從英語(yǔ)譯成泰語(yǔ)，再?gòu)奶┱Z(yǔ)譯成俄語(yǔ)，再將俄語(yǔ)譯為日語(yǔ)，最后將日語(yǔ)回譯為英語(yǔ)，結(jié)果這句話就變成了：為了讓世界更為迅速地淪陷越來(lái)越重要，就像閃電一樣，了解實(shí)際情況。

這樣的翻譯實(shí)在是爛透了，但與下文這些匪夷所思的翻譯比起來(lái)，還是小巫見(jiàn)大巫了。

漏譯一個(gè)“i”，火星人到來(lái)

1877年，意大利天文學(xué)家喬范尼·夏帕雷利宣布了一項(xiàng)極為驚人的發(fā)現(xiàn)：火星上有“canali”，或者說(shuō)“canals”(意為“運(yùn)河”)。根據(jù)定義，運(yùn)河是由人工開(kāi)鑿的，于是這一發(fā)現(xiàn)引發(fā)了一場(chǎng)軒然大波。人們猜測(cè)這些運(yùn)河可能是由早已滅絕的火星人開(kāi)鑿的，用于灌溉他們的莊稼。

不過(guò)，真正引發(fā)這場(chǎng)“火星人熱潮”的人卻并非夏帕雷利。天文學(xué)家帕西瓦爾·羅威爾讀了夏帕雷利的著作，對(duì)火星產(chǎn)生了極大興趣。他甚至搬到亞利桑那州，建立了自己的天文臺(tái)。數(shù)年間他不斷發(fā)表論文，作出了如下推測(cè)：1)火星上曾經(jīng)居住著一群高度文明、才能非凡的工程師；2)這些工程師開(kāi)鑿了運(yùn)河，為拯救他們那瀕死的星球做最后一搏。

只是這里有兩個(gè)問(wèn)題。首先，羅威爾基本上是在隨心所欲地繪制運(yùn)河圖，這是顯而易見(jiàn)的，因?yàn)槠駷橹箾](méi)人能把他繪制的運(yùn)河與火星上的實(shí)際情況進(jìn)行對(duì)照。其次，也是更為重要的一點(diǎn)，“canali”根本就不是“運(yùn)河”(canals)的意思，它實(shí)際上指的是“水道”或“溝渠”，夏帕雷利只不過(guò)是指出了一種完全天然的地貌差異而已。

所有人都把夏帕雷利的發(fā)現(xiàn)與羅威爾的胡說(shuō)八道聯(lián)系在一起，據(jù)說(shuō)這讓夏帕雷利惱火不已——這完全可以理解。但等到真相終于水落石出的時(shí)候，已經(jīng)為時(shí)已晚。羅威爾不著邊際的想象力激發(fā)了所有人的科幻奇想，這其中就包括赫伯特·喬治·威爾斯和埃德加·賴斯·巴勒斯。赫伯特·喬治·威爾斯的《地球爭(zhēng)霸戰(zhàn)》一書(shū)同樣描繪了瀕臨滅絕的火星人所做的垂死掙扎，而埃德加·賴斯·巴勒斯的小說(shuō)《火星公主》同樣也是關(guān)于——猜猜是什么？對(duì)了，火星上的垂死文明。

到了20世紀(jì)，火星上有火星人的說(shuō)法已經(jīng)被人們廣為接受，而這一切都是源于一個(gè)微乎其微的字母“i”。

尼基塔·赫魯曉夫想要畢恭畢敬地悼念你

1956年正值冷戰(zhàn)如火如荼之時(shí)，這意味著對(duì)當(dāng)時(shí)的美國(guó)而言，前蘇聯(lián)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人尼基塔·赫魯曉夫就是“頭號(hào)混蛋敵人”。赫魯曉夫曾在莫斯科波蘭大使館發(fā)表過(guò)一場(chǎng)演說(shuō)，憑此越發(fā)坐實(shí)了自己這一“美名”。在那場(chǎng)演說(shuō)中，赫魯曉夫在幾句開(kāi)場(chǎng)白后便開(kāi)始大談資本主義如何糟糕，而共產(chǎn)主義如何優(yōu)越，最后他用一句現(xiàn)已富有傳奇色彩的話作為結(jié)束語(yǔ)：“我們終會(huì)將你們埋葬?！?/p>

聯(lián)想到前蘇聯(lián)剛剛成功試射了一顆氫彈，赫魯曉夫的這句話聽(tīng)上去極像是一種挑釁，仿佛要向美國(guó)挑起一場(chǎng)核武器的“懦夫游戲”，看看誰(shuí)是膽小鬼。美國(guó)媒體像聞見(jiàn)了魚(yú)腥味的貓一樣對(duì)這條新聞大肆渲染，稱赫魯曉夫是個(gè)“面紅耳赤、手舞足蹈”的大話王。無(wú)數(shù)美國(guó)人一想到這個(gè)超級(jí)好戰(zhàn)的俄國(guó)佬顯然是要將他們趕盡殺絕，就嚇得屁滾尿流。

只是這里有一個(gè)問(wèn)題：尼基塔·赫魯曉夫其實(shí)根本就沒(méi)說(shuō)過(guò)這樣的話。

事實(shí)上，如果將他的話進(jìn)行直譯，更準(zhǔn)確的說(shuō)法應(yīng)該是“我們會(huì)親眼看著你們被埋葬”。

這句話其實(shí)在前蘇聯(lián)極其常用。赫魯曉夫的本意是說(shuō)“我們會(huì)比你們活得長(zhǎng)久”。冷戰(zhàn)期間，此類“共產(chǎn)主義優(yōu)于資本主義”的言論一直不絕于耳，但由于人們的誤譯，美國(guó)人以為赫魯曉夫可能真的要將他們埋葬在核戰(zhàn)的廢墟中。整整三年，赫魯曉夫都沒(méi)有澄清自己的言論。美國(guó)人想當(dāng)然地認(rèn)為赫魯曉夫急于置他們于死地，于是采取了行動(dòng)加以應(yīng)對(duì)。他們密切注視著前蘇聯(lián)發(fā)射人造衛(wèi)星和世界首顆洲際彈道導(dǎo)彈的動(dòng)向，然后開(kāi)始自顧自狂熱地研究空間導(dǎo)彈。要不是對(duì)赫魯曉夫一句大話的誤解，美國(guó)人會(huì)登上月球嗎？我們不得而知。

卡特總統(tǒng)“雷翻”波蘭

1973年，美國(guó)總統(tǒng)吉米·卡特訪問(wèn)波蘭，破天荒頭一遭在這里舉行新聞發(fā)布會(huì)。

卡特以一天150美元的價(jià)格雇了個(gè)幾乎不會(huì)說(shuō)波蘭語(yǔ)的自由譯員。這家伙出口即錯(cuò)，而且一發(fā)不可收拾?？ㄌ乜偨y(tǒng)一開(kāi)場(chǎng)說(shuō)道：“我今早離開(kāi)了美國(guó)?！苯Y(jié)果被譯成：“我離開(kāi)美國(guó)，再也不回去了?！笨ㄌ乜偨y(tǒng)說(shuō)：“我此行的目的是想了解你們的想法和對(duì)未來(lái)的期望?！苯Y(jié)果被譯成：“我對(duì)波蘭人想入非非?！迸錾线@個(gè)家伙，卡特算是倒霉到家了。

于是這個(gè)家伙就被解雇了。為出席國(guó)宴，卡特又雇了一位新譯員。演講時(shí)，卡特說(shuō)完第一句話后停下來(lái)等譯員翻譯……結(jié)果譯員沒(méi)有任何反應(yīng)。卡特又說(shuō)了一句，再次停了下來(lái)，譯員仍然沒(méi)有任何反應(yīng)。顯然，這位譯員的問(wèn)題與前一位恰恰相反——他聽(tīng)不懂卡特的英語(yǔ)，于是決定最好是三緘其口。最后，波蘭領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人的譯員不得不出面收拾了這個(gè)爛攤子。當(dāng)卡特最終離開(kāi)波蘭之時(shí)，他已淪為無(wú)數(shù)波蘭人的笑柄。

一詞招來(lái)原子彈

1945年7月，盟軍準(zhǔn)備徹底結(jié)束對(duì)日作戰(zhàn)，于是發(fā)表《波茨坦公告》，要求日本無(wú)條件投降，否則會(huì)將其“全盤(pán)殲滅”。然后，盟軍就像六年級(jí)小學(xué)生等待心上人對(duì)自己初次求愛(ài)的回應(yīng)一樣，惴惴不安地等待日本方面的回復(fù)。

不難料想，日本記者急切地想知道日本政府對(duì)此的回應(yīng)，因此不斷地催促日本首相鈴木貫太郎發(fā)表聲明。最終，鈴木首相迫于壓力召開(kāi)了新聞發(fā)布會(huì)，說(shuō)了些諸如“無(wú)可奉告，我們尚在考慮之中”之類的話。于是，記者們悻悻而歸。后來(lái)日本政府最終做出了決定，將其告知了美國(guó)，然后一切迎刃而解。

你應(yīng)該已經(jīng)猜到了，事實(shí)絕非如此。而這都是因?yàn)殁從臼褂昧恕癿okusatsu”一詞來(lái)表達(dá)“無(wú)可奉告”的意思。問(wèn)題就在于，“mokusatsu”一詞還可以表示“我們根本就不把這事放在眼里”之意，而美國(guó)政府聽(tīng)到的正是這個(gè)版本的翻譯。哈里·杜魯門(mén)總統(tǒng)氣得七竅生煙，接著美國(guó)就通過(guò)以下行為揭示了其發(fā)布《波茨坦公告》的真實(shí)原因：在鈴木發(fā)表評(píng)論十天后向廣島扔下了一枚原子彈，三天后又在長(zhǎng)崎扔下了另一枚。

值得注意的是，如果鈴木能將自己的措辭完全解釋清楚，然后再說(shuō)上一句“稍候?qū)⒏嬖V你我的決定”，這一切也許就不會(huì)發(fā)生了。然而，不管是政客措辭不當(dāng)，還是譯者對(duì)一詞多義的把握不力，美國(guó)人得到的譯文只有一種，那就是：“日本剛剛做出了最為愚蠢的回應(yīng)，說(shuō)‘放馬過(guò)來(lái)吧’！”

醫(yī)藥翻譯殺人于無(wú)形

現(xiàn)在我們把目光轉(zhuǎn)向古里古怪的醫(yī)藥界。這里有這樣一個(gè)問(wèn)題：在種族極其多元的地區(qū)，醫(yī)生和患者經(jīng)常說(shuō)不同的語(yǔ)言，所以醫(yī)生必須雇翻譯。然而不幸的是，大多數(shù)譯者只是譯者，并不是醫(yī)藥專家，一旦他們遇到必須迅速作出判斷的情況時(shí)，這就會(huì)成為一個(gè)問(wèn)題。關(guān)于這一問(wèn)題有個(gè)極具戲劇性的例子：一個(gè)西班牙男青年抱怨說(shuō)感到惡心難受，西班牙語(yǔ)的說(shuō)法為“intoxicado”，然后他就暈倒了。譯者把這個(gè)詞理解成了“喝醉的”(intoxicated)，以為這個(gè)家伙喝得爛醉如泥，結(jié)果將他按照酒醉和嗑藥過(guò)量進(jìn)行治療了。

但后來(lái)的事實(shí)證明，這個(gè)人的惡心實(shí)際上是由腦血栓引起的，也正是腦血栓導(dǎo)致了四肢麻痹。如果譯者能多費(fèi)點(diǎn)心弄清楚這個(gè)容易引起歧義的詞是什么意思，醫(yī)生可能就會(huì)有更多的時(shí)間來(lái)救治這個(gè)病人了。不過(guò)話說(shuō)回來(lái)，美國(guó)醫(yī)院怎么會(huì)知道“胃痛”一詞在諸如西班牙語(yǔ)之類晦澀難懂的語(yǔ)言中該如何表達(dá)呢？畢竟全美國(guó)的居民中只有3500萬(wàn)人說(shuō)西班牙語(yǔ)。

然而，并非所有的醫(yī)藥誤譯事故都發(fā)生在急診室。事實(shí)上，絕大多數(shù)誤譯事故發(fā)生在藥房。早在2009年，美國(guó)許多州就通過(guò)法律，要求藥房向有需要的病人提供藥方翻譯。不過(guò)，和大多數(shù)其他商業(yè)機(jī)構(gòu)一樣，藥房的經(jīng)營(yíng)者顯然都是些一毛不拔的家伙，許多人只用電腦軟件程序來(lái)進(jìn)行翻譯。在紐約布朗克斯地區(qū)進(jìn)行的一項(xiàng)研究顯示，只有3%的藥房配備了專業(yè)譯者。

這項(xiàng)研究還調(diào)查了藥房使用的電腦翻譯程序，結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)超過(guò)半數(shù)的藥方翻譯都存在嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤，而且這些錯(cuò)誤層出不窮：“口服”被譯成“少量服用”，“兩次”被譯成“兩個(gè)吻”。還有一個(gè)極度令人擔(dān)憂的例子：一位男士按照血壓藥的說(shuō)明書(shū)一天服了11次藥，而非事實(shí)上的一次(once)，出現(xiàn)這樣的誤譯是因?yàn)椤皁nce”一詞在西班牙語(yǔ)中就代表數(shù)字“11”。

從中得到什么教訓(xùn)了嗎？如果你只會(huì)說(shuō)西班牙語(yǔ)(編注：作者意指生活在美國(guó)的說(shuō)西班牙語(yǔ)的人)，老天保佑，你可千萬(wàn)別生病。

1.courtesy of：由……提供； 經(jīng)由……的途徑

2.last-ditch：孤注一擲的，最后一搏的

3.pissed [p?st] adj. 惱火的；極其憤怒的

4.hogwash [?h?ɡ?w??] n. 廢話，胡說(shuō)八道

5.H. G. Wells：赫伯特·喬治·威爾斯(Herbert George Wells， 1866～1946)，常被稱為H. G. 威爾斯，英國(guó)著名小說(shuō)家，尤以科幻小說(shuō)創(chuàng)作聞名于世。

6.Edgar Rice Burroughs：埃德加·賴斯·巴勒斯(1875～1950)，美國(guó)科幻小說(shuō)作家，代表作為長(zhǎng)篇系列小說(shuō)《人猿泰山》(Tarzan)。

7.itty-bitty [??ti?b?ti] adj.〈口〉極小的

8.cap off：以一種特別的(好的或壞的)方式結(jié)束某事

9.a game of chicken：懦夫游戲，博弈理論之一，指兩個(gè)人在同一個(gè)車道上開(kāi)車對(duì)行，誰(shuí)先轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)方向盤(pán)讓自己的車離開(kāi)車道就是懦夫(chicken)。

10.jump on：尖銳而激動(dòng)地批評(píng)；斥責(zé)

11.windbag [?w?nd?b?ɡ] n. 空話連篇的人；夸夸其談的人

12.be chomping at the bit：非常熱切地開(kāi)始某一行動(dòng)

13.U.S.S.R.：蘇維埃社會(huì)主義共和國(guó)聯(lián)盟(Union of Soviet Socialist Republics)，簡(jiǎn)稱蘇聯(lián)，已于1991年解體。

14.creep out：使感覺(jué)不快或不舒服

15.let up：(指持續(xù)的令人不快的過(guò)程)停止

16.catch a break：意外得到好運(yùn)

17.pick up the slack：接手別人留下的或無(wú)法完成的工作

18.put the kibosh on：制止，結(jié)束

19.cave in：(尤指迫于壓力)讓步，屈服

20.let me get back with you on that：(相當(dāng)于I will report back later with my decision)稍候?qū)⒏嬖V你我的決定

21.nauseated [?n??zie?t] adj. 惡心的

22.intoxicated [?n?t?ks??ke?t?d] adj. 喝醉的，極其興奮的

23.shitfaced [??t?fe?st] adj. 爛醉如泥的

24.quadriplegia [?kw?dr??pli?d???] n. 四肢麻痹